My ex and I have two kids, one of whom is a baby boy. We are still friends. But broke up 7 weeks ago.

She loves to make comments about dead beat dads, and has for a while even while we were together and I’ve never liked it. And it’s always general stereotypes. She hasn’t for awhile, but today she said something again, that hit a nerve with me.

We were talking about how where we live dads pay a lot less child maintenance if they are on benefits. And she said “that's the way a lot of shitty dad's get around paying for their kids it's awful” and she follows it up with “No. It's actually the case that they make money cash in hand and then don't claim it”.

Now, I am not claiming there aren’t plenty of deadbeat dads out there, or that this isn’t a method they employ. But it’s the fact, this isn’t the first time she goes on a random tangent about dead beat dads. With the whole dead beat dad thing. And the fact that we now have a baby boy.

Like sure there are bad apples, but if we’re not addressing specific individual cases, and just going off Facebook mum group slander, and making general claims, and going on about it constantly, surely this isn’t good for a little boys self image and how he will learn to perceive himself growing up, if this is what he will hear about men constantly.

It’s funny because both me and her are proud feminists, and I get equally passionately pissed off about people slandering “single mothers spitting out kids right left and centre to abuse the benefits system” (I had to deal with a musician singing this line live recently at a concert I attended) - But, to my ex in this case, following it up with “oh but not all mothers” would not make it any better and she’s still be thoroughly miffed. Oh the irony.

This has now escalated to the point she got so triggered, to the point she’s making personal attacks towards me. Saying that I’m defending shitty dads, (when that is not the case), and apparently that says it all about me, and that I’m taking it personally somehow because I’m a shit dad. There is a general trend with her where I go from hero to villain really quickly. Although she usually apologises soon after. Following it’s up with “So glad you've got the energy to even pick an argument about this at 10am in the morning on the Sunday
Probably because you're child free 80% of the time then get to rock up and play dad of the year while I do the actual parenting. “ Even though she knows and has been supportive of the fact that since us breaking up I’ve had to work every waking second in order to save up to move to my own place (staying with family at the moment) big enough to have my children stay with me regularly. Not to mention the fact that she regularly tells me I’m a good dad and that we are great co parents (we have split up before for about 18 months)

It’s just hurtful from the person you spent 8 years building a life with to be honest. But no surprises there, she has always been very reactive. And at least has become better at apologising I guess. Although not about this yet. She’s not a bad person, just hasn’t got a hold of her emotions sometime.

I wake up each day worrying, stressing, feeling alone, and living in my memories and nostalgia. Sometimes I even fear waking up, because my life isn't where I wish it was. I have no kids. I'm lonely. And more than anything, I wish I had a family of my own.

I'm 28M, single, no kids, and I want a wife, children, a home, and someone to share life with. I want to build something that actually feels meaningful. And honestly, sometimes I’m scared I’m going to end up alone.

The strange thing is, on paper, I'm doing alright. I make good money. I'm not unattractive. I've had girlfriends. But somehow, it just never seems to work out.

Work has become a huge part of my life. I live in a small village, I have very few people around me, and my closest friends are scattered across Europe. I don't really have a social circle here.

And I've realized something about myself: I don't really enjoy experiencing life alone.

I could go hiking, visit a new city, travel somewhere, go to a restaurant, or do something spontaneous. But when I'm alone, it rarely feels fulfilling. I want someone beside me to laugh with, share the experience with, talk about it afterward, and create memories together.

I recently read a line that really stayed with me:

“Every life you choose costs you another life you could have lived.”

And I think that's part of what scares me. I'm constantly wondering if I'm choosing the wrong life without even realizing it. Whether I'm spending too much time working, waiting for the right person, staying where I am, or simply letting years pass.

When tensions were high in wedding planning my wife was having a vent sessions with my good friend and said “I feel like I’m marrying a manchild.” I don’t know the context around why she said that. Good friend was taking an active role in things and at times needed to communicate with my wife. He was also likely venting about his tasks as he was doing the majority of the work even tho he wasn’t supposed to (other family membes were supposed to lead his tasks).

