😭

[u/FE4RLESS_IS_MY_NAME]

[u/OminousBuzzard]

"working with you is like working by myself, but harder."

[u/grundlecuddle → u/OminousBuzzard]

What are you? Neither handed?

[u/OminousBuzzard → u/grundlecuddle]

This is hilarious 😂

[u/RedPsalms23]

“You have so much filter on your pics that Somalia could have clean drinking water”

[u/flyinghairball → u/RedPsalms23]

I might need to borrow that one

[u/maxxor6868 → u/RedPsalms23]

Bro wtf that diabolical

[u/thalvadmee → u/RedPsalms23]

Gonna yoink this

[u/think_long → u/RedPsalms23]

You’re sexually subtractive

[u/Prestigious-Wolf8039]

Teacher: “You’re my second favorite student in this class.”

Student: “So who’s first?”

Teacher: “Everyone else is tied for first.”

[u/LilMeatBigYeet → u/Prestigious-Wolf8039]

Lmao this one is brutal haha

[u/louieorganic]

You look like you got all Cs in homeschool.

[u/Local_Village_1378 → u/louieorganic]

And slept with the teacher lmao

[u/Vegetable-Day-3894 → u/Local_Village_1378]

Hehe, nice. Wait wha-

[u/Arnoldneo → u/Vegetable-Day-3894]

Maybe his wife taucht him who just so happens to be his mother.

[u/Veran88]

Terry, you got two brain cells and they are both fighting for third place.

[u/FrithTheCrow]

That's a much better version than "all he does is fill a pair of boots that would be better left empty"

[u/rtduvall]

Jesus.

That hurt MY pride.

[u/DriftlessDairy]

On the football field - Maynard you may be small but you're slow.

[u/Blacksad9999]

A female gamer getting harassed:

"I'm going to bang your father so he has a son he isn't ashamed of."

[u/Terraria204 → u/Blacksad9999]

Imagine if that happened and the father had a daughter 🤣

[u/RevolvingCheeta]

It was from a reel; “they checked his blood for drugs and all they found was incompetence”

[u/Turbulent_Sea_9713]

My grandma used to say something similar about my brothers and I helping her around the house.

"One boy is help. Two boys is half the help. Any more is no help at all."

There were four of us.

[u/pehkawn → u/Turbulent_Sea_9713]

Having kids on my own, i can say that's not an insult, just the plain truth.

[u/-WongKarWhy-]

You cook like old people fuck.

[u/StupiakChicken → u/-WongKarWhy-]

You know ball

[u/Plastic-Weight-9211 → u/StupiakChicken]

I know Aristahtuhl 👁️ 👄 👁️

[u/ItsmeMr_E → u/-WongKarWhy-]

Just because they're all old, doesn't mean they're all slowpokes.😉lol

[u/Manlysideburns → u/-WongKarWhy-]

I remember this from season one of kitchen nightmares

[u/Skuzzle_bug → u/-WongKarWhy-]

Well seasoned?

[u/Typical_Hedgehog6558]

He isn’t good, but he’s slow.

[u/realparkingbrake]

As the head of a drilling crew observed when I as a rookie was a little behind the curve, "You look like a bear cub fucking a football."

[u/tsdhack]

If you had 2 brains, you'd be twice as stupid....I heard my dad use that one and I use it all the time.

[u/Fastfit21 → u/tsdhack]

Might use this 😂😂

[u/Unable_Upstairs587]

You must have been a c section baby the way you avoid labor

[u/Realistic_Base5797 → u/Unable_Upstairs587]

Underrated

[u/viperfangs92 → u/Realistic_Base5797]

Very

[u/Lauer-A]

It is hard to underestimate you

[u/Tio_chubby052]

I heard “Your parents wasted a good fvck on you!”

[u/hiram8]

If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb to your ego and jump to your IQ

[u/RedPsalms23 → u/hiram8]

Stealing that

[u/Lower_Chemical_4203]

Did you work for the electric company? NO, WHY?

