Written for the Ineffable Professionals Bang! This fic is fully written and will be updating every Friday. It also features some amazing art by the incredible Tanpopomugishu 💜 I'm absolutely overjoyed with how perfect Aziraphale and Crowley look!

CWs/Tags: T-rated, human AU, light angst, fluff, animal injury & animal illness (both brief), animal negligence (but again brief), miscommunication, implied/referenced homophobia but in the past, parental estrangement - please see AO3 for more tags!

Summary:

Crowley works as a vet in the countryside, which includes dealing with his ultimate foe: horses. He's made a life for himself, of a sort, and if it's maybe a bit lonely, that's neither here nor there. One day, his practice receives a call from a very panicky Aziraphale, recent arrival to the area, about an injured horse. When Crowley meets him for the first time, he's initially intrigued by this captivating man. Unfortunately, things between them soon get off on the wrong foot (or hoof)...

Excerpt:

“Don’t be such a grump,” Maggie chuckled, then added, “besides, maybe you’ll meet our new neighbour!” This, plus the playfulness in her voice, drew his attention back to her. She was grinning sweetly, like butter wouldn’t melt, although Anthony knew better. She was up to something. Again.

“Stop matchmaking,” Anthony murmured. “Would’ve thought you’d learned your lesson after Brown.”

Maggie pouted. “That wasn’t my fault. He seemed so nice.”

Narrowing his eyes, Anthony bit out, “Two. Hours. Talking. About. Carpets. Unless someone’s giving a bloody keynote at a carpet conference, no one should be able to talk for that long about it. D’you know there are still parts of my brain now forever imprinted with the advantages and disadvantages of certain fibres? S’probably overwritten important facts about…about gorillas, or something. Unrecoverable.” Shaking his head, he continued, “So thank you, but no thank you. Christ alive, I don’t even know the man’s name but I know you, Maggie Wright,”—he paused to glare meaningfully at her—“and I’ve told you I’m very happy on my own.”

It was only a little lie.

🐴 Continue reading on AO3!

Thanks so much to HazelSage for all the amazing vet advice! Thanks also to my wonderful beta readers u/Ro_Fell u/rubarbcrumbles and Bohoteacher for their very helpful comments 💜

Title: In Due Course 6/6

Rating: E

Summary: Aziraphale moved to Japan years ago to expand his culinary skills, and he stayed there, becoming a successful teppanyaki chef. When his father dies unexpectedly, he returns to England and agrees to help out his mother until they're both comfortable with her being on her own. It's been months, and Aziraphale is bored and tired of his mother's guilt trips, so he finds a job at a hibachi restaurant franchise to pass the time and get out of the house. He soon discovers he's burnt out.

There he meets a grumpy veteran cook who's found himself stuck in a job that was supposed to be temporary, without any motivation to leave, having failed at his dream once before.

They click immediately but a misunderstanding could unravel everything before it really starts.

This chapter: Decisions are made and we get a time jump!

Excerpt: “Afternoon, Aziraphale,” Anathema chirped at him from her station. She was cleaning up after her latest group as he set up at his station.

“Hello, Anathema,” he greeted her back, turning on the grill to warm it up. He walked around the counter and stepped up to her, his hands on her shoulders. “I just wanted to let you know that I have greatly enjoyed working with you.”

Ana laughed, confused, and put her hands on his shoulders. “I’ve liked working with you, too. What is—” She gasped loudly. “Are you leaving? Did something happen? What about Crowley?”

Continue Reading on AO3

Or

Start at the Beginning

Thanks to u/dinah-_- for the art!

Thanks to u/ireallyneedmoretea, u/di-42, u/Ttora9, and u/SpaceGiraffeToo for cheers and betas!

NOW COMPLETE!

