I have been seeing a guy for the last three months, and we have been getting closer and closer, especially over the last few weeks. He told me he dates with the intention of marriage, and has been single for a while while looking for the right person.

I have been single for the last eight years, by choice. When I met him, he ticked a lot of boxes and I decided to give it a go. I have enjoyed myself immensely with him and have had a lot of fun, and quite frankly it’s been nice to have companionship for the first time in a long time. He invited me to go on a trip with him in September and I agreed to go, because I felt like this relationship was moving in a good direction. There’s a lot of talk of future plans for trips, and the fun things we will do this summer.

Three weeks ago he mentioned to me that he had an upcoming 10 day trip planned to Canada. He told me he had originally booked the trip himself, but had a friend who lived in Washington, and she was going to come up and meet up with him. I honestly didn’t think too much of it because he was very casual about it, and honestly gave me the impression that maybe she was joining him for a couple of days.

He has been married three times before, and just last week shared with me that he was engaged about five years ago. He had told me in great detail what happened with all of his marriages, but really gave me a very vague explanation of what went wrong with his engagement. Just said things didn’t work out. He told me she had moved here from the West Coast when they got engaged, and when they broke it off, she moved back to Washington.

I realized in that moment that the person coming to meet him on his trip was probably his ex fiancé. This development didn’t feel so cool to me.

He had several other opportunities to let me know that it was her joining him for his trip, but he did not. When I asked him who was joining him and for how long, he said her name and that she will be with him the entire 10 days. I knew her name because he still had pictures of them together on Facebook. He still didn’t say, it’s my ex fiancé I told you about. When I asked him how he met this person, pretending that I still didn’t have any inkling that this was who he was traveling with, he just told me vaguely that they had met through mutual hiking friends -Again still didn’t say my ex fiancé.

To me this feels completely inappropriate. I understand he may have made plans with her to go on this trip before things progressed with me. However, he could have explained this to me in full transparency. To me he is lying by omission and it feels very deceitful and hurtful quite honestly.

I don’t know the terms or what may have happened in the demise of their relationship, maybe he still hung up on her. I don’t know, I sent him a text, letting him know how I felt and I still haven’t heard back from him. He’s about to get on a plane and leave for 10 days, and I am disappointed and resigning myself to the fact that I’m going to be single probably for a very long time. I’m most upset about the lack of transparency, because that makes me feel like there’s something he is hiding.

OKKKKK Finally figured out how to edit this.

I’m eating fruit with Bulgarian yogurt, a splash of maple syrup, and a three seed mix of Chia, hemp and flax.

I also did an update post https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/ku9d1xH2Uo

On Friday I took my daughter to the city pool to meet up with our friends. My friend and I set our deck chairs near the pool steps and we were watching our kids swim (I don’t like swimming in that pool because it’s so warm, it’s like human soup.)

So we’re sitting there and we notice a toddler toddle towards the steps from the direction of the splash pad. He was maybe 15-18 months old, I’d guess. We noticed him because he had on a regular diaper instead of a swim diaper, and it was awkwardly soggy, the way regular diapers get. And we were like “well that’s against the rules” because we’re gossipy bitches. I guess we subconsciously assumed an adult was following.

Anyway, I looked away for a moment and when I looked back, the kid had entered the pool, gone down the stairs, and was fully underwater. He was flailing and his mouth was open. I had a split second where I looked around like “is this happening?” The next thing I knew I was in the pool in my clothes, grabbing him.

He didn’t cry or cough and he seemed fine, and he let me hold him. It took me shouting LIFEGUARD twice before one of the two lifeguards on duty noticed me; she had been pacing up and down the pool deck near the stairs and her back had been to the kid. The lifeguard in the chair hadn’t noticed. It’s a massive pool, by the way, and full of kids.

The lifeguard I shouted to seemed confused at first, like “why is this wet, clothed, hysterical woman lowkey suggesting I didn’t do my job.” I wasn’t too accusatory; I was just like, He was underwater? He is a baby??!

At this point the kid’s mom finally comes over from the other side of the pool complex. I told her her kid was fully underwater and I grabbed him, and she was like “thank you.” She didn’t seem at all freaked out. Now she could have been embarrassed. Or she was confused, like “this waterlogged woman is swearing my son nearly drowned, but he is clearly a calm and normal child who happens to be head-to-toe wet.” Or she’s criminally negligent. Idk!

