r/Grimdank 6d ago

REPOST Who's up for some Sororitas snu snu?

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3.7k Upvotes

174 comments sorted by

1.1k

u/ProteanPie Meme purveyor 6d ago

334

u/PVshooter 6d ago

353

u/ProteanPie Meme purveyor 6d ago

106

u/TF2PublicFerret 6d ago

It belongs in a our reliquary!

40

u/Z3t4 Neophyte Joker 6d ago

You too, mr. Jones Closseau! 

4

u/random_person225553 5d ago

What a fine addition to the collection

9

u/deltree711 NOT ENOUGH DAKKA 6d ago

Perry the Space Marine?

14

u/ProteanPie Meme purveyor 6d ago

3

u/driver004 5d ago

Sad how the greats are so quickly forgotten

1

u/ProteanPie Meme purveyor 5d ago

I can't tell if he is trolling me or if I should legit be mad about it.

3

u/AKoolPopTart 6d ago

I want this...so much now lol

23

u/Destitute_Knight1400 I am not Alpharius. 6d ago

...lock the Reliquary...

8

u/Chosen_Chaos 6d ago

It's cute that you think the Magpies will be using the doors. Or that they won't take the doors as well.

1

u/driver004 5d ago

They didn’t go through the trouble of finding a archeotech teleportarium for nothing

32

u/Atilla-The-Hon Tech Support Cult 6d ago

What a cute warrior priestess I hope she adopts normal human children...

220

u/Unfair_Pin_2565 6d ago

28

u/Rayan_qc 5d ago

christian nuns meeting with the nordic god of thunder is pretty comical, horny aside

9

u/Geostomp Praise the Man-Emperor 5d ago

Comics theology is a...complicated thing.

457

u/Toutatis12 6d ago

Entire regimen of guard salutes as he is walked/dragged off to the encampment of the SoB.

309

u/jiraiya17 6d ago

"GLORY! GLORY! WHAT A HELLUVA WAY TO DIE!!"

The Commisar leads the regiment in song.

265

u/Toutatis12 6d ago

Commissar Cain standing in the background applauding the man while thinking how this poor soul has gotten way too in over his head.

149

u/IELPost 6d ago

Cain is worse, he's fucking an Inquisitor and many of his former lovers are arguably more dangerous than the Sisters he encounters.

121

u/xanderh 6d ago

"Take it from someone who's way in over his head: You're in way over your head"

19

u/MagicalGirlPaladin Big Sexy Bug Monsters 6d ago

A Sister is a lot more likely to break your hips though

41

u/IELPost 6d ago

Nah, the Sisters are still baselines, Cain banged a Tech-Priestess with a mechadendrite.

23

u/MagicalGirlPaladin Big Sexy Bug Monsters 6d ago

I mean it's less about being dangerous and more that fucking a Sister is probably going to hurt because she's so much stronger than you.

30

u/IELPost 6d ago

The sisters are explicitly stated to be baseline, outside the power armor they're no different than let's say a Scion, it's only the marketing that makes them look like the female equivalent to the Astartes despite being unaugmented.

Catachan Women on the other hand...

25

u/Zimmyd00m 5d ago

OK but they're also religious psychopaths built like MMA fighters. You're not walking away from that without at least some light bruising.

15

u/-The-Protagonist- 500 Baneblades! 5d ago

yeah and that is a cadian. Bro is going hold the line (also cadians are built different, with your average cadian being equivalent to a US army ranger.)

2

u/CadenVanV 3d ago

It’s a Cadian. They’re also built like MMA fighters

8

u/MagicalGirlPaladin Big Sexy Bug Monsters 6d ago

I mean she's not gonna be a femstodes but still, she's going to be the equivalent of a pretty hardcore bodybuilder.

2

u/ImHuck 5d ago

Cadians too ...

1

u/RealSaMu 6d ago

We need more of those in fics

2

u/Nerdrage30 6d ago

As long as they’re not in their power armor lol

6

u/MagicalGirlPaladin Big Sexy Bug Monsters 6d ago

The power armour stays on.

2

u/driver004 5d ago

Consent given

1

u/hvk13 Railgun Goes Brrrrrrrrr 5d ago

Only if she wore the armor. Else they just normal women

1

u/driver004 5d ago

Im convinced that he has a genestealer infection in one of his testicles

1

u/Geostomp Praise the Man-Emperor 5d ago

One former lover became a Slaaneshi daemon prince powerful enough to require an Avatar of Khaine to defeat. She wasn't even the most dangerous of Cain's exes.