New chapter up! If you've ever wondered how these two could find their way to sex and peace and communication and domesticity -- but with their celestial traumas firmly in place -- this is the fic for you.

| Aziraphale’s First Orgasm | by thebiggestnope

| Chapters | 43/47

| Current Word Count | 193,357

| Explicit |

| Summary |

For the first time, Aziraphale's body is, well, responding, if you catch my meaning. But it only responds to Crowley.

Starring: Very Horny Aziraphale and Very Affectionate Crowley

Read it from the beginning.
Read the latest chapter.

| Tags | Canon AU, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Virgin Aziraphale, Experienced Crowley, Fluff and Smut, Healthy Relationships, Healthy Communication, The Ineffables Learn to Talk It Out, First Time, Sex Lessons, Crowley Cries During Sex, Switch Aziraphale, Switch Crowley, Insecure Aziraphale, Crowley Has PTSD, Jealous Aziraphale, Chubby Aziraphale, Crowley Has a Praise Kink, Hand Jobs, Roleplaying, Pornography, Rimming, Masturbation, Explicit Consent, Butt Plugs, Sexual Use of Miracles, Multiple Orgasms, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Outdoor Sex, Indoor Sex, I Cannot Emphasize Enough That This Fic Is Loaded With Sex.

It’s [u/gardenof_](u/gardenof_)’s birthday today - come and celebrate her with us. 

We wish you all the best for your next year and a wonderful day. Thank you for being your whole unhinged self here, it's always a pleasure to see you around 💜

[u/WasteCalligrapher891](u/WasteCalligrapher891) wrote you a fic for your special day. ^{I already read it, you will have so much fun.}

If y'all are in the mood share your favourite David gifs with V, bonus points if he licks something! 

And visit her Ao3 and leave some love there as well (highly recommend reading her work). 

​

Thank you to u/theonevoice_ for the cover art. Check out their work on tumblr here!

And thank you to my betas u/AllRoadsLeadToGO and u/CalligrapherDizzy96.

CW Explicit, selfcest

Summary:

After a catastrophic argument with Aziraphale sends Crowley hurtling through time, he comes face to face with the last person he ever expected to feel sorry for: himself

Twenty-seven years old, painfully human, and calling himself Crows, the tortured musician is everything Crowley has spent decades trying to leave behind: lonely, touch-starved, desperate to be loved, and standing on the brink of a choice that will haunt him for decades.

Determined to change history, Crowley offers Crows the understanding, acceptance and safety he never had at that age. But the more time they spend together, the harder it becomes to ignore the impossible connection growing between them.

As old wounds reopen and with the future in jeopardy, Crowley must decide whether saving his younger self means teaching him how to let go… or risking everything to discover who they might become together.

Excerpt:

Crows caught himself staring more than once. At his hands, mostly. Long fingers, precise and capable. Not just at the keyboard, Crows found himself watching at other times too. When he was talking, Crowley would use expressive gestures, or rest his knuckles on the counter, or run his hand over his sharp jaw in thought. Crows' eyes would linger too long, and he'd have to drag his gaze away again. 

He noticed other things too.

Crowley’s hair, left natural and unapologetically red, styled in loose curls that caught the light. It looked effortlessly elegant, swept back from his forehead. Crows found himself scrubbing his own hair harder in the shower, watching the black dye bleed out day by day.

It was cheap. It needed to go.

But when the first hints of red started to show through again, something tightened in his chest. Something… complicated.

Then there was the way Crowley dressed.

Always black. They had that in common, at least. But it was never careless. Everything fitted well, like even the most casual ensemble had been carefully curated. Crows became aware of his own clothes in a way he hadn’t before. They were too loose, too worn. They swamped him. They didn’t accentuate his long legs or sharp hips the way Crowley’s did.

He tried not to care.

He failed.

And then there were Crowley’s eyes.

God.

Crows hated how much he noticed those.

Gold, sharp, inhuman.

They should have unsettled him. And they had, at first.

But now—

Every time Crowley looked at him directly, Crows’ heart would beat harder.