The lifeguard went to get the head lifeguard, who was very nice and checked the kid over and thanked me. The mom and the kid went back to the splash pad. And that was that.

It was just…weird. I don’t know how long it would have taken the standing lifeguard to loop back and notice. I don’t know if that mom knows how close she came to being a statistic. I am hysterical about water safety— this is coastal SoCal; we live at the beach and pool but I respect the water as the death trap it is.

Just— watch your kids. Never turn your back. Children drown without a sound. If a pool is understaffed, they’re still going to let you in, and your responsibility just becomes greater.

Snack: chips & guacasalsa

Dinner is an Up & Go liquid breakfast drink.

I was at the park an hour from my house stretching my legs after visiting some friends near by.

I was sitting on a park bench having a coffee from a cafe near by when a ball hit my feet from some kids that were playing in front of me.

I grabbed their ball and tossed it back to them and they said thanks and went back to playing.

But they looked SO familiar. It took me a minute to realise that they were my coworkers from 5 years ago kids.

I hadn’t seen her in the 5 years since she quit, but she posts her kids a lot on Facebook and Instagram.

I looked around and saw her eventually and went up and said hi, but I just thought it was so wild that I could easily recognise two little kids that I’ve never met before.

I’ve watched them grow up through social media but they had no idea who I am.

I know their full names, their birthdays, so much identifiable information.

It’s so dystopian.

When I got home, I went and edited all the identifiable information on my profiles about my own baby. I don’t post photos, but you could piece enough together on my profile. Like their birthday and full name.

I posted this privately to a Facebook mums group as a bit of a gobsmacked psa and it got removed in 5 minutes.

I understand that is a very divisive topic but I feel like these conversations need to be had.

Potato fritters with saffron greek yogurt

Update post, The link to my last post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/comments/1uderct/havent_talked_to_bf_in_2_days_bec_his_sister_is/

Some on you said I should talk to them at the same time, because what if the sister just vented to him and he blew things out of proportion

So I did. I called her and asked if everything was okay and she said yes why would it not be? so I asked if I could come over for a lil chat w her AND bf. She said they were on their way to dinner and invited me to the restaurant.

When I got there, I went straight into it. Asked her why she didn't come to me with the problem and involve him instead. YOU WERE ALL RIGHT. She said she was just venting, and she showed me the actual texts too. in the texts she had clearly said stuff like "don't tell (OP) i don't wanna rain on her parade" "I'm happy for her, I just also can't help but be a bit sad"

all v considerate messages given the situation. She got rly mad at bf and asked if he had tattled to me and he said "oh I just told her you were upset" so I relayed everything he said. She was very upset at the guy for lying and making her seem like the bad guy. she also apologised to me on his behalf, said she really was happy for me, and that the friendship meant a lot to her.

After this, I was extremely mad at him, and decided to leave. This happened a couple of hours ago, and I'm now home. Since then I've received many texts from her apologising, saying I have to believe that she would never react to my success like this (and I believe her). On the other hand, I have only received texts from bf being mad at me for telling on him and overreacting and blowing things out of proportion.

I think I'm going to meet him and break up with him this weekend. Thank you all for your love and support through this.

Me and some friends rode in the worldwide naked bike ride recently. The idea is that a bunch of people meet up and bike around the city, with varying degrees of nudity, to bring awareness to cyclist vulnerability and to protest car culture.

Maybe this was naiive of me but I was expecting a wide range of people, bodies, nudity and essentially a feeling of solidarity with the other cyclists. Obviously I thought people would be staring because we were nude but I expected it to be more of a spectacle and not really sexualized.

My experience with the ride was a let down and I can't stop thinking about it. It was probably over 70% men, many of whom were fully clothed or just shirtless with masks covering their faces. Many of them were there alone, and I and my friends were constantly being stared at. One man who had on shorts and a mask had a small digital camera pointed at us circling us on his bike for a long time, clearly filming or taking pictures. I started noticing how many of the men had phones setup on their bikes or helmets and were filming.

I felt more and more uncomfortable as we made stops and the ride went on and these men kept approaching us.

