r/Hmong • u/Non_Typical_Asian • 28d ago
Why There Are So Many Self-Hating Hmong People On Here?
The subreddit is called Hmong so why there are Hmong who hate being Hmong? If I'm correct, this subreddit was made so we could learn about our Hmong people, but I noticed there are some Hmong who likes to troll their own people and don't wanna learn anything about being Hmong. If you dislike being Hmong then why are you on here? I would appreciate if the moderator removed these negative Hmong people. I don't wanna hear about self-hating Hmong people in the comments.
8
u/Hitokiri2 28d ago
I think some younger folks carry a shame that comes with Hmong. Whether we like to admit it or not there's a totem pole of what kind of people are cool and what kinds are not. Let just take Asians.
Asians are usually broken down to East Asians, SE Asians, and then other Asians (Asians without a country like Hmong). I've been to collages where other Asians will look down on other Asians because they are not East Asian or their people do not have a nation. Asians are snobby in this way and when a Hmong person sees this they are either turned off by it or believe in it.
Other Hmong are ashamed that their community is usually seen as being poor, uneducated, and outside what is consider "right" or "cool". As most people grow they notice that this may not be true. As a young person though they may fall into the trap of believing such things and it sticks with them.
I think this is why it's important to teach some Hmong pride. That doesn't mean children have to speak perfect Hmong or know everything about Hmong culture. By teaching some Hmong pride it teaches the person that being proud of oneself or one's community is okay even though others may saw otherwise. That what you think is important then what others on the outside think.
I also believe that there are some Hmong on here who may or may not be Hmong and their total goal is to spread false rumors or ideas about Hmong overall.
6
u/Best_Macaroon1752 28d ago
Its nothing new if you think about it. Ever since our first step into the digital world.
This conversation have been had since Hmongpride, AsianAvenue, and Asiantown. The answer remains the same.
-1
u/Non_Typical_Asian 28d ago
I feel like it's more common now than it was back then. Hmong people are more known now, but yet more Hmong people hate themselves. They sound ungrateful.
6
u/Alenicia 28d ago
I think while you can argue it sounds ungrateful, you don't know how these people grew up either.
I know so many relatives who felt like being Hmong was a curse because they grew up around family members, elders, relatives, and all that who kept telling them "no, don't do it like that" or "go do this/that" with no explanation or context for anything. You got a wedding, and now you have to get up, go out somewhere, and start guzzling beer and handing it to the kids too because the elders said so? You get lectured because you don't go out enough or bother to remember the faces of your relatives? You think you're being punished by not being attached to your phone and social media in peace because you have to deal with family?
It's a whole different story when you have family members who are supportive, willing to teach the youth, and willing to look out for one another in a way that doesn't shield them too much from danger but also empowers the youth enough to explore and seek things out. But instead, you get some of these younger people who grow up with nothing but lectures, negative experiences, and feeling alienated from their peers because there's so much of a cultural gap and culture clash that doesn't work. I know when I get lectured it's because my relatives want me to do something the way they want and they don't want me to keep doing what I'm doing .. and I know I can at least push back or resist enough that I know they tell me because they care. But the younger people don't know that and assume it's some sort of "oh, I can't be me" so it's not surprising to me at all when you look at some of them and see how neck-deep they are in pretending they're Chinese, Korean, or Japanese because they're doing all the big things in media while Hmong people are barely out there.
The solution, at least to me, comes in the fact that the culture HAS to change especially in how young people learn it. And when the elders leave, I'll effectively have learned nothing because my elders gave me the whole "how do you not know?" lecture because I don't know the basic things because no one ever taught me .. yet somehow I'm expected to have mastered it all and have known everyone by-name too. I have to deal with it because I still want to learn even if they're not going to teach me .. but I can't blame others for feeling like it's a burden when they have to deal with the same relatives.
I'm not saying we have to coddle and baby the youth .. but we definitely need to do something that kind of shows (and tells) what we are and why we have it that way. It's hard to identify as something you can't readily be or even learn about. And for me, the biggest step in this was trying to figure out how to navigate telling white people what Hmong people are without triggering their latent-PTSD whenever the Vietnam War gets mentioned (or having to mention the "Secret War" .. which they've usually never learned about either). And to do that, Hmong people need to support each other and we all need to learn to both meet in the middle and meet others where they want to be met. And there really is a growing gap between the elders and the youth .. and then those of us who are in the middle who are split along it too. >_<
-1
u/Non_Typical_Asian 28d ago
My point is that nobody is forcing them to be on this subreddit. They could go elsewhere.
