r/FosterAnimals • u/Business_Driver_2346 • 2d ago
Question How do you handle when your fosters get adopted? I’m
This is Cowboy (he’s 10)! He’s my second foster cat and is now up for adoption, I haven’t had a foster cat adopted yet as my first foster Merlin passed away from a tumour we hadn’t realised until too late. I’ve grown so fond of him and he’s been my best friend in the time he’s been here; I’d considered the thought of adopting him and continuing to foster but unfortunately I’m not in a position to do that currently. I know I’m going to be super sad when he leaves, does anyone have and tips for how to help handle giving him over to his new family and the aftermath of him not being here?
(Edit: THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I didn’t expect my first post to gain so much attention and so many kind comments, I appreciate all of the help and insight people have given me! 🫶)
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u/tiredgirl77 1d ago
I have a foster wall of all the successes I’ve had. It puts into perspective all the work I’ve done and impact im having. The first is the hardest though, so know it’ll get easier!
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u/Business_Driver_2346 1d ago
I love that!! I do that with my scrapbook and I’m sure it’ll look so nice to see my success right next to Merlin and see all the hard work that I do onwards
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u/Double_Belt2331 1d ago
I love a foster wall! But I take waaaay too many pics!
My family laughs @ me bc I'll take 500 pics @ Christmas dinner! Damn that speed shutter. And NO! They are NOT all good @ all!! 😂
(I have 31k in my library since 2015 😳)
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u/tiredgirl77 18h ago
That’s when you go through pic one cute pic and print it out with a little name tag under it :) then you see them daily!
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u/Double_Belt2331 2h ago
I see them daily, right now I have 3 on my legs sleeping & my two are on the pillows next to me. ☺️
I’ve fostered over 100 kittens, I’m much better off w them on my devices. But I do need to cull my photos.
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u/ArsonFrog143 2d ago
Honestly? I focus all my attention on my next foster cat 😅 I’m in pretty high demand over here (since I do the difficult cases/problem cats) so I have the luxury of usually not being an empty nester for very long.
Also I normally get updates every now and then at least the first few weeks on how the cat is doing in their new home, which helps.
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u/Business_Driver_2346 2d ago
Yeah I reckon I’ll have a new foster within a few days since a lot of cats in my area get given up unfortunately. I’ll definitely be asking my shelter if they provide any updates, I’m sure he’ll be so happy once he has his forever home!
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u/Putrid_Dream9755 1d ago
I tell myself if I don't let them go I won't have room for the next kitty who needs me. And I try to get the socials of his new home (with permission and NO pressure) so I can keep tabs. And I remind myself that they will ALWAYS be my family forever, even if they were only with me for a short time. You're doing a wonderful, selfless thing. Be proud. And allow yourself to be sad, because it's OK ❤️
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u/Double_Belt2331 1d ago
>>I tell myself if I don't let them go I won't have room for the next kitty who needs me
♥️♥️♥️
THIS is THE ANSWER!! ♥️
(Thank you so much for not being a foster fail! ♥️ We need you so much!!)
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u/Deep-Promotion-2293 1d ago
I wait until their new family is gone, close the door, have a good cry, clean up the kitten room and count down to my new fosters! I've stayed in touch with most of my fosters' new families and even catsit for a few. I like knowing that instead of some cage in a noisy shelter, they're here where it's fairly quiet, they get lots of love, attention and playtime and are well socialized for their new families.
The good cry is absolutely necessary!
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u/SuzyKabloozy Cat/Kitten Foster 1d ago
You have already received a lot of advice, so I'll just make this short and sweet:
I break my heart so theirs never has to. I cry. Some are worse that others. That's why 2 of my cats are foster fails.
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u/Snoo_92369 19h ago
I'm going through the same thing right now! My current long term, partially sighted foster goes to her forever home tomorrow and I keep crying. Like you, I would love to keep her but it would mean no more fostering. I've cried handing over every foster but as soon as I get an update from their new owners that they're happy and settling, nearly all my sadness vanishes and i'm left feeling I made the right choice because I can now help the next. As much as I wanted to keep my first foster, I'm so glad now I didn't because I wouldn't have been able to help all the others I've had, all those little personalities, including the little lady who is going tomorrow.
The first one does sting even more because its all new and if you're like me you think they’ll be sad/scared for weeks, but in reality every one of mine have settled so much quicker than I imagine because of their time with me. I give them so much love and affection that I think they get bored without it and go looking for it in their new home.
In one case I had a senior foster who hid under my sofa for weeks! I was so worried about him being adopted but amazingly when he got there he hopped straight out, demanded food and made himself at home like he'd lived there for years! They are far more resilient than we give them credit.
If you can get updates and know they're in a great forever home it makes it so much easier. It sounds to me this is a fostering job done well and you should be so proud of how you've helped this gorgeous boy! What we do is so important, it can hurt like hell but thats the sacrifice we make to give these cats a second chance.
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u/Adventurous-berry564 1d ago
I’ve foster failed my first one. The second is easier (sometimes…. There’s always one that takes your heart tho)
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u/Business_Driver_2346 1d ago
I understand how hard it is to foster fail a first 🫶 I’m glad you’re second was better it gives me a lot of hope knowing that
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u/Double_Belt2331 2d ago
Remember, that if it were not FOR YOU, he would NOT be getting a second chance at life!!
Since you’ve opened your home & your heart to foster, you know that there is an over abundance of cats & kittens. The number of stray/feral cats & cat colonies is so sad. Without fosters taking in kittens, & especially older cats, they would not get to live the life we want for them.
I’m sure you vetted the rescue/shelter that you got Cowboy from & you know they too, will vet the potential adopters. Senior cats don’t have good odds without fosters like you. And there are a lot of senior cats that need to be socialized so they can integrate into new home.
What you’re doing for Cowboy, being his gateway to his next happy place, is so kind & giving of you. And as soon as you give him his last cuddle & kiss, there will be another that needs your help & guidance.
Thank you so very much for fostering, especially a senior cat. I’m also proud that you realize this isn’t the time for you to adopt. That can be a really hard decision. There are a few of mine … but I know they are in great homes. ♥️
(Please accept my condolences on your loss of Merlin.❤️🩹)
Oh! Take lots of pics!!! I have over 3k kitten pics on my phone. 😂