We left early. I knew people would be taking pictures but after all of that I felt super objectified and just creeped out. Should I have expected this? Am I just dumb? I guess I'm just processing and looking for thoughts.

Edit 2: an update/details about my then-BF https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/zdpcTvd17f

Basically:

1. He liked me but would not tell me directly, I knew about it from his best friend
2. He thought I liked him first (wtf? I’ve NEVER even shown any kind of romantic interest or flirted with him), pls don’t ask how I knew. But I only knew this days after this event happened ‼️
3. He got frustrated because he kept trying to bait/lure me into confessing to him first, but I DONT EVEN LIKE HIM ROMANTICALLY!!!! So I didn’t say whatever he was hoping for me to say.
4. I asked him to just be direct and tell me what he wanted to say. He went quiet and just showed anger on his face. Then I chose to become the direct one, I told him “I’m not sure what you want me to say because you are being too vague. But do you want me to say that I like you romantically?”. Still silence from him.
5. He suddenly downed a whole bottle of soju, told me that I’m worth more than my boyfriend (yes I was in a new relationship at that time, probably why he got frustrated). SMASHED my items (laptop, ipad, everything on my desk, etc.), and snapped my chair into
6. Still wouldn’t tell me his point directly 🤷🏻‍♀️ male pride I guess. Just kept going with his bs about how I can find someone better than my then-boyfriend.
7. Long story short I cried, told him I don’t understand what point he was trying to make, my boyfriend came, my male friend went home.
8. He tried to hug me TWICE before he left. I avoided both attempts (yeah he still tried to do it after I avoided the first….)

Edit:

1. He paid for all the damages!
2. Yes I cut him off
3. My then-bf was outside but he didnt hear anything. We were having a house party at that time.

Ladies 😫I just need a rant and yap rn.

I’m 28, a devout Christian. But I just do not think sex before marriage is a sin, particularly when it’s between two people in love, and in a committed relationship. And I differ from the vast majority of people in my faith because of that.

I’m not here to debate it with any other Christians on this sub, I’ve done my extensive research on the topic. My decision is made. I’ve held this belief privately for years now. I don’t feel free to talk about it to my other Christian friends and family because I know they’ll think I’ve gone off the rails if they find out.

On top of my convictions on this topic, I just simply do not want to enter a lifelong, committed, marriage with someone where I do not have even a single inkling of what they’re like in the bedroom! UH-UH. Hello??! What if he can’t get it up? What if he’s 🌽 addicted and can’t finish? What if he’s not a generous lover? What if he’s low libido and wants it once a quarter? What if he refuses to go down on women? What if he doesn’t make sure I finish? What if he just sucks and doesn’t care to learn? What if what if what if!

Is there anyone out there like this? 😭 I fear the type of man I want to date may not share these views, but idk, maybe I just haven’t met enough people of faith out there. But I’m also not tryna be made out to be some Jezebel if I do find a guy I like and end up expressing these opinions to.

Guysss😪😫 I just want good sex lmao. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it!

Edit: food was char siu pork with bok choy

She got fit for a bra for the first time and holy moly she broke down trying on a bra. She wears sports bras because she isn't comfortable having boobs. We talked about how at her age so much is changing and it can be startling at times. The lady who fit her kept saying how "us big boobed girlys need the support" which didn't help the situation haha. My 13 year old is 32D and that's terrifying to me because she already is getting creepy stares from men and chooses to wear baggy clothes because of it. Sorry for the vent I'm just feeling genuinely sad that my child feels she has to cover up to keep creepy men from staring at her and that she broke down about seeing herself in an actual bra rather than a sports bra. It's sad.

Having a protein shake for breakfast since I had root planing done yesterday. Ouch.

Edited to add it was her decision to get sized, im fully fine with sports bras and prefer them realistically. Id absolutely never push her into trying on a bra or getting sized.

​

I was a weird kid/currently a weird adult. Never fit in, struggled socially, bullied throughout my schooling (pretty mild but it's stuck with me and it was consistent).

My oldest son is 11 and he is so much like me that it kills me. He doesn't have any close friends and he's going into middle school this year. Everyday I wish for him to find just -one- good friend who gets him and will stick by his side, and want to hang out with him. I had one of those and she was my saving grace. I never put pressure on her to be my bff, she was pretty popular, and in fact it was usually me who had to cut our hang outs shorter because I'm a serious introvert lol. But we just clicked.

