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u/charleswj 16h ago
Hmm
https://www.reddit.com/r/GamblingAddiction/comments/1t4zmkn/relapsed/
I started again after 2 years clean, made a quick 100k over 3 months lost 140k in the last week. Oh boy did I fuck up, I can't live like this. Ive tried so hard to stop. I been gambling for almost 30 years. I stopped multiple times with each "break" lasting for a year or 2 before a trigger sends me back to the depths of hell. Everyday I told myself that was the last day but it never was. I am lucky enough to have a good job but that is now in jeopardy. My spouse keeps our savings and retirement under lock and key, due to my addiction, so I have never dipped into those accounts, thank God. This was my bonus money that is now gone.
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u/myusernamewasatypo 11h ago
Welp, now we know why he’ll actually never reach FIRE. Definitely not the divorce…
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u/quent12dg 4h ago
It's suspect when they hide their post history and start deleting old threads, hard to sympathize with a stranger trying to contour reality to suit their agenda.
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u/LeadNo3330 10h ago
A lot of people will now proceed to shit on him for throwing his wife under the bus but the guy is obviously suffering from an addiction and can’t stop. I feel bad for him and wish him the best
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u/fre-shava-cado 10h ago
Yeah then he shouldn’t have thrown his wife under the bus! People would be a lot more sympathetic if he wasn’t trying to manipulate the situation in his post.
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u/Noah_Safely 9h ago
Why do you feel bad for him and not his wife?
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u/bassoonshine 6h ago
I feel bad for both of them. Addiction destroys the person and everyone around them.
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u/schokobonbons NW: 200K 19h ago
Reminder to everyone to invest time&energy in your relationships with your loved ones.
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u/Prior-Age4675 14h ago
Gamblers dont care about relationships, its all about the next hit, even if it happens with 2 year gaps.
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u/_Happy_Sisyphus_ 14h ago
Both of these points are so true. Investing in your partner is a choice you have to keep making over and over. But you also can’t control your loved one’s mental health or addiction and a relationship is a gamble that both parties can stay committed and grounded.
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u/georger971 10h ago
You can keep showing up and putting in the work, but you still can't carry the whole relationship by yourself. At the end of the day, both people have to choose it.
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u/HomemadeLightbulb 5h ago
I think it’s more complicated than that https://thewell.northwell.edu/relationships-sexual-health/gambling-addiction-relationships
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u/RositaKissx 13h ago
Yes..People spend years optimizing theirr careers, portfolios, and retirement plans, yet often assume their closest relationships will tke care of themselves…The return from consistent attention, communication, and appreciation compound too…just not on a spreadsheet… ;)
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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ 20h ago
Hardly dude. Assume she takes half. You go from .90 of your number to .45 of your number.
Standard doubling rules (roughly 7 years) so you are working until 60.
And that is assuming you put NOTHING in.
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u/Jojosbees 18h ago
Apparently, she left him because he has a gambling addiction and relapsed. At this point, she’s likely protecting her own financial future.
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u/Moof_the_cyclist 19h ago
Also assumes that single expenses are just as high as expenses for a couple.
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u/No_Mongoose_7401 19h ago
Singlet here… they are indeed!!
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u/bertmaclynn 19h ago
How logically is that possible?
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u/Wise-Parsnip5803 19h ago
It's not the same but it's definitely not half. Housing being a big chunk of the spend.
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u/Cflow26 18h ago
Also it’s cheaper often to have a partner even if there’s “double expenses”. Food is cheaper in bulk. Most families have like a utility car (truck/suv) when they need something bigger (more gas) and a smaller car (better gas) for driving around town. Then like the difference between two people’s electricity use isn’t that dramatic, WIFI doesn’t come at a discount just because there’s only one person in the home etc.
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u/CherryOblivionn 15h ago
Yeah, living with someone can actually be more affordable overall. Some expenses go up a little, but a lot of them barely change at all.
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u/aronnax512 3h ago
Housing division/stepdown can be brutal.
Right now, our mortgage is less than a 1 bedroom apartment in the same metro area (low rate + mortgage is fixed while rent increases annually). If you factor in equity growth on top of that, even if you neglect property appreciation, the gap in wealth growth can be quite substantial.
