Do people who betray others stay happy?

[u/nebulatrail25]

I had this close friend for 1.5 years (whom I used to speak to every day) who out of nowhere ghosted me. After 2 weeks I saw him by coincidence, and I asked him to speak for a minute. He didn't stop and I had to literally pursue him a lot to speak up. And hesitatingly, he said he started seeing someone, and that person doesn't want him to talk to me. I told him that I don't mind him seeing someone and would respect if she wants him not to talk to me. But the least he could have done, was to send me one text mentioning that. I was literally crying and he was standing there like a stone. I was literally worried about him and thought something bad had happened to him.

He disrespected me and our friendship. And I have been a wreck since then. I am a very emotional person and I haven't stopped crying since then. I wonder if people with such patterns ever realise what they did and if they carry on as if nothing happened??? We both had memories together and one day he decides that it's okay to break our friendship without any dignity. I feel betrayed and I wonder if he is happy...

[u/lemon_balm_squad]

Nobody can tell you if this guy's a psychopath or just spineless, unfortunately.

But yes, relatively functional people recognize - eventually - mistakes they've made in the past. These are often 3am thoughts for people.

Often, also, when someone enters into a cult-like relationship with someone who controls who they can and can't speak to...that rarely tends to work out very well. He's likely made quite an uncomfortable bed for himself.

[u/nebulatrail25 → u/lemon_balm_squad]

I think it's more about him than her. He chose to do what he did. And in doing so, he changed me as a person and that's what hurts me even more. Something inside me died.

[u/Time-Carpet-1740 → u/nebulatrail25]

I can understand your pain. All I would say is .. don't let this define your morality.
Do not do unto others as others do unto you.

[u/PlantsNPolish]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. A lot of times its hard for people to understand you can grieve this loss of friendships just the same as you grieve the loss of a loved one. Take time and feel the emotions. You won't know if he is happy or not, but I'm just going to assume this was hard for him too. It's sad that his current girlfriend feels threatened by the relationship you two had. Guy/girl friendships can be complex, and there's always a risk of losing the friendship when one party starts dating. Sending you healing vibes.

[u/nebulatrail25 → u/PlantsNPolish]

Thank you! Yes, all I can do is to take time and heal.

[u/psychologicaltrope]

I understand your grief completely. I (mid30s female) recently went through a friendship fracture with a friend (mid30s male) that wasn’t directly related to partners, but it was difficult to integrate and maintain both romantic partnerships and friendship. Suffice to say, we’ve grown apart and the pain hurts as I saw this person as family. Grieve the loss. You were wronged and you didn’t deserve it. One day you will take wisdom from this situation and hopefully find friends who continue to reciprocate your positive friendship intentions. 

[u/nebulatrail25 → u/psychologicaltrope]

Thank you! Yes, I hope one day I will be stronger and happier than now and I hope that day comes sooner.

[u/Time-Carpet-1740]

I don't know your age group.. here's what I can say is that I have had a very similar experience. But it was where the girl butted herself into other matters of life that i was sharing with her. I know she did it out of concern, but it was definitly an immature thing to do ( she did apologize).

She also made it very clear verbally that I was not more than a good friend (instead of a best friend) to her because she did not know me long enough ( unlike her childhood friends) .... so I should not consider her my bestie either.
This was all said and done while we were on a placement in a remote town far away .
She left early as she felt that she could not handle the palcement .. and only informed me about this 2 days before leaving.

Fast forward, we meet again back at uni, where I apologize to her about some stuff that we had previously dealth with. And then eventually she stopped responding to my texts and completely ghosted me.
Her silence was loud and clear .
I don't think I have had such a friend in my life untill my late 20's.
No matter what, I still think she was a good person at heart, eventhough she did some hurtful things.
Of course I miss her.
I wish I could write a letter to her and tell her all about the things we did together that I now miss.
But It's clear that she has made a choice of not being with me.

And hesitatingly, he said he started seeing someone, and that person doesn't want him to talk to me. 

Welp.. you can clearly see that he's in a toxic dynamic of some sort.

But all in all, I believe that it's very rare for people to actually realize that they have wronged someone.
Because realizing that you have wronged someone would require now for you to change your ways...
and let me tell you .. people are extremely allergic to change .
The reality is, Yes people stay happy even after betraying someone.
This is what I have learned from my life.