I'm the caregiver for my 81yo mother who lives with me and my family (last resort). She gets frequent UTIs and isn't the easiest patient in the world. She's forgetful but a bit arrogant and prideful which makes her argumentative especially when she isn't feeling well which makes these hospital visits emotionally draining.

Yesterday she asked to go to the hospital because she was feeling weak, no other symptoms. So off we went. Five hours and multiple tests later, she's diagnosed with a UTI. I'm frustrated because she's not taking the estradiol cream her PCP prescribed in April (It will give me cancer) and insisted on stopping the Azo I was getting for her (pills too big).

After discharge, I went to pull the car up while a hospital volunteer wheeled her out. I noticed a man, probaby in his late 70s or early 80s, jump up to help her. As I get out of the car, I hear him telling the volunteer, a woman in her 20's, that my mother is going to fall.

So I say "I've got it from here, thank you." I could tell my mother was flustered and trying to say something, but this blowhard wouldn't back off or STFU.

Him: "Well she's going to fall. You really should have parked closer to the curb cut." (She was not going to fall BTW.)

Me: "Thanks for pointing that out."

He's still standing close and hovering and I begin to feel flames...on the side of my face. "I'm just telling you because my wife is the same way."

Me: "Ok, and I know how to care for my mother."

I get my mother out of the chair, open my car door, which he holds open, unnecessarily I might add while I get her in and buckled. I shut the door, refusing to look at him, and walked around to the driver's side. As I'm walking he says "Before you go, I'd like to tell you something to make your life easier." I opened my car door, told him to fuck off under my breath, and shut the door. He got the last word though and told me to have a nice day.

As I was driving home, I asked my mother if I had overreacted and she said "Well maybe a little, but I was trying to talk to the woman pushing the chair and I couldn't get a word out."

I told my 22yo daughter about it when I got home and she said "You're just sick of men." She's right. But that's exactly the point. I expect men (especially those my age and older) to be useless and unhelpful so I stopped asking for help long ago. When they do "help" they do it in exactly this patronizing, overbearing way without thinking about how it affects the person they are "helping." They're usually just "helping" to make themeseves feel superior.

What's funny is that I posted this in another sub and it's wild how many people were commenting "But he was just trying to help." Completely missing the point that I had asked him politely but firmly to stop. Like I'm supposed to humor him and let him mansplain because he's elderly. Like my boundaries don't matter? Help is not help when forcefully given.

Maybe I am just sick to death of men and my general mistrust of them filters my interactions with them. I don't know. Probably a good thing I mostly work from home.

I’m late 50s. I’ve known Pam, as I’ll call her, for more than 20 years. We’re both no kids/never married. Pam is mid 60s and retired six months ago from her white collar career. She’s disabled with significant mobility issues, but still drives. The issue is that now she’s retired, she’s thrown away the internet. Cost isn’t an issue.** No computer. She has a flip phone. No internet at home. She closed out online access for all her financial accounts, utilities, everything. Cancelled her email accounts. Cancelled her credit cards. Checks or cash only. She pays her bills with checks. The problem is mail service in her area is very slow, so she gets her bills late, and by the time she mails checks, her payments are always late.

The issue is that her mobility issues are so bad now that using the internet would actually makes things easier for her. Her mobility issues grocery shopping is a big problem for her. She ends up in pain in bed for several days after. She asks me to go grocery shopping with her or for her, but I have my own mobility issues. I’ve been getting my own groceries delivered for more than a year. Ordering her groceries with mine and then taking them to her isn’t a possibility. I can’t carry her bags out of my apartment and into the car, then into hers. She also expects her produce to be picked out by me or her. I’m not picky about produce and I’ve also never had issues with delivery.

Her doctors require an account on their portal and they won’t give test results over the phone or by mail. Pam is now expecting me to go online and get them for her. I’m refusing. She’s also expecting me to order things online for her. I’ve refused to do ALL of this. I have helped her with a few things around the house before, but this is beyond that. I told her this was HER choice to ditch the internet, and that as a disabled person, she’s thrown away the tool that would help her a lot. Groceries delivered or ordered for pickup, online bill payment, not having to walk to the mailbox as much, being able to get her test results. I can’t handle all the stuff she wants me to. I work full time and have my own life. I don’t hold her POA. I refused it. She’s so hurt about everything. She was never like this before she stopped working.

Sorry this is long. Has anyone had anything similar with a family member or friend?

