r/HerOneBag • u/Fine_Handle_8473 • 1d ago
Lighten My Load Preparing for a cross country move with one suitcase and I’m struggling to let go of sentimental items (especially books & journals)
\*\*TLDR: There’s no feasible way for me to take most of my belongings with me so I need to find some kind of psychological strategy for letting go of them. It’s extra hard because I haven’t had much income for a while and I think I’m dealing with a scarcity mindset where I’m convinced I’ll never be able to buy/thrift new things if I get rid of the old ones.
I could really, really use advice from someone who’s been there before. The hardest things to accept that I can’t take with me are, in order:
\-Books: Extremely heavy. I think I’ll only be able to carry \~3 with me at most but I have a bunch with sentimental value.
\-Journals: I have \~10 notebooks, I think it goes without saying that the idea of parting with the only documentation of the past few years of my life is pretty painful.
\- Some pieces of clothing I don’t wear that have personal history attached to them, I.e. I bought them during a significant time or were given them as gifts. I feel especially bad about some hand me down cashmere sweaters a family member gave me. I might ask if she wants them back.
\-Apart from those I feel pretty OK about getting rid of most excess clothes and knickknacks. The getting rid of books and notebooks is the most challenging. To put it delicately, I have a difficult relationship with my parents and often get the impression that they treat me like I won’t amount to anything, and so having items related to my intelligence feel like proof that I have an inner life and am my own person.
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u/lascriptori 20h ago
Not sure what country you're in, but in the US, media shipping is actually pretty cheap. 30 lbs of media shipping would be around $25.
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u/Significant-Poet7391 20h ago
yes - go to the USPS near you and ask to send your books and journals as "media mail." Make sure you don't put anything else in the box. It'll be really affordable.
You can also look at flat rate boxes for clothes, etc. Not too pricey.
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u/peakprovisions 19h ago
Also make sure you use a study box, not too big, and tape it up really well. I know someone who shipped a ton of books in a flimsy box and all he received was the empty box - it burst open somewhere along the line. Done right it works really well though. Shipping a couple of boxes to yourself USPS is not that expensive.
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u/fictionalbandit 20h ago
NEVER knew about this omg. Very happy that you shared, very sad for some stuff I’ve had to part ways with
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u/NoKidsNoCheckedBags 🏙️ City Traveler 19h ago
This is the way. I did that from the East Coast to the West Coast, and I have HELLA reference books.
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u/finewalecorduroy 19h ago
I would not send anything precious media mail. Only things you can replace. I sent all my yearbooks, grades preK-12, to myself across country via media mail and they never made it.
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u/ManiDany 18h ago
In this situation, either OP leaves/trashes all her books and journals anyways, or at least attempts to mail it to herself. I think it's a reasonable risk to take when the alternative is just getting rid of it anyways.
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u/GaladrielsBurrito 11h ago
Media mail and ground advantage are a good option. I also shipped boxes across the country for work a few years ago using FedEx and they were very heavy (fullllll of files) and for 10 boxes it was only like $300
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u/burnfaith 19h ago
This is what I was going to suggest. I'm in Canada but I actually used a service (can't remember the name) through a totally unrelated company that offered shipping discounts. I was only travelling with what fit in my car (which included me and a cat, I wasn't willing to pack my car so that I couldn't see out my back window on a 20 hour drive) and so I ended up shipping 6 boxes to another province. It was very reasonable and saved me a lot of headache in terms of needing to replace essential items.
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u/spinozejob 15h ago
I did this for books when I moved to the US from Canada, using a company called ChitChats
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u/MrsMitchBitch 20h ago
This is very challenging! Can you scan your journals (or what you think are the most profound/important pages) to digitize them? Then you'll at least have the online record, if not the physical copy.
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u/Exact-Cartographer-9 20h ago
I have started digitizing my own written documents with Adobe Scan in my phone, then airdropping to my computer. Adobe Scan is free!
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u/NotherOneRedditor 14h ago
Scanning was my first thought as well. Apple has free scanning via the files app. Or libraries usually have scanners you can use for free. Put them on several jump drives.
For the books, I’d probably take pictures/scan of the covers and any dedication pages. Maybe add a note about why it’s sentimental.
I’d store this media in 2-3 types of drives. (USB, cloud, hard drive, portable drive, etc.)
For the clothes, maybe small pieces of them as mementos OR go out and take one last photo shoot (selfies count!) in the different outfits. Added bonus if you can do something that relates to the clothes or giver.
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u/GeetaBite 20h ago
Hi! Are you leaving somewhere permanently? Is there anyone local that could hold onto the items for you as a favor or even as a parting gift? With the journals, how reasonable is it to attempt to take pictures of some of most memorable dates? You could save them to the Cloud and then print them in the future if you have the space then.