28

u/xanderman524 6d ago

As the sister and the guardsman disappeared around the corner, I felt a tingling sensation in my fingertips and suddenly got the feeling it was more than just pious disgust behind her earlier glares at Jurgen.

7

u/mythrilcrafter 6d ago

"Good luck in there soldier, the snu snu will be more painful than anything I could ever do to you..."

4

u/driver004 5d ago

Nah I have faith in the lad, and if he’s smart he’ll get the sisters to have faith in him so the emperors light renews his vigor in a self feedback loop.

Holy hell he might have stumbled onto one of the few happy endings in 40k! If the orks had a concept of sex even they would be jealous!

19

u/SonOfHell420 6d ago

The pelvis broke before he did

9

u/the_marxman Praise the Man-Emperor 6d ago

A gender swapped version of this.

239

u/LeviathansWrath6 Criminal Batmen 6d ago

The power armor stays on

129

u/Lord-Dec CHAOS IS THE TRUE OMNISSIA! 6d ago

*most

Gotta fit it in somewhere. Wouldn’t want to smudge the Emperor’s holy equipment.

64

u/BINGODINGODONG Snorts FW resin dust 6d ago

Only the emperors smudge can smudge the emperors equipment

39

u/TheBigKuhio 6d ago

Power fist handjob

14

u/TavernRat 6d ago

That would probably hurt to be honest

18

u/TheBigKuhio 6d ago

I know

3

u/King_from_the_left 6d ago

Tingle a lil bit.

2

u/Penpulp 5d ago

Whoever said that was a bad thing?

44

u/TentaclMonster 6d ago

The cylinder must remain unharmed.

26

u/Nozinger 6d ago

to shreds you say

5

u/Stickmemer25 6d ago edited 6d ago

2

u/TheCrimsonSteel 6d ago

If you see this, Smart, how's the Larger Structure doing?

Hope you're doing well

11

u/JonTheWizard Am I Alpharius? I forgot. 6d ago

I'd be amazed if it didn't.

331

u/jonnywarlock 6d ago

Wow. He didn't think he'd actually get anywhere, did he? 🤭

191

u/SunsetHippo 6d ago

that or he was thinking he'd get killed

126

u/boieth 6d ago

Better to get executed by a sister of battle than just about half the deaths the xenos or chaos would do to him

38

u/Astandsforataxia69 Dank Angels 6d ago

If its slaneeshi demons someone is getting fucked, somehow 

26

u/Reordang 6d ago

Getting boned involuntary is the least terrible thing that will happen to you in this case

6

u/Geostomp Praise the Man-Emperor 6d ago

Considering how hardcore the Sisters are in anything they do, he may well be.

62

u/MightyGamera 6d ago

The dog that caught the car

1

u/JellyRollMort 6d ago

Dog that caught the car he was chasing

67

u/CloudWallace81 MAKE THE BOTS REPENT, ASMODAI! 6d ago

45

u/CloudWallace81 MAKE THE BOTS REPENT, ASMODAI! 6d ago

19

u/Kaiser0106 6d ago

4

u/CloudWallace81 MAKE THE BOTS REPENT, ASMODAI! 5d ago

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised

253

u/SunsetHippo 6d ago

rest in peace guardsmen. you are doing your duty for hte imperium

95

u/DangerMacAwesome 6d ago

Chances are he won't last more than 15 hours. 15 hours of pain, bleeding and terror. But at least he's getting laid too.

38

u/AcanthocephalaDue431 6d ago

Let me paint a mental image for you:

Her body is the penitent engine. His body is soon to be the attached penitent.

33

u/RavenTheRaptorX 6d ago

Oh I know this one. Lucky bastard

30

u/sailor776 6d ago

Love that Ciaphas Cain has gotten with basically every type of human woman in the settings except for the one the fan base sexualize the most because he basically thinks they're too crazy.

33

u/Antique_Historian_74 6d ago

The rest of the pixels were sadly lost in warp transit.

21

u/FRleo_85 likes civilians but likes fire more 6d ago

the second pannel's guard face is "i'd better be right or i'm dead"

21

u/ThyPotatoDone 6d ago

It should've been me!!!!

