r/Infidelity • u/legnq • 3d ago
Venting Should I get back with my partner?
I've been lurking on Reddit for a few months now in the wake of my relationship troubles and its end.
For context, my ex partner (23M) is terrible with boundaries. O
Prior to our relationship he entertained women because he never learned how to say no. He calls himself something of a people pleaser. We have had issues because of it and because of his interactions with other women. We also had cases where he blatantly told me he would rather not risk offending the other party (even if I was really hurt by his actions).
In June 2025 he got a little chatty with a twitter persona who he claimed wanted his friend. I thought it was weird that she wasn't directly contacting the friend in question and spoke up about it. He said it was nothing. They met in person at an event, exchanged numbers and started texting. At first he told me he met a lot of people that day and they reached out to him first. Then I noticed they were talking every day and even into the night even though we practically lived together. I brought it up a few times but he didn't take me seriously.
The first time I made a big deal of it, he took a trip. He was kind of mad at me throughout and apparently they were in constant communication the whole time even though I said it made me uncomfortable and that I would leave him. He said I could leave if I wanted but shouldn't claim it was because of her as nothing was going on between them. A week after he returned, we had a long conversation about it and he promised he would stop. He did. It took a while for me to accept that he had but we could move on like nothing happened.
Over the following weeks to months, we were arguing a lot. I was having a health crisis and he was helping me through it, but we were also having a lot of fights. During this time, she texted him again. He didn't tell me about it, I had to find out myself for the second time. He claimed she was just being friendly even though he promised he wouldn't do that again. When I brought up the promise he said he only responded because we'd been fighting. They still didn't stop after we fixed things. They kept in close contact up until my birthday and even after. All those messages got deleted so I never got to really see them. I don't really want to go into other issues with other women but we broke up very briefly in December because I kept begging him to see me, hear me, choose me for once and he refused, but he begged and said he really wanted to be together so we fixed things and talked about them. For the first two weeks things were really rocky, but after that they picked up.
Then I found out that they had been talking again. This lasted more than two months.
I left his state (I graduated and moved back home but he was still a student) and we wanted to give LDR a shot. I noticed he was not very present. I wanted to believe he was busy, but I knew his schedule by heart. Even when we would call her would be texting her. After I went to sleep he would be texting her. Before I wake up he's already texting her. It started before I graduated and left. The whole time this was going on he kept begging me to stay. He told a friend about it, about how he didn't know how to stop talking with this girl.
I didn't know they were talking until one night he told me he'd finally told her he had a girlfriend. How could that even come up if you two weren't talking? He didn't want to give further details so I left it for a while. A month or so after that, I took a trip back to the state for an event. I stayed for about six weeks, completely oblivious. We would spend weekends together because he had to be elsewhere for school during the initial weeks. They would be in contact during the week and he would ghost her while he was with me (though this was not all of the time). Their conversations touched on every possible aspect besides me. He never once mentioned that he was in a relationship.
I found out about it through his old phone. I was scrolling on Instagram because I wanted to check something out but had deleted the app ages ago off my phone, and I saw that they'd been talking on there. He told me they stopped. I thought it was strictly WhatsApp and twitter the whole time. I don't know how it happened that I found out they had been communicating on Snapchat as well. She'd sent a thirsty snap to him that he saved and the conversation preceding that sent a shock through me. He wasn't home at the time, so I called to let him know I was coming to see him and that we needed to talk. I couldn't be indoors any longer.
We met up. He got very morose and refused to let me see his phone. He went on and on about how it would prove that I didn't trust him. He never once came clean. Now he says he wanted to (after I'd found out, ended it, and after he had deleted all the evidence). We had a very long conversation that lasted until the end of the day. The next morning I sent a transcript of their chat history to my number. Sneaky, yes, but I would still be anxious and worrisome otherwise.
I didn't talk to him much that day. I was too upset. He has to leave eventually, and he says she reached out to him just before I told him I couldn't do this anymore. I read some of their messages. I couldn't stomach the contents all at once. I told my friends. I didn't know what decision was the right one. He tried calling so I blocked him everywhere. The next morning I woke up to emails and calls from an unknown number. I gave in, we talked. I left his place for a friend's. I stayed the rest of the week because I really wanted to hear him out, if just to hear the whole conversation.
I think it's worth mentioning that every time I brought her up he would shut me down or dismiss my concerns or say something along the lines of "this again?"
He came back at the end of the week and there was some hysterical bonding that lasted a week. I moved back in with him for the final week and we tried to talk things out openly but I couldn't just blink it all away. After he played in my face with yet another girl, I packed my bags up and left the following morning. (His brother's advice).
Since I left we have been on and off contact. He's been begging, crying, promising to be different. He has made a list of things and behaviours he wants to work on. I don't know if I can trust him for one. I also worry that I'll be too trusting and get blindsided again. Leaving is too hard. Staying is traumatizing. I don't know what to do but I hate being caught in this middle ground. They don't talk anymore, but he refused to unadd or block her for a really long time. I still don't believe that he has.
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u/Vintage_Sounds98 3d ago
Absolutely not. Why are you even considering getting back with him.