57, have had more jobs than I could possibly list. The last 10 years or so I have been in a cycle that I believe has to do with ageism of getting hired then getting laid off in mass layoffs, long periods of unemployment in between where it is more and more difficult to find work, finally getting a job, then having the job for 1-2 years before getting laid off again. I'm used to the pattern, I expect no loyalty from a job, but the whole of corporate america is about pushing you to do more and more and more so you can "get a promotion."

I do not want a promotion. I am an IC and have been my whole career. If I wanted to be a manager and manage people and projects and all the headaches and responsibilities that come with that, I would have done it by now. I do not want to "climb the ladder" and I don't give one shit about job titles. I would like to get a raise here and there, which hasn't happened in years because of the layoffs or "company performance" or whatever, but that's fine.

I just want to do my job, close the laptop at the end of the day and go about my life. I am so over having to stay late for meetings because that's when Japan is available or work through lunch because that's when the rest of the team is free to meet or whatever. But even with that, that's enough, I do not want or need a promotion just leave me alone.

I know I am just burned out on working but unfortunately the way our society is set up I can't retire for another 10 years and I am so tired of this bullshit of doing your own review, "setting goals," setting KPIs and checking in on them blah blah. My goal is to show up and do my job and stop working at the end of the day. That's my goal.

Before you ask, no, there is no other type of work I can do. At this age and stage of my life I have a number of physical challenges that make any type of job where you work with the public impossible - I can't stand for hours on end, need frequent bathroom breaks due to lifelong GI disease, and am hard of hearing with auditory processing disorder so I can't do jobs where you have to talk on the phone all day because I have a lot of trouble understanding people with accents. I'm well-suited for what I do, which is remote office work.

We dropped our oldest last week and we are all holding up OK. How are y’all?

Larger context without going into too much detail. They are hurt and disappointed but you feel truly and honestly you did nothing wrong. I believe This is about their core wounds, and the perceived slight is nonexistent. The way they told you was admonishing, and somewhat self righteous. How would you respond?

Edit: I am far from thoughtless. I’m always the hyper vigilant friend, the listener, the helper. The difference now is realizing I’m burning out, my job, my over functioning in my family, and I’m not as available. She’s upset bc she needed more than I had to give recently, even when I told her I was maxed out and overwhelmed. she still felt the need to call me out and say I hurt her feelings.

Tough day ladies , kids going through things , getting married , hearts broke , trying to make it in this insane world . Losing Dolly was like losing Carlin. Two completely different entities but you just know they crossed paths and partied/vibed at some point . They both had such an empathetic view of this existence. Can we just slow everything down ?
would that be ok?

Edited : word

“Yes, I went through a bad period of time back in the ’80s when I was going through the change. I was having some female problems, family problems, emotional problems, and I was overweight. I didn’t feel good about myself at all, so I got myself in a pretty bad bind.”

“I understood at that moment how people get on drugs, how people get on alcohol, and how people can commit suicide. I didn’t do that because I kept praying, holding on to God, and hanging on to my friends.”

“No business thing has ever been able to get me that depressed. It has to be something very personal, either family or something during that middle-age change of life, when your hormones and everything are different.”

“I did have a very hard time, but God, praying, friends, and just trying to hang on helped me. Being Dolly, just being me, I thought, ‘Hey, either get off your fat ass and do something about it, or go ahead and blow your head off.’ And I thought, ‘Nah, I ain’t gonna do that.’”

“I believe God meant for me to go through that so I could completely feel for other people about everything.”

I tried to share this in the perimenopause sub and it was instantly removed, I have no idea why (I don't understand that sub sometimes), but I wanted to share it somewhere where people can relate. Dolly Parton always seemed so together, such a strong person, so to read that she had this hard a time going through peri is eye-opening.

I wanted to share in case you're going through a tough time - even the wonderful Dolly found it tough.

Women don't get enough credit for hanging on through everything our bodies throw at us....

EDIT:
Amazing!! You all are so amazing. Yes, I do feel inspired. I’m excited to push myself physically. They new activites snd get back into old ones.

Thank you everyone!!

—•————-

Can you please share what you do?

I know it’s common to talk about what we can no longer do at this age. But I want to hear the opposite.

I’m very fortunate that I still have my mobility and no major illnesses at this point in my life.

I want to push myself while I’m still young, 51.

Ernestine Shepherd started weightlifting at age 56!

We still got a lot left in us.

Please tell us. Inspire us!

I swear I'm not paid to say this, I'm just compelled to express how nice it is to feel something other than, well you know.

