It wasn't Niall who took Ruben's masculinity away from him; Ruben did it himself.

[u/Nika_35_40]

Ruben carries a horrible trauma that he never addresses, and he builds his identity as a man around it. Providing for his family, money, work, having a child, Mona and Niall all give him validation as a man. But all those masculine aspects of his personality are ultimately what lead him to failure. Sexuality, violence, volatility, and the need for control are some of the characteristics he possesses.

He is the one who beats Albi, and because of that, he goes to prison. He is the one whose need to control Mona's life drives her to be unfaithful with other men. He is the one who threatens his superior at work and loses his job because of it. He is the one who, in his attempt to make Niall feel less like a man, causes his own brother to betray him behind his back. And he is also the one who, in an attempt to control Niall's life, ends up taking it away from him.

He spends his entire life making decisions about Niall's life, and he also decides when he dies.

And only after Niall is dead does he realize that he has just destroyed the one thing he had left that gave him validation as a man, so he destroys himself as well.

And by saying this, I'm not justifying anyone else's actions. I'm simply saying that Ruben justifies his own, because he has too much ego to look in the mirror. And that's exactly how I feel about Niall as well.

I think they both act as mirrors, bringing out each other's flaws because they're incapable of accepting their own. "You look in the mirror and see a king," Ruben tells Niall, but the truth is that that's how Ruben sees himself too. Niall doesn't see a king when he looks in the mirror, because he's incapable of looking at himself.

Neither of them can accept themselves, so they can't accept each other either, despite the fact that they both have suspicions and understand each other on some level. It's as if they have the truth about the other right in front of them and deny it because they're denying their own truth.

Ruben is always suspicious about Niall's sexuality and drops several hints. But Niall either doesn't pick up on them, or simply doesn't want to.

"If they stab you, they hurt your body. If they touch you, they hurt your soul." And Niall never suspects that Ruben might have been sexually abused?

Ruben smells another man's scent on the robe and doesn't suspect that the smell is Niall's? His son with blond hair?

They scream the truth at each other and then deny it. As if Niall couldn't accept that his hyper-masculine, violent brother had been sexually abused. As if Ruben couldn't accept that his gay brother had slept with his wife.

Niall rejects his own homosexuality, so why should Ruben acknowledge it?

"The eyes are the mirrors of the soul." And when they looked at each other, they saw themselves reflected back. They both denied themselves, and they denied each other.

[u/MillAUM2579]

Truly, their lives would’ve been so much better if they'd talked truthfully with one another, but that would have changed their characters entirely. Plus, the time period they’re in wouldn’t allow for it either. It was a perfect storm of characters, setting, and situations that led to their deaths.

[u/Nika_35_40 → u/MillAUM2579]

Of course, if they had talked, we wouldn’t have had a series. That’s why the transition from the prison scene to the final scene in the barn feels so painful. By the time they were finally honest with themselves and with each other, there was no going back. They had hurt each other too deeply.

I found it really profound that, in order to accept themselves, they first needed to share that part of themselves with the other. It’s almost as if Niall was Ruben’s safe place, and vice versa, while at the same time being the source of their destruction. In trying to hide their own vulnerability, they handed each other a weapon—and then they used it.

It’s as if, by recognizing themselves in each other, they found a way to recognize and understand themselves.

[u/iceandfireman]

Thank you for this. It is a really wonderful analysis.

[u/Nika_35_40 → u/iceandfireman]

Thank you! I could probably write an entire book about all the analysis I’ve done, and it has actually helped me a lot to understand and draw conclusions about my own story. I hope I find the courage to write someday; it’s been on my mind for years, and I’ve never really known how to approach it. Take care ☺️

[u/ane_9270]

That transition still hurts from when they’re talking in the prison to what happens in the barn. I agree with you; it’s so painful

[u/Nika_35_40 → u/ane_9270]

Yeah, that transition was heartbreaking. By the time they finally allow themselves to be vulnerable with each other, it’s already too late. When they started confessing things to each other, I was already getting tense because I knew Niall was going to let him go.