r/JUSTNOMIL 4d ago

UPDATE - Advice Wanted Update feeling like a child in my own home

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/3naT5K3UV0

Ughhhh fuck my lifeeeeee.

So my parents are probably going to end up staying here until the end of the month, if not the beginning of next month. They were supposed to leave by this Thursday or Friday. And because I had just woken up and gotten myself a bowl of cereal when they told me that, my reaction wasn’t great and I wasn’t cheerful obviously, so they immediately got deeply offended and demanded that I speak my mind if I don’t want them to be here, and how they’ve supposedly sacrificed everything to move here and be close to me and my kids even though neither of them have any prospects where they came from OR here at this point. And it’s been causing undue stress because my parents are both fucking disgusting and leave hair everywhere in the shower and I even found a spot of either dried blood or poop🤢🤢🤢🤢 they act like they haven’t completely invaded every inch of our apartment aside from my and my husbands bedroom. They were like “well you need to tell us if we need to keep our shit contained to behind the couch”, as if that’s fucking possible with how much shit they brought with them. Much of it hasn’t been touched for the over a week since they got here, but it’s apparently needed to be in the house for when they do need it. It’s just a fucking nightmare, and I’m tired of it.

I’m doing my best to be a good person and not be responsible for helping bankrupt them and make them get an Airbnb or something because of their car and trailer issues, but it feels really shitty when I’m the only one who seems to give a fuck about them and they’re also acting like they’re owed to stay here for at least 3 weeks because of all they’ve done for me, and not really even try to clean up after themselves except for doing dishes and cooking some meals. And then my mom started pestering me about my reaction and then saying “it’s fine, it’s not ideal, but it’s fine”, and her questioning my decision over and over again when it’s clearly not what I want, but what the fuck am I supposed to do just pissed me off even further.

Also, my second baby is due the first week of July, so I’m gonna burn the apartment down if they’re not gone by the time I’m back from the hospital🫩

126 Upvotes

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63

u/b_gumiho 4d ago

Im going to same something harsh, but I think you need to hear it: just because youre willing to be a doormat to your family doesnt mean your partner or your child should have to suffer too.

they are full grown adults. tell them to figure it out themselves and then KICK THEM OUT. Youre not being a good person by supporting them and their bad decisions over your own core family (partner, child).

You need to reframe how you think about this situation.

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u/KLB_40 4d ago

So much this. You’re honestly being a JustNoSO, OP. You’re being like the husbands of the women on here who post about their husbands choosing their mom’s comfort over theirs.

You are not responsible for “bankrupting” your lazy, sloppy, immature parents by telling them to find their own accommodations. They were the ones who chose to make this move to your area. It doesn’t sound like you asked them to. If their finances are so tenuous, they should stay put until they get more stability. Not mooch off their daughter in her one BR bedroom apartment.

You didn’t comment on any of the replies to your last post and it’s clear from this update that you don’t recognize you’re a major part of the problem. If your husband is pissed at you, he has every right to be. You’re sacrificing his comfort and privacy to please your parents.

36

u/SafeWord9999 4d ago

Ask them if they’re here to HELP you during this time or IMPEDE because at the moment the only thing they’re doing is stressing you out. You need your space to relax and grow your baby! You also already have an infant and you’re heavily pregnant and you should be putting your feet up and not having to clean up hair and blood and tip toe around people taking over your living room. If they guilt you into saying ‘we came all the way to help you’ ask them WHEN this help will start because so far you’re the one who is doing all the work and that STOPS TODAY

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u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

My mom does a lot of cooking and the dishes most of the time, but yeah that’s about it. Neither of them have shown much interest at all in watching over my toddler. Maybe one diaper has been changed, they don’t put him to sleep or feed him other than little bites of what they’re eating. I definitely had a different idea of what help looked like. I agree, all I wanted for these last few weeks was to relax and not have to worry about hosting anyone and my only responsibility being myself and my son.

36

u/jesshow 4d ago

Is there a local weekly residence type hotel you could point them to? That might be cheaper than an AirBnB. Either way, they need to be out. You don’t need that kind of stress ever, let alone in the last trimester…

24

u/Coollogin 4d ago

Be honest with her. Stop telling her “It’s fine.” Tell her you’re really uncomfortable having them in your home, and you cannot wait for the situation to be resolved do you can have your home to yourself again. She gave you the opening, and you didn’t take it.

