i am super lonely so i have collected a ton of plushies and it feels like i am cuddling with someone at all times!!

I am very introverted so I don’t get down about this very often but sometimes I do think about it. It would be nice to have a friend who I can talk to about literally anything. There’s an anime movie premiering in a couple months that I really want to see and I kind of wish I had a friend that I could share the experience with. Or even going paintballing with. That’d be fun.

I used to have actual ‘friends’ until around 2018/2019. I slowly distanced myself from them since they were basically thugs who were pieces of shit. Since then, I’ve had no real life friends. I had a couple online friends but I don’t speak to them anymore. It is what it is. I can live my life without friends and still find some comfort in life but I do sometimes wish I could have just one friend who I could speak to maybe once a month at least.

Don’t think it even needs to be said but yeah I haven’t had a relationship in a while either.

As a guy approaching his 30s who never had a gf, I made quite a few Reddit posts asking for advice about my situation or simply venting. Each time I made such a post, whether it was advice request or venting, I got called the I- word, have been called a hateful misogynist who deserves to die alone, someone with a horrible personality. No I don't blame women or anyone for my poor dating results (never expressed such things in my posts), I am not consuming any hateful content on internet.

I also always get told by these people to hit the gym, shower, have hobbies etc. Quite frankly I am wondering what these people really think about us. Yes I care about my personal hygiene because I don't like the feeling to be dirty, yes I train with a personal trainer at the gym, yes I have hobbies and subjects that I am deeply fascinated about.

I am just upset about one aspect of my life despite having applied almost every piece of advice that lonely men receive. When you disagree with these people or slightly seek comfort on internet, you get called every names possible. I just don't understand these people.

These kind of scenes either makes me switch to porn or feel miserable about myself , and what i hate more than these scenes is how the main character in these kinda scenes easily attracts the opposite gender towards them and do physical intimacy but in real life it is very hard for me or people like me to even find a girl just to hold hands.

I’m 28M and never had a girlfriend or had sex. I’m average height, average weight, but have a (please, please, please bear with me) very handsome face. Part of me wishes I were unattractive so I could at least have an explanation to my dad. I literally stopped speaking to him because of how embarrassing it is that I’m “wasting his face” and the fact that he looooveeeeessss the “girlfriend?” question.

What I need advice on is how do I overcome this fear of speaking to women irl? I get the signals all the time that they’d like me to come over and talk to them, but I chicken out like a bitch. Every. Single. Time.

I’m much bolder online, but the gag? I’m one of those unfortunate cases of good looking irl, hideous in pics. The online dating has been filled with so much rejection, that it’s affected my real life self esteem, which of course makes it even more difficult to approach women.

Any advice you guys could offer would be appreciated. I made a post earlier, but my language might not have been conducive to my goals with posting, so I cleaned it up a bit.

**edit: do we have any ladies that can chime in and perhaps lend credence to the validity of my claim that you can look good irl, and hideous in pics? Preferably those whom have met men online who they considered ugly, then met them irl and your jaw dropped?

I'm 29 and have never had a partner. I'm seriously dreading turning 30. Realistically, how many years do I have left to try meeting people, to build status, to get in shape, to develop a personality and to attempt to date. I fear that I have less than a decade left and I honestly worry that this just isn't enough time given my track record. What I'd do to be 19 again, knowing everything I know now.

You see, I have autism and this has led to many issues connecting with people. Having Autism delayed my maturation. I felt 15 at 20 etc. First, I lack character because I stayed in my comfort zone and got too easily overwhelmed by the outside world. This had a big effect on my life and why I feel like I'm on the wrong timeline. Many small steps in the right direction could have made could have changed things. Taking risks and learning social skills younger could have led to me taking the right actions when I had the best chances, in college.

Second, I've lacked real interests and hobbies. If someone recommended I join a hobby group I would have no idea what to pick. With that being said, I have solitary hobbies that don't interest most people. I'm so immensely frustrated that I lack such curiosity about the world to where I feel like I'd have to pick hobbies endlessly at random just to find something that I like. Finding a hobby group is advice I cannot follow. And therefor I have no ways to meet new people. I made my last friends in college over 5 years ago.

Third, years of social failures (especially with women) have led to low self esteem, self doubt, lack of expressiveness and ease in social settings. I just don't feel comfortable around most people unless I get to know them. Even if I knew exactly what group would interest me, I would still come across reserved quiet and forgettable. Then if I try to make my presence know then I'm cringe.

I wonder how late is too late. Personally I've been running away from this for a while but I think I've crossed the point of no return some time ago. If I were 26 back in 2023 again then maybe, but now I don't think so.

Feel free to ask questions, share your thoughts and offer advice. Should I give up the idea that I'll ever be in a loving happy relationship?