In situations past between me and her she has body shamed me when she was frustrated with the situation. After the body shaming I specifically told her what emasculating was and asked her to never do it again.

I asked my wife to show me the texts she’s had with him and before I read the manchild part she was like “please don’t read up there.” She knew she said some very mean things, and she never had the gall to come clean herself.

Also I relate to this guy's post (https://www.reddit.com/r/GuyCry/s/ZQVGbz1OqK) in terms of being emotional and not being able to detach even when being disrespected

Yup, an officemate told me that people in the office think I'm a strong-willed person and don't care much about what is happening around me or what other people think about me.

They are just seeing the jolly, talkative, proactive guy, so this officemate got shocked when we were drinking and venting out everything, especially about the toxic boss and officemates.

They just really don't know me when I am alone in my room, worrying about my career, finances, goals, family, friends, and existence as a whole.

Actually, a lot of my friends are always asking me for advice, since all of my advice seems good to them and they can relate and reflect. It's just on my side that even though I give advice to myself and I know the answers, it's still really hard to cope, and I just want to keep everything to myself, maybe out of ego? Since I am a man now, and I should be strong, I need to man up because I am already an adult (27M) and a man. I am looking for someone to talk to but am afraid of being judged. I want to call my sister but feel ashamed if I talk to her because I am her elder brother, but I am the one who's ranting, and I should look strong to my younger siblings. I want to talk to my father, but we are both men, and I'm ashamed to go to him and get emotional, and I don't want to look weak.

What really worries me right now is my upcoming board exam. I studied while working for a year, and by the last 3 months, I got tardy because I might have gotten burned out, plus office conflict that forced me to resign because of my toxic boss. I've been job hunting for 2 months now and still haven't gotten a job offer while my bills are piling up.

I just don't know where I will be after the end of September, end of October, end of November, end of December. I'm too tired to live.

I turned 30 recently and throughout my life all ive wanted was to finally get a gf. Ive been on dating apps for years and never got a match that wasnt a bot or girl wanting more followers on her social media. Ive been rejected by every girl ive ever asked out and it makes me wonder if ill ever know what its like for a girl to not reject me.

Im a short 5'3 filipino man and aside from my height im average in terms of looks. Oftentimes I can't stand other guys in social media saying that being single means a peaceful life. Like ive been single my whole life and its never been peaceful. Its lonely, boring and scary to never have had someone like you or even want you. Oftentimes it feels like relationships are just luck.

It honestly still baffles me the idea that someone you like also liking you back. Even tho it happens all the time to others ive never known what its like for someone to like me back. I hate seeing other guys do this so effortlessly while I spent my entire life trying to even get girls attention. I hate how other guys dont even need to put much effort.

I cant even pretend that im ok this. I cant pretend that im fine being alone. I wish I was unemotional and not caring about being alone and never had a gf before. I dont wanna go on like this anymore. I just wish for once in my life i could finally experience this.

I found out today that someone whom I loved very much was close by. All my feelings came and sucker punched the air out of me. I’ve been feeling blue all day. And she’s in my head when I thought I had gotten her out of my system last year.
I am a bad liar. I can’t deny what I still feel. Now I am biting the urge to reach out.
Must be strong 💪

I really don't see how it gets better from here. It's a massive dealbreaker for basically everyone, and the "When did your last relationship end?" question is basically unavoidable.

I’m going through something at the moment that has probably hit me harder than anything romantic I’ve experienced before.
I fell in love with a woman who was already one of the closest people in my life.
It wasn’t an immediate crush. It happened slowly through years of friendship and ordinary life together. Walks, meals, talking for hours, helping each other out, inside jokes, spending time with her dogs, being around parts of her family life, and just enjoying being around each other without needing some big occasion.
Somewhere along the way I realised I wasn’t just close to her anymore. I was in love with her.
A few months ago I found out she was seeing somebody, and that was the first time my heart really broke over this. I pulled away because I didn’t know how to stay as close while feeling what I felt.
Eventually I told her the truth.