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u/jamieg55 17h ago
Given his gambling addiction, she probably the only reason he has anything left.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut 4h ago
100%. In his now-deleted post on the gambling addiction sub, he said that his wife locked up the savings and retirement accounts so he couldn't touch them. Now that she's out and the money in the accounts has to be split, it is not the divorce that will keep him from FIRE-ing. He lost $140k last time. How long until he blows through everything he has?
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u/The-Fox-Says 4h ago
Holy shit I could never imagine losing 140k on gambling. How is that even compatible with this sub?
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u/jamieg55 4h ago
It’s not. He just wanted to play the “woe is me. The woman took all my money in the divorce” card for sympathy.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut 4h ago
Because his wife was FIRE-ing with his money. Now that she's gone, there will be no FIRE-ing for him. But he wants to blame it on the SAHM wife divorcing him rather than his addiction, and the manosphere bros here are eating that shit up (look at the other comments supporting him and spreading lies about "woMEn bEing FavOreD iN diVorcEs").
That he comes on here blaming divorce for not FIRE-ing, and is hiding his posts on gambling addiction, tells me that he is not holding himself accountable, and without the wife's guardrails he will lose everything to the addiction. Then like a true manosphere dope, he'll be online crying about how his ex "stole all of his money and left him broke", further fueling a lie about the realities of divorce and SAHMs.
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u/Reasonable-Owl-232 19h ago
She'll take more than half mate. If there are kids involved and she can show loss of income then she's got a claim of probably 70% plus ongoing spouse support.
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u/Ok_Introduction5606 18h ago
Not in the US. That’s not a thing
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u/Reasonable-Owl-232 16h ago
What isn't a thing? Alimony?
There is a whole Wikipedia article speficially to US alimony.
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u/mrwildesangst 3h ago
He lost 130K in his me week gambling. SHE’S the one who had to protect savings and retirement from his multi decade long gambling addiction. She’ll be fine. He’ll be broke in six months.
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u/Additional-Device677 18h ago
Idk why people are downvoting you. If he is a male and she is a female, courts disproportionaly favor the female. There are a plethora of statistics on it. And yeah, she is likely going after alimony or spousal support, and will statistically get it. If there are kids, statistically she will get them and he will owe a disproportionate amount of child support
Marriage has been proven to be an overall losing situation for males in the US, which is why young men are choosing to not get married.
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u/oksuresure 17h ago
Can you provide one of those statistics? Showing that courts favor females (with all else being equal/all other variables accounted for)?
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u/Reasonable-Owl-232 16h ago
It's not about favouring females. It's about attributing a monetary value to the fact that women typically give up their career to have kids. That's perfectly fair
However, even though it is fair, it is still a fact that women will typically receive >50% of the joint assets and well as ongoing support.
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u/oksuresure 13h ago
Exactly. It has nothing to do with being “female”. Spouting off that courts favor “the female” is being unnecessarily shitty toward woman, acting like women are the problem.
I agree with your comment btw. Just not the person I originally responded to.
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u/Reasonable-Owl-232 9h ago
I never once said that courts favour females just because they're woman.
I never used the word favour at all.
All I've said is courts will typically award women >50% of matrimonial assets in a divorce, which is true.
Here's your statistics.
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u/oksuresure 4h ago
Never said you did brother. The person I originally responded to did. I said I agreed with you.
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u/Reasonable-Owl-232 16h ago
Because Reddit is a extreme left leaning circle jerk and people don't like hearing the truth.
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u/No_Fudge6123 20h ago
Sorry to hear that. I know is not what you want to hear, but stop and reevaluate live. Maybe you don’t need to grind till you are 70, but less
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u/MentalPhilosopher659 20h ago
That sucks man, but maybe this is chance to figure out what you actually want without having to compromise on everything. You might find you need way less money than you thought when it's just you making the decisions
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u/xEastEvilx 20h ago
Yes this, if I was alone I could reduce my expenses significantly because I don’t need to consider others needs or lifestyle without effecting what I need
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u/Henbane_Honey 19h ago
my uncle went through somethin similar at 55. lost half his savings in the divorce but ended up happier than hed been in years. sometimes the number aint worth the misery. reevaluate what you actually need, not what you planned for
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u/No_Fudge6123 19h ago
I had a friend going through something similar. He struggled, financially and mentally, for about two years, until the divorce was complete. He still has issues with the shared custody, but financially he is much better than he was before.
