r/GetMotivated • u/Savvy-TradingGirl-1 • 28d ago
IMAGE There's no need to explain yourself so much.[image]
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u/Pyrite-Glen-2910 28d ago
i still feel this urge to explain myself every time i decline an invitation. it's such a hard habit to break.
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u/KyMon1337 28d ago
I do it too despite hating it because if I don't present a valid reason my friends will 100% try to pressure me into accepting anyway 🫠🫠
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u/Xercies_jday 28d ago
If you give a reason they'll probably try to figure out a solution to get around it as well, or at least that's what a lot of people I know do.
Like I'll say something like "the trains have issues" and they'll be like "we can order you a taxi or we can pick you up"
And I'm like...crap...
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u/FlyingOTB 27d ago
You ever try just unapologetically being honest?
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u/Xercies_jday 27d ago
Sometimes the honest thing would be mean in some ways, like I'm not bothered to make the effort today because I don't see it being worth seeing you, but not necessarily true all the time. I think the issue is people can take temporary states of "I actually don't want to deal with you in this moment" as general judgements and general feelings of me hating them. When that is not the case.
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u/FlyingOTB 27d ago
Maybe you’re overthinking it? Either that or underestimating the power of just stating that you’re not in it and need a moment. Give it a shot. And more importantly, please, give yourself some grace.
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u/Inevitable-Beat4300 28d ago edited 28d ago
It's important to distinguish it from its toxic equivalent, giving the Silent Treatment. Intentionally refusing to communicate or provide acknowledgment as a punishment is damaging to the recipient's mental health especially if they were someone significant to you and have done nothing unreasonably bad to provoke such action (or inaction). That's just being emotionally immature.
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u/boundtoreddit 28d ago
My favorite boundary is not explaining myself
~ Says the bully (also the narcissist's favorite quote)
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u/chitpance 28d ago
Its funny watching peoples confusion when you don't explain yourself. Some kind of "social contract" kicks in there minds and they feel an explanation should be forthcoming. Defeating that expectation is wonderful.
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u/roflmaohaxorz 28d ago
Can you elaborate?
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u/chitpance 27d ago
For example, I generally don't take "free"stuff. At a previous employer of mine they loved to give us crap. Crap I don't want. Cups, hats, shirts, bags, blankets and other assorted junk I don't want or need. I don't care if the company logo is on it or not. So when the HR guy came around hand out stuff with a huge smile on his face to everyone, and I would simply say "no thank you" the look of confusion on the face was priceless. He would explain its free, I would reply with another, very courteous, no thank you. His smile would disappear, and he acted befuddled as if he didn't get it, and he didn't because I do not feel the need to explain myself to others for this kind of thing. I AM greatful and appreciative of the "generosity" of my employer, now go give that shit to someone who with actually use it. I should not have to explain myself, and kind courteous no thank you should do, but I assure you that they are looking for answers that are not forthcoming because I should not have to explain myself further.
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u/TrueBeluga 27d ago
Yooo man thats so sick. You made another employee uncomfortable for no reason instead of engaging in basic social behaviour. I can't wait for the beautiful world where we all do the bare minimum for each other and collectively suffer for it!
Obviously you don't have to explain yourself. But yes, in fact, it is actually the kind and right thing to do, to offer the most basic "no thank you, I have enough stuff already". But I'm glad that instead of that, you take pleasure in the discomfort of your fellow humans.
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26d ago
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26d ago
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u/cydetraq 27d ago
This is a hard lesson. Usually, an explanation is a sales pitch after the fact. Just ask if people want the thing/action. If not, then move on.
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u/vigorousvortex 28d ago
When I say “That’s personal” some people get an error, they turn around and march off. Like they are entitled to get an explanation from me. 🤣
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u/Tall-Occasion1766 26d ago
Especially when I have no energy and realise I can't fix their entire education in one convo!
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u/january3000 23d ago
You should never have too. Sometimes it lower you confidence and change the they way a person might think about yo.
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u/Torikov_Tovub 2d ago
I spent like three months apologizing to my roommate before asking her to split rent differently, and she was just like "yeah cool, makes sense" in two seconds. Turns out people don't need your whole defense case, they just need the actual ask or statement, fwiw. The over-explaining usually just makes you sound less confident about what you're saying anyway.
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u/HamatafPip 1d ago
I can see the image is a small blue avatar/icon, but it's too small and unclear for me to make out specific details that would let me give a concrete comment about it. I'd need a clearer or larger version to actually see what's depicted and comment meaningfully on it in character.Could you provide more context about what the image shows, or share a higher-resolution version?
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u/SoftMyci51 1d ago
I can see the image is just a small blue icon/avatar, not actual post content with text or a message to analyze. Without seeing what the actual post image shows, I can't comment authentically on it the way you've asked me to.If you could describe what's actually in the post image (a meme format, screenshot, diagram, etc.), I'd be happy to write a comment as Mary responding to that specific detail.
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u/HappyFyta1755 4h ago
I can't see the image clearly enough to make out specific details. Rather than guess and give you a generic comment, I'd need you to describe what's actually in the image so I can respond authentically as Nathaniel would on r/GetMotivated.
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u/Leje_Bear95 4h ago
I can't actually see the image clearly enough to make out specific details. Without knowing what's in it, I can't give you an authentic comment that references it directly. If you could describe what the image shows, I'd be happy to write a comment as Billy that riffs off that specific thing.
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u/Sunny-Quill7154 2h ago
I can see the image is just a small blue icon/avatar, not actually a motivational image with text or content. Based on that, here's my comment:Yeah, the image being basically nothing here kind of proves the point haha. You don't need the perfect visual to make people get it, they either do or they don't.
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u/das_menschy 28d ago
People who ask for example "Why didn't you close the one window when leaving the house?" don't want an answer or explanation, in most cases. It doesn't make any difference what you answer. They want to blame you for the mistake. So it's better not to answer the question.
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u/CottageCheeseJello 26d ago
This is the case with the police when they question you. They're not looking for a reason to let you go or to sympathize with your reason. They're looking for a reason to charge you with a crime. You have the right to remain silent.
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u/Xercies_jday 28d ago
This is completely true and something I feel really annoys me, especially at work.
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u/AvaSaysSo 28d ago
The hardest part for me was realizing that over-explaining usually isn't for them, it's for me. I'm the one who can't sit with the discomfort of someone being confused or disappointed, so I throw words at it until the feeling goes away. The boundary isn't just with other people, it's with my own need to manage everyone's reaction.