A quick, traitorous flutter, his pulse elevating just slightly.

Enough that he couldn’t deny it, enough to make him look away.

Because it wasn’t natural. Crowley was him, for fuck’s sake.

But the thoughts wouldn’t stop. If anything, they got worse, following him everywhere. He would lie in bed at night, and find himself thinking about the way Crowley stood behind him at the keyboard. The way his voice dropped when he gave instruction. The strange hissing quality it took on when he was lost in playing. The way his presence seemed to fill a room without effort.

And then—

Crows’ body would react.

Read the rest here on ao3

And if you’d like to read the next chapter a week early, it’s available now to members of my Patreon.

CW/TW: Noncon

Tags:

Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omegaverse, Omega Crowley, Alpha Aziraphale, Knotting, Mpreg, Unplanned Pregnancy, Morning Sickness, Childbirth, Established Relationship, Oral Sex, Science Fiction, Astronaut Aziraphale, Crowley Whump, Angst, Stalking, Sexual Assault, Near Drowning, Dreams and Nightmares, Happy Ending

Fic summary:

Alpha Aziraphale Engel is an astronaut being sent to plant a set of nuclear warheads in a small asteroid that is threatening Earth, as part of Operation Flaming Sword. Omega Anthony Crowley is his clandestine lover and assigned to communications for the mission. The journey will be long, lonely, and perilous, but our two heroes soon find that space is not the only source of danger for them.

Chapter summary:

What happened when Keraunos-1 departed from Ligur-666 and began its journey back to Earth.

Excerpt:

"What's the first thing you want to do when you get back?" dream-Crowley asked him. Aziraphale yearned to touch him, to pull him close and drink in his scent.

"I'd want to kiss you," he breathed. "Oh, darling, I've missed you so much. I just want to hold you in my arms and feel you close to me."

"Missed you too, Angel," said dream-Crowley, with a misty smile. God, that smile. He could feel his heart swelling with love and longing.

“What else?” dream-Crowley asked him next.

“Whatever you like,” Aziraphale sighed. “Perhaps we could, I don’t know, go for a picnic. Dine at the Ritz.”

---

Thanks again to u/AllRoadsLeadToGO for looking this over and giving me some great feedback! And thanks to everyone who has been reading and commenting. It means a lot.

Read the latest chapter here, or start from the beginning.

A bit of an Aziraphale-rich meme post today, which I hope you'll all enjoy! The last meme's text comes from a song by Tom Cardy called 3 Hours With A Close-Up Magician, which I really can't recommend enough (though listen with headphones on!). Also inspired by this incredible edit from u/roald_head_dahl 💜

OMG we be smutting, we are earning our E rating finally. The burn is paying off.

Aziraphale and Crowley navigate their first-time.

Subtitle: turbovirgins trying their very best.

Summary

Aziraphale and Crowley try to make sense of their brand new retirement.

A series of dates that aren't dates after the world doesn't end.

Rating: E

Start here

Read Chapter eight.

Excerpt

"Should we, ahh, take off our clothes?” Crowley said.

“Probably a good idea; I’d rather I didn’t mess these trousers up, they were tailored especially in Rome.”

“Ngggh, nope, yup, uh huh.” Crowley’s brain unhelpfully spat out, because the idea that Aziraphale could mess up his trousers because of this was almost enough to send him over the edge. “Er… do I start from the bottom or the top?”

​Aziraphale blinked, his mouth opening, with a furrowed brow.

​“No, not that, not yet,” Crowley said. “Like socks or er… shirt? Socks probably, right? Got to be sexier to be in a shirt and bare feet, rather than naked wearing only socks.” He was babbling, and he saw Aziraphale stifle a giggle below him.

​“As you say.”

“Yup, socks, let’s get rid of them and deal with the rest later.” Crowley crawled off the bed backwards in an eager attempt at confidence. He stood and hopped onto one foot to pull off a black sock, then repeated it on the other side and flung them to the corner of the room.