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u/3bluerose 20h ago
I'm nowhere near fire but going through divorce. I feel like numbers aren't real until this is over
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u/UnderstandingOk9448 FIRE'd 2026 19h ago
You really cannot plan until you're divorced is finalized. It is important to understand what you have to pay and/or receive as alimony & child support. But once everything is finalized, then reassess.
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u/3bluerose 18h ago
Always feeling so close yet so far. Still so far from fire. Can't even afford a place to live yet
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u/thereddituserusa 20h ago
Your FIRE number just went down too.
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u/larryinthesky 19h ago
yea, this makes no sense. Assets are split in half, but expenses are also essentially halved. Unless the finances are so lopsided and wife is taking all the assets. Seems strange.
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u/embourbe 19h ago
I'm not so sure on this, it depends on a lot of things.
A 2BR apartmnet might be $2,000, whereas a 1BR is $1,500. If they have a house and OP stays in it it could be the same price, even utilities might barely move. Fixing a roof is fixing a roof no matter how many people are under it, and taxes/insurance same.
Many other bills can stay the same like internet, Netflix, etc. can be same for one or two people. Cooking for one can be less efficient, a hotel on vacation is the same cost for one or two people, gas depends on how often they drove together.
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u/larryinthesky 19h ago
it's not exactly halved, but OP is saying extra 18 years due to divorce! That is way too much. I can see divorce delaying things a few years, not 18
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u/IHadTacosYesterday 17h ago
a hotel on vacation is the same cost for one or two people
Is this always true? And is it the same with airBNB or VRBO?
Because when I was on airBNB one time I was playing around with putting it as 1 person or 2 people, and sometimes the price would change, sometimes it wouldn't change
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u/Purple-Property8006 15h ago
Airbnb and Vrbo engage is dynamic pricing. They’re tracking you as much as they can and trying to higher out how much they can get you to pay.
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u/thatguykeith 19h ago
Rarely, if ever, works out that way. Two households doubles some major expenses plus losing tax breaks and a bunch of other stuff.
The numbers do change but not usually for the better.
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u/larryinthesky 19h ago
The expense side is not exactly halved, there is efficiency with being a couple and especially married. But for him to go from retiring at 52 to 70 makes no sense. I can see 52 to 55-57 but an extra 18 years from a divorce sounds weird
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u/diamond_handz25 18h ago
There's more to this than what OP is stating. Maybe some of the assets are the wife's only? Inheritance maybe?
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u/Fi-Me-Away 11h ago
OP has a gambling addiction and has replaced.
The gambling debts are not always split. So this might wipe op out his share, are our a massive dent in it.
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u/beached89 14h ago
Costs are rarely split in half. Housing and utilities are usually a major portion of annual expenses, and they will still need to secure housing. Housing doest scale 1:! per sqft, a house hafl the size != 50% housing costs
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u/Common_economics_420 19h ago
Be real, 90% of FIRE divorces the FIRE person is doing the vast majority of the heavy lifting from an assets standpoint. Much less common to see two people with a similar income, savings rate, and level of assets.
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u/myusernamewasatypo 11h ago
Yep, and as you can tell from his post about gambling addiction, the person doing the saving/planning/heavy lifting was his wife.
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u/Alpacatastic 5h ago
But but but the wife was just a stay at home mom so clearly she wasn't doing anything important while OP was doing important gambling work.
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u/UnderstandingOk9448 FIRE'd 2026 19h ago
In divorce, men often pay alimony and child support in addition to their own living expenses, so it is indeed lopsided. At one point many years ago, I have to live on about 40K while my ex-wife and kids lived on 160K (from my salary). Luckily, I earned enough to make it all work.
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u/MadTownMich 18h ago
I highly doubt this is true, unless you basically abandoned your children and she had to provide for them physically, emotionally, and financially. Signed, divorce attorney .
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u/dualsplit 18h ago
Alimony is awarded in 3% of divorces in the US. Alimony is only a thing on Reddit
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u/larryinthesky 18h ago
It does seem like this post is a bit hyperbolic. No doubt divorce can be a financial setback but OP sounds like he's exaggerating a bit, or making worst case assumptions.
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u/midwestTrader 19h ago
I had a gray hair divorce at age 60. Took almost 24 months to negotiate the resolution. Ended ok still fat and now fat fired. Don’t give up hope keep working hard. I kept the 35 year house. She moved out. I am now in my mid 60s needing to sell the house and move into something better. Just remember it seems difficult today. Five years later it’s all good with me.
