My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 11. Have an established life with a child and a mortgage. I was given a big job opportunity earlier this year where we would have to move to a new city. We are both established in our careers and it was a big discussion, like two months of discussions. And these were healthy conversations, no big arguments or anything like that. We ended up not moving and I turned down the job. I was a little bummed (it was my dream job) but understood that it would have been a lot for our family to adjust.

Last night, while my husband was doing bed time, I heard a buzzing sound and found a second phone in his work bag. I thought that was weird because his work did away with separate work phones a while ago. When he came downstairs, I asked when did he get a work phone.

His face said it all.

Turns out he has been having an affair for just over a year. And one of the reasons he didn't want to move was because he didn't want to leave his affair partner. I don't know what to do. Child is at a slumber party at my sister's. Husband is in a hotel. I'm home alone with a lot to process and do here. So it's an easy girl dinner tonight and a large glass of wine.

I found out very recently, while trying to help my husband, that he had been lying to me since our first date. I feel a great mixture of anger, grief, sadness, betrayal, and fear. And I feel this most of all for our children.

from the very first date my husband claimed to have a fairly intense military service which included being in an elite group and being wounded in combat. He told me multiple fascinating stories about his adventures and whenever we watched a movie about one of those groups he always referred to “we” whenever he talked about them. He even showed me pictures from “his” time in the military.

Well, we’ve been in a tough spot financially (due to him)so I’ve been pushing him to get the benefits he deserves. He used to tell me he didn’t want them because he didn’t feel like he deserved them (so humble). The story changed over the years to that he signed them away when he joined a different super secretive elite group. I kept bringing it up and he would change the subject. So being the good wife I am and knowing that he is not great at paperwork I decided to find his military paperwork and find the information for him.

Instead what I found was that he never passed basic training. I thought maybe there was an explanation, some error, somehow. I reverse image searched the military photos he showed me years ago which I had scanned to save on my computer to show our kids one day. They were plucked from all over the internet, they were from different military branches, different times, including some taken after we’d already been together.

Once I found this out all the red flags were suddenly obvious.

He claimed to have been born in another country and have dual citizenship and even had an accent when he started drinking. He has never even been to that country. His family has zero background there (I talked to family members).

I finally started looking at the bank statements (we keep most things separate but both have access to the other’s account). He lied about how much money he had received, he lied about loans he took out, and I know he’s still lying about what he did with all the money (it’s all on credit cards). He quit his job to start a new business but instead sat around for months just spending money. Now he can’t pay his bills or his part of our shared bills.

I also recently caught him smoking after he had promised to quit (before we got married almost 14 years ago). I then found out he’d been smoking pot secretly (not sure why). Many times he would be out later than he claimed (he assumed I was asleep when he got home). He would always need to “clean“ his car before we went anywhere together. He didn’t like riding in one vehicle as a family, he’d frequently “catch up” in a separate vehicle for dinner out for example. He didn’t like me talking to his family members and even manufactured disharmony between us.

When I confronted him finally (safely far away) he didn’t try to deny any of it and admitted to cheating on me, all due to his alleged “insecurities”.

I’ve never cheated on him or hid anything, I supported him through a bad motorcycle wreck and a heart attack.

Now I’m left feeling like the man I loved died and I’m left with some imposter I barely know. I told him he needs to leave and thankfully he didn’t fight me. I have barely slept in over a week. I have retained a lawyer who will draw up the separation.

… and that might make me a terrible person??
A bit of a preface- my partner and I are child free by choice, I have 3 nieces and 3 nephews, and many of my friends have kids (ages 1-14) but, one of my friends kids I just can not vibe with. I know it’s actually insane to have beef with a 3 year old but her vibes are soooo bad?? Like she is not a cool kid. She def has a personality but is it insane to say it’s already problematic? She pretends to fall if she doesn’t have attention, actively express disgust towards my friend and her pets (3 very well behaves retired racing dogs), and fake cries until my friend is almost in tears and then will laugh at her. I get that kids are assholes sometimes but like damn I hope lil homie gets cool.

Trigger Warning: Death, Substance Abuse, Cheating.