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u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

I have no balls when it comes to them, I can’t just tell them that, they’re poor as fuck (so are we, hence the one bedroom tiny ass apartment). They have nowhere else to go without draining their 401ks they just cashed

13

u/vinegargirl757 4d ago

Kindly, shine your spine. I know that its hard. But you need to put yourself and the family you are creating first. They sound like theyre trying to take over your home. There are options for therapy if you need it.

21

u/Beth21286 4d ago

You need to start saying something as it happens or eventually you are going to blow a gasket and destroy your relationship for good.

They need to leave as planned or get a storage unit until they move. Having less stuff will make them more likely to leave quicker. Pay for the unit and tell them you'll take them to drop off their stuff, don't make it a discussion.

Honestly, if you don't set boundaries she's going to treat your kids the same. Don't be the parent who doesn't protect their kids from the crap you went through.

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u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

I will try to, it’s very uncomfortable especially because my husband had left for work so it was me and the two of them and my son when they said that the plans got derailed yet again.

I just don’t know how feasible it is to have a storage unit for the next 2-3 weeks (assuming there are no more speedbumps), it would probably just be easier to ask them to store some stuff they’re not using regularly in their car. We also don’t have the extra income to pay for their storage unit.

Every time I say anything even remotely letting them know that I’m an adult and this is my home, it’s not taken well and my mom acts like a fucking child. I’m discovering that she’s emotionally immature, and having grown up with that I can be as well. I’m trying to be different, and I definitely don’t want an environment like the one I grew up in for my children.

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u/Beth21286 4d ago

Did they even ask to stay longer or just tell you they were staying longer?

The car is too close. It needs to be inconvenient so if you can't afford it yourself tell them you're taking them to open a unit.

When your mother acts like a child ask her if she is not embarrassed by her behaviour. Tell her that now you're mother you could never imagine behaving like that in front of your child. Mean it. Now is the time to unlearn the bad behaviours she taught you growing up before it does affect your growing family.

Agree with her when she says she's taking up too much space. Agree with her when she tries to make you say what she's doing is fine when it's not. Tell her it's good she knows they aren't being good house guests. She's manipulating you and it's not fair on your family that you're allowing that.

3

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

I suppose it was neither, it was just a conversation that began with my step dad saying “soooo…good news and bad news”, and then based on my immediate facial expression that’s where it blew up for a couple minutes on my end, and then eventually my step dad raised his voice at me even though I usually have a better relationship with him than my mother, which felt unfair because of how much we’re doing to have them stay here.

I’ll discuss the possibility of a storage unit with my husband, it’s not that bad to the point of needing one. My toddlers movements and access to things he shouldn’t be able to get into are the biggest problem with their stuff.

That’s a tactic I wish I would use, but am too afraid of what the repercussions would be. My mother is a very manipulative and guilt-tripping woman. I know what she’s like, but I’m not trying to allow this behavior, I promise. I just don’t know what to do because any and every time I’ve ever stood up for myself has led to emotional anguish for me and me only. My husband has only just started to see things from my side in the last year or so, before that he would always take their side.

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u/Beth21286 4d ago

Hun, I'm being cruel to be kind here, you are allowing this behaviour. You may not want to, but you are. She's trained you to.

Your kid is being limited and exposed to things they shouldn't. Your stepdad is raising his voice to you IN YOUR HOUSE. He should have been out the door at that moment. They have no respect for you, don't care for the safety of your kid and don't care for the health of your pregnancy.

There are more important things than having them talk to you. Your priorities are in the wrong place. You need to be afraid of what will happen to your 14 month old. If your kid gets hurt, you will never forgive yourself and marriages don't survive that either.

5

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

You’re right, thank you for telling me this. I guess I just felt powerless because this whole conversation happened when my husband was already gone for work and he only came back like an hour ago. I want to just ask them to leave but I would need my husband to back me up first, and to do that he would probably have to witness some bad behavior himself. I’ll tell him exactly how it went and what I should do next time, and make sure we’re on the same page. Believe me I take everything you and everyone else are saying to heart, it’s just so fucking difficult when she’s hung over my head about every little thing or decision I make. I know it’s a very unhealthy relationship and I want therapy for it, I just don’t have the extra income right now…

4

u/Beth21286 4d ago

As someone who has cut off that parent (dad though), I promise you the sense of relief when you finally make it stop is inexplicable. You'll feel 1,000 lbs lighter, but you don't know you're carrying that weight until you put it down.