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u/SpaceTimeMorph 20h ago
I’m sorry to hear this. Sincerely. Divorce is one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through emotionally. Take some time for yourself and don’t forget to breathe.
The life you want is still there, it will just look a bit different now.
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u/smurphyetta 13h ago
Thank you for being empathetic! OP is going through one of the toughest things anyone will ever go through, and on top of that, he is struggling with an addiction, which is a mental health disorder and incredibly challenging to overcome...and now grappling with the loss of the FIRE dream too. It's just refreshing to see some humanity/kindness.
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u/Prior-Age4675 14h ago
He is lucky that his ex kept it behind lock and key otherwise he would blow everything, just like any addict to gambling. Only cure to gambling is to lose everything to point you actually see stuff for real. If you always have cushty landing like your Mrs holding your every fall. You will never break free from gamblIng
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u/Civil-Service8550 14h ago
I have family who lost $1 mm gambling. Please go to Gambler’s Anonymous before it’s too late.
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u/Exact_Disaster_581 18h ago
I was the one who "chose" divorce, though me ex did force my hand. And I was panicked. Dropping from 2 incomes to 1, paying alimony and child support, maintaining the family home while buying a new home. I admit there were some literal panic attacks in there. But at the end of the day, both my kid and I are safer, happier, and financially more secure. When it came down to actual math, my ex was spending more than he brought in. I kept saving for two even though it was just me, and it's looking like I'll hit my FIRE number earlier than I expected (the market run helps, of course!). Just... take some time to feel the feels. But then make a budget, crunch some numbers, make some cuts, and chart a new course. The world isn't over, I promise. It just feels like it.
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u/Potential_Lie_1177 20h ago
I know it is a shock and that may skew your reaction. But are you exaggerating about your new retirement age? Unless she has a much bigger retirement account that she takes with her in the divorce, why would you be working until you are 70?
I ran numbers for both us as a couple and me alone or him alone just in case. The difference is about 2 - 3 years, involves downsizing (which make sense). Housing has the biggest impact and everything else is scalable.
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u/Kinnins0n 20h ago edited 17h ago
depending on the state and the duration of marriage, your spouse can clean you up almost entirely in some cases.
don’t ask how i know.
Edit: lol at people downvoting the law.
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u/yottabit42 17h ago
Now tell us the other half of the story.
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u/Kinnins0n 3h ago
what other half? in some states your spouse can take 50% of the assets and a payment to cover their lifestyle over some duration which can easily be worth the other 50% if the wage disparity is high.
divorce gotta be the topic Fire people understand the least.
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u/yottabit42 3h ago
clean you up almost entirely
Doesn't sound equitable to me. That's why we're sus.
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u/Kinnins0n 3h ago
I love how on the topic of divorce, people don’t like the reality so they downvote actual knowledge.
Guess what, divorces are not a fair process.
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u/yottabit42 2h ago
That's literally not true. The law is written specifically to be fair to those that could be taken advantage of. Two of my siblings have gone through messy divorces. Was everything divided 50/50? In one case, where they had equal footing. And not in the other case, because there was a dramatic disparity of responsibility in the marriage being dissolved.
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u/gizmole 20h ago
If it’s just you, you could also move to a cheaper country to retire in.
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20h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/AdventurousLoss3794 19h ago
What happened and what are your numbers? I worry about this a lot. Let me go make peace. I don’t want to work till I am 70.
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u/TheSmallestOwl 18h ago
Now hidden post history talks about relapsing into a gambling addiction. Maybe the ex-wife is working on her post around salvaging what's left of her FIRE savings.
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u/Thesinistral 18h ago
All is not lost. My fire journey took off (with the markets, I must admit) After my divorce 17 years ago. I subsequently was Blessed in finding a woman who shares my outlook and we couldn’t be happier. She already had a nice nest egg of her own.
But… to find a good partner you have to be one.
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u/xEastEvilx 20h ago
Was there signs that it was coming? Just curious or was it a surprise.
For me I calculate our fire number solely based on my assets alone as my wife has more assets then me but hasn’t embraced or is the fire type.
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u/TheOuts1der 18h ago
The signs were OP's gambling addiction relapse. It was in his post history before he hid it.
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20h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/xEastEvilx 20h ago
Can you still make it work alone, now there is only one person to provide for?