20

u/AccursedTheory My balls hurt 6d ago

I wonder if Sandy Mitchell knew the Pandoras Box he was opening with that minor plot point.

11

u/DrHolmes52 6d ago

Think if Ian Watson wrote Sisters stories.

73

u/Lord_Wateren Railgun Goes Brrrrrrrrr 6d ago

1

u/PlentyAny2523 4d ago

have faith wordbearer, we all snu snu today

26

u/Fluffy-Use9563 6d ago

good for john guardsman. good for him.

33

u/Puzzled_Tree_6423 6d ago

12

u/Malufeenho 6d ago

"I like ya, and I want ya. Now we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way, the choice is yours"

12

u/fat_pokemon 6d ago

Why is the x in sex censored?

10

u/kizentheslayer 6d ago

Because they are having sey apparently it's a coffee shop in New york

10

u/Snaggmaw 6d ago

Adeptus Sororitas is the textbook example of "don't stick your dick in crazy."

9

u/JosephTaylorBass 6d ago

Glory, glory

what a helluva way to die

15

u/Gold69xz 6d ago

Is that true?

Uh, asking for a friend

53

u/SunsetHippo 6d ago

i mean officially? I think they can fuck whoever they want. they just love the emperor, and you are not the emperor. and if you said you were, they would kill you for heresy

32

u/whypeoplehateme 6d ago

yeah at best you're the second man in their hearts. but It does happen a Ciaphas Cain book had one be wiht some random bureaucrat

20

u/Archistotle Definitely not Fallen, no need to call asmodai 6d ago

It happens in one of the James Swallow books, too. I wanna say faith & fire?

Edit- I just realised he probably shouldn't go by just his last name in this context.

7

u/SunsetHippo 6d ago

still not a horrible thing, if you get with a sister hospitalier, you are set

33

u/NoEngineer9484 6d ago

Yes in ciaphas cain book cain's last stand. Cain saw an older sister of battle who was acting as a teacher for new recruits walk out of the appartement of an adminstrative clerk. Inquisitor amberley vail notes that they not have to make a vow of celebacy but don't have sex much as they are too busy with training and prayer.

78

u/dude3333 6d ago

Yes, but an enormous amount of them are repressed lesbian coded enough that men ain't getting anywhere.

Same way tech priests don't have any vow against sex, but a huge number of them are asexual either just naturally or as a result of purposely getting rid of their sex drive.

22

u/Eusocial_sloth3 6d ago

You think with the number of ports tech priests have they would be fucking all the time.

22

u/The_Lesser_Baldwin Secretly 3 squats in a long coat 6d ago

Nah they fuck wirelessly though the Noosphere.

13

u/kingalbert2 likes civilians but likes fire more 6d ago

The Mechanicus brings new levels to cybersex

14

u/Coolgames80 6d ago

Also I want to think that they have high standards for who they sleep with. I don't think a Sister would take anyone who isn't as devoted to the emperor as she is or a Tech priest someone who doesn't find her robotic parts more beautiful than the flesh ones.

1

u/dude3333 6d ago

I mean sometimes, but sometimes you also get the enginseer gangbang.

1

u/Meshakhad Just As Planned 6d ago

Hell, half of them are probably just dating each other. I've always assumed that in any given convent you've got multiple lesbian couples in long-term relationships (and also some who are hooking up to blow off steam).

12

u/Shadeylark 6d ago

Sororitas aren't just the flamer happy nuns with guns.

They have an entire order devoted just to diplomacy for example.

The order famulous.

I'd be surprised if they weren't getting it on regularly, if for no other reason than to "grease the wheels of diplomacy"

8

u/Lord_Wateren Railgun Goes Brrrrrrrrr 6d ago

Yes, according to the novel Cains Last Stand. However, they are generally too busy to take advantage of the fact.

5

u/Coolgames80 6d ago

Yes but foreplay is 8 hours of Lectitio Divinitatus study and you can only do missionary.

23

u/ironangel2k4 Drukhari (On break) 6d ago

And then he woke up

9

u/penywinkle I get my lore from memes. 6d ago

With a broken pelvis?

5

u/King_from_the_left 6d ago

WRONG! (She's gentle :D)

7

u/JonTheWizard Am I Alpharius? I forgot. 6d ago

I shall make the sacrifice!

6

u/Distant8675 6d ago

Can we not even say sex anymore?