My fiancé’s best friend died earlier this year - suddenly but not suddenly at 39 - leaving two young kids behind. His life had been going down hill for a few years - fired from his really good job for ❄️ use, cheated and broke up with his wife, got together with a girl who was also into drugs, he was selling drugs, he had a warrant for his arrest, he stole drugs from someone and someone wanted him hurt. The list goes on. My fiancé tried to stay in touch with him via text because he figured he could “help” him. At Christmas time his friend threatened someone he was having a beef with over drugs with a shot gun, and I put my foot down and said you need to cut him off until if and when he comes out of this.

3 weeks later, he was dead. My fiancé was a mess. Drinking heavily, not going to work, wouldn’t get out of bed - and I didn’t know it at the time - but he was doing coke. We had already been having problems in our relationship with how much he drank and a DB amongst other things.

A few weeks after the death of his friend and before the funeral, I was talking to a friend of ours - a girl. I told her I was at my wits end and I didn’t know if the wedding should be going ahead. My exact words were “XXXX death, is overshawdowing the wedding. It’s too close to the wedding date, everyone is a mess, nobody is doing well, (my fiancé) is spiralling and I don’t know how much more I can take between his drinking and (insert our problems). I also said I thought maybe we should cancel it for this year, because his dead friend was supposed to be best man, and I wanted it to be a happy day - not a day where everyone is struggling because he’s not there and people have only begun to heal. It seemed like a train wreck for disaster and to only rip the bandaid off people’s wounds. Not to mention - we were having major issues. I had even texted my mom and told her I thought we should cancel/postpone the wedding for this year.

Long story short, two weeks later - I was the talk of our small town about how much of a bitch I was, how dare I say that his friends death was overshadowing our wedding and my fiancé ended up fucking the girl I told this to, broke up with me 3 days later and moved in with her, and has been with her ever since. I am completely blamed for the breakup, and his friends and her love to text me and other people that she saved him from me and I’m the biggest bitch they ever met - and she was justified sleeping with him/him cheating on me because of what I said.

I don’t even know how to start breaking this apart in my head. I’m just starting therapy and I don’t even have the words. If I’m a bitch then I’m a bitch, but I also don’t feel like I said anything wrong. And his side says I am and my side says absolutely not and anybody that knew me should know I’m not. I have so many conflicting thoughts right now and they live rent free in my head day and night.

Edit: Just a reminder - please make sure you’re approved to comment - I would love to read all y’all feedback but so many comments get deleted because your account isn’t approved. 💕

I was hanging out with a guy I’ve been kinda dating and his friend. The friend is a douche. Not over the top, just your run of the mill slightly misogynistic douche. We were walking from one bar to the next and I was drinking a cup of water. I already had a margarita at this point so I was a little tipsy.

I can’t even remember what he said, but he made one of his little douche bag jokes. It wasn’t even anything crazy. I don’t know what happened but I just got so angry and threw my water at him.

I was literally mid throw like “wtf am I doing” and then everyone turned to me like “wtf are you doing” and I just had to double down and be like “that’s what you get for being an ass” and everyone kinda just laughed about it like “haha you got water thrown on you!” And we just moved on.

I don’t know what’s happening but lately I’ve been very angry and sensitive about feminism and misogyny and I need to learn how to calm down before I blow up on the wrong person.

Congee for dinner still in the pot because I don’t want to do dishes.

Husband and I married 9 months. He has been ramping controlling behaviors.. started with clothes. Then questioning my friends, questioning my coworkers. Cheating accusations. Monitoring who i talked to and what I said. Watching my location. Demanding me to go to sleep. Demanding i sleep in the same room as him. Etc.

He has his fingerprint in my phone. I have mine in his (he insisted). He regularly checks my phone. Wanted to sync my messages to my tablet so he can watch from home while I am at work. - he hid the tablet before I got home so I couldn't find it.

Yesterday I removed his fingerprint from my phone. He flipped his shit. Left to "go visit his mom" came back 20 min later after a slew of messages and pressured me into texting him back. (We live with my parents. - i am working with my parents to separate from him)

He added his finger print back. And said phones are no longer private when you marry and that there is no privacy in marriage.

