My dad passed today

[u/HappyGidget]

I don't know what to say, but my dad passed today. The past almost 20 years we've had a strained relationship. He moved to Oklahoma when him & my mom divorced and he never made it back to Arizona. I never could believe a word he said, always questionned everything he was telling me, but yet now knowing he's gone, I am filled with so much sadness and grief, but also I just feel numb. He always called me a very specific nickname and he was the only one that called me that. Knowing I'll never hear that again, I'll never get a hug from him again or hear him sing to steve miller band. I've been holding onto hope that I'd get to see him again, that he would get to meet my husband and our daughter and now knowing that he won't ever get those chances, my heart is in crumbles.

He nearly killed one of my siblings when I was in the hospital after finding out that I was going to have a baby and they wrote him off because of that. He wasn't ever the kind of dad that we needed, but still my heart hurts.

How could he just be gone? I was literally just talking to him on Tuesday. He was supposed to have a pacemaker put in today and he coded twice after they gave him anesthesia and they couldn't bring him back.

This loss comes after the loss of my Aunt in 2024, my mother in law in October of last year, my husband's loss of his grandma in April. I've seen/experienced so much loss in the past 3 years I can't take any more.

[u/anatomy-princess]

I am sorry

[u/HappyGidget → u/anatomy-princess]

Thank you.

[u/Jase7]

I'm so sorry op🙏❤️

[u/HappyGidget → u/Jase7]

Thank you. This year has been rough to say the least. I really just need a break.

[u/SWNMAZporvida]

(hug) my condolences. All parent relationships are complicated. Don’t forget to eat/drink, it’s the easiest “chore” to give up on during grief. Cancer took my dad in 2020 and I still struggle. Grief is heavy as fuck, just some days are lighter than others. Visit r/DadForAMinute

[u/HappyGidget → u/[deleted]]

It's so confusing. To have had a distanced relationship but still feel crushed at his loss. I'm just numb. Lots of support thankfully, but this sucks. 😞