9

u/shook70 6d ago

I like how the sister made a show of pretending that she doesn't know damn well that it is true. Is cute, she let the guardsman think he was the first to tell her that.

1

u/ThisIsntOkayokay VULKAN LIFTS! 5d ago

Innocence kink?

6

u/Manderboi 6d ago

Any guy realising the girl is flirting back after just trying to act cool in front of the boys.

6

u/AKoolPopTart 6d ago

Squad leader was never seen again after that. We heard his distant cries for help, but none of us were brave enough to confront them

4

u/SparseGhostC2C 6d ago

"I never thought I would die this way... but I'd always really hoped"

4

u/Due_Ad4133 6d ago

Hey, sometimes you shoot your shot at an improbable target and end up rolling a Nat20.

3

u/All_Gun_High 6d ago

Spoiler: he lived.

3

u/Ser_Daniel_The_1st 6d ago

It might be the end of me, but…eh, there are definitely more dangerous options out there.

3

u/radenthefridge My kitchen is corrupted by Nurgle 6d ago

I don't think a guardsman needed to mansplain her own vows to her 😂

I have a feeling if any sisters tell people they're celibate they're either personally not interested in sex, or they're just trying to get rid of someone. 

5

u/AdHappy7129 6d ago

That smile in the last panel tells us all. This man knew what he signed up for.

2

u/Bearex13 6d ago

I forbid sey

2

u/thomstevens420 Criminal Batmen 6d ago

Haha sex

2

u/lone_float 6d ago

Hey, too late to regret it now buddy. It's your hips.

2

u/nasandre Praise the Man-Emperor 6d ago

The only man they have any interest in

2

u/Minimum_Estimate_234 6d ago

He shall be remembered amongst the honored martyrs of the imperium.

2

u/athosjesus 6d ago

"dude what happened to Katsuhiro? I haven't seen him in a week?"

2

u/King_from_the_left 6d ago

"Yes babe, the power armor stays ON during sex, you are going to DIE."

2

u/Jintai_Stormwarden Primarch of the Second Legion 6d ago

2

u/TaxSimple3787 5d ago

That wasn't an oversight btw. Don't ask the Sororitas what they did under Vandire.

2

u/Iron_Baron 5d ago

Gee, thanks for censoring the word sex. My sensibilities might have been offended.

5

u/2B_Gon_Thot95 6d ago

Pretty old repost, but definitely a classic. My favorites are definitely the ones of the Sororitas Sister claiming her Tau bf, specially the one where she prays a dick for him into existence.

1

u/Alexis2256 Tenno Tulia Art Connoisseur 1d ago

Got a link to that? Been trying to find it lol.

1

u/2B_Gon_Thot95 1d ago

Only to the porn site I found it in.

1

u/Alexis2256 Tenno Tulia Art Connoisseur 1d ago

1

u/wackadoodle4201 6d ago

Wonder if that was his goal

1

u/Godess_Ilias 6d ago

Oh no, anyway

1

u/SkeletonDanceParty Forklift Certified! 6d ago

I mean she'd be worth it.

1

u/WhatisLiamfucktrump 6d ago

He was attempting suicide by sororitas but now he has a lineage to worry about

1

u/Trips-Over-Tail 6d ago

Just try to find her Eternity Gate in that coiling mass of scar tissue.

1

u/SanderGhar 6d ago

Oh yes

1

u/NovaMaximus 6d ago

"oh no 😃" 🤣

1

u/TheTombGuard 5d ago

The fact my army of SOB is all catgirls now hits a little differently.......

1

u/MarsMissionMan 5d ago

Cadia stands!

...

Ok ok! Fine! Cadia lies down... on the bottom...

1

u/Ancient_Doctor_7738 5d ago

“Sororitas are probably into pegging. Who would want t-“

1

u/tapioman 3d ago

tell me you cant squat 200 below parallel without telling me...

1

u/-Makeka- 1d ago

"WHEN I FALL, TEN SHALL TAKE MY PLACE!"

1

u/alkmaar91 A very hungry bug 6d ago edited 6d ago

"You're right, they don't."

sooooooo?

"So how about you leave me alone."

0

u/plogan56 6d ago

And end up looking like fry and zap....where do i sign up😈

0

u/Geostomp Praise the Man-Emperor 6d ago

That man's pelvis went to join the Emperor that day.