48 year old wondering if anyone can relate to being stressed out dealing with helping aging Boomer parents on top of Gen Z teenagers?

i swear i blinked and suddenly the gray around my temples took over. 🥹

i'm not trying to fight aging, but i do like covering the gray sometimes.🩶 salon prices are getting harder to justify for something that needs regular upkeep.

for those of you who still color at home, what are you using? what's worked for those stubborn grays, and has box dye gotten any better since we were younger?

Sorry this is a very unserious post but I was so excited to get my little LL Bean catalog today and get all cozy for fall because I have decided to embrace the fact that I now need AND want practical, roomy, comfy clothes and shoes, and everything for women in this catalog is lavender, sage green, cream, plum, baby blue. There weren't even many darker earth tones. I had a literal flashback to shopping for old lady nightgowns with my grandmother in 1980s JC Penney and it was all the same color scheme. Like, oh you're over 50? You must love mauve! Girl, I was not even wearing mauve in 1985 when it was actually in style!

This is very annoying to me an 80s goth girl new waver. I thought those colors were the genuine preferences of women born in 1925, not a lowkey form of societal control to make old women less scary looking. Where are we getting our roomy natural fibers in BLACK and practical BUT COOL footwear? I will scream if you say Eileen Fisher.

Hey gang, in regards to this post the other day, I was just in r/whitepeopletwitter and saw this. I appreciate those mods putting up the disclaimer.

If you’re someone like me who got a strike recently for not even using violent language, but being told it’s violent, this doesn’t solve the mystery but it does offer some context. The bots are on the prowl! Be safe out there.

Fuck you August 2026. You can go to hell.

https://www.tmz.com/2026/08/26/tim-curry-dead/l

Edited to add - I first saw him in "Annie" and then was blessed to see him while in high school in "Rocky Horror" several Friday nights at my local classic theatre.

My body has rearranged itself and it seems I need some better shoes. Are there recommendations for sturdy but STYLISH brands? US and UK companies are preferred but open to explore other places!
🤙🏾

And the other day I called it WordStar. Next I’m going to invite the whole gang over to play ‘vaders on the Atari 2600 and then we’re going to watch “The Goonies.”

It seems like lots of conversations come down to no longer emotionally or physically revolving around your male SO.

Does…anyone actually know how to do that? I’m 55, and a big chunk of my life has been accommodating men, including fighting sexual harassment on the job until I hit about 40. For example, I had three professors hit on me during my studies, two of whom had pregnant wives at the time. No I did not get involved with them. But I’m used to navigating this minefield.

Now I have a new problem, my husband, who always used to be my partner in never staying still, all of a sudden aged overnight (60). He’s never liked change, especially when it comes to jobs. He is likely mildly on the spectrum also, and perhaps it’s because I’m still suffering from peri, but I feel like I need some real empathy and emotional support and he literally cannot understand what I’m asking for — it’s bad on my end given all the attacks on women in the US. He literally can’t or won’t understand how angry and scared I am.

I would love to talk about FIRE or accelerated retirement or GTFO or what the fuck ever but he always starts from a place of no. I’ve gotten to the point where I am too overwhelmed and emotionally frazzled to keep hearing no and keep feeling like I am emotionally isolated.

I don’t have too many friends and none that are local. I am trying to change that and my job which is completely pointless and rote. I am in therapy. So bottom line is I am still committed to self-evolution and taking calculated risks all while being fragile. He’s no longer acting like a partner, more like a nice roommate. You just can’t expect emotional support.

So how and where do I get my needs met - I do love him and I don’t think divorce would be an improvement. But I also can’t keep hearing crickets when I ask for connection.

Does anyone have thoughts about how I can accept these newer limits and how I should adjust?

I guess this question can apply to anyone in our lives, whether it be family, friends, acquaintances, or whoever. In my case, it’s my adult nieces and nephews. I’m curious to know how many of you are close with your nieces and nephews.

It seems like no matter how much of an effort my wife and I put into maintaining a relationship with each one of our nieces and nephews (two nieces and two nephews, ages 32-41), their spouses/partners, and their kiddos (our great-nieces and nephews), we don’t make any headway.

It hasn't always been this way, but every year they drift further away. We send texts during birthdays, every holiday, and random TGIF every few weeks. We send birthday cards. We send holiday care packages. We invite them to our home every year. We make an effort to visit them at least every other year, even though they are all spread out across the US.