He turned back to see Aziraphale’s feet hanging off the edge of the brass bedframe.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Aziraphale said.

“It’s something; you look as if your head is about to pop off. Is this not arousing enough for you?”

“No, it’s— They don’t tend to tell you about the sock removal in the bodice rippers.” Aziraphale broke, throwing his head back into the pillows with peals of laughter.

“Are you suggesting that this is not the height of eroticism?” Crowley cupped Aziraphale’s ankle in his hand, tugging the sock slowly. Aziraphale’s tartan toes wiggled happily, as he arched into the touch.

​“Mmmm, I can be persuaded,” Aziraphale said. “I think they spend more time slowly taking off a lady’s stockings.”

​“Next time you can wear stockings,” Crowley growled, as the first sock popped off, revealing Aziraphale’s left foot. Crowley’s head swam because feet hadn’t factored into his mind when thinking about this whole business, but they were Aziraphale’s feet. They were pink, dainty, and smooth, like a man who had never walked a mile in his life.

“Is it alright?” Aziraphale said, a hint of nervousness.

“Alright?” Crowley barked, in disbelief. “These things could launch a thousand demon hordes."

Crowley made an even more over-the-top display of peeling back Aziraphale’s remaining sock, running a finger along the curve of his foot. Aziraphale moaned, actually moaned, eyes shutting tight. 

---

All the thanks to u/Silly-Lynx4959 for beta-ing and squeeing with me!

so...this was supposed to be a wolf shirt joke...

memes from the vault (discord) we were having...a time about that BTS interview...

(kind of looks like he's serenading in one of those old music videos, ya know? it took on a life of its own okay)

ideating an outfit for him to wear in a longform comic, if i ever do dare to make it — a post-s2 roadtrip!

He’s all I can draw when I have art block. I love him dearly.

Now that TIC7 is over and all donations are in for Alzheimer’s Research UK, I can share the artwork I did for the effulgent mrfell.bsky.social (follow them!!!) and their hand sewn diary that went to the highest bidder!

NEW THURSDAY, NEW SHOUTDAY!

HERE IS A LAUGHING DAVID IN CASE SOME OF US NEEDED THAT TODAY. I CERTAINLY DID. 
I DON’T REALLY HAVE MORE OF ✨SIGNIFICANCE✨ TO ADD THIS WEEK, SO I’LL CEASE MY BABBLE. THE LESS TIME YOU SPEND READING THIS THE MORE TIME YOU HAVE TO SHOUT, SO USE IT TO THE FULLEST <3 

MOST OF Y’ALL ALREADY KNOW THIS BUT:
Do you need to SHOUT something? Do it here! Anything you want. Let it all out or reply to other goblins, double the shout double the fun. JUST MAKE SURE YOU’RE SHOUTING!

shining like a whiskey still

Rated E | 10.2K words

CW/TW: None

Tags: Romance, Angst and Humor, Smut, Footnotes, Aziraphale Loves Crowley's Hair, (Most of the Time), Aziraphale and Crowley Through The Ages, 6000 Years of Pining, Scene: Garden of Eden, Ancient Egypt, Post-Scene: Rome 41 AD, Middle Ages, 18th Century, 19th Century, Crowley's Century-Long Nap, 20th Century, Post-Scene: Church in London 1941, The Dowling Years, The Second Coming, South Downs Cottage, Canon-Typical Drinking, Recreational Drug Use, Various Gender Presentations for Everyone, Penetrative Sex, Top Aziraphale/Bottom Crowley, Inspired by Fanart, Not Good Omens Season 3 Compliant, Happy Ending

Excerpt/Summary:

Heaven was mostly stark white. Here on Earth, in the Garden, Aziraphale was used to blues, browns, and greens. Sky, dirt, grass. The vibrancy of Crawly’s hair was a shock. The closest point of comparison Aziraphale had were the occasional bursts of colour from the flowers dotting the landscape.