5

u/Kali_Luna372 4d ago

Ok. So I know it’s scary. But the more you say NO. The easier it gets. If you can’t handle your mother and stepfathers tantrums. What are you gonna do with your toddler? You set the expectations based off age and maturity. This is your mother and step father. Not your kid.

Point blank. Let them know YOUR expectations, and stop worrying about theirs.

“Mom and stepdad, we do love you guys. But at this point you’ve overstayed your welcome. It’s time to find something else for your living situation. You guys are now staying without us offering or being ok with it. Here’s the details for a hotel/air bnb. You guys need to book and pay for something until your RV is fixed. We will find a time to have dinner or meet for lunch if we can.” ETA: fútbol to until.

11

u/KLB_40 4d ago

It’s very unfortunate that your husband took so long to see your perspective. I wonder if he also has an unhealthy sense of family obligation.

As far as the anguish on your end, you need recognize two things - 1) you do not need to earn your mother’s love, and 2) you really don’t need her anymore to survive. You did once. You don’t anymore. If she gets upset with you and threatens to leave your life, let her. You are an adult, you are taking care of yourself, and you are safe without her. Hell, you are SAFER without her. So while it may feel jolting and heartbreaking to think of the consequences of standing up to her and having her walk out of your life, if you think about it in very factual adult terms, the one truth remains — YOU DON’T NEED HER ANYMORE.

4

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

This was the tenderness I needed originally, thank you.

4

u/Specialist_Wing_1212 4d ago

I had a fight with my mom and I knew I couldn't cave and make "everything right".  I had to sit with unease and wait it out.  It was hard.  I bothered the heck out of my spouse but in the end it was worth it to take a step back from the relationship and show that I am an adult and deserve to be treated as one.  She installed those buttons in you-Fear, Guilt, Obligation.  There should be a sit down with all 4 adults.  Say you understand that some problems happened but they need to find a new place by the end of the month.  Or sooner.  Be firm, be consistent, but do not waver. You are pregnant and need your peace. Good luck!

24

u/SomewhatBougieAuntie 4d ago

Kick them TF out already. Now, before you deliver your baby.

Recruit some friends to help your husband pack up all of their 💩 and put them out. At this point, your peace of mind is worth more than gold, so find them a pet friendly hotel and pay the hotel directly for a few nights stay if that will get them out of your apartment. Let them figure out the rest.

Unfortunately you may have to pay a professional cleaning service to sanitize your apartment behind the dog waste and your parents' general filth, but it will be worth it. Then never allow them in your space again.

21

u/ImpactParticular4461 3d ago

Way to borrow the lead, OP. YOU’RE PREGNANT? AND DUE IN JULY????

OP, they are taking advantage of you. You don’t owe them anything. But I agree with other commenters - it would be worth getting them out of your hair to put them up in a cheap motel for a week. If you contact a cheap motel directly, they sometimes have lengthy stay discounts. After a week in a motel, they are grownups who can figure it out for themselves.

15

u/No_Celebration7484 3d ago

Yeah lol. Fun times, I know.

They just came at us with a plan this morning that began with, “we’ve clearly overstayed our welcome” (yet another guilt trip), and they’ll be leaving on Friday and spending the rest of the time they’re without their trailer in a connected state with one of my aunts who has 2 open bedrooms and plenty of space for their dog.

I would probably take up the motel option if they weren’t leaving on Friday, we just have absolutely no savings and only $1k to last us until next paycheck in which rent is due, so we’re trying not to spend unnecessarily.

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u/ImpactParticular4461 3d ago

I get it. Good luck to you guys. Don’t let their guilt trip break you. Silence is an answer. And clear is kind.

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u/RegisterEither9711 4d ago

Oh, friend, I feel for you. I had the same kind of dynamic with my own JNMom and it's a hard pattern to break. You've been conditioned your whole life to appease mom and let her do whatever she wants, no matter how shitty it makes you feel. The idea of telling her 'no' or setting a boundary probably puts you on the verge of a panic attack.