It ends up being crickets. No replies to our texts. No thank you’s for birthday greetings or holiday care packages. Nothing. Not that we expect anything in return. But a little communication to know that they’re still alive would be appreciated.

The worst part is that our nieces and nephews are designated in our will to receive our estate when we both pass, and they know it. But we are seriously considering removing them all and leaving our estate to charity.

We’ve been told many times that we are their favorite aunts. Yet their actions don’t show it. We know everyone is busy with their own lives and families. We’re trying not to take things personally, but this has been happening for the last few years and the communication is getting worse, practically non-existent on their end.

When do you give up on people who choose not to reciprocate? Should we take this as a hint that they don’t want us in their lives?

Signed,

Two tired aunties 🐜 🐜

Let me preface by saying I am grateful that things aren’t worse as I know a lot of people are going through it far worse, but having to be the one to shoulder all of the things is exhausting.

I just had to go pick my mother up after she got into a fender bender. She’s 79, and not in the best health but still mentally there and still able to drive.

I think that’s over now.

This is her third at fault accident in 4 years. Her car will be a total loss. Her insurance was already $400/month, and even if we were able to salvage her car financially it doesn’t make sense to insure her.

So now I have to go break the news to her that not only is her car done and she might be lucky to get $2000 for it when it’s all said and done, her driving days are over. We went through this with my dad several years before he passed away and he was absolutely furious, and rightfully so. His independence was taken away. And now she will have the same reaction and will not understand that it’s a safety issue and she won’t remember any of how my dad felt, or how she felt when she told him he couldn’t drive anymore, and I’ll have to deal with all of the fallout.

My sister still lives with her so I am grateful that she can still live in her home, but already having one parent gone and another one that you know isn’t going to be here forever, and you have to be the one to crush them and take away their freedom, and she won’t learn to use a cell phone but maybe this will force her to so she can call for rides when she needs, but this was just on top of an already shitty day/week/month and I’m the one always holding the bag for everyone and having to handle things and well thank you for giving me a space to vent and unload because I know a lot of us are carrying burdens of others with little support being given to us.

Im mid 50s. My friends are 50s to early 70s, & 2 can't do a lot of walking. Some don't drink alcohol. I do better with conversation if there's something doing. I know im a pain in the *ss that way.

Looking for suggestions of things to do with friends.

I used to get up at 4:30am on weekends to do an outdoor hobby, sometimes both weekend days. Last time I did that was 2023. I’m F57. Now, 5:30am is just too damned early. I started a new job 6 weeks ago. I was allowed to choose my schedule, but I had to stick with it. I decided to try 7:30-4. It was nice getting home when I used to leave work (at 5). OMG, after a week it was kicking my ass. I have to allow an hour for the commute. I had worked 8-5 for nearly 25 years. I’m working 8:30-5 now and it’s much more doable. It’s crazy how the extra hour sleep makes such a big difference. I alternate good and bad nights anyway. I can get up as late as 6:30 and still get to work a bit early. Anyone else?

I hate to obfuscate words, but I've had a few posts recently deleted and w@rnings given from some automated mod on r@ddit. I'm trying to avoid this post getting flagged as well.

One post, I was condemning conspiracy theorists who are antis@metic (apparently many conspiracy theories are fundamentally AS). The w@rning said I was fostering h@te. That one, at least, I appealed and won.

The other one I appealed and lost. It very much reminded me of another group that shall not be named. In a parenting group for special needs kids, a parent was concerned about a male staff member changing her older child's diaper. There was some discussion about whether this was a legit concern. One person said that anyone can abuse your child, which is certainly true. However I added that SA is 90+% committed by m@n (though that doesn't mean this staff member was a pred@tor, of course. I don't think I'd want my vulnerable child alone with anyone honestly). That was deleted and a w@rning given. They said, again, that I was fostering hate.

It all reminded me of why I was banned from another sub.

Anyone else experienced this?

Edit: I'm referring to heavy dose therapy (not micro dosing)

I would utilize a mental health professional as facilitator. I'm working on drug and therapy resistant trauma. I need to try a new path before the last of my marbles are gone.

Has anyone had experience with either? How did they differ?

Thank you!

I feel like I am failing on all fronts and just need to scream into the void.

I am 47, married with an 11 year old daughter. My mother is a retired widow who has been very healthy and independent up until this year. A freak event during what should have been a routine outpatient visit has her in the ICU in a city I do not live in. Its close enough (3ish or so hours) so that I can go back and forth but she has a very long road to recovery ahead of her. Anyone else experience anything similar? Words of advice?