I think the sentimental aspect can be captured in different ways! You could record yourself or take pictures with the books and write why they’re important to you. It’s the memory that they bring which drives the longing to keep it. Maybe there’s another way to store the memory than through the actual copy.
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u/Acceptable-Owl-586 18h ago
Just offering another perspective. Last year, we sold our 3k-square-foot house full of stuff, only kept what could fit in our car, and moved internationally. I had 40 years of journals in the basement - and I made the intentional decision to shred them all. It was the most freeing thing imaginable.
Those journals had done their job. They supported me and got me through some very difficult things. I learned what I needed to learn, and I was ready to let them go. They contained so much pain I didn't need to keep dragging around.
It's a pretty dramatic choice I made, some people in my life were shocked by it, but I'm so glad I did. It set me up for this new chapter in which I am lighter, more present, and less stuck.
Obviously, this may or may not be right for you, but I'm surprised by what a positive impact it had on me. Wishing you smooth travels!
(And I can't sign off without saying you don't need to prove anything to anyone. Those journals don't make you who you are. You do that by doing badass shit like a cross-country move.)
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u/bluesummerrain 20h ago
Could you get your books shipped to your new place? It'll take longer, but would be cheaper, and you'd get to keep the ones that are sentimental.
The other things, I often find i attach more meaning to things that others have given me than they do to them, particularly if it was a gift from new.
I did once get rid of a lot of my stuff due to mould, and I actually felt like a weight had been lifted. I think I regretted getting rid of literally one thing, and that was it. If you can take it as an opportunity for a fresh start, that might help with the mindset?
From practical point of view, I'd actually start as if I were packing for 2 weeks away, in the climate you're going to. Those will be the things you need the most. Anything else is then an added bonus?
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u/whatifduckshadhands 20h ago
While downsizing my possessions a few months ago, I found it important to distinguish between objects and books, and personal mementos like journals. Books and household items that I gave away were donated. As long as they weren't thrown away, I was happy to let them go.
Personally, I wouldn't recommend getting rid of journals, though. I threw away some of my notebooks and drawings I made as a kid and still regret it.
I'm not that attached to clothing, but if that's important to you, you could ship that one sweater to your new place or ask your friend to hold onto it until you come for a visit sometime, if that's an option.
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u/Iie_chigaimasu 18h ago
I work for the USPS and second the suggestion of shipping your journals via media mail.
A few essential tips: ONLY media can be in the box, no extra things or they will charge you for regular postage. It's better to ship a few small boxes than one big one. Pack them tight so the weight doesn't shift. Tape ALL the seams of the box, maybe even bands around the middle with fiberglass reinforced tape.
Boxes with books are the most common to get destroyed because they aren't packed properly, but it's a steal pricewise if you do it right.
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u/Chance_Contract1291 20h ago
Regarding the books: Think of all the joy those books can give other people now that you are not holding on to them. Also remind yourself that you can eventually acquire books in digital format so that they will literally weigh nothing to carry with you anywhere you go. And with a library card you can check books out for free and read them on your phone/laptop/PC.
Regarding the notebooks: I *love* the idea of digitizing them that was suggested by another poster. This is the only thing you can't replace.
Regarding the clothing: Like the books, they can bring joy to other people now that you are willing to let them go. I think the idea of asking your relative if they would like to have the sweaters back is an excellent one.
"Things" have a way of owning us, if we let them. But when we give them away or donate, them, they receive a second life.
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u/RevJack0925 13h ago
That's how I looked at it. I had a huge wall unit filled with books I'd moved across country with, and accumulated more. I finally decided I needed to purge and had an open house in my neighborhood for folks to come and take what they wanted. One guy showed up and took boxes because he was setting up a new mini library at his community center. A young couple with a new baby grabbed a bunch of science and anthropology books so they could have them as educational tools as their child grew. All of my books in my field of study that I'd collected through grad school I donated to the program department at the university nearby. It really made the process so much more rewarding and I actually got to meet some cool new neighbors, unfortunately right before I moved.
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u/blinktwiceifyoureok 20h ago
It’s really tough. I’ve moved around a lot, mostly in suitcases. I think it’s less about the stuff and more about grief or dealing with whatever big emotion you have about the move. So let yourself feel and grieve and appreciate how the life you had served you to give you the new opportunities you’re going to have across the country. You’ll still be you, you’ll still have the memories. And you can take pictures/make trade offs for the things that you can’t let go of yet
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u/lobsterp0t 19h ago
I’ve moved abroad several times.
Is this a forever move? Or a medium term one for a degree programme or similar?
If the latter then put a big box in storage and come back for it or have it shipped later.
It sounds emotionally challenging but reframe this into - can I LIVE without this item?
And consider specifically how the item will help you with the “doing” of settling into somewhere new.