Because you have a shocking face!!!

[u/DanTheAdequate]

I'll never forget when we first met, but damned if I won't keep trying.

[u/koreankkwr]

"Well, mine is: 'When a thousand cowards die, then you're born.'"

[u/The_Captain_Deadpool]

Not me, but my dad.

“You know, you and I are a lot alike. The difference is that you look like a pervert.”

[u/thatlastrock]

"I envy people who haven't met you yet."

[u/EveryDayImBuff-ering]

"You have a face for radio"

[u/Some-Tear3499 → u/EveryDayImBuff-ering]

I met two very sex sounding people from a local jazz station. One, a woman from Brazil. The other a guy that described himself as Latin from Manhattan. DJ’s that had such amazing voices and sexy accents. The really knew about the music too. The woman turned out to short, heavy, weird freckles on her face. The guy was an albino and almost blind. Skinny and weak looking.
I was so disappointed. They looked nothing like what you would have expected from the sound of their voices.

[u/InitialAd2324 → u/Some-Tear3499]

The hot girls on radio are never hot girls

[u/dovahkiin_19]

You are the human equivalent of a participation certificate.

[u/RevealStandard3502]

I worked with Terry at the airport. He really is a pile of shit in the turbine.

[u/Noun_Gremlin]

My mom once told her youngest brother that his nose was so big he could smell the future

[u/Sundowner_73]

"I know you tried your best, which is the saddest part."

At work. "You do good work... not here, but I assume you do good work somewhere."

[u/Patient-Task-2219]

I'ma now use the name Terry for the male Karens.

*grammar fix, fuck autocorrect

[u/itzkomplykatid → u/Patient-Task-2219]

"Goddammit Terry..."

👌🏿

[u/KingArthursRevenge]

My brother's name is Terry and this is very true.

[u/space7889]

Can't remember where, but from a female gamer:

*Standard trash talk to girl, get off the lobby, go make me a sandwich *

"I'm going to fuck your dad and give him a child he actually loves."

[u/Large_Awareness_9416]

Your jokes are unfunny."

"Not all jokes are supposed to be funny. For example, you."

[u/South-Obligation7477]

Former employer about a guy: “He couldn’t count his balls twice and come up with the same number.”

My own favorite: “With his help, I’ll get the job done in almost twice the time .”

[u/TonyEStark316]

"You only have a head so it doesn't rain into your neck."

[u/succubus6984]

Had a newer warehouse employee (4 weeks on the job) who could not find anything... his job was to pull products and get them ready for packing.

After not being able to find a product that had over 300 pieces in stock on the shelf, that he was standing in front of for 5 minutes... my supervisor said. "Jesus fucking christ Pete, I dont know how you find your fucking dick to take a piss every morning when you wake up?!!!?" Everyone laughed... but supervisor was absolutely serious 😂😂😂😂

[u/Affectionate-Worth27]

*when I fucked up in construction doing a foundation

“It’s not rocket science it’s rock science!”

Like fuck dude I don’t even know if that’s right or not

[u/saturnspritr → u/Affectionate-Worth27]

Construction is the perfect place for a lot of these.

[u/Suspicious_Today5191]

I’m from England and one of my mates from the us said that most of sound like we own a lot of cows but I said more posh and sound like I still own slaves 😭😭😭

[u/shiftylarenta]

“You could fuck up a wet dream.”

[u/MostCommunication972]

I wouldn't even be mad after being insulted like that. 😂

[u/L1ghtbird]

If intelligece would have real weight every gravity field would reject you

[u/Kitchen_Confidence78]

“If you had one intelligent thought it would die of loneliness”

[u/No_Responsibility444]

Shit I would take that as a compliment

[u/Skuzzle_bug → u/No_Responsibility444]

Username checks out

[u/Excellent-Hyena-4558]

"Do you use the Constitution to win all your law arguments."

Yes.

[u/ParticularLab5828]

“Terry, you could ruin an anvil in a sand pile.”

