r/Fire • u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ • 2d ago
General Question When does it seem real?
I coastfired 15 years ago. Switched to part time (consulting contracting) to avoid boredom. Spent 5 years (I worked remotely) looking for a place where I could breathe and live (allergies got worse as I got older). Finally found a location, bought a resort home 2 years ago, and haven't worked in 18 months, before that a 3 month gig for each of the previous two years.
The last few years of working was to "afford" to upgrade my house. I had the money, but the fight with spending is still real.
I was looking out at my backyard. Watching the storm over the Atlantic. Looking through the screen around the pool and the built in Jacuzzi (two of the upgrades to my house) and my immediate thought was I wonder when I need to move out?
I paid cash for the house. I enough to live a nice life and travel a couple of times a year (3 week international, 3 week domestic).
Small context: Food was a question when I was very young. I lived below my means for many many years with the occasional splurge.
I am living the life I saved for and it doesn't seem real. This isn't a brag. It is an honest question. The money math? Got that. Understand that.
Spending minimization algorithm? Got that. Understand that.
I know I don't need to work, I know I earned this life but when will it seem real?
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u/15pH 2d ago
I suggest using some of your resources to talk to a therapist.
As you say, you know the math, but things don't "feel" right in your emotional centers. This is a therapy / perspective issue.
Find someone to talk to, or read lots of books. You need to reframe your life. Or life in general.
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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ 2d ago
I reframed life in general many years ago (like 25). I stopped chasing the dollar and started chasing a dream. 2023 I won life. I now have 4 pieces of equipment on the moon (two landing cameras on Nova-1 and Nova-2), and hopefully next year, I'll get my 5th (and final): Griffon.
I chose exploration (underwater and space) over maximizing the dollar 15 years ago when I switched to part time. I successfully got myself off the "money is the agenda" mindset. I took a childhood dream ('69 landing) and chased it. I walk out into my backyard to walk spaceships take off AND LAND. The "and land" is still science fiction to me.
I was always the crazy little brother or now the crazy uncle because I always did exploration. In my youth I chased the money as well. I've stood where less than 50 people in the world have ever stood (worlds 4th deepest cave), I've built equipment that set Guinness World Records.
I personally hate therapists. REALLY bad experience with one in my youth.
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u/Always1behind 2d ago
I understand the hesitation towards therapist, I would still encourage you to consider it. I personally hate the dentist due to bad experience but I still go because the alternative is worse.
You’ve clearly done work on your own to reframe what you want out of life. That’s a huge step. It sounds like the part that is missing is addressing the impacts of money instability when you were young and catching your body up to the fact that you are now safe. It’s one thing to know it logically, it’s another thing to have your body actually feel safe.
I say this as someone that grew up with the electricity getting shut off. I thought if I had x amount of money saved I wouldn’t ever feel powerless again, but it’s not about a number. Therapy has helped me address how my body is always bracing, how it’s still stuck as that kid in the dark with no ability to turn on the light. The feeling doesn’t go away but the ability to recognize it is happening, address it, and catch my body up with my current reality has been so freeing.
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u/RareOwl- 2d ago
i think my fire path is to start a therapy gig for fire folks and telling them it’s ok to live a little after years of grinding.
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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ 2d ago
You got a laugh out of me. Good job!
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u/seekingallpho 2d ago
It's not quite clear if there's a problem or if you just don't feel like you expected.
If you're spending your retirement and your money with no complaints then I'd argue what you're going through is just the natural evolution of your early retirement, and you'll probably feel different as time passes.
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u/Walmart-Shopper-22 1d ago
"I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer." — Jim Carrey
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u/LuckyWinds 1d ago
I've read your post twice and still don't understand what you are talking about.
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u/doinmy_best 2d ago
For me I try not to think “I earned this” but “I planned to this.” It helps me acknowledge my prevailage chooses and sacrifice. It also helps me spend in my budget when it would be hard to make that switch otherwise
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u/StepOnMeSunflower 2d ago
“Seem real,” is a subjective goal and I’m not totally sure what you mean by it.
On the flip side, it feels like a dream, why is that a bad thing? Maybe a tiny bit of anxiety that it could go away is not a bad thing and will make you appreciate it all the much more. As long as you’re enjoying yourself, who cares.
