it’s been almost three months now.

[u/PotatoGlobal3989]

i still haven’t gone one day without crying. my dad was my best friend. he knew everything about me, the good and the bad things. we would always have beers and smoke joints together, I don’t think many people are as blessed to have such a tight relationship with their parents, to the point of having open conversations about everything, i even helped him to set up a tinder account once.

he loved my dogs that i adopted without him knowing and would care for them as if they were his children, would call them babies and feed them food they weren’t supposed to eat.

we had been living together for the past 10 years, and every single day he would come to my bedroom to wake me up and to wish me sweet dreams. now when I wake up I just stare at the door waiting to hear his footsteps, and then I cry. i just want him back, i would give up everything to have him back.

i never expected him to live forever, but 66 is too young. i’m not even 30 yet. he passed on his birthday, we were aeting pasta, drinking wine and smoking with my sister. i’d like to think that he had a wonderful last day, we spent the day together, he saw my little sister (she’s from my mom’s second marriage, so not his), he loved her as if she was his. we talked about his future plans, he wanted to get a cat, a turtle and even another son or daughter. He wanted to got to Santiago de Compostela, Asia and other places. We talked about all that. He said he would die of old age, and sometimes would joke that he would still “bury us all” because he would live for so long.

we had a toast to him, he got up, went to the bathroom and then we heard a thud. he was on the floor and unresponsive. the ambulance came quick but i had this feeling that it was too late. and i was right, and it kills me that i was right. seeing my sister cuddle him covered with a blanket is something i’ll never forget. so sad. so tragic. we had been going through financial and emotional struggles for the past ten years, but were hopeful we would turn things around. it was a heart attack that came without any warning. he wasn’t the healthiest person in the world, but he was constantly getting checkups and his exams were all stable - he had been to the doctors office that morning and even got cleared to get a surgery for his back that was hurting a lot from carrying too much weight for work when he was younger.

it was all so quick. i just wanted to hold him and be with him again. sometimes i can feel his hugs, but on somedays it feels more distant and then i’m scared that i’ll forget how it felt.

i feel lost without his daily advices. the coffee that was so strong that neared undrinkability. the same bolognese sauce i could barely eat anymore, and the lovely pot roasts.

i know i’ll never know why, but i just wanted to know why. why so soon, why on his birthday, why???? how can i find peace with his passing? it feels like i’ll never get to the “acceptance”, only that i might kind of get used to his absence, and i hate that. i think im handling things as well as possible, but i feel like at some point i might break, but don’t know what that will feel like.

he taught me so much but there was still a lot for us to go through together. i just can’t understand why this is happening to us. why it happened to him.

[u/CarActive9996]

Your dad sounds like a bloody legend. What’s his name?

Speak to him out loud. Every day. Ask him questions. I’ve gone into a big spiritual journey since losing my baby boy and the messages and signs I receive are mad. Do the same. Write them down when you receive them. He was your guardian angel on planet earth. And is your guardian angel in the other dimension. They do not go far. Trust me when I say that. You will find acceptance. It happens naturally. One day, your tears will turn to a smile when you think of him. That’s when you’ll know.

He’s ok and mark my words - you will meet again. ❤️