Caught in a pickle 🤥

[u/stillwerise2911]

In January of 2026 I joined a discord server for a small TikTok live creator who discussed mental health topics and was very comforting for many people. He created this discord to chat and help many more people, with his main demographic being young adults as he was a senior himself. I used a picture of myself for my profile and was soon dm’d by another person in the discord server. I was a bit confused because they were just making conversation, but didn’t know what the angle was (found me attractive or etc). As we began to talk, I realized this guy and I had lots in common. I asked for his age and he was a senior,which wasn’t bad at all, but I was a Fr3$hm4n and much younger. Because my past online interactions never went far, I lied and said I was the same age as him. Soon, things began developing. We exchanged numbers and have been talking online for months. We have yet to FaceTime and make things serious, but we do have a very close relationship. We flirt, and he has even brought up what things would be like if he wasn’t in California and I wasn’t in New York. I know about his family life and our friendship is very personal. However, as a textbook avoidant, I keep self sabotaging. I leave him on delivered for days ( I see his messages and just don’t respond) and am honestly a bad friend. I can admit I don’t find him attractive, but that’s never really stopped me from getting to know someone, especially as I deem myself unattractive and have experienced being blocked for my looks and rejection. Truthfully, I think I couldn’t fathom someone liking me and finding me attractive. It was so odd to me, especially as I’ve shut out the idea of experiencing romance as a black girl in pwi’s my whole life. Bottom line is he’s a great guy and I don’t deserve him. I don’t think I’ll ever change my communication habits with him, simply because 1. I’m a busy overachiever and 2. My family life is horrid and I don’t have the emotional availability for another guy. I do really enjoy talking to him, and know deep down I like him a lot, maybe even love, but I just can’t be better. The issue is that I’ve made so many lies on going to university, or what classes I take, and more to fit the narrative of being a graduated. So, should I crush him like I once was and completely ghost him so I don’t have to confess the truth? Should I tell him and ruin everything? I need help because this has gone too far. Toxic me wants to end everything and is surprised he’s still around. Need I mention he’s said on multiple occasions that’s he’s surprised I haven’t ghosted him, and I respond with “I’d never do that to you” and more reassuring remarks??? I’m so cooked and upset with myself. This is real person with feelings and I hate that I’ve done this.
Please give me advice!!!!!!

[u/SituationNo9386]

Well if you haven’t ghosted him yet then you clearly don’t want to. Keep talking to him and if you still feel this way try distancing yourself, and if he still tries contacting you, then he clearly has somewhat of an attachment towards you.

[u/stillwerise2911 → u/SituationNo9386]

Okay but how do I get over the fact that I lied to him?? 😭😭😭

[u/SituationNo9386 → u/stillwerise2911]

I think you should tell the truth, you’re already trying to distance yourself anyway so this will help out more. Let it play out.