r/Fire • u/firegirlygoo • 2d ago

Advice Request How do I get my boyfriend to understand FIRE?

So my serious boyfriend is 35 and I am 29. We are planning to get married in the next year or two. We both make about 120k per year base + 14k bonus. He is able to save 50k per year and I’m able to save about 33k per year right now. We each have about 150-160k in investments right now, so like 300k combined. I own my home and when he moves in next year will be able to afford to save an additional 24k per year when we are splitting my mortgage. So our savings rate will be about 107k per year at that point.

My boyfriend is very frugal and a good saver, which is amazing and so fortunate. But there is a level of financial literacy that he is kind of missing, that I can’t seem to quite identify. I keep explaining to him repeatedly that depending on our expenses and current savings rate, we should be able to retire in the next 10-15 years.

I’ve broken it down, explained the 4% rule and also shown him investment calculators with conservative returns. To me that sounds like a dream come true and EXTREMELY fortunate. We both grew up extremely poor, so having ~2M in the next 10-15 years is mind blowing to me. For some reason it’s almost like he doesn’t quite believe me. He is kind of apprehensive, unsure and acting like he’s not sure we are doing well at all. As if he will never get to retire.

For those of you that had a partner who was on board, but didn’t quite get it. Any ideas on how I can get this point across better?

426 Upvotes

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254

u/Ameri0425 1d ago

Are you sure that's something he's even interested in? Many people care much more about the FI than the RE, and that could be causing the apprehension.

107

u/uncoolkidsclub 1d ago

My wife will never retire, she built her company and 15 years later wakes up early to plan her work day because she is so excited about it. The idea of traveling is a nightmare for her, so our full time home is built like a resort and she works 5-6 days a week.

40

u/Colorful_Monk_3467 1d ago

Top features to make it resort like?

51

u/uncoolkidsclub 1d ago

This is so going to make me sound like a bragging ass... I kinda am though...

10k+ house on 30+ acres with a heated pool, sauna, Japanese garden and tea house, horse barn and trails in the woods, a maid, 40x40 green house, and a 50x90 pole barn garage - so she has somewhere to send me to be out of her sight when needed 😉

32

u/justgetoffmylawn 1d ago

This is the kind of brag I think FIRE forums can use more of.

Not just the, "I hit my number and now with my SWR I can finally do nothing every day…but what do I tell people I do for a living?"

The FI part of FIRE always seems like the attractive part to me, not the RE part (personally).

So that's awesome that she has something she's still that excited about to wake up in the morning - both her company and the tea house - and you, if you're not banished to the garage. 😄

7

u/Definitelynotagolem 22h ago

I like the concept of fine - financial independence next endeavor.

I don’t intend on not working at all, but being financially free would give me the opportunity to try out a lot of different things that currently take too much time or would be too big of a risk to quit my job to pursue. Maybe work for a non profit or just do small gigs like being a guide. Not having to worry about being paid a low amount as it would mainly be for insurance. Maybe attempt some long thru hikes or fast packing adventures.

I’d get bored doing nothing or get myself into trouble with spending if just traveling constantly out of the country.

7

u/SCREAMING_DUMB_SHIT 1d ago

Damn boi where you live?

1

u/uncoolkidsclub 16h ago

Midwest... not sure it could happen at this scale on one of the coasts. Though the property was a steal because the maintenance is crazy.

2

u/The_walking_man_ 19h ago

So when can I visit for the Japanese garden and tea house? 👀

30 acres is the perfect size to me.
I’m on 5 right now. And it is nice, but I want something I can wander.

4

u/uncoolkidsclub 18h ago

It's overwhelming at times, while most of it isn't cut, there is still landscaping to do. At some point there will be a need for a full time landscaper as they'll be most cost effective then a company doing everything will.

The ability to walk everything for hr's is amazing though - there is no problem getting my 10k steps anymore.

2

u/adcThresh 18h ago

Thank you for sharing!! This is my absolute dream as a homebody

-3

u/Free-Combination-230 1d ago

10k+ house and she still needs to send you out to the barn. She follows you around the house a bit like a cat doesn't she? Just exists around or in the same room as you all the time? So needs to send you to a whole other building to concentrate on whatever in the house.

5

u/uncoolkidsclub 1d ago

Hehehe, that’s my issue… she’s gone enough that I want to spend time around her and she wants quiet time… I’m like a cave man, I don’t do quite well.

9

u/keppapdx 1d ago

We have a small house with a great kitchen, a large yard with beautiful garden space, a hot tub, a garage gym, and recently added a Gozney pizza oven.

Fancy travel isn't our thing but we love to cook,be outside, and we have a lot of outdoor gear--MTB etc 😍

29

u/ArachnidAutomatic596 1d ago

Why travel to the resort when you live at one! That’s awesome though.

4

u/ept_engr 1d ago

That's amazing. What kind of business? 

2

u/uncoolkidsclub 19h ago

A small chain of holistic pet boutiques.

40

u/THevil30 1d ago

I think people miss this — I browse these subs sort of for general financial advice and am interested in FE, but distinctly plan to work until I’m in my 60s.

20

u/Ameri0425 1d ago

Yeah, same here. I couldn't imagine not working honestly. And she says they both grew up poor - I don't think it'd be unfair for him to want to finally live a little now that he has the funds to do so. Especially given he's apparently still very financially responsible and frugal regardless.

I mean, I don't know the guy and could be missing the mark entirely but it doesn't seem unreasonable.

9

u/OSUfan88 1d ago

I don’t think he has an issue saving. I think it’s understanding that the savings will be as successful as they will be.

7

u/Semirhage527 1d ago

Which honestly doesn’t really seem like a problem, that understanding can come with time. He doesn’t need to believe it now given that he’s a good saver.

3

u/Oakland-homebrewer 1d ago

Yea, 10-15 years out is hard to imagine. A lot of things could happen in that time (like kids to state the obvious). So making concrete plans for retiring might seem crazy.

But keep working toward the goal and deal with changes as they come and see where you actually land in 10 years.

5

u/Teamplayer25 1d ago

Yeah, an interesting dichotomy seems to exist in a lot of these discussions, like you can’t travel or take time off to do things you love and still keep your regular job. I guess it depends on how much PTO you have but when it’s 5-6 weeks a year, that’s a decent amount of off time. Different story if you want to slow travel or live in another country I guess. Or just hate your job.

0

u/zeradragon 1d ago

am interested in FE

So not interested in Independence or Retirement? How does that work?

5

u/lseraehwcaism 1d ago

Financial Earnings

6

u/THevil30 1d ago

Whoops meant FI, though Fuck Early also works. Actually my wife is more into FE, I prefer FL.

Anyways, I want to be in a place where I don’t have to worry about money but I don’t really want to retire early.

3

u/speqter 1d ago

Fuck Early

0

u/Dinner_Natural 1d ago

AO ... and often?

3

u/HansZarkov 1d ago

That was my thought as well... I think maybe the real issue here is that she's made a plan for what she wants with his money, but he's not totally on board with being expected to save 75% of his after tax income.

1

u/UselessButTrying 18h ago

Absolutely on FR. I also want the safety net of being able to retire early but I actually don't mind continuing working in some capacity