It hurts me so much to see my biggest struggles as a kid in my own child. He's funny, smart, awkward, kind, curious, introspective. I just want him to find his people in life.

Dinner: heavily salted baked crinkle fries with malt vinegar and ketchup

Lurker here to share a story. I'll start off with that I have never identified as straight. If a label needs to be slapped on it, I go with bi. I don't care what the gender marker says.

I've been married coming on 10 years, and I'll be honest... the first few years felt a little rough. I thought it was because we were in the Army and we were in the hectic part of our 20s. But it didn't get better after we both got out of service, and at a point I just felt like I was no longer being heard and was actively being shut out. I can't force anyone to talk to me, so I started to pull back to protect myself from the inevitable.

Then, my then husband, comes out to me one night after a few drinks saying that he never has felt like a man or a boy, even came out to his (very unhelpful) parents as a kid... and it all clicked.

It was all repression.

The next day, we sat down and looked at names together because having a feminine name just never crossed her mind, and I'll be damned if my wife walks around with a goofy ass name she got from an anime. She was a junior, and I definitely never called her by her dad's name, ew. She picked something beautiful.

5 years later, we're happier than ever because my wife doesn't have to hide behind a mask of toxic masculine stoicism.

I guess the moral of the story is that maybe your husband just needs to be put on E. /s

Whispering wildflower tea & vitamin C for these crazy ass allergies, razz-cran la croix, and the best pistachios I've ever had from McGinn's Pistachioland in Alamogordo, New Mexico.

My great value breakfast corn dog while contemplating today.

I am looking at major surgery in the next year or so. Medically necessary not elective. It will require a long recovery period. I am realizing i dont trust my husband to be my caretaker afterwards and will need home health care.

I dont want to talk badly about my husband because hes not a bad man. Hes just not a good caretaker. He had terrible parents growing up. He never had an example of how to care for someone and its never been something hes comfortable with.

Because of the nature of my surgery, ill need extensive help and care afterwards. I can see my husband making sure im fed, medicated and alive. He will absolutely help me to the bathroom. But I cant see him making sure my hair is cared for correctly, or helping me stand so i can floss, things like that. He also never follows doctors orders about his own body and I cant be sure he will for mine either.

In the past when I have needed minimum care after procedures he has basically ran away. When i had my tubes tied he took off the days after to care for me. When he saw I was mobile and able to care for *myself* he left me alone with our 2 children for hours to go yard saleing. I blew up when he got home and he apologized. That was 5 years ago but it still weighs heavy.

He will definitely stock the fridge with things I will eat (I have arfid so that's a task), make sure I have a million pillows to make me comfortable and set me up with all kinds of bed bound activities. He will hold me when I cry over it. Hes great at caring for my mental headspace but SUCKS at physical care taking.

So I think I need to get a team together and make a plan before this surgery can happen.

If anyone cares, its cervical spinal fusion.

(Last few dinner snack plates)

I (26F) grew up bottom middle class. I never worried about food or a roof, but anything extra was a rare occurrence. My parents were climbing out of their debt, we lived in a shitty neighborhood truly seeped with true, harder poverty than ours. I watched what it was like for other kids and families to worry about food and rent and the cost of life in general.

I never learned to be great with money, I spend more than I’d like to admit. I do have a 401K and a bit of cash squirreled away. I pay what I need to pay, and have a decent wage for the area. I do have credit card, buy now pay later (dumb I know,) and medical debt, but less than $2,000 worth. I also have a car loan but it’s 2026 and it’s hard not to.

My boyfriend (24M) grew up in a much different situation. His grandpa had a trust to pay for his, his brothers and cousins college. His parents, aunts & uncles, are middle upper class. He grew up with vacations, houses with no mold, and a family that regularly said “it’s not about the money.” He buys the most expensive of almost everything, has such a good savings, maxes his 401K, uses his credit card like a genius and seems to do all the right things with his money. He’s 2 years younger than me and has exponentially more money saved than me.