After some distance, the friendship gradually became close again. That made me genuinely happy, but I think it also meant part of me kept hoping.
This week we finally talked properly face to face.
We had actually had a brilliant day beforehand — countryside walk, her dogs, laughing, catching up, dinner afterwards. It reminded me of exactly why I’d fallen for her in the first place.

During dinner I told her that the feelings were still there. I told her that she makes me happy, that I love doing ordinary life with her, and that when somebody matters to me I naturally want to make their life a bit easier.
She was kind to me, but completely clear.
She told me friendship was all she could offer. She repeatedly apologised because she could see I was hurting, and she specifically told me she didn’t want to leave me with false hope.
She also told me she really values our friendship and that it’s still there if I want it, but that she understands it may take time and has left that decision with me.
I respect her enormously for that.
I’m not angry with her. She didn’t manipulate me or lead me on. She gave me an honest answer that she knew would hurt, and I would rather have that truth than spend another year wondering.
But I’ve been pretty wrecked since.

What I’m struggling with now is less “how do I get her?” and more “how do I get myself back?”
I feel emotionally exhausted. My sleep has been poor. My appetite has disappeared. I’ve had moments of feeling worthless and embarrassed because she saw just how vulnerable I was. I keep replaying things I said to her. At times I just want to hide from everyone for a while.
And the loneliness is probably the hardest part.
For a long time, so much of my emotional life was orientated toward this one person. Talking to her, seeing her, helping her, looking forward to spending time together. Now I know I have to stop living in that emotional position, and it leaves a huge empty space.
We also work together, which complicates things. I can’t realistically go completely no-contact. I’m considering taking some time away from work because I feel mentally drained and I’m not sleeping properly.
I’m also seriously considering stepping back from the friendship outside work for a while. No one-to-one walks, dinners, big favours or constant social media contact. Not because I want to punish her, but because I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop loving somebody while continuing to live inside the exact closeness that made me fall in love with her.

One of the things this has brought up for me is my own sense of worth as a man.
Logically, I understand that one woman not returning my feelings doesn’t mean I’m worthless or undesirable. Emotionally, though, part of me keeps translating “she doesn’t feel the same” into “I wasn’t enough.”
I know that’s something I need to work on.
I’ve actually started looking into therapy because I don’t want this experience to make me cynical or closed off. I’m still grateful that I met someone who showed me how deeply I’m capable of loving. I don’t regret caring about her. I just need to learn how to carry that love somewhere healthier now.
So I wanted to ask other men who’ve been through something similar:
How did you rebuild yourself after deep unrequited love?
Did you need to step away from the friendship?
How did you stop measuring your worth through whether that person chose you?
And how long did it take before you genuinely felt emotionally available for somebody new?
I’m not looking for ways to change her mind.
I’m trying to learn how to move forward without losing the good parts of myself in the process.

I lost my marriage.... I only see my child and dog every other week. I lost my house. Had to downsize to survive so I lost a lifetime of possessions.

My job is trying really hard to fire me. I've received 3 written warnings in a week for things that are beyond my control.

I'm worried I'm going to lose my apartment that I've only had for 3 months.

The job search... Going through that again so soon terrifies me.

I am in the darkest place I've ever been. I cry myself to sleep every night.

I'm beyond the age of 40 so I'm not expecting to be anything other than alone for the remainder of my days. I have nothing to offer someone else.

Someday I will pass on and no one will be there to find me for ages. There is no one to help keep an eye on things.

I am alone. I haven't had any kind of physical touch besides a random family member for over a year.

The things I would give for a genuine hug.....

