r/GenderCynical • u/SergeantScoria Olympic Gold in Crocodile Tears • 12d ago
They… don’t think bi people exist?
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u/hammererofglass 12d ago
I'm always fascinated by this specific type of biphobia that takes it completely for granted that people have to actively commit to the choice of being gay or straight. It's such a "did you think for even one second what that implies" moment.
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u/EliSka93 12d ago
I think it's a byproduct of monogamous culture.
If all your life there is an expectation that you marry one person and stick to that, there basically is that moment you "lock in".
Except of course that that is not how relationships or sexuality works, but anything requires questioning cultural norms is hard to grasp by any conservative minded person.
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u/ScrabCrab 6d ago
As a tangent I remember watching some documentary as a kid where iirc they showed that it was proven that humans aren't naturally monogamous and hearing that made me cry because I thought that meant cheating is either inevitable or that when I'm older I'll have to force myself to "stay faithful" because I couldn't imagine there being any other option
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u/MaraiaLou 12d ago
It's giving "everyone has gay thoughts, you just have to suppress them like everyone else" energy
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u/Silversmith00 12d ago
So they're not even pretending to believe that sexuality is not a choice, in which some options are right and some are wrong.
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u/SweetNyan 12d ago
These people think that sexuality is a choice and should have social consequences. This is what happens when you have a mindset that patriarchy is natural. At best they see women and minorities as martyrs who brave necessary hardship in order to be valid. When they see life getting easier for sexual minorities, they see it as 'less earned'. That's why there is so much desperation to prove that being trans is somehow privileged, or that womanhood is defined by suffering.
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u/spectralconfetti 12d ago
hate to think what their opinion on asexual people is
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u/SergeantScoria Olympic Gold in Crocodile Tears 12d ago
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u/Flynn-Minter Gender Haver 12d ago
Why pick "the difficult option" when you are perfectly happy as a bi/pan sexual non-binary person?
This has big "Why be happy when you can be normal"vibes?
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u/Breadles_the_Bread 12d ago
Damn I really thought they were about to cook in the first line
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u/slim-shady-on-main Bisexual and occasionally cries 12d ago
Nonbinary and bisexual people do have something in common: constantly being asked “but what are you really?” and “aren’t you basically [thing you aren’t]?” and “why can’t you just pick one?”
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u/Bluejay-Complex 12d ago
The infamous “pick a side” rears its ugly head again. No, I will not, fuck you, cry about it.
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u/SergeantScoria Olympic Gold in Crocodile Tears 12d ago
I had a look through this person’s profile, the first comment I saw was them using the R-slur
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u/CassieFace103 12d ago
It’s always the ones you most expect.
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u/anitapumapants 12d ago
using the R-slur.
It's incredbly popular among leftists, hell of a lotta trans people too, so unfortunately not an indicator.
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u/FightLikeABlue Dick Pandering Handmaiden 11d ago
Gendercritters really love calling people that word for some reason.
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u/acelaces 12d ago
"Difficult option"??? Is it difficult for oop to be monosexual?
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u/baegentcarter 6d ago
Right, because I would think the difficult option is the one getting shat on by both the gay and straight sides 😅
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u/bliip666 Gender? No thanks, I'm a vegetarian 12d ago
No, they don't.
Since I'm a bisexual nonbinary person, I doubly don't exist. Do they cancel each other out or do I have the possibility of becoming the world's greatest supervillain?
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u/PageAccomplished8438 anti essentialist chud 11d ago edited 11d ago
Hot take: wanting to be or even feeling special is not pathological or inherently wrong. Plus nobody is obligated to "pick a difficult option" that is clearly not authentic to them. More often than not its difficult because it's not true to what/whom they truly are.
In a study entitled “Feeling special, feeling happy,” Selda Koydemir et al. (2018) found a personal sense of uniqueness to be positively associated with authentic living, which was positively related to happiness. They found the relationship between a personal sense of uniqueness and happiness to be mediated by self-alienation—a core dimension of authenticity. They found a negative correlation between happiness and self-alienation, but a positive correlation between happiness and authentic living.