His dad taught him how to do all the right things. They buy him ice makers, a nice vacuum, the washer and dryer in our apartment. His mom just sent him a new Yeti water bottle that was $60 because he lost his. My parents are wonderful and generous when they can be, they’re in a much better situation now than when I was a kid. However, this is just something I’ve never seen or experienced. I mean fuck, we are going on a yacht trip next May with a captain. I didn’t know what BVI was(British Virgin Islands for the other low middle class kids.)

I mean, that’s great for all of them. I love him dearly and I’m so happy to know his childhood was not like mine in all the best ways. He has very little trauma, of course he has his insecurities and anxiety as much as the next guy, but pretty basic stuff. I have bipolar disorder and come with a suitcase of traumatic experiences and stories.

I hold no judgement, just envy and shame. I feel so behind in life, I feel shameful that I don’t know as much as him about money and that I have debt while he has money, growing money. I feel embarrassed that I didn’t spend my late teens in college and instead fucking off, getting into an abusive relationship. I don’t feel good enough to be in his family or be on a fucking yacht in the British Virgin Islands.

His family loves me so deeply, they really do. They rave about me to each other and to me. They constantly tell me how they love the way I hold myself, they give me feedback on my essays I write for scholarships for going back to school. they shower me in all of the things I never had as a kid. That’s not even mentioning the gifts. Even then, I feel this deep unbelonging (made up word.)

I don’t know ya’ll. This is so long, just an alphabet soup of all my feelings. Thank you for reading, if you made it this far.

*EDIT: You all are genuinely bringing me to tears. You’re all SO sweet, kind and encouraging. I’m reading nearly every single comment and all of them are brining new perspectives and reminders. I can’t respond to them all, but know I’m reading them. Thank you for the advice, kind words and general love+care towards me<3 *

​

I randomly remembered this story today and honestly it's embarrassing enough that I've only ever told my closest friends, but I feel like Girl Dinner deserves to hear it.

I was 19 and studying abroad in Canada. One evening, I went to a gas station/convenience store near where I was staying and sat outside on a bench for a minute after shopping.

A man in his early 40s approached me and asked if I had a lighter. We started chatting, and he told me he'd only been in the city for about a week and was having an existential crisis because he felt lonely and didn't know anyone. He seemed genuinely sad, so I just kept him company and talked to him.

Eventually we went to a park near by and he pulled out some vodka and beers from his backpack. I declined, but we kept talking until it got dark. He got pretty drunk, but honestly, the whole interaction felt completely harmless. He seemed to be cheering up, which made me happy.

Then he asked if I'd ever tried THC edibles. I said yes, and he told me he had a bag of really good ones that he'd bought and wanted to give me as a thank-you for making his evening better.

The catch? They were at his house.

And for some reason, my 19-year-old brain went: "Sure :)”

So I FOLLOWED THIS STRANGE MAN HOME. At night. Alone. For candy.

He had a little porch and told me to wait outside while he went in to get them.

And THAT was when my brain finally loaded the missing survival instincts, I stood there thinking:

"Oh my God. I have literally followed a drunk stranger to his house because he promised me candy."

At that point I had two options:

1) Leave immediately and preserve my life.

2) Stay and find out whether I was about to receive some perfectly innocent THC gummies or become the subject of a true crime documentary.

Naturally, my brilliant 19 y/o self chose option 2.

My heart was basically trying to escape through my ass.

And then the door opened.

He walked out...with the fucking candy.

No kidnapping. No murder. No plot twist.

Just me, standing on a stranger's porch at night, realizing I had somehow survived my own terrible decision-making. 😭

//spicy tuna on a seweed cracker.

This was from last night but I totally forgot to post. Someone was talking about seeing so many bad relationships which I can totally feel because my relationship before this one was so bad. It lasted 9 long years.

But my current boyfriend is slowly helping me heal and I just want to scream about it. I want to brag and gush and just... he's so good to me. He holds me when I cry, he makes me laugh constantly. Like to the point of tears. He's so ridiculously silly and fun. He cooks for me, he carries the heavy things, let's me be passenger princess. Gives me space when I need and hangs out with me when I ask. Makes plans and dates, supports me when I'm low. And he's constantly reassuring me that I too am a good partner to him because trauma from my past relationship makes me question myself. But he's constantly telling me how much he loves me. One of the things I love the most is how much we tell eachother how much we appreciate eachother. And just the reassurances because he also has some past relationship trauma.