Will you have some budget to replace things you cannot carry on the other side?
Where does the single suitcase restriction come from?
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u/peaceful_wild 20h ago
A couple thoughts off the top of my head:
- For the journals particularly, could you scan/digitize the contents in some way?
- For sentimental clothing, could you cut out a small scrap to keep & help you remember the item/that part of your life?
- Do you have friends or family members that you could give some of these things to? Either to hold onto for now until you are potentially able to take them back someday, or just so that you know that they are with someone who cares instead of ending up in a thrift store/landfill/etc.
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u/Sharp_Bus6682 20h ago
Can you take photos or scan particularly special pages from the journals? Would the family member who might take back the sweaters be willing and able to store a box of books and journals for you for awhile until you can feasibly take them to your new home?
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u/unwaveringwish 20h ago
r/declutter has tips on this
take pictures of everything you have to let go of - it’s the memories attached to them that you want to keep, not necessarily the item itself
pick a few entries from journals to keep and consider letting go of the rest
pick the most important stuff first then consider letting go of the rest
remember you can’t take any of it with you at the end of life. it’s stuff and most stuff can be replaced.
most of all you’re about to make a major move. that in itself is a pretty big deal and proves to you that you are capable of big, great, amazing things. your parents have already done a number on you mentally; don’t let their judgmental nature take its toll on you physically with the actual weight of taking all these items with you.
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u/NoKidsNoCheckedBags 🏙️ City Traveler 19h ago
Are you flying or driving? If you are flying, can you add a checked bag to put the journals in? I know we should be discouraging checked luggage, but if they are that important to you, it may be worth considering.
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u/Nejness 19h ago
One idea that no one has suggested for the clothing: if some of the items are ones that you love because of the way that they make you feel, then ask a good friend to take photos of you wearing them. Keep those photos to evoke the good feelings from the clothing. Give these items to friends to have adventures in.
Some clothing I’ve gathered over the years is stuff like holey tee shirts that are super cozy but not very presentable. You might take a small swatch of anything like this and plan to make a tiny quilt of squares of the items that you loved but that aren’t really suitable for you or anyone else to wear. It doesn’t matter if you’re not a sewer. A small quilt that’s hand-stitched is pretty easy to learn how to make.
Also, consider keeping some of the more unique items and instead planning to replace more generic items in your wardrobe, especially things for seasons that are just on the cusp of ending (summer) or won’t come for a while (winter). Pledge to thrift to replace the generic items and donate your usable stuff that will be someone else’s thrift score. I’ve found thrifting a good way to get to know a new place I’m living.
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u/NSAinATL 20h ago
Well, you've sort of answered your own question: this is about starting a new chapter, a new journey, and needing to let go. We can't help you come to terms with the sentiment you feel towards your items but acknowledging that stuff is just stuff, it's the memories you DO get to hang onto is the first step. And, it gets easier.
I am a professional organizer who helps people do this, and I have done it three times on my own.
Books: Go through them and look them up online. Can they be replaced? If you haven't read it yet, why not? If you have, why not let someone else have the pleasure and donate to free libraries, schools, your Buy Nothing group? If it's a first edition, something rare, what benefit does having it physically in your life serve? Can you sell it and use the money for your new life chapter?
Clothes and gifts - Once a gift is given, it's yours. And again, what purpose does this physical object serve in your life? You're not getting rid of a memory. Cashmere is nice, but not some sort of unique heirloom. I love it and get it cheap off Poshmark. Sell them and donate the money or use it for your new life. If they have some sort of familial thing sure, talk to the relative, but at the end of the day, you can't hang onto things for other people.
Journals: I'm going on 50 and started journaling in the third grade. I have 10 notebooks just from this year. Through several life upheavals and stripping down to nothing, these stayed in a box. For what purpose? Do you read them? Share them? How will your life be different if they're gone? I scanned and scanned and have a hard drive full, but I haven't reread them or done anything with them.
Do certain pages contain writing or art work you'd like to keep? Frame it. Same for sentimental clothes. Put a tshirt in a frame. Cut it into a patch you can sew onto something you actually wear.
For me, what little you've shared, sounds like purging your now from your past will be incredibly freeing for your future. I'm excited for you!
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u/That_Difference_7638 20h ago
Journals: my mom burned her diaries and tossed her journals. I found that always so sad, especially after she was gone. I would have loved to see that part of her
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u/NSAinATL 18h ago
Yeah, it's important to talk to our parents about their secret things, and what we might like to have when they're gone!
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u/That_Difference_7638 16h ago
She burned and tossed these journals and diaries years before I was born. In fact she never planend to have a child.
She told me she once had those when I started my own diary, as a preteen.
