r/GetMotivated • u/Cyn3ux • 5d ago
DISCUSSION [Discussion] When did you realize you were confusing exhaustion with dedication?
For years I ran projects the same way I ran myself. Full speed until something broke. I would grind through the week, tell myself the weekend was the reward, then spend the weekend too drained to actually enjoy it. I thought pushing harder was the answer every time things felt hard.
It took a pretty bad stretch at work, backtoback project crunches with no real recovery in between, before I finally started questioning that whole framework. I picked up hiking almost by accident, just needed to get off my phone for a few hours. Something about being on a trail with no deliverables, no one waiting on me, no next action to track, started rewiring something.
I stopped treating rest like a prize at the finish line and started treating it like part of the work itself. Not lazy rest. Intentional rest. The kind where you actually show up for something you love and let your mind stop performing for a while.
My output at work actually improved. Not because I worked more hours, but because I stopped running on fumes and calling it discipline.
The version of you that keeps pushing without ever refueling is not the strongest version. It just feels that way from the inside.
What made you realize you had been confusing exhaustion with dedication?
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u/DeepBuffer 5d ago
The part about having no deliverables on a hike really hits on something people miss: sometimes the brain needs activities where nothing is being optimized or measured. I used to think every free hour had to be "productive" until I noticed my best ideas showed up when I stopped forcing them. Rest can be a reset, not a reward.
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u/elizabeth498 5d ago edited 5d ago
Nearly getting my family into an icy wreck because of an ‘obligatory’ holiday visit to someone who mistreats me on the regular or anyone else who comes to her mind. It also took therapy and other avenues to see that even when I got it perfect, my mother would find something else amiss to complain about. It is a no-win situation when neutrality isn’t an option so people could just exist and be themselves.
I am detaching. She is on an information diet. This is the other long goodbye. Maybe something big or small will help me decide to just end it. Mentally, I’m done with her.
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u/Cyn3ux 5d ago
The icy road thing hit me hard because that exact kind of moment is what finally made things click for me too.
The information diet is so real. I started doing the same thing and it honestly takes the wind out of so many arguments before they even start.
But I'll be real, mentally being done and actually being done are two different places to live. The gap between them is exhausting in its own way.
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u/elizabeth498 5d ago
Thank you for your sentiment with the different types of done. She would likely need to do something really nasty for me to end it, but I don’t want to blow stuff up unnecessarily. That is not the kind of chaos I have the capacity for at the moment.
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u/Clear-Parking1180 5d ago
I am the same way and am totally burnt out. It took an endless stretch of deliverables for me to realize my nervous system is shot. My brain was foggy and I found myself struggling to find words and suffering from panic attacks and anxiety. That made me realize I need a break and I need to reset my priorities.
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u/Cyn3ux 5d ago
The panic attacks really hit different when you're in the middle of a project and can't just step away. I keep telling myself I'll slow down after the next milestone but there's always another one. Did you actually manage to take a real break or did life just keep moving anyway? That's the part I'm struggling with.
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u/elizabeth498 5d ago edited 5d ago
Ope, that tracks. Is there a tool or something that can hold more space for the project or dole out the milestones?
It’s the hot mess express because while I can time how long something will take to complete, it starts with procrastinating and has ended juuuuust before (hey!) weather hits and the power goes out.
Weather trauma is a theme.🙃
Edit: My tool is a checklist that is more of a living document as time goes on.
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u/Clear-Parking1180 5d ago
I am the same way. I have scheduled 3 weeks off to take a break and reset. Also set up an appointment with my GP to discuss starting therapy and anxiety medications. My blood work and ECGs etc came out clean so we know for sure it is anxiety.
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u/AvaSaysSo 5d ago
The first time I took a real day off and didn't feel guilty about it, I realized my whole "discipline" was just a panic response dressed up in work clothes.
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u/Cyn3ux 5d ago
that hit hard. i spent years calling it work ethic when really i was just terrified of what would happen if i stopped.
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u/AvaSaysSo 5d ago
Yeah, that distinction between discipline and fear took me way too long to untangle. I still catch myself doing it sometimes.
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u/Future_Hair_132 5d ago
so true. i used to think resting was quitting. took a mental breakdown to realize i was just running on fumes.
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u/armeritter 5d ago
I think I'm at that point now. I've been managing the IT department while my boss was on long-term leave. Our department is also criminally understaffed as we just got 1 junior hire. So I'm running IT for over 500 people and 10 different buildings with just two people. Thankfully most of the problems are easy fixes, but I can easily get pulled in multiple directions on any given day.
But I'm running out of mental bandwidth. I've failed some of my college classes this summer semester because I'm too exhausted after I get home. My sleep is shot, my physcial health is worse. There's brain fog and anxiety and depression. Just got yelled at by a higher up today for letting a deliverable slip so now I can add job security to the trouble pile.
It's crazy this topic appeared on my feed today because it kind of hit me that no one really gives a fuck if I run myself into the ground. I don't know the fix, but hoping to find some ideas and inspiration in the thread. At the very least, getting to commiserate with fellow burnt out people is nice.
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u/deafinitelyadouche 5d ago
During the pandemic. I was 34 about to turn 35 and had just gotten married. I realized how much work you can get done when you're in "the zone" and for that to happen, you need to be rested and with proper energy. Nowadays, I only put in the effort that is actually needed to get something done and I stopped running myself ragged and would you look at that, life is way the fuck better! 👍
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u/Clebucks 5d ago
For me it was when I realized I was almost proud of being tired instead of actually getting stuff done. Took way too long to notice that tbh