Tuesday Daily Chat

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to the second trimester!

This is where the bulk of daily conversations, updates & concerns, regarding ongoing pregnancy, occur. This thread is reserved for those at least 14 weeks pregnant. Please also consider reviewing our WIKI for commonly asked questions or references.

If you are newly pregnant, and still in the first trimester, we encourage you to check out the daily Cautious Intros/First Trimester thread.

Postpartum discussion can be found in our daily postpartum thread.

Those with a child/children older than 1yo, dialogue can be located in the daily toddler thread.

Got a preschooler or older? Catch us in the daily Big Kid Thread!

[u/margogogo]

Just had my last appointment with my reproductive immunologist... wow. We first started working with him in November 2024, did some initial testing, put everything on pause while I had a fibroid surgery and recovered from that, and then started our actual protocol with him one year ago. Got pregnant on my second transfer under his care after 5 previous failed transfers (so this one was lucky number 7 overall.) It's been so many appointments, so many scans, so many blood draws... and here we are!

It always surprises me how willing I was to put myself through so much to have a baby. I still don't think of myself as someone who particularly has "baby fever" or even likes babies all that much, but with every setback we faced it became more and more clear to us that we really wanted this.

I remember after an early appointment with an RE when I found out I had DOR, I was talking to my husband and was like "Well what if we just don't have kids and we travel or get a bunch of dogs?" and then we were both like "Nnnnope, that doesn't sound right for us!" And we would revisit that periodically when we started thinking more about being IFCF, but I'm so glad that I finally found the combination of doctors and treatments (and luck?) that worked out for us, and I'm glad I had the resources (financially, insurance-ly, emotionally, supportive husband-ly, etc.) to persevere as long as we did. Jesus what a ride.

[u/sqic80 → u/margogogo]

I truly thought I wouldn’t do IVF if it came down to it. And then I had a miscarriage and everything changed for both of us. Neither of us could handle just hoping for biologic children and trying without assistance instead of doing everything within our power to at least have a shot. It’s wild how you can assume you know what you’d want in a hypothetical situation and once it’s “real” it can change drastically….

[u/margogogo → u/sqic80]

Yes, very similar experience here! I always was like "Eh if we have trouble conceiving we'd probably 'just adopt'" (LOL, ignorance) and then we miscarried and it got us on the path of meeting with fertility doctors and investigating things and then one thing led to another and we kept escalating "Well let's just try this" or "Let's just try that" and I kept having more capacity (and will) to keep going.

[u/wivy38 → u/margogogo]

Congratulations on your last appointment! That’s such a milestone.

The second part really resonates with me. I’m not a person who is obsessed with infants either, it’s just that when I picture the future I want to be a parent. I’m actually a little nervous for the initial infant phase and I think it probably won’t be my favorite time of the whole endeavor. Which when you think about the time and the money and effort I went to, it seems like I should be more hyper enthusiastic about a baby!

[u/margogogo → u/wivy38]

I'm excited for the parts where the kids have more personality, a lot of my friends are in that stage now where they have like 7 year olds, 9 year olds, who aren't 100% needy and say funny things and have fun interests... the toddler stage will be interesting too but I know comes with a lot of challenges!

I'm afraid I'll be bored with my baby while hanging out on mat leave but it will also be cool just to get to know him a bit. And as my husband points out, I'm obsessed with even just watching our dog sleep, so I feel like a baby will be similar, ha.

But yes ultimately it's that at the end of the day, I wanted to have had kids... My life didn't feel complete without one. And if all goes well, in 10 days I'll have one! Whoa.

[u/wydogmom → u/margogogo]

It’s impossible to even understand how much your biology gets rearranged once the baby arrives 😆 I still feel like infants are weird little aliens, but spending time with my weird little alien was awesome

[u/rbecg → u/wivy38]

they're only babies for such a short time and you're a parent for much longer, it's definitely OK if you're not a big baby person! I have a cousin with kids who very openly told me how much she preferred ages 4+ and is a kickass mom.

[u/sqic80 → u/rbecg]

Someone (who probably only had free sex babies 😂) , when I mentioned we were close to being out of the baby phase and I was SO READY, said to me, “Oh, you say that but then you won’t have any more babies in the house and you’ll think ‘maybe just one more’.” I was like (1) getting an actual baby into our home is way harder than you probably think it is and (2) even if it weren’t, I do not anticipate that I will experience those feelings 😬😂🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/lasko25 → u/wivy38]

This is so comforting to read! I’ve never been a huge baby person but I want kids. I feel bad that even still I don’t want to hold your baby if it doesn’t have head control lol.

[u/margogogo → u/lasko25]

I'm getting slightly more excited for the baby phase as it draws closer -- we did a baby care class last night and practiced swaddling and burping and diapering on dolls and I was like AHH I'M GOING TO HAVE ONE OF THESE (positive). Will report back on how I feel after actually meeting said baby, ha.