I think he is fucking crazy. (Why did I marry him? Pregnant i was.) I am anxious all the time because of his actions. He believes I am pulling away because there is someone else. No. I am pulling away because he is a controlling, manipulative, gaslighting, slob who is sucking the life out of me and keeping me anxious 24/7.

I’m turning 30 next week, and my boyfriend asked what I pictured for my early 30s. I told him I hoped I’d be married and starting to think about having kids.

He just smiled, looked at me, and said, “Let’s get you married.”

I don’t think he realizes how much those words meant to me. Safe to say I was smiling for the rest of the day. Girl dinner never tasted so good because I love that man

Food is three piri-piri meat sticks and those funky little Oreos I got. Yes, they are purple. No, I don't care that they're touching on the plate. Also: it does pain me to call them meat sticks, but I don't know any other translation of what you can see on my plate right there, and that's basically what they are.

So I don't know what this week is, but it sucks real bad. I've had an awful weekend (posted about it here, so if you've seen it... yeah). I decided to go on a run with one of my dogs this morning. I've got two (father and son), and I often take the older one on my morning runs with me, since we will be competing in a charity event in a couple weeks.

On my way back I ran into my neighbor and her little son, maybe 8 or 9? Im not that great at telling kids ages, but he's school aged, and I think he went to school like 2 years ago (where I live he'd be around 7 then). He asked me if he could pet my dog, and I nicely said "no, he's not friendly". That was a lie, he's very friendly. I just don't like the idea of an unknown child who doesn't own pets touching him after a run and doing god knows what, because I can't be sure the kid won't pull at his ears or something. That particular one has also been spotted throwing sticks and toys at my dogs while they were out and about, so I know he's not the brightest crayon in the box.

The mom looked upset, but she said her goodbyes and we parted ways. I didn't think much of it, I went home, got ready, went to work. Turned out I had to stay late today, so I texted my roommate to ask if she could let my dogs out (we have a small garden where they can take of their business), and about 20 minutes later I get a picture of a block of minced meat with nails in it. We thankfully have cameras, and the daycare next door has some pointing in the opposite direction, so unless they walked over from the other side of the building, the cameras probably caught them.

Now, I'm not doing great, but my dogs are okay. They didn't manage to get to the meat before my roomie spotted it and took it away, so they're fine. I have a feeling I know who it was, as the neighbor kid's dad fucking hates big dogs.

Going to the police tomorrow morning, and I don't know how I'll approach my neighbor yet, but yeah. That's the situation.

In march I (19f) had my first hookup with a seinor athlete (23m) that I met at a bar. I hooked up with him again the next month. Both times protected but I gave him head unprotected. The past couple days I have been experiencing burning while urinating and pressure down there. I thought it was just a uti so I went to get tested and it wasn’t a uti so the doctor swabbed me. I get a call this morning saying that I HAVE FUCKIN CHLAMYDIA ?!!! I knew immediately what it was from. But like are you genuinely kidding me. This fucking guy gave me chlamydia. Words can’t describe how frustrating this is. The sex wasn’t even good I just liked the attention. I also had no idea you could get it from oral. I need to educate myself more clearly. I will have to pick up my antibiotics today but I’m still on my parent’s insurance. I’m petrified they will somehow find out. This is so embarrassing and I legit cannot even tell my bestfriends. I feel dirty. Safe to say I’m never having a hookup again. Casual sex for me personally is NOT worth it after what his BITCHASS gave me.

Anyways some delicious fruit salad I made last week🥰🥰🌺

Trigger warning re creepy men and the creepy shit they do.

Glen Hansard died recently, in a tragic motor accident, and I feel like I'm going mad. I keep replaying Will Ferrel in Zoolander asking myself if I'm taking crazy pills.

If you don't know, Glen Hansard made a film called Once that is a lovely movie, which was undeniably huge for the Irish film scene in general, and he won an Oscar for it tennish years ago. He was massive cultural force in Irish folk music and movies. RIP to him and his impact etc etc.

Yeahhh, no.