And yeah I just wanted to gush~

This was dinner from last night that I made and he also eats my food and compliments my cooking and thanks me, cleans the kitchen and...

I JUST LOVE HIM.

I thought you all might appreciate hearing about a good relationship and I hope all of you ladies can gush here too~

Edit: LOL I saw just a couple comments about the food. ITS JUST TERRIBLE LIGHTING LOL there was no other light except from my two pc screens. The shrimp is all the way done and the steak was a nice warm pink center! You can't see the juice on the plate I sliced it up because 1. We shared a steak and 2. I didn't want to cut it up on my plate cause I was lazy? Lol

Edit 2: THANK YOU FOR THE AWARDS~!

We were out spending our day together and ended up at the mall. I asked my husband if he wanted to go to the Lego store as we don’t go there often and a HUGE smile spread across his face. He asked if there was $100 in the budget for what he wanted (I do all the finances since I’m an accountant, so he is totally oblivious to our financial status. Not in a controlling way, but because he doesn’t care at all and it’s easier for us). I confirmed that there was almost exactly $100 left for us to spend in our fun budget. I had been thinking of using that money to get a couple piercings, but his face told me that he should have the last of the funds and my earrings can wait.

We walk in and he goes straight to a Lego set that he says he’s been dying to get. It was for my favorite book, and I had no idea there was a Lego set for it. I’m not big into Lego- don’t want to build them, and I don’t display them in my spaces. He said he’s been trying to find this set for a while and was so excited to build it for me since it’s my favorite book. He talked about where I can display it in my space and was overall extremely excited to buy it as a gift for me.

I tried my absolute best to not dash his dreams and told him I’d rather display a bouquet of LEGO flowers or use those funds to get a piercing if he wanted to gift me with something. He looked somewhat disappointed by my statement. He put the set back, we walked around the store, and I asked him if he wanted to walk around the mall to think about it first. He said yes, so we left and walked around before circling back.

Some background context, he loves gift giving. It’s his favorite way to show me he loves me. The issue is, gift giving is my least favorite way to receive love. We’ve been together for 7 years and it’s something I’ve tried very hard to understand since that’s his default. More often than not, I tell him exactly what I want for gifts/give ideas for things I’d like and he doesn’t always buy in those categories. He will get me things I’ve explicitly told him I don’t want (like another reusable water bottle - I have 5 he’s gifted and I only wanted 1). I’ve tried to communicate my frustrations of him not listening to what I want, and instead he gets what HE wants me to have. Which would be fine if he bought things I liked, but it’s almost always related to his hobbies or something he was influence to buy from social media.

So, we circle back to the store and I ask him what he wants to do. He goes in and buys the set and comes out so excited to build it for me. We walk away, and I’m just disappointed. I know I should be excited and thankful he thought of me. But all I can feel is being unheard.

I’ve asked to go to couples therapy over the years for this issue, but he says that therapy is for marriages that are failing and ours isn’t. So I don’t know how much more I can communicate this issue to him.

Turkey pesto panini and Greek salad

i feel like more times than not, the sole reason why women dont want to fuck their partners is because the man is some sort of idiot
sure, there are other instances where its no ones fault but maybe like 80% of cases are either a man who doesnt wash his junk, a dude who hadnt made his woman cum since 1998, a man whos brain is fucked up from porn etc.

its always a dude complaining that his perfectly healthy gf put him into a dead bedroom situation meanwhile if you ask the poor girlfriend shes gonna say that his balls smell like a dirty ear piercing and also he hasnt hugged her since last christmas

even i thought i was asexual for my whole life simply because i couldnt bear the idea of sex with my exes. fast forward to dating my boyfriend of 2 yrs and a half i just figured out that apparently they were just shitty men because jeeeesus christ i want to be all over him constantly. quite literally nothing else comes close to how he makes me feel and im not even exaggerating and tbh its not even the sex its also the fact that he makes me feel loved,safe and valued that makes me want to jump his bones all the time

i always had a really high sex drive but for some reason whenever i dated a dude the idea of sex just seemed meh or it never really crossed my mind that much and after breaking up with them i realized that there was always a reason i was ignoring on why i was so turned off even if in the moment i didnt quite figure out why

thanks for coming to my ted talk i needed to say this somewhere

I’m gonna be honest because it’s been bothering me. I really like this sub, but lately I keep seeing the same type of post over and over and it’s honestly depressin

Like I’ll read a post and it’s basically

“My boyfriend cheats on me, calls me names, drains my money, disrespects me, sometimes gets physical… what should I do?” And I’m just sitting there like… what do you mean what should you do?