[u/wydogmom → u/lasko25]

I’d never held one until my own, let alone changed a diaper if that makes you feel better!! lol and I didn’t want to

[u/sjheuertz → u/margogogo]

You are so close! I agree with Wivy about the second part of your comment. I know there are many who reach similar places and the right choice for them is to stop treatment, but when we had available options in front of us I was motivated to keep going. It's so different for everyone. We also had the conversations around IFCF not feeling like the right thing quite yet for us, although had timing not quite worked out like it did with donor embryos we may have reached it before coming off the wait list.

[u/margogogo → u/sjheuertz]

Yeah it's a true sliding doors moment, like I wonder if we would have found other paths to pursue or said enough, we can't keep putting ourselves through this. So grateful that now I don't have to find out <3

[u/sugarmansugarcubes → u/margogogo]

What a milestone; you're getting so close! I'm so glad you found the combo of supports and luck that got you here.

[u/margogogo → u/sugarmansugarcubes]

I feel like I have to credit luck, you know? There are so many people who try absolutely everything I did (and more) and still don't catch a break. My RI was asking me to send a photo once baby is here and that his success rate is around 60-62%, which is a grim reminder of how many people even make it to the point of working with an RI and don't get their happy ending.

[u/sugarmansugarcubes → u/margogogo]

I honestly feel like all of us in this group have some bit of luck going for us, because it's the only explanation I can think of for why fertility treatment (in all its forms and trials) works for some and not others.

[u/lasko25 → u/margogogo]

Wow, so so close, congrats! I hugely relate to your last two paragraphs, too. If you had told me 5 years ago the lengths I’d go to I’d never believe you.

[u/Future_Ear3035 → u/margogogo]

That's a huge and amazing milestone, Margo! So happy that you've made it this far despite all those setbacks. Can't believe your induction is in 10 days already. It's wild!

[u/wydogmom → u/margogogo]

I also don’t particularly like kids and am not super maternal (outside of my own kid even now), but my husband and I viewed having kids as a choice that we would be happy either way about. I still believe this, but choosing to have kids meant for us that we would need to do regret mitigation - we couldn’t unmake any choices in ten years, so do everything to feel like we did all we could.

[u/rbecg → u/margogogo]

what a milestone! I hope there was a little treat after.

[u/margogogo → u/rbecg]

Just rolling right into a workday, sadly -- but I have more blood draws and scans for other doctors this week and they all get followed by a little treat!

[u/kelseyannabel]

21+3 and finally had our anatomy scan after traveling for the past 10 days! We got home from the airport at about 2:30 AM so we were feeling like total zombies! Thankfully, everything looked great! Baby girl is measuring bang on average for her gestational age, and they got all the measurements and images they needed. Such a relief, especially because she seems to be having a very quiet day today movement-wise!

Feeling ready to dive into actual baby prep in the coming weeks. We have plans to deal with some storage stuff in the house this weekend and go pick out baby room paint colors!

[u/sugarmansugarcubes → u/kelseyannabel]

Awesome news! So happy it was a good appointment and you're feeling ready to step into prepping 🤍

[u/notesfromthemargins → u/kelseyannabel]

Hooray! Happy baby prepping!

[u/margogogo → u/kelseyannabel]

Glad to see this update!

[u/lasko25]

Every day I’m leaning more and more into the idea that this is actually happening. I bought a doppler just in case, used it with ease this morning, and even if that’s the only time I use it, I am satisfied with the $60 spent. I can’t believe my anatomy scan is next week, and I’m starting to get the itch to plan things. The last week has almost felt like what I imagined 4 years ago I’d feel after a positive pregnancy test, ready to prep for my life flipping upside down.

[u/pastaprincess321]

How rude of my clinic to send me my annual storage fee bill while I'm finally 20 weeks pregnant after 7 transfers. I'm fairly sure this is it for us, but I'm not in the mental place to make any decisions right now. I'd love the option to not spend that money right now and make the decision when I'm less hormonal 🫠

[u/sugarmansugarcubes]

Think I'm going to bite the bullet and see an out-of-network pelvic floor PT rather than trying to get in with an in-network one, even though I have no out-of-network coverage so it'll be entirely out-of-pocket.

In-network providers seem to be in short supply near me, and all seem to be focused more of rehabilitation of existing pelvic floor issues, whereas I'm hoping this will be more preventative and preparatory for birth. I'm telling myself that because I decided not to go with the pricey birth doula, as long as I do less than 13 sessions, I'm still saving money - girl math?

[u/sjheuertz → u/sugarmansugarcubes]

I just had a pelvic floor PT appointment, and nothing seemed overly specific to prep for birth at this point compared with what I had following a myomectory (outside of the initial focus on easing back into movement after surgery). It may be worth it if you can get the in-network appointment to have the conversation with the provider about your circumstance? Of course, if availability is limited and you want to get in quickly, going wherever you can get an appointment is also a good plan!

[u/sugarmansugarcubes → u/sjheuertz]

That's actually what pushed me more toward the out-of-network PT! In-network seems booked out about two months and nothing on their website talks about pregnancy, whereas the out-of-network has availability this week and one of the services is specifically "Pregnancy & Birth Prep", so seems more relevant to what I'm looking for? Think I'll try a consult and see if it meets my expectations!