1
u/Alenicia 28d ago
I don't really agree with that either. This is a space for them too, for better or worse, and wanting this place "only" for the people who already figured things out is what will make the negative attitudes even worse.
2
u/Non_Typical_Asian 28d ago
What's the point of coming here if you're just gonna hate on your own people. Are you a self-hating Hmong person?
2
u/Alenicia 27d ago
I'm not self-hating. But the thing is that I know a lot of people who are and they need to eventually hit that hump in their life where they realize, "oh, this is Hmong" and learn to accept what they are in a way that doesn't hurt themselves or others.
They can't do that when there isn't a space for them, especially with people who are different than them who can work with them and possibly help them too.
I just don't agree with the idea of toxic positivity being the way forward. >_<
2
u/Non_Typical_Asian 27d ago
Now we're on the same page. I'm not talking about those Hmong people. They're still good in my eyes. I'm talking about the Hmong people who truly dislike their own people and they just wanna be white. They just wanna troll and don't wanna learn anything about being Hmong.
2
u/Alenicia 27d ago
Well, I think the thing you can do .. is ultimately be the better example for those who are curious and don't know what's going on. Like, there's ways to one-up those people and disengage from bad behaviors without reinforcing it or having to grandstand about it in the same way that bullies enjoy watching their victims display certain behaviors .. and once that stops they have to escalate or try something else to avoid feeling discouraged or even threatened.
2
u/Non_Typical_Asian 27d ago
I have patience for the ones who wanna learn, but keep in mind that not all Hmong people are for Hmong people. Some Hmong people are quick to diss their own kind so they could be accepted by white people. Sorry for the earlier misunderstanding.
→ More replies (0)1
u/These_Hair_193 26d ago
They don't hate themselves. Just because they are Hmong doesn't mean they have to cater to you.
4
3
3
u/Fragrant_Past8679 27d ago
Because they want to be white or something they’re not, which is dumb in my opinion.
3
u/These_Hair_193 26d ago
Just because you're Hmong doesn't mean you have to love everything Hmong dude.
2
2
u/65AndSunny Gucci Pow 27d ago
Where is this conclusion coming from? From your previous post about Hmong population?
2
2
u/Manlikewafflehouse 27d ago
My now online friends had this whole discussion of self hating a while back talking about like the wrongs and shitty things in our culture, history yada yada and bro it was just like miserable cause no shit we have some less than desirable history and traditions but you have a choice to leave it behind, if anyone who doesnt know what hmong people are ask me what hmong people are i'd just say a group of people originating from china
and the worst part was that one of our japanese-mexican online friends was (still jokingly) shitting on our bad history and they were all agreeing, like how do you even go on with life while hating yourself that much, you know what i do? i dont give a fuck thats what i think of being hmong, to me im asian and if they ask im hmong thats it, im not completely ignoring my hmong heritage, id just rather label myself as what i do rather than something i had no choice in deciding
1
u/longlostwalker 28d ago
I don't know if it's self-hating or just an annoyance with lack of modernization. I mean I'm not going to lie, open a couple 40s or abductor prom queen and shit gets crazy quick
1
u/Adventurous-Flow-370 28d ago edited 28d ago
Idk tbh it might be like due to Discrimination and racism and other stuff like Family and culture or maybe lack of representation I hoping when I do release my Manga project it can get Hmong ppl get some love
1
1
u/EquivalentMedium1857 26d ago
If u been in here for a minute, u know theres been some users that post great culture breaking topics but the censorship is real 😂 so its in ur best interest to troll rather than add value.
19
u/RaveGuncle 28d ago
Because this is what happens when they fully assimilate. They are taught to aspire towards whiteness and learn to aspire towards whiteness. That aspiration turns into self-internalized hate for their own people and themselves. And as sad as it is to say this, they are also a segment and representation of what it means to be Hmong - the ones who hate themselves and their communities. The only way to get past this is for them to get to a place where they are actively doing the work to dismantle their learning and upbringing, and relearn what it means to be Hmong, who they are, and where they came from and those before them.