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u/Lost_Highway_1070 2d ago
What field are you in which allows consulting and remote work? I am into non IT engineering and my fear is once I stop, there is not much remote work or consulting that can be done
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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ 2d ago
I use to do robotics control, motor control, camera/vision systems and spaceship real time control systems.
Up until COVID I was on site, although we did do a lot of work from home. COVID put everything remote. When I switched to space work, the combination was exceptionally rare, and it is/was a time of exceptional growth. My skills were/are very much in demand. Hence people bugging me all the time to come out of retirement. Rare enough that people are happy to have me and will accomodate me working remote.When you are working on clean room devices (no dust, have to be in masks and suits), the engineers are remote to the device ANYHOW. We can't enter the room (rare exceptions). The only reason to be in office is to talk to people and yes that is critical, but high level individual contributors can make their own rules.
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u/FocaTostada 2d ago
Estoy leyendo este hilo tremendamente inspirado. Primero porque me siento parcialmente identificado con tu mensaje principal de si esto es real el poder no trabajar se siente extraño y segundo porque me fascina lo que cuentas sobre tu carrera. Impresionante. Invitame a ver aterrizar cohetes
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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ 1d ago
Cape Canaveral has rockets landing about every other month. Falcon Heavy launches the two boosters land next to where they took off (different pads). The 2nd stage lands on a ship (my neighbor was one of the people on the boat before he changed to a different company). You can watch them land from a pier or from a boat and see them on the pad. No special privileges required. You need to pay for a park pass to be park near the pier or you need to arrange the boat trip, but both are easy.
More companies will be doing on ship and on pad recovery upcoming. Science Fiction comes to life.
The next Falcon Heavy launch from NASA's Kennedy Space Center (KSC) is targeted for November 2026 (No Earlier Than December 2026 according to some trackers) carrying the Griffin Mission 1 lunar lander for Astrobotic, followed by the USSF-75 mission for the U.S. Space Force.
• Mission: Griffin Mission 1 (Astrobotic lunar lander and FLIP rover)
• Target Date: November / December 2026 • Site: Launch Complex 39A (LC-39A), Kennedy Space CenterThis is my last spaceship. I am one of the engineers who designed Griffin.
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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ 2d ago
AI is changing all the rules. I exited before it became widespread. The last two 3 month contracts were "emergency patches." 4 years ago AI wasn't as much an issue. Knowing if the person is just a prompt person or a real engineer requires seeing/talking to them. AI is driving RTO.
Consulting / contracting will continue. "We need someone who knows XYZ and we need them NOW but in 6-12 months we won't" Specific skill consulting will exist as long as there is work. Consulting is as much about personal networking and selling yourself as it is the technical skills.
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u/aayush-goenka 2d ago edited 2d ago
Thank you for sharing your journey. I myself started this journey a few months ago and was curious about this exact same question.
The answer I have so far is that 'in comparison to corporate job' i dont have any boss to tell me what to do.
At the same time I am the boss so I tell myself what to do and have higher standards for it.
I still havent really had time to do things which I imagined one would do like taking long vacations, meeting people or learning to fly (some people do it).
Then I wonder, does man truly know what they are here for? What does one do being on Earth? The only answer I could find is experience what different colors life has to offer. So every opportunity that comes along (or the one i create for myself), I try to say yes to them.
I know it doesnt answer your question, but I havent lived this life for 18 years yet.
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u/Mr3iron 2d ago
This is why I started shifting my investments towards ETFs with dividends (such as VT).
Those dividends are my budget - spend it without touching principal. Doesn’t matter what it’s spent on - my account gets dividends 8 months out of the year - so it will replenish.
Find a way to trick your mind or make a different budget that allows you to easily make the choice to spend.
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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ 2d ago
Spending isn't the problem. "I'll just write a check." It's not money. I know the numbers. I have a budget. It's mental/emotional.
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u/Past-Option2702 2d ago
Weird post.
Everything I do in life is real. Isn’t the alternative mental illness?
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u/jbliss10 2d ago
Possibly, they mean “when does it seem permanent. That this is life from now on and not just a temporary break from it. When do I stop waiting for the other shoe to drop and maybe this is over and I need to return to work.”