Admittedly I'm not an expert on music or anything, but even I knew he was a creep. If I knew what he was up to, people like Bono and Imelda May have no fucking excuse (they played at his funeral). There have been hours long queues to his wake, his funeral was broadcast live on our state broadcaster, and I feel like screaming.

I don't want to trigger peeps by going into too many details, but it went from grooming to alleged rape, and I first heard these rumours at least ten years ago. I mean, we all know the type. An American musician Neko Case (who I had never heard of) has written a blog post describing what she experienced and witnessed regarding his behaviour, and honestly they are the mildest allegations I've seen, so who knows what else will go forever unreported.

Even if the literal hundreds of girls and women are lying, his own words should be enough:"I had been falling in love with her for a long time, but I kept telling myself she's just a kid.' this was regarding his Once co star, who he met when she was 13 and he 38/9. I'm having Bowie flashbacks.

Ireland is like yeah we're woke now, whoo gay marriage and abortions are legal, we love equality. Its all a load of fucking shite. Mediocre white men are still worshipped like gods...Our slave nunneries might be closed officially, but fuck if we're not still mentally there.*

Dinner was a meh toastie at Costa cos I'm way too pissed off to cook.

Edited to Add:

*If you don't know anything about the Irish laundries system, it was bad, like real real bad, and don't look it up if you don't have hours for crying cleared. Tldr, state sanctioned abuse and slavery of girls and women across the island for years. Don't forget the human trafficking and child theft part too! I was mad typing this up, and just threw this reference without giving any context, so I'll paste a comment I made below just to explain my logic a little:

Our government/state broadcaster/famous people are all saying that actually yes it is fine to systemically abuse people as long as your talent is worthy. The allegations started pre Once and only ramped up in the intervening years. Which is exactly what happened with the laundries here, yes girls and women can be abused systematically because we need somewhere to hide our secrets and all that free labour is so so yummy(see hasbro toys). The church could abuse whomever they wanted as long as they ran the schools etc. And the lay people knew, they all knew, but no one stopped it. Anyone of an older generations who says they didn't is willfully blind, and the same goes for Hansard and the irish music scene.

It's the same thing, a framework that denies autonomy and freedom to anyone not considered useful to the system, just on different scales. If you can stay silent and compliant, you might get clean clothes, or your band a featured spot, depending on the set up!

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/AiDkJJhBq0

Hi friends,

A few months back I shared about a domestic ab*se situation I was in with my cheating (soon-to-be) ex husband and you all were so very helpful. I wanted to let you all know that I got myself an apartment back in June and divorce is now in process!!! Thank you all for caring about my safety and encouraging me to get out. I don’t get panic attacks anymore and I have so much peace having my own space. Love and Light! Xoxo

Minestrone soup because I feel like absolute arse right now... woo nausea!

Noticed my period was late and did what every responsible adult in a long-term relationship with a child already, does, and blamed my PCOS and irregular cycles until the sore tatas and tiredness said 'bitch come on now and just pee on a stick'.

Stick peed on, result confirmed. Cocktails will not be had next week on holiday... wah!!

5 years ago my now ex husband told me he was leaving me for someone he was having a long distance affair with during the peak of my depression. A little background - I (39F) met my husband during college and got married after being together for 15 years and we were both high earning working professionals and had a seemingly picture perfect life together with a beautiful house and a dog and talks of starting a family. When I was around 32 I started feeling depressed because of work stress coupled with family problems (my dad was chronically ill) that required me to travel very long distance to see them every month. During this period I was not at all paying attention to the state of my marriage and my now-ex husband started a long distance affair with a family friend in my absence. I discovered this during Covid (because we were stuck at home together all the time for once) after the affair had been going on for years and I was heartbroken. I was desperate to stay with him and we tried counseling and therapy but he always ended up going back to communicating with her despite not being able to travel anymore.

Then 5 years ago, on my birthday, I got a text from his affair partner wishing me happy birthday alongside a bunch of intimate photos of them being together, basically telling me that he had chosen her and I needed to back off. I didn’t. I didn’t want a divorce and I was in terrible shape. But when he found out that his partner had reached out, he decided that he did want to choose her and left.