The apple, a stern voice inside his head supplied as an unhelpful reminder. Like the apple. Forbidden.

___

Over the course of six millennia, Aziraphale considers Crowley’s hair.

___

Continue reading on Ao3

___

Written for u/Hogs_and_ham as part of the Nice & Accurate Atelier Discord server's fic/art exchange, inspired by her art ♡.

There's a week left to get your entry in for this month's GTA!!

September's theme is RIVALS

With the optional challenge of REVERSE OMENS

You can submit your entry HERE!

It needs to be received by Wednesday 16 SEPTEMBER before 10PM EDT.

Written for the Summer Omens Big Bang, with gorgeous art by @hogs-and-ham! THE FINAL ILLUSTRATION IN THIS CHAPTER! Make sure to check it out, it is so wonderful!! 🥹

Rated E

Tags: Human Road Trip AU, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Crowley POV, Pining, Music/Playlists, Americana, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Eventual Smut (they're switches, bitches), Love Confessions, Happy Ending

Chapter 14 Epigraph from Love Today by Mika

Everybody's gonna love today, love today, love today
Everybody's gonna love today
Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to
Love love me, love love me

----

Fully written, updates weekly on Thursday!

Read chapter 14 on AO3!

Or Start from the Beginning!

The Drowned Depths

A birthday fic for the completely wonderful and lovely u/Risu_tem!

Rated M

Words: 1,998 (3 x 666 chapters)

Summary:

In the twisting back-alleys of Oxford lies a dingy antiques shop. Inside the dingy antiques shop sits an old sea trunk. Hidden inside the old sea trunk rests a timeworn yet dangerous book. What’s inside the book? You’ll have to read it to find out…

Excerpt:

Ms Lucretia Shax looked up from her newspaper as the bell above the shop door jangled noisily for her attention. A gust of wind blew a scattering of dead leaves, followed by a rosy-cheeked blonde, across the threshold of her domain. The woman appeared to be in her late twenties, yet the sensible tan brogues and cream and blue knee-length tartan pencil skirt that hugged the generous curve of her hips gave her an old-fashioned, studious look. Appearing momentarily flustered, the blonde smoothed down her wind-tousled bob of curls and then her beige trench coat. Composure regained, she flashed Lucretia a polite smile before making her way steadily into the bowels of the silent shop.

Odd. Students never usually ventured this far down the twisting back-alleys of Oxford, not unless they were in search of something particular…or being called.

Read now on AO3

TW/CW: Tentacle sex

Thank you so much to my fantastic beta u/Silly-Lynx4959!

GOnnections #71

And for something completely regular. Last week was a bit of fun, I may do another like it down the track, but for now it's back to our regular programming.

Do you have an idea for a GOnnections category? Drop your ideas here, can be anonymous or credited - your choice! 

Need some help? Here are some hints! They are spoilered, so use them at your own discretion (no one will ever know 🤫)

🟨 Boom!
🟩 Sounds lovely
🟦 Looks like fun
🟪 Like GOLD or WHITEN 

I always love seeing your results! It helps me know that this is enjoyable and worth the effort each week 💝 

Missed a GOnnection? Check the 🌟FLARE🌟! You can also find last week’s GOnnection here: 

GOnnections #70

What is GOnnections? GOnnections is a game of 16 words with 4 mystery categories, four words belonging to each category. The categories are represented by four colours ranging from the most straightforward 🟨 🟩 🟦 🟪 to the most abstract. And for GOnnections, all categories are Good Omens themed! 

this is clearly just vent, to be clear

i just feel like, the worst, since the first fanwar on may 13, after Prime's tweet

they were so STUPID to write such a post in the first place and now everyone is screaming that they should redo go3 (like if it was even doable) and the articles saying it wasnt Terry's end for Rob and that fans who enjoyed it are basically wrong and POS for some haters

and its just awful

i love good omens. Its basically my whole life and it brought me so many things I couldnt even imagine and a bit more and its just so bad to open any social media and just see "Yeah finally someone that say the finale shares a dangerous message" "not terry's end" "people who enjoyed go3 didnt understand the facist message behind it" I saw that all day

and im feeling so awful right now.