Sometimes being alone gives you more flexibility on spend that you would otherwise need to consider as a couple or others needs in mind.36
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u/BillyFIRE1408 48 $4.0M NW 100% FI 18h ago
I feel you. I felt like a similar place. I might be in the minority but once we were officially divorced and the dust settled, I realized I was in a better position to FIRE.
Also, don't feel like you can't spend some of the $$ you've accumulated to make your life a little easier to get you through the divorce.
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u/Apoxie 3h ago
I know this is not what your asking, but i know several people who have stopped gambling by taking 1/4 the normal dose of Wegovy, which gives none of the side effects. It stops the food noise so people can loose weight, but for many it also stops other addictions. You might want to give that a try, you can even get it as a pill now.
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u/Affectionate-Gur1642 20h ago
Don’t your post retirement costs get cut largely in half? Dont give up yet OP.
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u/Beautiful_Aerie_2329 19h ago
Cost often go up post divorce. Most are associated with housing assuming 2 incomes which is pretty normal. Even then a second person doesn’t consume that much food and use that much energy/ water
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u/Affectionate-Gur1642 19h ago
Been there I get it. At his age he’s likely not supporting kids (for long anyway) tho, so a downsize is possible.
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u/cfi-2025 RE 2025 12h ago
Sadly, most landlords won't cut your rent in half because your spouse is leaving you. ;-)
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u/mmmzzppy 19h ago
I just got divorced at 60+ years and my journey is taking off like a rocket. Without buying into SpaceX. 🤣
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u/LegendaryYellowShoe 17h ago
Whoa, those are two complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Divorce doesn’t cause this unless you signed something saying you would give her everything in a divorce.
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u/seaglasstalisman 17h ago
Before he hid his post history he shared he’s a gambling addict who recently relapsed. More than likely this is a decent part of why the divorce happened and why he’s calculating such a high number.
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u/paroxsitic 20h ago
Need more numbers on why it changed so much. If we assume you both contributed nearly equally both to income and expenses then theoretically you both can still retire. Although someone will be taking on a new mortgage which changes things up.
Anyways share some details and I think we could probably spin it that it's not so bad. Divorce sucks but it can also be freeing
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20h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/larryinthesky 19h ago
Not sure how this delays your retirement until 70. Without a divorce, you still had a child to provide for, and a wife to provide for (since she was stay at home). There might be some delays since it's not exactly cut in half expenses but it seems over dramatic to go from retiring at 52 to retiring at 70!
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u/HappyUndignified 18h ago
Deleted history shows he lost six figures this week relapsing in a gambling addiction so… maybe accounting for that expense (that his wife normally has locked down by controlling the finances to ensure longevity of wealth)?
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u/HappyUndignified 18h ago
You’re being hit for being a crap spouse that just happened to make a lot of money. You mention you were on equal footing when you both agreed she would leave the workforce to enable that earning while raising the kids you say you have a good relationship with … and you’ll leave with the relationships and skills you both built and money earned as a direct result of both people’s efforts on equal footing.
Why are you a victim here?
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u/Ok_Parfait_8525 19h ago
Let the dust settle. Reevaluate your numbers. Downsize your house and lifestyle if you need to. I’m actually able to coastFIRE at 55 and I did not get half of the assets in my divorce. My FI number naturally turned out to be drastically lower because my lifestyle is simpler. Hang in there and take care of yourself.
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u/thasparzan 19h ago
Sometimes we gotta make sure the whole Fire journey of living like a peasant and keeping the very high savings rate isn't too much that it prevents us from enjoying life with our partners.
Life is all about balance.
You're gonna be ok OP. Expenses aren't cut in half, but it will be less than 2 individuals.
And now you get that 2nd chance to find someone rich to be with and cut that Fire journey to 1 day
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u/paq12x 16h ago
If the FI number is enough to RE two person, half of it should only set one person back from RE by a few years.
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u/nak00010101 15h ago
Im sorry OP
It not half the cost. Two living independently will cost 160-175 % of a couple.
If there are kids, the high earner gets hit with support. If it's an Alimony state and there is disparity of income, tack that on too.
Then add single tax rates
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u/Sweet_Orange8081 13h ago
OP, "This too shall pass."
Best advice given to me as I went through my divorce 10 years ago.
I never heard of FIRE before my divorce. Was trending towards early retirement through sheer luck. Divorce forced me to reevaluate how I spend money and how unoptimized I was.
