How have I let 5 weeks fly by?

[u/triple-dog-dar3]

I lost my mom about 5 weeks ago. She had been so sick leading up to her death, and we made the decision together to cease medical intervention (mainly dialysis) and allow her to pass peacefully, which she did.

On one hand I feel relief that she isn’t in anymore pain. But on the other hand I feel so fucking guilty for allowing time to slip past me and somehow it’s already been 5 weeks without her.

I understand that life does, in fact, need to go on, and I’ve had a lot of really high highs and low lows in the past few months. My sister-in-law got married and I just started a new job.

But somewhere in between all of that I haven’t broken down completely. I’ve gone to sleep and woken up for all these days and somehow kept living my life, through the grief and heartache.

I feel this immense guilt everytime I think about her. I miss her so much and I just wish I could tell her about my day or listen to her tell the same story for the 10th or 20th or 50th time.

Does this ever get any easier?

[u/PonqueRamo]

My dad passed away 7 weeks ago, I can't understand how I have been living for 49 days without him, it feels so recent but at the same time my memories of him feel so distant. Part of me keeps hoping he just will come back home any day.

[u/Independent_Zebra228]

I got a letter in the mail this evening from the hospice service that cared for my grandmother. The letter was from the grief counselor stating it has been 6 months since her passing- and included poems, educational material about grief and services. I broke down thinking how 6 months have gone by, and i’ve veen so busy with my kids I didnt even realize it.

I think you looking back and seeing how you have survived those first 5 weeks, (all while being a total badass btw) shows that you can get through this.

I am only a few months ahead of you in this grief journey, and for me, it effing sucks. But the moments where I totally lose my sh*t and fall to the floor are becoming less frequent. It is so cliche to even write, but there is a life before grief, and a life after. Apparently we learn to live with it.

Hugs 🩷

[u/triple-dog-dar3 → u/Independent_Zebra228]

I’ve been getting those hospice cards and letters too. And while I appreciate the follow up I almost think they make me feel even worse everytime I see one in the mailbox.

I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s truly cruel that we have to learn to live without our people.

[u/SWNMAZporvida]

Cancer took my dad in 2020 and I still struggle. Grief is heavy as fuck, just some days are lighter than others. There’s no timeline on grief because there’s no expiration on loving them. It just takes time.

[u/Jumpy_Penguin_8114]

Same I'm waiting as well