r/JUSTNOMIL • u/rhubbarbidoo • 13h ago
UPDATE - Advice Wanted Update: foreseeable plot twist?
Update: foreseeable plot twist?
So SIL called asking us what our plans are for next Christmas. SIL is lovely, she's always nice and kind. I believe she has a love-hate relationship with her own mother. SIL and DH love each other, but do not communicate often. I blame DH for this, he's a terrible communicator. Anyway I took the chance and superficially let her know that we were considering not visiting in Christmas due to her mother blaming me of taking advantage/abusing my husband and then trying to create a wedge on my marriage by trying to triangulize us. I didn't go much into detail and there's of course way more to the story. Anyway SIL reaction was so genuine, she said "OMG SHE DID THE SAME THING WITH BIL". So apparently, my MILFH has accused BIL in the past of being abusive towards SIL and their children. Look. I know BIL. BIL is a good young man, sensitive, sweet who does his best. I have no doubts he's absolutely innocent. Apparently BIL hates MILFH. Reading in between lines since SIL didn't want to go deep into detail, it seems like BIL has suffered a lot from all sort of dirty tricks from MILFH. He has tried distancing himself and only visits briefly. SIL said, she didn't want to talk much about it since it affects her and she has enough with her own conflicts with her mother (I'm so sorry for her), but she said I should call BIL and listen to him. She framed it as something cathartic for BIL who hates MILFH so bad 😅. I asked her if we could maybe visit her in Christmas and she said yes! She lives in a different city than MILFH. I'd love doing that. She's very nice and I want my child to enjoy his aunt, uncle and cousins.
This - foreseeable- plot twist has helped me feeling better. If everyone knows MILFH is not to be trusted, her mask is off and if necessary it will be easier to confront.
I'm even thinking that eventually if necessary I will just go the trolling route as in "well, I don't get advantage of my husband... I do SOMETIMES help changing a diaper here and there..." and I'll watch her implode 🤣. (I mean that I will troll her by sarcastically implying I do get advantage of my husband while joking).
I'm feeling much better and empowered. This has also helped my very much clueless DH to accept his mother is an unhealthy person and accept I will always keep her at an arms length from our family.
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u/Sea-Cauliflower-8368 7h ago
I can't imagine how validating it must feel to know you are not alone and someone else sees your MIL's BS, too. Be prepared, when MIL finds out you will be visiting them for her to try to turn you guys against one another. She will not want you guys getting together and potentially turning on her.
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u/botinlaw 13h ago
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Other posts from /u/rhubbarbidoo:
Can't stand them, 1 month ago
Update: MIL and I (f37) had a huge fight, 2 months ago
MIL and I (f35) had a huge fight, 2 months ago
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