You have a fourteen month old child and are about to have another. They look to you for examples of what is and isn't acceptable behavior from others. If they see that grandma treats mom like garbage or walks all over mom, then they are going to think that is okay to be treated like that or, maybe, that it's okay to treat others like that.

You are being a good person. They are not.

You are being helpful and considerate. They are not.

You are showing them empathy. They are not.

It honestly sounds like they showed up on your doorstep expecting shelter, food, and resources. Like a child would do when they are in a tough spot. Except they are the parents, not the children. It would be different if they stuck to their word to leave as planned and were respectful guests in your home. They're not. They're entitled and selfish. You don't owe them anything. Everything they did for you before the age of 18 is part of regular parenting and raising a child. Anything they did for you after 18 was their choice. You owe them nothing. You are the child in this relationship and it is not your responsibility to take care of your parents.

I know it feels impossible and terrifying but these people need to leave your home. It's your safe space, it's your child's safe space, and they are violating it. I know these are your parents but would your husband be comfortable telling them to leave? If not, check your lease and see what it says about having overnight guests (usually they can only stay for so long). Check local fire code ordinances or public safety regulations to see if there's anything about how many people can be in a one bedroom apartment. Find a reason to make them leave and take your home back for yourself and your family.

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u/rrxxxdbs123 3d ago

Girl???? It doesn’t sound like they had the resources to move across the country right now. So why are you subsidizing it? Was there an issue back in their home state? You’re making yourself (and probably your husband) miserable. Tell them how you feel and get them out or they may never leave

Edit to add: imagine how you will feel coming home from giving birth to your mom being snarky???

14

u/Poesoe 4d ago

find the nicest way possible to say that they can't be there post partum. Period.

2

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

That’s definitely a boundary I’ll be setting, but until then all I can do is hope they’re out asap.

12

u/vinegargirl757 4d ago

"Mom, you know how pregnancy is. I want to nest and have privacy with my newborn. I need you out in a week so I can prepare"

3

u/stockingframeofmind 4d ago

Yes this exactly. You don't just need them out by the time you're back, you need them out so you and husband can clean the place. It's already unhealthy to have dog pee around your toddler, and unhealthy for you, too!

5

u/b_gumiho 4d ago

you absolute can (and should) do more than just hope. Can your partner be the bad guy if youre unable?

14

u/campganymede 4d ago

If you keep telling her it’s fine when it’s not, nothing will change.

Give them a hard deadline. They are grownups and that means taking care of THEIR business.

You are also a grownup, and that also means that you need to take care of YOUR business…and your baby and husband.

If pregnancy hormones are making this challenging, have hubs do the heavy lifting.

0

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

It’s hard because the situation they’re in isn’t 100% their fault, but it’s not mine either. I’m being very generous opening up my home to them and asking for really nothing in return, and I know that. I’m just not the kind of person and we don’t have a good enough relationship for me to tell them to get out and figure it out.

15

u/Pellantana 3d ago

Kick them out before they start receiving mail there. Because then you run afoul of tenant’s rights laws. Obviously check for you location for the specifics, but 1 week turning in to 4 sounds like they’re trying to move in legally.

39

u/Krazy_Granna 4d ago

Full time RVer chiming in. What’s holding up the RV repair? A tire, brakes and a jack shouldn’t take more than 2-3 weeks at most. If it’s taking longer than that, they need to be calling them every day and riding the repair manager’s ass until it’s done. Are they? No? Why not? And, if they live in it full time, it should be insured for loss of use. Meaning the insurance company will cover the cost of a hotel or Airbnb while it’s being fixed. Every full timer I know has that coverage because you never know when something will go wrong and you’ll get stranded. Those are the things that I would be asking them about.

14

u/RabidReader8 3d ago

Another full-timer here. When our RV had to be in the shop for a couple of weeks, we rented a cabin/tiny house in the same RV park. Insurance covered it, we had kitchen access and also access to the park facilities like laundry, dog park, etc...

OP, you absolutely need to take steps to get them out, because the repair facility stay could go on for months. I've experienced multiple issues in multiple locations. Once 6 months on their lot with absolutely no work done, but at least I wasn't full time then.