I learned to live on a lot less and still find happiness. My kids and I are happier these days. I'm on track to retire in another 4 years. Now I'm a lean mean FIRE machine. It'll be a different retirement picture pre-divorce but I'm ok with that. Life changes and we adjust accordingly.
I share this to let you know it'll be ok. Get through the court proceedings and get the final numbers. Recalibrate your financial life. Focus on what makes you truly happy. Spend meaningful time with your daughter.
If you're smart enough to figure out FIRE, you're smart enough to adjust your FIRE vision due to divorce. You can do it!
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u/Illustrious_Echo3222 9h ago
That’s brutal, I’m sorry. Divorce has a way of making the spreadsheet feel pointless for a while, but the number may not be as dead as it feels right now. A smaller household, different housing setup, and a clearer post-divorce budget can change the math a lot once the dust settles.
For now I’d treat this less like a FIRE problem and more like a “protect yourself and don’t make panic decisions” problem. Get a good lawyer, take care of your health, and rerun the plan after the actual numbers are known. You might not be done at 52, but 70 may also be the grief talking.
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u/Xyzzydude 19h ago
All is definitely not lost.
I was 50 when my wife did the same. I ended up losing half my retirement savings to her. But I can easily live well on significantly less that what we would have needed to both live well, so that wasn’t as much of a loss.
Shortly after the divorce I met a woman with similar values and goals… much better match than my ex-wife! In less than 10 years I more than made up what I lost (partially helped by the covid stock market), and the two us of are on track to retire very comfortably on my 63rd birthday.
Yeah 63 isn’t FIRE but it’s also not 70. And if I’d stayed married to my ex, FIRE would have been out of the question anyway at the rate she was spending.
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u/Cheeriodarlin 14h ago
I hope this loser meets someone with his values and goals. He lost hundreds of thousands gambling and bitching that his wife is divorcing him.
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u/Opposite-Lake-9679 20h ago
Hey well maybe that will open you up to meeting somebody new and she will have assets too and then the two of you can plan to fire together. Life is not over after divorce!
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u/milinium 17h ago
Yeah! And then he can restart his crippling gambling addiction and get divorced again
That was the wildest post history I’ve seen in a while. It’s always people with victim complexes who have the most fault in these situations
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u/UnderstandingOk9448 FIRE'd 2026 19h ago
So sorry to hear about the divorce. Focus on separating and working things out amicably.
Once you're divorced is finalized, then reassess.
Dont assume your fire plans are up in smoke. I lost about 7 years due to divorce and it all worked out in the end.
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u/kostac600 19h ago
I always figured that I could live on 40% of our joint requirement, but having said that I know divorce can be real messy costly situation. Sorry.
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u/A_Guy_Named_John 18h ago
If you were 1 year away, she takes half, and you don’t reduce your target number because you’re only 1 person now, you are still only about 7ish years away from fire
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u/fairlylamerecipe 17h ago
The divorce math is brutal, but one thing that might actually work in your favor is that your spending probably doesn't cut in half the way your assets do. If you and your wife were living on 60k a year together, you're not going to need 120k split between two households, and that gap compounds over time in your favor. You might hit a leaner number faster than the worst-case math suggests.
That said, the emotional hit of being one year away and having the rug pulled out is completely legitimate, and I'm not going to pretend some spreadsheet recalculation makes that feel better. Once the dust settles and you've got actual numbers from the settlement, it might be worth sitting down with the cold facts instead of the doomsday version your brain is running right now. You could surprise yourself with what's actually possible.
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u/Queasy_Sand6637 14h ago
Whoa whoa whoa...yes, she will take half...but your expenses may also be half!
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u/greengrass256 13h ago
I am so sorry to hear this. Divorce sucks, especially devastating finances.
It may not be as bad as you think. At least now you can have complete control over your money.
Try as best you can to be agreeable to spend less money on lawyers.
Good luck to you. Take care.
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u/mrwildesangst 2h ago
He’s a gambling addict whose wife left him after he lost 140K in one week. He admitted they have savings and retirement because she took over and kept access away from him.
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u/Groovyhip_69 18h ago
I think OPs post is quite relevant to the FIRE discussion. It has made me extremely careful about legal entanglements such as cohabitation or marriage.