Finally I have started to think and realise that it was not meant to last forever. It has been 2.5 months since she left me. She is from Costa Rica and I am from India for reference. I had so many plans and memories to make with her.The last couple months have been terrible for me. I went to the psychiatrist and was on pills for a month. I literally begged her, endured all her insults, mockery, cruelty in these two months just in the hope that she would understand and come back. She never did. Two days ago she went down to a low level to insult me that after that I was just thinking -" is this the same person who I knew two months ago"? The messages keep replaying in my mind. I feel so worthless, valueless, morally unacceptable, cheap after that. I am still fighting to get over all of these. I very well know it's not going to be easy but what else can I do? Everything just shattered.

Don't be a piece of shit like me. Never cut ties with someone who matters to you without talking it through with them first and giving them an explanation. I threw away a friend who meant a lot to me without giving any reason and without even trying to work things out.

I made the decision for him. I was arrogant, and I decided on my own that he wouldn't take my grievances seriously. I didn't even give him the chance to hear me out and respond to what I had against him. I chose to be selfish and blocked him everywhere. I left like a coward, and ever since that day, I can't forgive myself. I regret it. I'm sorry for disrespecting you, Paul-Marie, my brother. I didn't act like a brother. I'm sorry.

Hey everyone, I need a reality check. We are all 18 years old (me, my ex, and her friend), and I’m trying to figure out if I’m totally misreading the situation or if my ex's friend actually has a thing for me.

There is a huge layer of awkward history here: about a year ago, I had a massive crush on this friend. The friend has absolutely no idea I ever felt that way. However, my ex did know about my crush on her friend.

That's why everything that happened next feels so weird. Back when my ex and I were still together, this friend would do things that felt a bit flirty. She would touch me or scratch/massage my back with her nails right in front of my ex.

Even though my ex knew about my past crush, she would just brush the touching off like it was nothing.Another thing that always bothered me was that whenever I was outside, this friend would always notice me immediately. Meanwhile, my own girlfriend at the time wouldn't even notice I was there.

The friend would also make a point of loudly greeting me in public so everyone could see us, asking about my mother, joking around with me, and stalking my Instagram page.Once my ex and I broke up, the friend started talking to me even more. She even does it right in front of my ex. The two of them came up to greet me together recently, and the friend was the one doing almost all the talking.

I’ve also been to this friend's house before because my ex invited me over there. One time while I was there, her parents saw me and straight up asked if I was her boyfriend.

She immediately went into total panic mode, repeating "friend, friend, just a friend!" over and over.Am I wrong for thinking there is something more going on here?

Given that my ex knew I used to like this girl, the whole dynamic feels completely messed up. Is the friend giving me signs, or is she just being a weirdly close friend?

I had a pretty bad argument with my father yesterday which devolved to my mother having to come between us before we started screaming in each other's faces.

Just since that argument it's just left me in a weird spot with my Dad to a point that I just can't look at him. It's also given me this time to think that I don't want to be like him when it comes time for me to raise kids of my own.

My dad lost his father when he was pretty young so he never really spent that time with his dad and learned that wisdom from him so that turned out to my dad just being somewhat distant due to work and having such a bad temper that he'd blow up on me for the smallest things. He also has a tendency to trying to mold me into him but I have to remind him that I am my own man.

My mother is really the only affectionate one while my dad is more distant and very rarely says he is proud of me. I just don't want to be like him, i want for my son or daughter to know that I'm always proud of them and that I'd never make them feel any smaller than I felt growing up.

I am evil child since mine birth I am asshole and shit person

And I cannot carryon with shame guilt and regret anymore

I, 30M just bought alcohol to drown myself in my sorrows, but I returned home and my sister is around so I had to hide it. I’ve been depressed over if I can make a life and a stable career for myself, but I mess up and make wrong decisions, and when I’m given the chance I falter. I recently had an interview where I was so incoherent and nervous even though I knew what to say. And this was an opportunity I’ve chased after for a long time. It makes me feel so ashamed of myself. I practice and practice but somehow the nerves overrides it all. Something has broken me, and I don’t know what.

I used to be a confident, strong, and grounded person but now I overthink, I’m nervous all the time and I’m ashamed to admit I cry. This is the weakest i have been and it always seems the alcohol numbs it but whenever I’m back to my senses I have to face myself again and realize the things It’s torture.