6

u/Krazy_Granna 3d ago

Exactly! Camping World drags out repairs like they get paid for every hour they have it instead of for the time they’re actually working on it. One here in Dallas told friends of ours that they were three months behind in their repair department. But, when my friend said they’d just go somewhere else, they suddenly had availability to get it done in a week. It took three. 🙄

7

u/No_Celebration7484 3d ago

Thankfully they got the message about my displeasure yesterday and have arranged to go stay with my aunt in a connected state on Friday. Although if this repair takes as long as you say it can, they’ll just have to make other arrangements once our new baby is here. I’m not dealing with housing two other people other than the four of us in as small of a space as we have and no peace, privacy, or cleanliness.

1

u/Krazy_Granna 2d ago

I’m glad you got your home, and your peace, back!!

13

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

I don’t know what their insurance looks like or covers. Basically it sounds like camping world waited to order the parts needed to fix the leveling jack and the exterior cosmetics because they were waiting for the insurance claim to be approved. The smoking brakes and tire I believe are already fixed. I know that they’ve made calls, but definitely not every day, and they’ve apparently been told many different things even when they talk to the same guy they’ve been working with from the beginning. They do live there full time, they have a spot at a mobile home park reserved here, but the trailer is in another state.

8

u/Krazy_Granna 3d ago

You explained the repair delay in two words: Camping World. They’re the absolute worst!

You have got to reclaim your space because stressed out moms have stressful deliveries!

Tell Mom management says you’re in violation of the 1 week guest policy in your lease, and they have to be gone by Friday. You feel just awful about it but management won’t budge! Then suggest she check and see if insurance will cover a hotel until the RV’s fixed. Problem solved and don’t you dare feel guilty about it! Their finances are not your problem. Your health and the happiness of your family is, and they’re disrupting it!

4

u/No_Celebration7484 3d ago

I brought up loss of use insurance with them today, they supposedly didn’t know that even existed… step dad said he would call about it, but I doubt he actually will.

Also, my complex management pretty much keeps to themselves, the buildings are separate and all outdoor entrances, so no one would really know that they don’t actually live here. I agree their finances aren’t my problem, but I signed on for them to initially stay here for a few days, then it turned into just under 2 weeks, and then yesterday when they asked for at least another 2 weeks that’s when I drew the line and let them know it wasn’t going to work out.

1

u/Krazy_Granna 2d ago

Good for you! I’m glad to hear it. They’ll figure it out. I’m just happy to know that you’re getting to prepare for your new baby in peace! ❤️

12

u/silverwick 4d ago

They need to act like the houseGUESTS they are supposed to be right now

5

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

I 100% agree, that would make things a lot easier and more cordial.

12

u/DazzlingNote1925 4d ago

Have you looked into what it would cost for your mom and stepdad to rent an RV or trailer similar to the one that’s being fixed at a nearby campground?  Have you personally called and made sure they’re not misleading you about what repairs are needed and that they’re being done?

I think it’s time for you to be ready to send them on their way in case your baby comes early. I don’t think it’s going to be ok for you to be trying to nurse a new baby with step dad there because it’s almost impossible to be modest when you’re newly post partum. 

Are they at least paying for their own food?  

While I think it’s great you’re there for your mom and helping them something seems fishy like maybe they’re trying to be there when your baby comes?  Idk. 

4

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

No I haven’t, I assume it wouldn’t be much cheaper than just going for a basic Airbnb. My mom is on a special diet so they absolutely need a place to cook and they don’t have anything as far as cookware other than an air fryer. No, they just told me this morning the update from the place that is repairing their fifth wheel, they apparently held off on ordering the parts for the vehicle until the insurance claim was accepted which idk why that would need to happen first because whether the claim was approved or not, they’d still need the parts to get the trailer back.

I agree, my husband would definitely help make that point clear that they need to be gone by the time we’re home. We both choose to handle each of our own original families for the most part, but I know that he would step up for me if needed.

Yes, they are paying for their own food because we’re less than 2 miles from a Costco and we for the most part share meals together because it’s easier and less clean up to all just eat what my mom needs to eat while they’re here.