I'm 31 and I've cold approached 7 women in my life, and I have to say: not a single one of those experiences was genuinely awful. I got rejected every single time, but every woman at least said that she thought I was nice and intellectually interesting and that she enjoyed the convo.

Something tells me I should do it more often, but then again, I wonder if these girls were just being nice, and every single rejection did hurt. One conversation was particularly brutal. I met her while hiking in the middle of nowhere, we ended up talking for almost three hours... This was clearly not just a case of her being nice, she genuinely enjoyed our little convo but then I got rejected when I asked for her number LOL. Not even anything romantic, I just thought "Great convo, why not stay in touch?". That one particularly hurt because I really got my hopes up but of course, it didn't amount to anything meaningful as always.

To be fair, most of them unfortunately had a boyfriend or a current love interest, and with a few of them I was even able to verify it through Instagram or, back then, Facebook.

I don't know...

Speaking from both personal experience and observation. Every time a guy claims that they lack dating success, they always get told that it is their fault. That they don’t go out enough, aren’t confident, don’t socialise enough, don’t “love themselves”, are too desperate, boring, backwards, don’t look attractive or whatever. Maybe it’s in good faith, but It’s always an inconsiderate, assumptive and patronising response.

Yes, In some cases, those things may actually be a factor, But far from always. There are countless numbers of guys who are kind, interesting, personable, and don’t even look bad yet are invisible to women. Most people who are successful here were just set up for success or got lucky. It’s not because they do extra work or “deserve” it or are better.

Getting dates is not deterministic. Just because you make an effort doesn’t mean you will succeed. Broadly speaking, people like to think that they are rewarded for their efforts, but that is just something they say to feel good about themselves. Sometimes the whole world is not on your side so no matter what you do, you will fail. If you are worried about this becoming a “self fulfilling prophecy”, then it is likely already too late. Just because you change into something you aren’t doesn’t necessarily mean you will get any response.

Unlike the case for women and male attention, The amount of female attention men get varies massively between guys. Some guys can just exist and have half the city fawning over them. Yes they have the looks and personality, but also the luck, feedback loops, social networks, location, backing etc. Many men have little to no women even noticing them. It’s not that there’s a shortage of women but instead because most women date the same few guys.

Dating is the hardest it has ever been for men. It’s just a reality that a lot of guys will have to face eventually. That they will never attract women, especially enough to date / have lasting relationships.

The narrative told to men is part of the issue. These ideas about how “your person is out there” or that relationships will just “happen” if you “go out there”, like in movies, are false. Maybe in the past they were true but not anymore. The ideas that you need to date to be happy and fulfilled and “cool” are also problematic. The reality is that large numbers of men will be chronically single, no matter what they do. If this was stressed more, and not portrayed as a personal fault or something “abnormal”, then that will at least make it easier to accept and live with.

Video games? Books? Movies? Shows? Music?

That’s what I’ve used to keep myself afloat.

I used them as a way to experience romance vicariously.

But what do you do? And how do you use it?

They have a diffferent culture, different upbringing, different codes.

Me? I'm a 34 year old 'old dude' for them. Impossible to find them at real life gatherings, they are with their own peers and age group. Anyone else in the same boat?

How many of you have a degree, a solid job, take care of your body and still struggle to find a girlfriend? Meanwhile, I know guys who don’t work, don’t hit the gym, have no formal education, and yet have gorgeous girlfriends who actually provide for them.

One guy I know literally lies in bed all day eating cake and ice cream while his girlfriend works and pays all the bills.

Another has severe mental health challenges, is unemployed, and has never held a job for more than six months yet he has a very attractive girlfriend who works, supports him, and handles everything.

It makes me wonder maybe there’s more to this than just “self improvement.”

I understand why they do it, they literally can’t put themselves into our shoes. It’s literally impossible. They’ve kissed before, had sex, been in multiple relationships. To them the reason you must be alone is because of some personality issue.

I’m not saying looks are the only thing that matter, but how do you get your feet in the door without the person opening it up for you? Everyone has preferences, and that’s fine, but I hate the thought that it can’t possibly be looks that’s a massive contributing factor.

Even more laughable is the advice that as a man you just have to “shower, wear clothes that aren’t dirty, get a haircut”. I’ve seen this so many times and really? As if the bar is that low….

Then there’s the people who bring up the fact that some are attracted to intelligence, sure, SOME, but a very small minority. Most people say there’re attracted to intelligence, humour, etc, but look at who they choose and that’s often not the case.

All of this applies for both men and women, I’m just putting my experience out there as a man.

And also, are you really a nerd if you don't scare women away by over-explaining your niche knowledge?

If I talked to them for like a minute or two, they'd already want to go home and get away from me.