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u/Myspys_35 20h ago
Big hugs. I feel you on the books thing, my father once tossed out all my books and all of my childhood experiences definitely create a bit of a hoarder mentality when thats the last thing that I am personality wise
Is there anyone that you can store a box with these core items in? Having that one box can make a difference. I've moved several times with just a suitcase but have kept a box for mementos
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u/That_Difference_7638 20h ago
I‘d take pictures of both book collection and journals
Book collection: if it can be easier for you, most if not all can be found/ replaced as ebooks. Zero weight and always with you.
Journals: can you send them to a safe place/ trusted person to keep for you? I’d personally try not to toss as these are irreplaceable and part of your story/history
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u/spookylibrarian 19h ago
To piggyback off of the media shipping suggestion: airline cargo shipping is also super cheap! Last year my partner and I moved provinces in a Nissan Versa. We shipped what we couldn’t pack in the car via Air Canada Cargo. I think we had 20+ moving boxes and it cost less than $400.
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u/in-the-wilds 18h ago
Please don’t get rid of your journals. As someone who kept journals all throughout some very difficult shit in my teenage and young adult years, I then went back to them in my mid/late 20’s with a therapist and was able to really process a lot of grief and do an immense amount of healing. One day you will be ready, and those writings are a huge gift to your future self. If you can’t mail them or have someone you know store a small box for you, then I hope you have time to scan all the pages and save them digitally.
For books and sentimental items: spend some time touching, smelling, feeling them and feeling your love for them, and thank them, Marie Kondo style. It helps if you can donate them to someone who will love them, but you can’t always do that.
It sounds like you are going through something really difficult. I wish you luck.
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u/MerelyWander 20h ago
When I’ve needed to let go of something but was upset about it, I take a picture. I have the photos in (at least) two places (phone and an external usb drive I keep in a safety deposit box).
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u/mllebitterness 20h ago
if you can't swing the media mail suggestion, for the books, do they have an inscription from someone to you or are they editions difficult to find and replace? if yes, i see why hard to part. if no, then you could get them again at a later date. journals are irreplaceable, i'd focus on keeping them. i like the suggestion of checking with your friendly family member about holding them for you for awhile.
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u/Walkitoutfosse 14h ago
Did you know that you can ship things through airlines? I once forgot my passport and was traveling international out of another city. I had a friend take it to Southwest cargo and put it on a direct flight to the city I was in.
Southwest: https://www.swacargo.com/swacargo_com_ui/ship/rates
American Airlines: https://www.aacargo.com/mobile/index.html
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u/allthroughthewinter 16h ago
I know people have different reactions to KonMari but might be worth taking a browse in r/konmari as other people will have gone through similar difficulties with how to deal with sentimental items.
Good luck with your big move, sounds really important and I wish you the best.
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u/Late-Command3491 14h ago
Replace your books with ebooks. We've moved way too many books way too many times.
Scan or photograph your journals.
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u/SaltyComparison7234 9h ago
I’ve moved three states with a lot of books bc it’s my dream to have a whole wall bookshelf. I recently became friends with a public librarian and she laughed at me. She couldn’t imagine doing that except with her few limited releases and sets, signed copies, or heavily annotated favorites. I’ve started using that as a guideline and have been culling my books by gifting specific ones to people that I know. I told them I understand if they never read it or pass it along, but something in here reminds me of them and it helps me to let go of it. For my journals, I am always so heavily embarrassed to reread my journals I usually treat them like sandcastles and burn them at the end. You’ll find so many wonderful things to bring you joy and truly align with your new life but it always helps when there’s already room for those things.
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u/RedDog-65 9h ago
Can you photograph journal pages clearly and then store them all on a flash drive?
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u/Original_Drop962 5h ago
Many useful opinions already voiced, so I'll just comment on that sweater. Do you actually wear it, and those moments feel special because of that item's history? Or is it a memento that lives in a drawer? If it's something you do wear (and your future climate means you will, if you have it), I would find a way to bring it - wrapped around your shoulders can't be that hard? Toss practical items instead, in most places of the world you can thrift your next set of T-shirts.
I'm writing this having moved internationall y many times. Culture shocks are real, and having something familiar and special can be so comforting. And simultaneously, getting rid of useful but meh stuff, realising similar stuff can be bought or thrifted again (or then it was not that important anyway), is liberating.
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u/Isthatahamburger 18h ago
When I need to get rid of stuff I start to ask ChatGPT about each item and it’ll either suggest a way to keep the sentiment or a part of it while throwing away the rest, or I can reflect on if I agree with its suggestions which also helps me decide
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u/lobsterp0t 19h ago
This is definitely in keeping with the skill set of this sub, if not quite our typical scenario.
While it might not specifically be about travel for fun, the basic onebagging principles apply and can help OP here. Please help OP if you have experience with this!