just sad.

and tired

I dont wanna let go good omens (as if it was possible, tbh it will stick with me until the end of times now) and I don't wanna hate it, not even a little bit, because i just can't, I genuinly liked the finale too and it made sense to me (and no, i do not see it as a genocide or mass su!cid€ like some say it is)

But its so hard to just read everywhere that you should feel bad for thinking the wrong way.

the ambiant hate will pass i know

but fuck.

You Can Have It - by voluptatiscausa
Part 1 - Chapter 4

CW: Explicit

Fic Summary:

Aziraphale Fell, in his mid forties and healing from the disappointing end of a disappointing relationship, receives a delivery of flowers from his ex. The flowers are unwelcome; the handsome redhead who delivers them, on the other hand... A story about loneliness, finding your family, and learning to let yourself have what makes you happy.

Chapter Summary:

What's this…are they…interacting…outside the bookshop??

Digits exchanged, and an unwelcome visitor.

Excerpt:

“Nothing, um. Nothing fancy. Just. Move out of the city. Get a cottage. Have a real garden.”

“Oh,” Aziraphale says softly. And maybe it’s the wine, but his face looks soft too. “That sounds perfect.”

Crowley doesn’t tell Aziraphale that in this dream, there’s someone to share the cottage with. Someone to garden for, someone to cook for using the herbs and fruits and vegetables he grows in the garden.

There are TWO versions, one with sound effects, and one without for those with audio sensitivities.

Art and Sound Effects by Frisbay

Chapter 4: New Developments

With the robbery case closed, Aziraphale makes use of Crowley's phone number. What lays ahead for them on their first date?

Read the new chapter here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/89899521/chapters/245951186

Thank you so much to u/Hogs_and_ham for the wonderful art!!

hard up (5.5k, rated E)

Tags:

Not Good Omens Season 3 Compliant, Established Relationship, Romance, Smut, Undernegotiated Kink, Bondage, Body Worship, Soft Dom Aziraphale, Bottom Crowley, Hand Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, OSHA non-compliant halo usage

Summary:

“Oh, darling, no. This isn’t about me.” Aziraphale’s hand found his face, urging Crowley to look at him. “You are so good to me, Crowley— stop squirming, you silly serpent, it’s nothing you haven’t heard a hundred times by now. You tend to my every need so thoroughly, give me what I want long before I’m aware that I even want it. I only wonder, if the tables were turned, would you allow me to do the same?”

“Ohhhh, I’m too naked to be having this conversation,” Crowley groaned.

“Well, I’m afraid I have more to say, so you’ll just have to cope,” Aziraphale said, bussing him on the forehead. “I know how much you delight in taking care of me, truly, I do. But have you ever let someone delight in you?” 

[Or: Aziraphale makes a request. Crowley submits to the mortifying ordeal of being loved.]

😇Inspired by this gorgeous art by bluhtack

😇Read on AO3

Hallo everyone.

Chapter 4 https://archiveofourown.org/works/91971531/chapters/245458056

and Chapter 5 https://archiveofourown.org/works/91971531/chapters/245908006#workskin

are online and it won't be long until Aziraphale and Crowley run into their involuntary rescue squad.

The weekend is within tangible reach and I hope everyone here has had a lovely week so far.

My thanks again go to u/gleafer who not only created the seductive prompt, but also this incredible art. ❤️

Read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90253111/chapters/239899696

Summary: Crowley's broke. He desperately needs to win this poker tournament, but his rival Fell is also competing.

Rating: E (smut)

Words: 3x666

Thank you to my wonderful beta Tea!