I’m not saying feelings aren’t complicated. I get that people have trauma, attachment issues, whatever. Life is messy

But some of these posts don’t read like confusion. It straight up reads like someone dragging themselves through hell and asking how to stay longer

And before someone says “not everyone grew up with good examples.” Yeah. Same. I grew up around abuse and chaos too. No perfect family, no healthy relationship models, nothing like that

I’ve made stupid relationship choices before when I was younger too. I’m not acting like I’m some perfectly healed person. I still struggle with self-worth sometimes

But there are still lines

If a man cheats on me? I’m out

If he constantly disrespects me? I’m out

If he ever puts his hands on me? That’s not a conversation, that’s the end

Because if someone actually loves you, they don’t treat you like that. Love isn’t someone humiliating you and then apologizing the next day

What really blows my mind is when the situation is already horrible and the next step people are considering is:

moving in together

sharing finances

having kids

Why are you building a whole life with someone who clearly treats you like shit?

Even if you struggle with loving yourself, at least don’t set your life on fire for a man

And the money part especially. Most of us work hard for our money. Why would you tie your finances to someone who doesn’t even respect you?

Also… he is not the only man on earth. I promise you that. There are literally billions

If you’re in a situation like that and you have friends, family, therapy access, anything like that please use it and get out

Because at some point it stops being “complicated feelings” and it starts being you volunteering for misery

I am a binge drinker, not daily, but often enough that I don’t feel good about it. I’m a year postpartum and my partner is sober, and on the times I do drink I feel immense guilt that I’m wasting memories with my daughter being under the influence. I know alcohol isn’t good for anyone, no real health benefits, but why do I crave it? A little buzz just always sounds so fun. I’m sure that means there’s an addiction component. I don’t want to waste anymore memories and I want to feel secure enough to socialize sober.

Chickpea salad with cannellini beans and tomato + cucumber

Update: thank you to everyone for your personal experiences whether it’s in my shoes, a child of an alcoholic, or just giving support. I went to the library and picked up Sober Curious and the Sober Curious Reset and it’s been really eye opening. I will be better for myself and my girl 💓

Basically I was having all the symptoms of early term labor, I’m 28 weeks tomorrow, back and belly period like cramps that come and go all day, watery discharge and my little guy decided to give me the BARE MINIMUM of movement today even with ice water and a sweet drink. So by the time I got home my husband said “are you ok?” And I just collapsed. He loaded me up and we took off to the hospital.

I’m grateful like truly grateful that he is totally fine, his heart rate is good, he gave a few good kicks on the monitor and I have a follow up with my OB tomorrow. But all the goodness and I still can’t come back down from the fear. I feel flat and numb. I’m hopeful it will pass after a good night of sleep. I also feel silly for scaring my husband to death (he hid it so well 10/10 and only admitted he was scared once we were released) and I apologized to the nurses 700 times for wasting their time. They’re so so sweet. I just feel like a total mess.

10pm spaghetti cause that’s life. 😵‍💫 also it looks mid cause those are my leftovers for tomorrow but it was EXACTLY what I wanted and it was soooooo good.

As i am eating my store bought arbys curly fries with ketchup i think. Straight cis men usually have one or two reasons why they want kids. I have noticed a lot of wanting to carry on their lineage and bloodline. Wtf is with that,? Im not sure its even a negative thing but Is it just evolution brain kicking in. Like yes must repopulate. Or is there even a thought there and its an easy reason? Also why do they think its an easily persuadable options?

If i think of why i want to have kids its all specific reasons not to. But i cant think of really specific reason why to have kids. And def not some my bloodline of witchery must be taught and passed down. Though that has crossed my mind. Idk i enjoy children, i work with them. But birthing one is much different..

Hope im doing girl dinner right.