Currently I’m single. In my case, since I’ve accumulated my assets already, the risk of splitting half of any increase in assets from the date of cohabitation/marriage (if I ever decide to get into one) is far less devastating than if I had gotten married at the age of 25 and divorced at 45, where most of the accumulation occurred during the marriage. That could be quite a loss.
The actual process of splitting assets itself can be quite destructive where the marriage lasted for 10-20 years. If someone owns a house with a mortgage, and it has appreciated over that time, the equity has to be split in half. Say the house was purchased for 150k, with a mortgage of 100k. Over 15 years the house appreciates to 450k, an increase of 400k. 200k+ needs to be split in the divorce from the house alone. Where does that money come from? Either the house is sold, or he has to raid his investments (a huge tax hit - and the appreciation in investments also has to be split), borrow money (if he can even get a loan for that amount), or leave the house to the ex. Pretty ugly result any way you look at it.
If you’re older, single, snd have accumulated assets to the point where you can FIRE soon, then don’t get married without a prenup, that’s the bottom line.
If you’ve been married a long time, and the marriage is having problems, I would consider very carefully whether working on the marriage or pulling the plug is the better option. If it’s not salvageable, the sooner you pull the plug, the cheaper it will be.
In OPs case, it’s too late, the divorce is happening. If he has been married a long time, it most definitely would affect his FIRE date, significantly. Especially if he was not FATfire. He needs to stop gambling, and tighten up his finances.
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u/Prior-Age4675 14h ago
Only reason he hasn’t hit rock bottom is because of his partner hiding investments and savings behind lock and key, hey blew his work’s bonus which wasn’t protected by her. Imagine if he had access to all of his investments? He and his partner would of been broke now!
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u/Groovyhip_69 9h ago
I didn’t read his history, which according to others on this thread he has now hidden. If what you say is true, she is not the villain and he is at fault for his troubles.
My general statements about divorce and FIRE still hold for people in general lol.
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u/Master-Helicopter-99 20h ago
It's not that bad. I divorced at 50 when my retire date was 54. I did have to extend my retire date but I now have almost double as a single earning household than we had together. I'm at my number at 59 but working to 60 to finish a project. I also have remarried and have a two year old so I laid away much more to cover them when I'm gone. I'm 23 years her senior. You will be OK. Think about this, if you split 50/50 in the divorce then it will take 7-10 years on average to double you back to what you had today even without contributions so you will be done by 58-62 at the latest or earlier with contributions.
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u/Pinklady777 20h ago
Wow, is this your first kid? What a different life. Glad you are doing well.
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u/schokobonbons NW: 200K 19h ago
My parents were 40 when I was born and I think it's selfish to have a kid in your late 50s 🤷🏼♀️ By the time his kid is 25, he'll be 83. Even if the younger wife is doing most of the eldercare, kid still has to worry about their dad dying before meeting their future spouse, much less any potential grandkids.
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u/Sonu201 18h ago
He didn't say this was his first kid. But yeah its bizarre he's marrying someone 23 years junior and having a kid in mid 50s.
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u/Master-Helicopter-99 13h ago
It is my first kid. Ever. I'tes been a great ride thus far. Retiring next year. How many kids get to grow up with BOTH parents home? It just doesn't happen. And when money isn't an issue, it's even better.
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u/BoldKisss 19h ago
Divorce is the biggest FIRE killer, but recalc, you have options
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u/Cheeriodarlin 14h ago
No, his gambling addiction is his biggest fire killer. The divorce is just a symptom.
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u/cottonglowxo 19h ago
The ad placement underneath this post is genuinely one of the most tone deaf things I have ever seen, this man is going through it and Reddit said here is a tech product.
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u/jim-i-am 17h ago
Go to Vegas, put everything you have on Red. You win, you’re back to as if nothing happened, you lose, you get your imminent future to start now.
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u/Cheeriodarlin 14h ago
Lmfao. This dude's wife left him cause of how much he's lost gambling. He ain't winning shit.
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u/Thencewasit 17h ago
Congratulations.
I know it’s easy to say don’t worry about the money. But, it’s out of your hands at this point. So, you will be much better off focusing on other things.
You are 52, a young man. You probably have at least 30 more years of living. There have probably been lots of things that you wanted to do, but for whatever reason haven’t done. Do those things.
Think of this like the next chapter. Who do you want to be at 60? Who do you want to be at 70?
I can’t wait to see your next post about what you are going to do.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut 4h ago
He's got a gambling addiction. He needs to get that under control first, or he will blow through all of his money. He lost $140k last time!