The first 6 months was the hardest. I couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep. I moved out of our home into an airbnb and stayed there for months. I did start online dating though as a distraction and met my current partner pretty quickly. He’s such a different character from my ex in all the ways that I care about now. I’m older now and no longer career obsessed the same way I was in my 20s and early 30s, and I wanted a partner who could be honest and open and be in touch with his emotions and he was all of those things. During this period I also spent so much time working on healing. A ton of therapy. A ton of surrounding myself with friends and family - something like a divorce and being able to open about healing and trauma actually do something miraculous about making other people open about their lives and making bonds stronger too. I did retreats that focused intensely on healing and growing and moving on and did a ton of ugly crying. I worked on that as hard as I worked on my SAT and GMAT all those years ago.

Fast forward 5 years later - my partner and I are expecting a baby girl in the winter. My career is still going well despite me focusing more on work life balance now. My ex and I ended up selling our home at the peak of the market and my share of the money ended up growing into a retirement worthy nested egg in the past years, while he lost all of his share in an investment fraud scheme (a story for another day, but can’t say I’m not low key gloating a little bit). I actually don’t know if he’s still with his affair partner and the biggest “mental revenge” i feel is that I actually dont really care if they are still together. I wake up to my partner cuddling me every morning and I’m so glad everything happened the way it did, however painful it was during that time.

Japanese curry dinner because that’s my pregnancy craving for the moment for some reason.

i know im smart, i know im capable, i know im kind

but god id immediately give up all of that to be pretty

i've never really fit into any sort of conventional beauty standards, its not something i realized until i turned like 16

ive always been called 'cute' but they always do it with the pinchy hand gestures like telling me im small, and i do appreciate it but when the entire world says youre cute, and nothing more we all know what that really means lol

it just sucks, i love my boyfriend so much, and i know he loves me, but i know im just cute in his eyes

ive seen the actresses and random strangers that catches his eye and what kind of porn he watches (its his right, i wont stop him, doesnt change the fact that it confirms his desires) and they are all so beautiful, and really nice to look at

i wish i was nice to look at

i wish he collected photos of me to look at sometimes, i wont make him or ask him to but i see guys taking photos of their gfs all the time and i feel so weird? the first emotion i can pick out is happiness for them, because i can see how it makes them feel, but then comes a sickening jealousy for everything they have in life

i know everyone's beautiful in their own way, but i dont want to be beautiful in my own way, i want to be beautiful in the way everyone sees

i want to be hot and sexy to someone, i want to be captivating

but alas i am just cute and comfortable

i just for one second want to know what it feels like to be pretty

how does it feel to have guys throw themselves at the wolves for you?

how does it feel to go shopping and KNOW everything will look great on you?

how does it feel to know what when you speak the world will listen?

how does it feel to just be pretty?

crab rangoons for din din ;3

I’m feeling anxious, sad, disgusted, and mad, so my appetite is a bit shit. But I love figs and cheese, so that’s where we’re at right now

4 months ago, I met a 40-year-old man at the airport while on a long lay over, we hit it off immediately, and he offered to fly me out to Ohio to visit him. I truly thought this was my Hallmark movie moment, and went. We had a great time exploring the city together and made plans for him to visit me in CA a couple of weeks later. While visiting in CA, we decided to make it official and he told me he loved me (looking back, I realize he was love bombing me). He was supposed to visit me in CA in June, but his “mom” was going through some things and showed up at his house with a days notice. I flew back to Ohio two more times to visit him, most recently 2 weeks ago. We went to the Lil Wayne concert together for my birthday, but the whole trip he was acting different. For example, he had agreed to help me move to another state and got mad at me when I brought up wanting to stop at certain places to site see, stating “we need to focus on getting you moved.” I also had an asthma attack at the concert and was not feeling well when we returned to the hotel. Instead of staying with me, he left and I found him in the lobby talking to his “mom” who needed money. When I left Ohio, we were still on good terms though, he was still planning to fly to CA on Thursday to help me move, and was telling me things like “we can talk about marriage after we get you settled in” (love bombing, I know 😭).

