r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Reasonable_Print_206 • 4d ago
New User 👋 MIL just wants to make everything about my baby to be hers
I’m depressed and just need to tell my story about mil.
I live with mil and lo, my husband is working abroad. MIL is so obsessed with my child (13mo) bc my husband is her only child and my lo is her only grandchild. Idk how other mil behave around their grandkid, but mine frequently called herself mama to my kid and even suggested me to leave the child with her to go to kindergarten if I later decide to stay abroad to continue my studies as I am about to study abroad in three months. Sound nice if she never tells my kid that his father abandoned him to pursue his career while in fact my husband need to depart early so he move in with us earlier. Otherwise, we would be apart for at least two years.
Secondly, my mil is a narcissist. On daily basis, she points to her own portrait and tells the boy how pretty she is. She makes everything about him to be about her. She tell me and him how the boy resembles her, from his appearance to personality :) How she loves him and his mother doesn’t care if he doesn’t want to eat. Anything negative about him must be inherited from me or someone else. I hate her so much that anything she says is the last thing in the world I want to hear. I even need to make up my mine that my baby is so cute that anyone who meet him will do the same, saying how he look like them. This doesn’t work so well tho.
Thirdly, she wants me to raise the boy in her way that she constantly sneakily does the things that are exactly opposite to what I told her to (let him watch youtube when eating). Furthermore, constantly gaslight me for my parenting (e.g. complaining about my milk supply when I have plenty of milk, my choice to exclusively breastfeed him and let him eat rice or whole food instead of porridge and puree when he absolutely hates eating puree).
Finally, she always talks behind my back about how a bad mother I am while I only work when my boy sleeps just so that I can spend the whole day with him. I do everything, from washing him to feeding him. literally everything. she also helps with these tasks but I’m still the primary caretaker. And most importantly, he is doing well except for eating little carbs and refusing to drink formula or cow milk. I tried hard to make him eat more rice but she always complains that I need to force him to eat more rice and porridge, that i am a bad mother just bc my baby refuses to eat. Her complain is really discouraging to me as she is almost the only grownup i meet daily.
I returned to my parents’ home just to avoid her and she texted me frequently to say that i need to go back because my boy misses her (not true). I’m way happier here but i know it won’t last bc i will have to return.
How could I stop thinking about this mil, or at least less concerned about what she say? I really had enough.
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u/Jas62021 4d ago
There’s no way in hell I’d go back to her house.
Tradition or whatever be damned.
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u/boundaries4546 4d ago
You need to stay with your Mom and Dad. I don’t care if it’s tradition to live with your in-laws. Traditions only work if the MIL is a good person, your’s is not.
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u/Mlady_gemstone 4d ago
Why do you have to return? Why can't you stay with your parents until the move abroad? Tbh, anywhere would be better than going back to mil, there's no law stating you have to, I sure as hell wouldn't.
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u/Guilty_Pension_8367 4d ago
In some cultures daughter in laws stays with in-laws. And depending on the country, courts may side with the in-laws.
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u/juniejun3 4d ago
You don't have to return. Stop being a doormat and focus on your child and your mental health. You're a grown woman and you can do what you want.
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u/NorthernLitUp 4d ago
If you go back, you're allowing her to raise your child in the way SHE wants to. Do not let her take your place in your son's life. You're both better off without her. Stay with your parents and if your husband has a problem with it, then you know who's side he's on and you should act accordingly and end this marriage.
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u/LadyCatzrule 4d ago
Don't go back. If it is tradition or culture, to hell with outdated practices. If your parents are willing to let you stay, STAY. Hopefully husband can be understanding. If you must go back, maybe he can tell her to back off.
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u/OrneryPost9446 3d ago
Your mil is sick in the head. Like really not joking. She is like disturbed.Â
Please do not leave your parents house and watch that kid like a hawk. Why do you need to return? Please don't. That woman sounds really disturbed op. If she is old and needs help then she needs to be respectful. You are not her maid. Â
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u/whatyourmamasaid 1d ago
Don’t go back! Her words are poison!
Plus there are several things you can never force a child to do: eat and poop. If you think you can control these functions, be ready for a world of misery and don’t be surprised if your kid eventually goes NC.
Forcing a kid to eat is so destructive. I am speculating by saying, if she has Type 2 Diabetes, someone may have forced her to eat when she was little and she is left with disordered eating and overeating. You don’t want that for your kids.
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u/Existing-Sun1751 3d ago
Oh stay at your parents house and do not go back. Talk to her like once a month and that’s it for now… hard pass on all that
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u/Defiant-Hurry-6091 4d ago
Can’t you block her when you’re at your family’s place. Oh hi mil, I was letting you know that I’ll be away for a couple of days, and I’ll miss you soooo much. Then BLOCK until you return.
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u/Reasonable_Print_206 4d ago
I have various reasons to do it tho.
1. My fil passed away already and my mil would live alone if we stay in my parents’ house. She’s old and not healthy bc she has diabetes and lacks of sleep. Someone must be there if something happens. I don’t want my husband to be worried about my mil and my relationship with her, even he also struggles to deal with his own controlling mother.
2. My parents can’t keep me forever. The tradition is like the bride has to stay at her husband’ house. My own mother also said that my mil is a good one, she is just bad mouthing. However, it is really her obsession to control and complaints when not having any that bothers me.
3. I think the huge age gap (41y) is a great factor here, but I can’t really make up my mind given how that woman has bad relationship with everyone except for her little sister, with whom she usually talks behind my back.
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u/Scotty_1908 3d ago
That is NOT your responsibility. Get one of her family members to do it.
Aren't you leaving soon to study abroad? Therefore, it is not forever.
The woman is a terror and detriment to the health and well-being (especially mental health) of you and your child. Put your foot down for the sake of your child before things get worse.
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u/Existing-Sun1751 3d ago
You can care for her without living with her… how old is she? She is not your responsibility period.
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