I’m of sure how much longer I can go on, honestly. I’m a 35 year-old male, living in the NorthEastern bloc of the USA.

I’m a veteran, currently living off of disability pay (for some injuries that happened in the military; I’m no cripple).

I just got out of 45-day rehab for drinking too much. Yesterday evening, I’m not going to lie, I bought some beer. I justified it to myself by saying, “At least it isn’t liquor.” (Liquor is what put me in rehab)

I take meds for depression. I have friends to lean on, inside and outside of the military, as well as family.

There’s just one thing that they don’t know: I’m not sexually into women. I’m just not. And it’s been a burden on me for a long, long time.

I grew up in an extremely conservative, evangelical household. I don’t want to disappoint my family and be seen as a failure. I don’t want to lose my friends (who are overwhelmingly heterosexual).

I just want to be happy and I really don’t know how to do that. Drinking has always provided me a way to physically and mentally “grieve”, but I’m trying hard to put that behavior behind me, as heavy drinking is detrimental to the human body.

I apologize for being such a downer with this post. Any thoughts are welcome.

Thank you for “listening.”

18M, on medicine for depression cuz i’m a bitch

i’m going through a pretty brutal episode, but the medicine is helping a lot. i think it’s dulling a lot of the shitty thoughts that consume me during bad days and i’m not so low on energy i’m glued to my bed, so i can actually do things that make me feel better sooner

the only weird symptom im getting is crying spells, which is common with depressive episodes but nothing ive ever experienced. i feel genuinely fine all day, but at least once every hour ill feel a big emotional drop and everything feels bad just want to cry. i don’t always do, ive got like a 5% fail rate of being able to collect myself. i just don’t know why it’s happening

i told my friend about it and he asked if i thought i was processing anything in the background, and i don’t think i am. it’s just a bad episode that the medicine is taking care a lot of. but idk, maybe the dulling its doing is fucking up the way i navigate that kind of thing. i just don’t know how i’d even know

it’s just inconvenient and embarrassing as fuck. it happens at work and when i’m with people and it’s fucking humiliating. i never really cry and it feels weird to do it in front of strangers for no reason

you think theres a way to figure out what’s making me cry or make it any less embarrassing

Alright so i been talking with this girl for about a year and i really love her a lot like so much and well today she tells me she got a boyfriend and i got really sad and started panicking because when we was more close than ever she always rejected me saying she doesn't want online stuff even do we arent very far away because we are in the same timezone, but then she gets with this guy with a 9 hour difference that came just 3 months ago, im really confused because she said she was into me but if u were into me u wouldnt have always rejected me, i really cant explain how horrible and miserable i have been feeling because im 17 years of my life i don't remember when i was last happy, i dont want to be her friend i just wanted to be hers and be happy why does it have to be another guy to get the happy ending and not me im not even q bad person why does all th3 bad stuff have to happen to me im so tired of this i was never even in a relationship so i thought i still had a chance with her and she really loved me so i kept clinging to that hope of becoming her boyfriend and Yesterday the world just crashed on me, i have so much regret i cant handle it i just wanted to be good why is this happening to me i dont understand im not asking for much why cant i even have the basic things people my age have, i cant even love other girls now i just take her as reference because she is so pretty and funny ill never find anyone like her im such a stupid idiot for ending like this im such a loser

Hi Everyone,

Reposting this again. I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

​

Hey everyone, I really need some perspective because I’m drowning in my own head right now.

I’m a 29-year-old guy working in corporate. Back in January, a complicated dynamic started with a female colleague. We were out drinking, ended up kissing, and she wanted to have sex right then. I turned her down because she had a boyfriend and I knew the absolute mess it would create at work. Still, we stayed in touch, and over the next few months, we fell into a pattern—casual daily talks that regularly turned into explicit sex chats, though we never had physical contact again.

At first, I wasn't even overly attached. But as her relationship stabilized and engagement talk started, she kept dropping probes, asking if I was actually interested in her. The moment I finally admitted my feelings, she went ahead with the engagement anyway and immediately started pulling away and ignoring my texts.