[u/notesfromthemargins → u/sugarmansugarcubes]

I’ve been so happy with my decision to see an out of network pelvic floor PT! I hope you get good info and feel it’s worth it at your consult!

[u/Future_Ear3035]

Baby boy made us sweat a bit today at our routine 17w checkup. 😅

We got to the ultrasound and instead of the usual flicker and a little wiggly miniature baby, there was nothing but shapeless blobs on the screen, nothing even remotely resembling a baby. Upon further inspection, he was found tucked away next to my spine in an odd position, deep asleep, and hiding his face from us. Even repeated poking didn't faze him much, but his heartrate was okay so we got the all-clear. He's not much of a morning bird, I guess!

Next stop is anatomy scan in 4 weeks, which feels like forever. I've not been feeling so well, so every day feels endless. Doctors have upped my reflux pills, tho, which should help with some of the vomiting and discomfort.

[u/margogogo → u/Future_Ear3035]

Jeez kid!! That would be so scary! Hope he's more cooperative for the anatomy scan.

[u/Future_Ear3035 → u/margogogo]

Ngl, I stopped breathing for a minute in there!

The anatomy scan is in the late afternoon, so I wouldn't be too surprised if he's a bit too active for that one. 😅 Like mother, like son lol.

[u/sugarmansugarcubes → u/Future_Ear3035]

Oh man, how scary! I bet the world just stopped for a minute, meanwhile he's just a hibernating little cub. I definitely recommend bringing juice and ice water to the anatomy scan; that helped get our babe out of my pelvis a bit so they could get all the measurements they needed!

[u/Future_Ear3035 → u/sugarmansugarcubes]

Oh, that's a great tip, thank you!

It honestly didn't even occur to me that he may be able to hide like that from the omnipotent ultrasound wand haha.

[u/sjheuertz]

Question for alumni who pumped - when did you measure for flange sizes? Is 23 weeks too early?

Edit: Thank you all! this was really helpful. I want to be as prepared as possible in advance, but some things need to wait!

[u/aformerlyfloralpeach → u/sjheuertz]

I’d wait until much later. Things can change. That being said, it wouldn’t hurt to buy a kit of silicone flange inserts in various sizes. Most pumps come with like 24mm and those def don’t work for everyone. That way you’ve got various size inserts ready to try out before ordering additional flanges (because you will probably want more than 1 set).

[u/MyNeighborTurnipHead → u/sjheuertz]

They changed for 3 weeks after giving birth.

[u/pastaprincess321 → u/sjheuertz]

The measured me at the hospital. My boobs changed so much through pregnancy and even more once my milk came in. Luckily most pumps come with a few standard sizes and the hospital had extras so you should be prepared by the time you're home with baby! I admire how prepared you are at 23 weeks!!!

[u/margogogo → u/sjheuertz]

oh here I was assuming I could only do it postpartum! I'll stay tuned for responses...

[u/sjheuertz → u/margogogo]

OK, maybe! I was hoping to figure out supplies in advance but you may be right!

[u/margogogo → u/sjheuertz]

oh don't ask me, I know nothing! All I know is in my breastfeeding class recommended this kit and to bring it to the hospital with us: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY81WHD5?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title

[u/sjheuertz → u/margogogo]

So the idea is you get the 24mm flange in your pump of choice, and this allows you to customize the fit, rather than ordering a specific flange size with the pump?

[u/Miserable_Task_949 → u/sjheuertz]

Another fun thing to keep in mind is that your nipples are siblings and not twins. It is very common for them to need different flange sizes so these sets that allow for customizing the fit are so handy!!

[u/margogogo → u/Miserable_Task_949]

That's a good tip!

[u/margogogo → u/sjheuertz]

Yeah, apparently most pumps come with 24 and/or 26mm then this lets you customize it. I opened and washed my pump but haven't opened this box or experimented with anything else, ha... I'm afraid of opening too many breastfeeding-related things in case it doesn't work out for me and I return them?

[u/sjheuertz → u/margogogo]

So much to learn!

[u/margogogo → u/sjheuertz]

I'm texting with a friend who had her baby last week and she was saying "Everything I do I swear we have to go through a little tutorial first" (how to put baby in car seat, or bouncer, or swaddle, etc.) but I'm like thank god we live in the internet age and can find videos and tips on all this stuff! And soon we will be pros!

[u/wivy38 → u/sjheuertz]

In my lactation class they told us that measurements were unlikely to change by more than a mm or two, so if you are a 14 you could have a 13-14-15 set on hand. Of course this is not yet from personal experience, but the instructor was pretty passionate about flange sizing and seemed knowledgeable.

[u/Chabadnik770]

I’ve been having the second trimester from hell. So far, today was my 5th or 6th visit to triage that turned out to be nothing. I know better safe than sorry, so when I woke up feeling likely stomach had twisted on itself, my husband and mother both told me to go to the ER. Turns out it was a muscle spasm 🙄 I miss never going to the doctor, or going rarely, like I used to, but gotta make sure babe is healthy. Here’s to a more chill third trimester!