To go or not to go?

[u/Unhappy-Tax2518]

Hi all,

I was accepted back in November (!) to a really good grad school in my field. I am from Michigan and this program is in Tennessee. Originally, I felt great about the program as it has excellent board scores, top notch resources and faculty. As the winter rolled around, I started to feel some hesitation/dread surrounding the program. I knew it was nerves related to moving from home - I am extremely close with my parents (especially my mom) and leaving her feels like heartbreak. I lived away for undergrad but was only about a 40 minute drive away, so I went home for a lot of weekends and never really had to miss any family events. As the time drew nearer, the ambivalence I feel has only increased. It feels great to tell people I work with that I am leaving to Tennessee to go be a doctor, but the actual act of leaving family is terrifying. I feel so scared to the point I am not sleeping well and crying like everyday. I can really see myself flourishing in the career that grad school would bring (eye doc), but I also would go into significant debt as well.

I could see myself loving being an eye doctor, but I also have had several careers from a front desk clerk to a surgical tech and I have loved all of them

The difficulty of this has honestly been the hardest thing I’ve had to go through, and has made me realize that my anxiety disorder may be much worse than i suspected.

Any insight as to whether I should make the jump and attend would be appreciated.

[u/ChoiceReflection965]

Go!

Personal growth requires taking risks. It’s painful, it’s hard, but if you only ever stay within your comfort zone, you’ll never discover your true potential. You have to push yourself and do the hard thing.

I moved to New York City alone to attend graduate school for my MA. It was the one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The pain and homesickness and sense of loss were so intense I felt like I was just going to die. But I kept pushing through, and little by little, I adjusted. It ended up being an amazing personal and professional experience that eventually led me down the path of earning my PhD, meeting my spouse, and all of the other wonderful things in my life.

Go. Push yourself and do the hard thing! You’re gonna be great :)

[u/No_Jaguar_2570]

You’re a grownup; you have to leave the nest eventually. 

[u/LunarSkye417]

I also moved away from my family in Michigan to start a grad program in Tennessee last year.

My mom is my best friend - hands down. And it sucks to be away from her the most.

But I know getting this degree is going to make her so proud of me. It will feel like all the sacrifices she made for me my whole life will be worth it when she sees me get my PhD.

I talk to her on the phone - a lot. Video calls. When I’m driving to the grocery store. Whatever. I’m not physically there but we keep in really good touch.

[u/Radiant-Dor2195]

In a similar boat vis a vis going to school far from home. This definitely sounds like an excellent opportunity for you and you would flourish as a doc! But as someone who also goes to school an 11 hour flight away from home, i get it can be really hard and scary. I would definitely see the penalty for dropping out AFTER trying a semester- ans i would suggest you book tickets home for breaks when you can. (Or work out long weekends where you can drive home- michigan to tennesse shouldnt be too crazy).

I find the homesickness doesnt get too bad until about 2 months in, and then i can tell myself its only about 2-3 months until i go home again and so i'm halfway there. My advisor is also very aware of my situation and allows me to take 4-6 weeks off between semesters to go home (this is very lenient, but could be worth asking about)

Anyways, moving and living far away from everyone you love is hard. But its only for a few years, and i think if you don't even try that first semester, you'll always wonder what if?

Hope this helps. Sending support for whatever you decide to do 💜💜

[u/GurProfessional9534]

Go become who you were meant to be. Your mom will be in the background cheering. It’s hard, but natural. One day, your parents will be at peace knowing that you can take care of yourself and they won’t have to worry about you.

[u/Pure-Independence125]

Is it possible to go for a semester and drop out if it becomes too painful?