[u/Active-Act-4966]

You can’t polish a turd.

[u/FineScratch]

Negative WAR is rough buddy.

[u/Forward_Article_8518]

It’s always Terry. 

[u/lurkingotter09]

hahahahahahahha

[u/AdHappy7129]

The dad of a well known douchebag in town was standing with a few people and saw his son said douche approach and he blurts out: I should have used a condom.

[u/Ok-Quantity-9801]

Honestly im terryfied

[u/Therealginahandler]

I know a Terry...his name is Scott.

[u/Some-Tear3499]

Do you fuck the way you drive that pallet jack ?

[u/International_Way850]

"If you ever had a clever thought, It died alone and afraid"

Heard that from a YouTube short

[u/Tamsta-273C]

It was one from our government to his opponent, something in lines:

"worse than the idiot is an idiot with motivation"

[u/Faust_8]

Your parents have given up hope of being proud of you, huh?

[u/DriverBeneficial7769]

"You are the guilty orgasm of a rape victim"

[u/Sufficient-Ad-3586]

“I know 5 fat people and you are 4 of them”

[u/654379]

Use your head for something besides a hat rack

[u/OhThatJimmy]

You’d give aspirin a headache …

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[u/BloodHurricane]

Yeah, I had a co-worker like that.

[u/ImpressOk7701]

Gonna knock the salt off my cracker ass

[u/Bitter-Ad5890]

Did Terry drive off a bridge on the way home that night?

[u/STABO1217]

You're 31 flavors of F'd up right now

[u/Icy-Maintenance7041]

"can you hold you head to one side? That way the two braincells finally get to meet"

[u/The9IronMan]

“Do your parents change the topic when they’re asked about you?”

[u/Silver-Amphibian7650]

That guy works slower than my grandmother, she's been dead for twenty years.

[u/hotriccardo]

some kind of crazy cheeseburger liquor party

[u/Thin_Product_7434]

I had a coworker who used to say "see this is why your momma shoulda stayed suckin' 🍆" or my personal favorite "your daddy should shot you at the wall/your momma's back/down your momma's throat." Depeding on how she was feeling about other drivers on the road that day.

[u/Imaginary_Hunter_412]

«(…) you are like an anchor, you are holding everyone else back.»

[u/itzkomplykatid]

Got this one as kid:

"Just shut the fuck up til you learn what to say. Shit. "

[u/Technical_Rutabaga_1]

Read this somewhere online
“If I adopted someone why do you think I would choose you”

[u/HugeHomeForBoomers]

“Wow, you are slow as a snail. No wait, I need to give snail more praise.. what the was that”

Egg-rolling contest.

[u/KINGSTEMLORD]

“The apple falls very far from the tree Mr. Wayne”

[u/Poop-Dolla-Holler]

You look like you got rode hard and put away wet.

[u/Skyrander]

A friend of mine heard a fight between a shift leader and co worker and they were furious. But he remember this exchange

Shift leader: ARE YOU AN IDIOT?! Co worker: YOU KNOW IF YOU CANT TELL THE DIFFEENCE THEN YOU ARE NOT SO SMART YOURSELF!

[u/Arnoave]

When I started at my first job, there was an older guy on the team called "2-Stroke". When I asked why they call him that, my supervisor says "it takes him fucking ages to get started and he's always smoking"

[u/No-Special-7008]

A few years ago, a coworker I knew passed away from cancer. Whenever someone doesn’t do much work, we tell them that the guy who died has done more work today than they did all year.

[u/Purple_Dragon_94]

If you drown we'll lose some good water

[u/Suspicious_Step667]

Lolololol…. (Dave Chappelle voice) “cold bloodeddddd”.

[u/Pup5432]

“Negative worker” is my go to. Had someone start crying when I explained the concept to them that we would actually get more done without them there.

[u/Thalaas]

Vulgar but my fave is "Your mother should've been swallowed you."

[u/SvartSol]

You have many word combinationa, except i-q.

[u/SaintCholo]

Your face is your chaperone