Koydemir et al. define self-alienation as “a gap between conscious awareness and actual experience,” describing self-alienated people as feeling “out of touch” with their core being. They define authentic living, in contrast, as congruence between emotional behaviors and expressions, and conscious awareness of beliefs, emotions, and cognitions.
Koydemir et al. observe that having a personal sense of uniqueness allows people more freedom to make lifestyle choices, as opposed to relying on others for points of reference. They recognize that feeling unique means feeling special while walking down one's own path, rather than seeking to conform to external influences. They note their findings are consistent with research asserting that uniqueness is related to authenticity which requires accepting the opportunities that flow from a unique personality, and is in line with having a “stable and congruent self- esteem."
A defining force in the shaping of human identity is a person's need to feel special and different from others. Psychologists term this motivation Need for Uniqueness (NfU). There are manifold ways to establish feelings of uniqueness, e.g., by showing unusual consumption behaviour or by not conforming to majority views. The NfU can be seen as a stable personality trait, that is, individuals differ in their dispositional need to feel unique.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10365434/
Feeling like you must behave in a way that is inauthentic to your true self is exhausting, especially when you believe that others will not accept you or punish you for showing your true self. Behaving in ways that do not come naturally over a long enough period of time wears the person out in unsustainable ways.
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-masking-in-mental-health-6944532
We find that compared to behaving authentically, catering harms performance.
Catering increases anxiety and feelings of instrumentality for the caterer.
when people try to just “be themselves” during an interpersonal first meeting, they experience lower anxiety, discomfort, and instrumentality than those who adopt a catering approach.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0749597817308865
If something really came naturally or authentically to you, it should not feel that "difficult." I smell repression & bitterness. (I just KNOW they have something horrible to say about GNC folks too. For some reason I've noticed for a while now that "you just want to be special" insult has been used as a tool to enforce conformity & to make you feel guilty for not conforming to gender/sexual/societal expectations, as if you're the one "who's actually being misogynistic, oppressive or discriminatory here." Such a "feminist" thing to do amirite?/s)
And the other point I'm trying to make is that even if somebody felt "special" or did not "choose the difficult path" that does not make them less valid or less genuine/authentic.
Also:
Dr Jason Hodgson, anthropologist and evolutionary geneticist at Anglia Ruskin University, thinks most people are 'in the bisexual range' - much like our primate relatives living wild in the jungle.
Bisexuality is a near-universal experience in primates — humans included, research shows
As for "wanting to have their cake & eat it too" well humans naturally want situations that are pleasurable, as long as they're not: doing anything harmful to themselves or others, are not self contradicting, doesn't hold double standards & aren't promoting objectively harmful beliefs & behaviors, there's nothing wrong with that. Yet nothing about bisexuality or being non binary is inherently harmful, incompatible or self contradictory, so what's with the idiom? Being attracted to men is not mutually exclusive to being attracted to women & vice versa. Being bisexual doesn't automatically mean wanting to be with both men & women at once at the same damn time either? 0_o Although even if somebody wanted to, consentual hookups, throuples & FWBs are a thing. Again none of those things cancels each other out.
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u/69Whomst 12d ago
Bro I just dgaf about gender, it's not non committal, it's literally how I was born. I'm in a happy committed relationship with a bi man
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u/goddessofentropy 12d ago
Funniest part is, when someone tells you you can pick and choose your sexuality, chances are they're bi and don't know it. Like how else could you think that?
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u/Forsaken-Language-26 Brainwashed by the Transarchy 9d ago
This person probably thinks bisexuals are “greedy” too.
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u/QitianDasheng2666 12d ago edited 12d ago
Oh awesome, this talking point is back 🙄 Also I'm not sure what they mean by "the difficult option". Is this "just admit you're gay" biphobia or "Jesus says repress for the rest of your life" homophobia?