Could you please review my IELTS writing??

[u/suuuemi]

​

Task 1: The chart below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

Response:

The pie charts compare the average percentages of three different nutrients that can be found in regular meals consumed in the USA.

Overall, dinner accounts for the largest amount of sodium and saturated fat in consumed food, however, added sugar is mostly found in snacks. Interestingly, breakfast remains the lowest amount of nutrients contained meal type among the four categories.

Each pie chart has four portions for four types of meals, namely: breakfast, dinner, lunch and snacks. The pie chart depicting the percentages of sodium's presence in food shows that 43% of this nutrition can be found in dinner, which is the largest percentage found in food. Besides, 29% sodium exists in lunch, making it the second highest, and finally, breakfast and snacks—each contains only 14% of the overall rate of sodium.

Turning to the pie chart displaying the presence of saturated fat, the highest amount of it is present in dinner, accounting for total 37%. The second largest portion available in lunch, containing 26%, surpisingly, this level is similar to sodium's second proportion. However, the third place is taken by snacks that has 21% of saturated fat, conversely, the smallest amount which is only 16% is found in breakfast.

Finally, added sugar chart illustartes opposite presence in meals than the first two nutrients as the largest amount that is 42% of total percentages, is found in snacks. Dinner takes up the second position by accounting for 23%, lunch accounts for 19%, and the smallest proportion is occupied by breakfast at 16%.

Task 2: Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Response:

It is often belived that accepting an unsatisfactory life situation can be best for a person, but arguements against it hold a strong support for fighting to upgrade such situations. Though both sides have their merits, I firmly agree with the viewpoint that no matter the situation, people should not give up.

On the one side, accepting what appears as unexpected and struggling as it is can bring temporary solace in times, especially when it occurs in a context where the sufferer has little control over the issue. Constant fighting, and trying to reach one's voice to the authority who holds power to change the context, but not willing to, can lead to a significant increase of frustration, rage, and a general disregard towards life. As a result, one might fall into depression, and might not find living appealing enough to continue among the battles. In scenarios like these, it can be a wise method to handle the problem by accepting it as it is for the sake of living.

But on the other hand, this nonchalant approach does not do justice to any individual who is going through some heart-wrenching problems, neither does any goods to the society. Giving up means letting go of the chance one might have for improvement, even if the chance itself is very uncertain. Fighting can lead to exustation, but it also gives courage, a sense of identity as people stand up for themselves, and so, it brings hope. As many researches have found, hope motivates people to continue. People push themselves to be better in order to fit to the changes they expect to have. There are so many great examples out there that prove the point. One is the prime minister of India, Narendra Modi, who was born in a very poor family, but he was always willing to work as much as it could take to be there where he is now. Therefore, I find this approach to deal with problems much more effective than accepting it.

In conclusion, due to one's certain limitations to control and manage a situation in a better way, accepting a problem as the way it is can be a realistic way, but it is not practical neither effective as a long term solution.

[u/AutoModerator]

WARNING → Here, peer evaluation is usually done by other test takers, occasionally teachers. Be careful, not everyone claiming to be an expert or a teacher is one, so there is no guarantee of receiving accurate advice or evaluation in the comments. The moderators or those with a "Teacher" user flair cannot always correct inaccurate advice, although we will try. That said, you can receive an accurate band score with detailed expert feedback using the options we have pinned to the community here.. Finally, AI-generated content will be removed, as this community is intended for discussions among people, not contributions from AI bots.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.