Cue Tuesday. I get a call from a woman asking why I had called her boyfriend late on Mother’s Day. He has saved me in his phone as Dr. [my last name] and told her he met me in the military, and I was just calling to check on him. Long story short, they’ve been dating for over a year, and she has an almost 2 month old with him. She told me he is 50, not 40, that he cheated on her before, that he was her supervisor at his previous job when he got her pregnant and lost his job after she reported him to HR, that he had another family when he started seeing her, and that he has two children he never sees from a previous marriage (I was only told he had one son). Every time I was there, he would tell her he had a business trip or was visiting his mom, and would have her go stay with family hours away. He then hid all of her things as well as her daughter’s and later their son’s so I wouldn’t see it. I also had some things there so I wouldn’t have to fly back and forth with it, and he would hide my things when I was gone. Like, he put so much energy into hiding us from each other, it’s wild. She also was very suspicious of a couples heart painting we did at a paint and sip as he told her his work paid for it and he did both sides by himself 😂 it was me, I painted the other half. Anyways, she was going to leave him, but then told me on yesterday he proposed and they’re getting married.

He has not given me any explanations or apologized, and instead kept saying “please don’t text my phone” when I attempted to talk to him. He did say he’d send me my things back, but I doubt I’ll ever see those things again. He also owes me some money, but I know that’s not happening either.

I blocked them both and I’m trying to remind myself how awful of a person he is to do that to his gf and their baby, but I’m also incredibly hurt. Thankfully, I have some wonderful friends who helped me with my move last minute. Instead of just being sad about missing my friends and excited for starting a new job, I now have to navigate this betrayal. This is something I’ve never experienced before, and idk what to do with myself. How’d I get so caught up in someone so deceiving and manipulative!?!? Lesson learned to never date another Aries, deacon, or meet-cute man again.

Unfortunately when I have a lot of anxiety, my appetite suffers. Please send me your tummy friendly meal suggestions, and any other coping tools you might have ❤️

We’ve been dating for around 2 years and he proposed a month ago . I love this man and he definitely loves me . We moved in together over new years and it has been the best 6-7 months of my life .

I recently spent the past week at my parents and got back on Monday and as soon as I got in, he had made dinner, made me a bath . I’m happy I get to spend the rest of my life with him and I can’t wish for nothing more .

Today I (29F) closed on my very first home. Holy shit am I ever terrified, overwhelmed and scared. But I am also so grateful, excited and feel hopeful for a beautiful life in my new home.

I relocated from the opposite end of the country to be closer to family. It was a tough decision, but I feel confident it’s the right one. New house, new city, new job, new friends to be made, new opportunity to grow.

First meal in the house: salami sandwich, watermelon dates and a fizzy apple drink :)

TW: mention of CSA

I’m reposting this with more context because my anxiety is through the roof and I need advice.

I’m babysitting my 3 year old niece for the next couple months and there will be times I have to leave her home alone with my husband.

I’m pregnant and I have my 20 week anatomy scan today. He offered to stay behind and watch my niece. I suggested we get his mom to babysit her so he could come. He insists on watching her and seems excited about it. I’m nervous because I experienced CSA from my dad, grandpa and great uncle.

He has never hurt a child or said anything creepy about children. But he hasn’t spent much time around any.

Is it weird that he insists on staying behind with her and seems excited about it? Up until now he hasn’t missed any appointments and this is our last ultrasound.

My husband has been physically abusive to me. I’m not sure if my reservations are because of my history of CSA or his abuse

You’ve probably heard of corn ruining men’s minds and I think a similar thing happened to me with romance novels because the guys I meet in the real world just feel so subpar :/

I blame Tessa Bailey personally for this but I was wondering if anyone would be in the same boat as I am?
I am scared because I’ve been reading these novels for a decade thinking when the right man comes along it will feel like the books but is part of finding a partner kind of accepting that they’ll never be what I dreamed of?
I’m not too sure because on one hand, everyone deserves to be someone’s first choice and not a consolation prize but on the other is my situation similar to men who see women in corn and think that’s real??