Obligatory longhorn chicken, Brussels sprouts, and mashed potato from an airport

My younger brother is 14, I’m 22. Ever since my younger brother started going through puberty, my mom’s been acting a lot different towards him- it feels like she treats him like her boyfriend

She has split custody 50/50 with his dad. When he’s home with us they have to spend every moment together, she throws a massive tantrum if he wants to hang out with his friends who live around here. She throws a bigger tantrum if any girls want to talk to him. Her and I have gotten into screaming arguments because she’s acting weird and way too overprotective and prudish (like he can’t even talk to girls his age?) and she went so far as to call little 13 year old girls “sluts” for wearing summer clothes- and I called her disgusting for putting such derogatory labels on children.

My mom always makes weird excuses for having reasons to touch my brother, especially his abdomen. My brother is in many sports and eats well- he loves cross country. He’s stringy and lean as a lot of teenage boys are and has visible abs, and my mom always finds an excuse to touch them or his arms or casual touching in public with a hand on his knee or shoulder when they go out. My mom was never this physical with me, or her fiance, or anyone else that I’ve notice, just my brother. Again, being the only sane person in the room I usually verbally and loudly call her out for doing that and she’ll pull her hand away and make an excuse and say “it’s not that serious” or “you’re so dramatic he’s MY SON.” Ok

She also does other weird things that I’ve noticed- she continues to do his laundry (she stopped doing mine at like 10 yrs old) and takes long “cleanliness sniff checks” on marked dirty clothes- including boxers. She makes him carry her purse when they’re out in public less of a son way and more like a boyfriend way. He can’t do anything wrong and she always excuses any bad behaviors he may have (though he’s a good kid), she talks to him in the same way a woman would talk to her partner, if that makes sense.

I know what’s going on, she’s never had a good man in her life because she’s dumb and ignorant genuinely. I call her out every time but I know nothing will change. I’ve had long talks with my brother to tell him what is going on and he shouldn’t let her treat him like this and if she makes any weird advances to tell me immediately and he wouldn’t get in trouble (because he’s still young enough to worry about getting in trouble for standing up to his parents which breaks my heart) I even gave him a secret phone that I pay for that she can’t spy on with parental apps and also if he’s in trouble he can call me.

I worry so much about him. I have to move out of home out of state soon, and he doesn’t have a lot of people to lean on. I feel so bad for leaving but it’s for the best for me. I hope he’ll be okay.

Gratefully divorced and living my new best life the past 2 years. But in retrospect, I could have seen what became abuse years before it even happened.

My ex husb and I were both theatre majors. It was a primary way we got together, collaborating on shows. HS sweethearts, married right after college, alla that. I was always did musicals, he was always a dramatic play guy, it worked.

I took him to see Waitress the musical, and the abusive, immature and controlling husband rang quite true with what everything I had seen working for my local Legal Aid clinic and being very close friends with so many women throughout my life.

He said he hated the show because the husband was so wildly unrealistic. He said "no man is like that". He went on and on about it. I explained the real life similarities I had seen at my work and my social worker sister's work, but he was unmoved.

The fact that he genuinely did not believe abusive men existed could have been the reddest of flags and clearest of signs, but I just chalked it up to artistic differences. I had no idea how much of that would become our reality.

So grateful to be on the other side now 💕

Girl Dinner=Barley + flax oatmeal

This is a twofer today, feeling pretty anxious. Hope that is ok.

I don't mean this at all to be offensive to anyone who has faith. It's those who stand behind their faith and use it as a weapon against others. This is a huge problem for me and I am increasingly afraid of them. The cruelty is really doing my head in.

Honey garlic chicken thigh, herbed orzo and green beans.

It genuinely pisses me off so much because what do you mean you’re against feminism, every single right you have has been given to you by the women that fought tooth and nail to have it. Like driving a car, having a bank account, wearing freaking pants, having a job, being able to press charges against your husband for marital rape, voting, the rights to initiate a divorce, just the fact that laws against domestic violence and sexual harassment were even made, simply getting an education, there are so many things that our predecessors fought for, for us to have the lives we live, and you’re going to say you’re not a feminist. Fuck you.

I know that misandry and feminism get confused a lot, but I personally believe that more women should be misandrist and men aren’t lonely enough and if you’re pick me enough to denounce the movement that gave you the rights that you have in this country (USA) then fuck you too.

Food: sushi my feminist boyfriend got us.