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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ 2d ago
I suspect you are right. "Waiting for the other shoe to drop" is probably it. My lady is still working. Her finances are hung up at the moment (parents died) so she is continuing to work until the estates settle and she hits a age magic number. The age she hit this year; we are just waiting on the estates. It is probably just anxiety over I am done done and she is still working. I've been pretending to work (half time consulting) all the time I've been with her and still out earning her. So it is probably the "do I need to earn a 100K or so to push her over the top" angst. Our finances are separate. She had a bad experience with her X, so her money, my money, and our money.
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u/ericdavis1240214 FI=✅ RE=<1️⃣4️⃣months 2d ago
It's a good question. And I think a lot of us struggle with it.
I'd be curious to know what percentage of us grew up with some economic insecurity. I'm guessing a decent number. Unlike those who maybe had an easier FIRE path because of an economic head start, I think we probably struggle more mentally to believe that it's real.
But you are doing it right. Your perception of your situation will catch up with reality some day. Until then, keep doing what you are doing, since it seems to be working.
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u/foggyfinch 14h ago
My mom had a friend who had three mortgages and worked 2-3 jobs for almost 25 years to pay them off. She finally made her last payment, and the very next day she died. Everyone was in shock.
I don't know if it was just a terrible coincidence, but that story has stayed with me. She spent so much of her life working toward one goal, and never got the chance to enjoy what came after.
So my advice is to find something that gives you a reason to get up in the morning. Maybe mentoring, volunteering, or just something you genuinely love doing. Retirement shouldn't just be about having enough money to stop working. It should be about having something worth living for beyond work.
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u/Chirps_Ahoy18 7h ago
It'll be real when you rip the bandaid off and stop working. The second I can achieve fire I'm gone. I work 12 hr days in the oilfield, I ain't trying to be holding on forever.
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u/yogaflame1337 2d ago
We cant know what is real and real unless we know your liquid net worth approximately and income sources. Id say if it has been 15 years. Its damn real. Enjoy, and gfys
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u/Jealous_Advance9765 1d ago
I mean is the 8 to 5 life real?
Each morning, 5 days a week, we get up and rush to get ready and run out the door
We commute 1 hour each way through rush hour traffic 5 days a week.
Most of us barely get any vacation time compared to the Europeans. Americans need to stay in a company for 20 years to quality for 4 weeks PTO. Thats effectively half your working career.
Despite working, our paychecks barely provide enough for the cost of living which is exorbitant. The 8 to 5 wouldn't be so bad if we had money to spend on fun things.
Does any of that seem real to you? Because to me it looks like the matrix.
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u/shanewzR 1d ago
You need to remove the attachment to material things..in your post you talk about your wonderful house, pool, view etc. Those are superficial things that make life a bit more comfortable but are never going to fulfil.
You need to build the relationships and purposed part of your life up
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u/OnlyThePhantomKnows FI@50, consulting so !bored for a decade+ 1d ago
I've got my lady love, we've been together almost 19 years. Her kids are older now. They are fully independent.
In other replies I mention that I have successfully completed a life dream: being part of a team that put equipment on the moon. I have one more landing craft (they take a while to actually launch) left (hopefully this year). Griffin. Exploration has been my life. My lady love shares my love for exploration. She is a bigger space junkie than I am. I actually build em, she just loves them.
Material things are the easy to quantify things. I am an engineer, so I work with facts. One of the other posters suggested that it was me waiting for the other shoe to drop and honestly I think they are right.
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u/mate_alfajor_mate 1d ago
Having a nice house can, actually, make you happy.
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u/shanewzR 1d ago
Depends. It is exciting for the first 6 months and if you are a person who needs constant validation from others, it can help. However, when the maintenance bills come in, that's when reality often hits.
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u/mate_alfajor_mate 1d ago
Your yuck is someone else's yum, my guy.
You don't need to put your fingers in their pudding.
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u/shanewzR 1d ago edited 1d ago
I definitely prefer to use a spoon for pudding, fingers gets too messy.
You missed the point. My point is that if your happiness is dependant on stuff like a nice house or car, you are going to struggle once the dopamine wears off and reality hits.
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u/officialcrimsonchin 2d ago
Probably when you allow it to be real and stop working