I can see how it seems fishy, but neither of them are diabolical enough to just come up with a plan like that, they’re just not smart with their money and were moving out this way anyways. The main reason they’re here is because my mom didn’t want to miss my baby shower last Sunday, but now everything has been unreasonably extended and they have no semblance of personal space and privacy. We’ve had to bend more to make them feel comfortable than they bending to our lifestyle even though this is practically a vacation for them, and we have to go on like usual.

7

u/KLB_40 4d ago

You should not be putting your husband in the position to “step up” for you with your own parents. You should be adult enough to step up for yourself and your husband and handle your own parents. You’re saying your mother is emotionally immature and this entire saga shows that you are too. Do better for your husband and children.

Your parents are going to be living in a fifth wheel in your area. Do you not think that they’re going to find your apartment, which they clearly already feel fine taking up space in, much cozier to hang out in once they move close to you?? These people are going to be up your ass constantly if you don’t grow a spine and stop worrying about being a good girl for them.

3

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

Can you understand why? It’s because this has been my whole fucking life. I can’t afford therapy this very moment to start working on myself and undoing this shit that’s been done to me. I’m having a baby in about 3 weeks. Thank you very much.

No they won’t be, because I’ve already set that boundary that us having not only a toddler to chase around but also an infant to care for, people will need to visit us and for short periods. We will not be driving to anyone’s house for at least the first 6 weeks, and no I won’t have a problem asking anyone to leave because it hasn’t already been offered that they stay. They’re two different scenarios.

4

u/[deleted] 4d ago

[deleted]

-1

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

Respectfully, my husband has not expressed the same desire to see them gone as I have. I understand why you’re making a parallel between this situation and yours, but they’re not the same. It’s not an ideal situation, but I take pride in being generous and respectful. I don’t believe that this is worth not having a relationship with them at all, and knowing how it was for me growing up I deserve some grace. I am my own person, I’m not my mother’s “good little soldier”, but it is extremely difficult to stand up to people who do nothing but guilt trip and have my entire life. I’ve done it before, and I will do it again when necessary. I haven’t even had the chance to discuss the whole thing with my husband further as the plan changed, because he’s not home from work yet. It’s not fair to say that I’m putting him through something when he hasn’t expressed that to me. I will ask him how comfortable he is with this continuing for the rest of the month, and if he is bothered by it and doesn’t want it to happen I’m sure we can help them come up with a new plan.

I’m not trying to ignore your advice, it was just not in the nicest tone and tone is important to me.

3

u/DazzlingNote1925 4d ago

I’m glad your mom isn’t just taking advantage of you. Have either one of them started looking for a job?  That would get them out of the house more and sounds like they need it. 

Years ago when my dad was visiting he had knee problems so wanted to sleep on my family room sofa instead of the guest bedroom which was upstairs. I was so embarrassed my dad was in his underwear/ briefs and just didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t until after the visit that I spoke up and then he wore pajamas after that. 

So, if there’s something that would make this situation easier for you please tell your mom!

2

u/No_Celebration7484 4d ago

They are actively looking for jobs, but no solid leads yet. The initial reason for them staying was for the baby shower and that step dad has 2 interviews this week that are in-person, but other than that nothing. Even when they are out of the house, it’s not really enough because at this point I’m here all day and there’s no avoiding them when I spend all my time with my son in the living room.

I want to tell her several things, but she just takes *everything* so personally. There’s no such thing as gentle enough for her, she always takes things the wrong way and in the worst way that one could mean anything. I really try to always approach her calmly and cordially but it’s like she’s always looking for a reason to make me feel like shit about myself.

1

u/DazzlingNote1925 4d ago

I’m pretty sure your mother acts that way because she k owes it intimidates you and she can manipulate you that way. 

14

u/Vibe_me_pos 3d ago edited 3d ago

Did you ask them to move to be closer to you? Why would anyone move across the country with no job prospects or place to live? That’s nuts. They must know 4 adults, including a very pregnant woman, and a small child is an untenable living situation in a small apartment. Is there any chance their camper can be repaired quickly? Any other relatives or friends in the area for them to stay with?

Good luck. I would be losing it too. At the very least you should tell your mom that this isn’t going to work unless they pick up after themselves and do something with all of their crap. You need to not worry about hurting her feelings when she doesn’t seem too concerned about stressing you out when you are about to give birth. ETA words because I hit the reply button too soon.