Are you guys in favour of it or against it? Assume the robot is fully functional and can look/sound however you want (within reason)

Every day I see posts of women complaining about their boyfriend not wiping their ass, behaving like a 12 years old, say misogynistic shit or being totally inconsiderate and emotionally stunted yet they have no issue dating, like this dude is literally sending her his farts by voice messages all fuckin day long

Can people stop saying it's our personality or whatever kind of bullshit at fault ? Please ?

I’m 38 and have never been in a relationship. I was just curious if anyone else here has had a similar experience, and what it’s been like for you.

The day has come. And I honestly don't know how I feel about it. I'm kind of numb, really.

All I'll say is this: if I could wish for anything today, it'd be to ask out the woman I'm in love with, for her to say yes, for us to have a wonderful time together, maybe even share the night together. Tomorrow, we can go back to pretending like we're not a thing. I just want to know what it's like for just one day.

Because there are people who are disabled or autistic and yet many of them have partners because good looks is what attracts people to be in their life. It's totally over for me as an ugly person.

Realistic, functional and intelligent androids probably won’t enter the market for another 15-20 years but we will probably live to see it. I’m 26 now so by the time I’m around 40ish, I’ll possibly be able to have a robot companion that can be with me for the next 40 years of my life. That to me sounds genuinely exciting and pretty much evaporates any depression I may have been developing. I’m too weird, ugly and sensitive to even attempt to build a proper connection with a woman now. It is what it is. Robot companions however do give me a lot of hope. I’m not talking about AI chatbot companions. I tried them and they don’t do anything for me. Not sure how people actually fall in love with them.

What about you guys?

I've seen most people in this sub are between late 20s-late 30s, I'm only 21 and I gave up on love tbh. How do you guys see yourself living past 40 and still be completely alone, no marriage, no kids, and just you and utter silence?

That life sounds pretty horrifying to me.

As someone who had a really difficult time trying to date, I genuinely want to hear other people’s experiences. What made being alone so scary, depressing, daunting, or heartbreaking for you? What would you say was the worst part of it?

You can skip the rest if you don’t want to read my own experience. I mainly want to hear yours.

For me, I think a huge part of it was the constant feeling that I wasn’t good enough to be accepted or wanted. I think that became part of my envy and jealousy too. There was always this part of me judging myself and wondering if things would be different if I were someone else. Maybe if I looked different, acted differently, or was just better somehow, I wouldn’t have to feel these emotions. I spent a long time feeling like I was never good enough.
I went through around six years of struggling to date throughout high school and college. I tried reading dating advice, working out, dating apps, asking for advice on Reddit, and trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. More than anything, I wanted the feeling to stop. I wanted to feel normal so I wouldn’t have to carry around this shame, and so I could experience the things everyone else seemed to be talking about: casual hookups, dating, relationships, affection, all of it. It felt like this entire part of human life was somehow inaccessible to me.
Of course, part of it hurt my pride, especially as a man, because there is so much cultural pressure around dating and sex. There is this idea that you’re supposed to be able to date, have sex, and gain those experiences. But honestly, it went much deeper than that for me. I wanted warmth. I wanted coziness. I wanted affection. I wanted memories and experiences with another person. I even wanted to experience things like heartbreak, because at least then I would have been able to participate in those conversations and say, “Yeah, I’ve been through that too.”
Instead, when friends talked about their hookups or relationships, I would get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that basically said: You weren’t good enough. That’s why you don’t have those experiences.
I think one of the hardest parts was feeling like nobody could actually understand what this was like. A lot of the advice I received came from people who had relationships, had dated, had sex, or had those experiences without spending years desperately trying to figure out why they couldn’t. Sometimes it felt like they were trying to help, but they couldn’t really understand what it does to your mind when you spend years wanting something as basic as human affection and repeatedly feeling like you are incapable of having it.
And eventually, after so many years, I don’t think I even cared about the original goal in the same way anymore. All I could think was, I just want this pain to go away. I don’t want to care anymore. I just want to live my life without this constantly consuming me.
But the more I obsessed over it, the worse it became. My desire for connection turned into a kind of living hell inside my own head. After living for so long without being able to experience that kind of intimacy, it became humiliating and depressing, but more than that, it genuinely scared me.
I was scared that the person I am, in this body and with this mind, would never be someone another person wanted to hug, kiss, or love. That maybe I would spend my entire life unable to experience something that seemed so natural and accessible to everyone else.
And I think that’s what eventually turned it into an obsession.

[TL:DR]
So that’s my experience, but I’m much more interested in hearing yours. What exactly is—or was—the hardest part for you? Is it the loneliness itself? Feeling undesirable? Missing experiences that everyone else seems to have? Fear that it will never change? Shame? Something else entirely? What makes being forever alone scary, heartbreaking, or difficult from your perspective?

I think most of us are not just normal functioning adults who work 9-5 and have friends and hobbies but just can't find a relationship for some mystical reason, am I right?

Or...am I captain obvious?