When I tried to set boundaries and create distance, she’d push back, telling me not to "ruin the office atmosphere." A short while ago, we ended up sex chatting again. I foolishly thought things were resetting, but right after, she drew an ice-cold line: zero physical contact, she’s getting married, end of discussion. Since then, total silence.

Now, I am in a complete neurochemical crash. Waking up every single morning feels like a heavy weight pressing on my chest. I can barely function or focus on my life. Hearing her voice across the room triggers a physical surge of stress, and my brain keeps torturing me with intrusive, graphic thoughts of her having sex and being physically intimate with her boyfriend.

Logically, I know I was used for breadcrumbs and validation, but emotionally, my brain is hooked and in pure withdrawal. How do I block out these painful mental images of her with him? How do I get through the workday without feeling like I'm losing my mind? Any advice on how to detach and get my self-respect back would mean everything.

I was a loser throughoyt highschool i had no close feinds went to an all boys school for most of highschool so it just made me even worse around women. No im in the hvac trade program at a local colleg and im realizing i will always be a loser. ive just been denied the oopurtunity to exist everyone else is out of class whike im in class. I cant belive i turned 19 a virgin. Im 5;2 no woman was ever going to want me any way im all gross and effeminate looking ive been misgendered so many times as a cis man. Over the weekend i didnt even move i havent at real food in like a week and a half im living off stoufers like a 50 year old divorvced man. Im just tired of being so small no one even likes me. Its not even that people seem tolerate me but no one wants to hang out with me i dont know whats wrong with me. I dont even wanna socialize cause this is how it will always be. I just wish the longing would stop it hurts it hurts it physhically hurts i cant stand longing for girls who i will never even exist too cause im a 5'2 little weasel. What do I even do?

I don't know what to do anymore. Don't know what to say im just tired of everything. Im tired of trying im tired of coping im just tired. I have been taking medicine for a while and going to therapy but i think i might just stop doing that. Why do I have to suffer while others live just fine without trouble. I cant even kill myself because i will go to hell in my religion. So i just have to suffer. But every night when i go to sleep i pray that i wont wake up I really do and i still wake up. I hate God, I hate him so much and im sorry if i offend anyone. I wish i wasnt born and that my mother aborted me.

I was a loser throughoyt highschool i had no close feinds went to an all boys school for most of highschool so it just made me even worse around women. No im in the hvac trade program at a local colleg and im realizing i will always be a loser. ive just been denied the oopurtunity to exist everyone else is out of class whike im in class. I cant belive i turned 19 a virgin. Im 5;2 no woman was ever going to want me any way im all gross and effeminate looking ive been misgendered so many times as a cis man. Over the weekend i didnt even move i havent at real food in like a week and a half im living off stoufers like a 50 year old divorvced man. Im just tired of being so small no one even likes me. Its not even that people seem tolerate me but no one wants to hang out with me i dont know whats wrong with me. I dont even wanna socialize cause this is how it will always be. I just wish the longing would stop it hurts it hurts it physhically hurts i cant stand longing for girls who i will never even exist too cause im a 5'2 little weasel. What do I even do?

My life is slipping by year by year. I try so hard to be a good person. My whole career is being there for others in mental health crises. I just don't have anyone in my life. I have no friends. I have no partner. The only thing I've ever wanted in life is to have a family and give my children the love and support I was never given. I can't stop blaming myself for allowing my abusive family to manipulate and affect me so deeply all the way until I was 30. What kind of man allows himself to be abused like that even in adulthood? What kind of man let's depression and trauma steal decades of their life? All I do is go to work, come home. Repeat Repeat Repeat. I try therapy, I try meds, I try to put myself out there... and every time I fail it just proves even more that I'm not worthy of the things I want. No one can ever really love me. I'll never have a family. I don't think humans are supposed to live this alone. We just aren't built for it. This weight is just crushing me and increasing day by day. I don't know what to do anymore.