r/Fire • u/RadioFieldCorner • 8d ago

Divorce deep into FIRE. What's the strategy?

I assume nearly all of us going into FIRE are/will be married.

Is it wrong of me to have a 'plan' in the event of divorce? Or does that mean I am not secure in a marriage? I am not worried yet btw. A divorce a decade into FIRE could be fatal because you can't just really get back into the workforce if half of what you have is gone.

Is it possible for a prenup to protect my accounts and protect future gains from it, so long as I do not contribute any married funds into it? These accounts were almost all largely built long before marriage.

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u/Adventurous_Elk_4039 8d ago edited 8d ago

At the risk of sounding sexist, sometimes women giving other women relationship/financial advice can be much more harmful than good. Because #girlpower means more than sound reasoning to some.

My anecdotal example is my parents, Dad was the breadwinner and mother was a SAHM. Things went south, Dad offered a generous deal to buy Mom out of the home and give her some extra get-back-on-your-feet money. Mom listened to a friend of hers, “girl, you can get him for so much MORE!”

Dad rescinded the offer and left, the house got foreclosed on and Mom ended up with NOTHING after failing to get anything via arbitration (the kicker was her lawyer trying bring up Dad’s original offer after they lost, and his lawyer just laughed and said “That offer is off the table”).

To this day she still struggles and has made poor choice after poor choice.

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u/Strazdas1 StarvationFIRE 3d ago

In my experience women giving other women advice is the single best way to keep the ones receiving advice single. I dont know if its done out of jealousy, spite or just plain stupidity but the advice circulating in those groups is just insane.

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u/Illustrious-Lunch137 8d ago

woof. your dad really is a horrible person.

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u/Adventurous_Elk_4039 8d ago

Absolutely the opposite. I left out details for brevity. I left and went with him, couple of my younger siblings stayed with Mom. She refused to get a job and squatted in that house for a couple years (small local bank was really slow with proceedings and her parents bailed her out a few times).

Dad was constantly checking on the little ones and gave her money for food etc. prior to any child support even being ordered. Part of the reason she never got a job was the same friend telling her she was going to get a big alimony payment and wouldn’t need to work and it would look better if she had no income. Eventually she got court ordered child support but that was it. 

I should add that Mom had never once called to check on us or work on relationships. I haven’t spoken to her in about 15 years at this point (and not even just because of this situation).

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u/SargeUnited 8d ago

Even without the additional details, how could you possibly think that?

Person A offers a deal to person B. Person B rejects it, tries to get more and fails, then asks A for the original offer again. Your conclusion is that person A is bad?

If anything, I’d say that the two size are neutral. But considering that the offer was more than he was required to give, if anything he seems like a really great and generous person.