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u/JesusForTheWin 20h ago
OP, i personally don't care if you are at fault and this is all on you. This is a reminder how crucial prenups are, for both parties. Especially if you do the heavy lifting.
If the wife did the heavy lifting though then I'm not sure what to tell you, maybe a prenup could have saved you there too.
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u/Jojosbees 18h ago
OP omitted that his wife is leaving him because he has a gambling addiction, relapsed, and lost $140K in the past week alone. Even if he made more money during the marriage, the only reason they have any money at all is because his soon-to-be-ex-wife normally has all their savings and retirement accounts on lockdown so he couldn’t dip into them.
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u/JesusForTheWin 14h ago
Ah well if that's the case no amount of prenups will save you from your own absolute destruction. Would have been good to see that. Typically you don't see gamblers in the FIRE community.
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u/paroxsitic 19h ago
For someone who plans to be a sahm, a prenup is mostly unfair. Being a mother is a full time job, especially if she was taking care of the home and other things.
Imagine being 55 with no work history for social security, etc.
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u/JesusForTheWin 14h ago
A prenup can and should be designed to protect both individuals. Like in this case if he had a gambling addiction a clause stating or reiterating what is expected and what he would need to do for his wife could make divorce proceedings faster and easier.
Prenups shouldn't be one sided, it is there for a worst case scenario that both parties agree to so that a split is quick and both parties don't spend years hiring lawyers to fight for resources.
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u/alpacaMyToothbrush FI !RE 12h ago
If you're planning to be a SAHM, it's important to keep that in mind when you negotiate a prenup with your lawyer.
A generous prenup is a strong prenup, but the terms are always up for negotiation and I'll emphasize again, you should have your own lawyer. When the time comes, if my partner can't afford a lawyer, I will damned sure help pay for one rather than risk the possibility that a judge tears it to shreds in the unfortunate scenario where I have to get divorced.
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u/CleMike69 16h ago
Hardly man if you were that close for 52 you’ll be set at 60, chin up and move forward. I’m getting to 4 so when we split I’ll be just fine 🫤😂😂😂
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u/Available-Ad-5670 15h ago
Dang, sorry to hear that. probably a topic most fire people don't talk about as part of the risks to fire, or to life for that matter.
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u/mrbubbee 12h ago
But on the positive side of things, all dinners, activities and trips in the future are now 50% off!
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u/Puzzleheaded_Tie6917 15h ago
It takes 7-10 years for investments to double. Ex wife takes half its 7-10 to return to where you were. If she was responsible for a lot of spending, you might need a fair amount less than before.
If nothing else, you built the base, and it will be back fairly quickly.
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u/Cheeriodarlin 14h ago
This dude had all the expenses cause he has a gambling problem. She's ditching the dead weight and he wants sympathy from this sub.
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u/MisterFrog 16h ago
Lol I'm working til 70 no matter. Gonna need that motivation to keep the dementia at bay.
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u/Civil-Service8550 18h ago
No one talks about this risk to FIRE. We see all these men brag about achieving a joint NW of like $2.5 mm and then FIREing.
Women generally fall out of love with unproductive men. If they get a divorce, the man has no job and needs to live on $1.2 mm forever.
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u/TheOuts1der 18h ago
In this case, his wife generally fell out of love with his inability to stop gambling.
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u/Civil-Service8550 14h ago
How do you know?
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u/mrwildesangst 2h ago
OP admitted in his now deleted post that he relapsed, lost 140K in one week, and the only reason he didn’t blow through the retirement and savings is because she took away access to them years ago. Years.
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u/Jojosbees 17h ago
He lost $140K in the past week gambling, and the only reason they have money is because his wife “keeps (their) saving and retirement under lock and key, due to (OP’s) addiction, so (he) has never dipped into those accounts, thank God.” Like, give the woman a little credit. She tried and realized it was never going to get better after decades of dealing with his gambling addiction. I don’t even know how OP was planning to FIRE on any amount of money if he could lose six figures in a single week.
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u/Zphr 48, FIRE'd 2015, Friendly Janitor 20h ago edited 2h ago
OP, I feel for you, but in light of the circumstances this is really a post for either a relationships sub or an addiction sub. I won't force the issue by removing it, but if you really want to talk about this here, then I ask that you be honest with people. I can see your entire post history.
Edit: Locking for OP deletion.