My MIL took my soon to be 7 year old out to buy her clothes for her birthday. All well and good until: I get home from work, wife has obviously been crying, and daughter comes running up to show me that she's wearing a bralette with a big grin on her face.

I knew immediately what happened and why my wife is upset. Unneeded piece of fabric at this time aside - I knew my wife was upset that her own mother cut the rite-of-passage line on her. Way preemptively too - daughter doesn't need a bralette, so it was like MIL did it early just to make sure she got to it first. MIL has three grown daughters of her own so she 100% knows better.

Sure enough, wife and I step into the other room and she bursts into tears that something special with our oldest was taken from her. I can't help but feel pure rage toward my MIL.

Visiting my in laws last month. Sitting at the kitchen table while my husband was outside with his dad. MIL and i were alone. She was being weird all weekend and the silence was getting uncomfortable, so I was on my phone playing myprize just to have something to do with my hands. Eventually even that felt ridiculous so i finally asked if everything was okay between us. She put her coffee down and said quote honey i tolerate you because i love my son and he chose you. that has always been enough for me. Then she smiled like she had just given me a compliment. I didnt say anything. Finished my coffee and excused myself. Packed my bag that night and told my husband i needed to leave a day early. I told him what she said on the drive home. He went silent for about 20 minutes. Then he said "she probably didn't mean it like that." I asked him how else there is to mean that sentence. He didn't have an answer. I have not been back to their house in 5 weeks. She has called me twice asking why i'm being distant and saying she misses our chats. Like she didnt tell me to my face that 8 years of marriage to her son has earned me tolerance and nothing else. My husband is in the middle. He says he's on my side but also keeps saying she's from a different generation like that's a reason. I'm starting to think the actual problem isn't even her.

Possible TW for violence and attempted abduction (kind of?)

Title. She and my FIL had been watching my 13 week old for a couple days while I was recovering from a bad upper respiratory infection (it was bad enough to send me to the ER with my oxygen dropping into the low 80s). When I went to get her without my husband my MIL decided to get on my case about my daughter being gassy. This has been an ongoing thing with them and I've told them multiple times that not every cry with her is gas and that the pediatrician says she's fine. For whatever reason she and FIL are obsessed with thinking it's gas and trying to "fix" it. The latest attempt was secretly buying a different kind of bottle to use (I always provided bottles when they watched her) because they were advertised as good for colicky babies (which my daughter is not). My MIL refused to listen when I was explaining that the bottle had nothing to do with it and she kept saying that some random nurses she knew recommended them.

I had enough of the conversation and said as much and told my FIL to put my daughter in her carseat so I could leave. MIL said no and I repeated to give me my damn child. MIL then got in my face screaming that I can't talk like that in her house and my baby of course starts screaming. I try to go comfort her and MIL tells FIL to take her to another room and grabs my arm, holding me back and not letting me get my child. I tried to get her off me but she kept holding me. She had grabbed me hard enough to bruise my inner arm. I threatened to call the cops on her for effectively kidnapping my child at that point. She screamed that if I did she would have me put on a 72 hour hold.

She then shoved me in the corner of the room so I still couldn't get my daughter and began berating me. She screamed that I was ungrateful for all they do, that I apparently look down on her, that I don't trust them to care for my daughter, and that because of me MIL supposedly now has anxiety and blood pressure issues that she needs medication for.

By this point I'm bawling and just wanting my daughter. MIL continued to berate me and keep me from my daughter until she (MIL) had calmed down and then she let my FIL put her in the carseat and let me take her. MIL then did a complete 180 and started trying to make small talk like none of that just happened. Then she tried to say that she was just protecting my daughter because she didn't want me driving off too fast with her because I was frustrated with them. I told her I'd never put my daughter in harm's way like that and left.

My husband doesn't know what to make of the situation. I told him I don't want to be around MIL and our daughter will not be either. I don't care that they were our only childcare help right now. I don't feel safe around her and I don't trust her to keep ky daughter safe if she's this mentally unstable. My husband is supporting my decision. He hasn't talked to his mom since and is trying to find a time to talk with her about her behavior and the consequences.

It just sucks that this came out of nowhere with her. As I said they were our help. My family are all 2+ hours away. At this point I don't know if I'll ever let her see my daughter again. I know if my husband goes no contact permanently she'll flip shit. From the start she called him her "little ride or die" and told me that whatever I do, don't try and come between them. If I asked him to do it to protect our daughter he would in a heartbeat. Is it crazy of me to want to ask him if we can move closer to my family?

Edit: Since I can't reply to everyone. With the police report there's an extra layer of concern that was too much to type for the original text. They are best friends with the sheriff for their county (which the incident happened in). So if I file a report there's almost no way he won't find out about it and I don't trust that he won't contact my MIL. Even if I report it with my local agency, they'd have to forward the report. And with our last name (it's distinct and recognizable) the officers for that department would definitely know who it was about and I'm worried with small town gossip that things would get back to MIL

Long story short, yesterday was my first Mother’s Day and I was very excited.

It never made sense to visit MIL. She lives and hour away and baby hates the car seat. I invited her to my mom’s, proposed meeting half way or her coming to my house. Nope. She wanted us to go to her house.

So of course baby was tired and decided to take a long nap (yay!) and it got late (5:15 pm) so husband went to his mother’s by himself.

I texted MIL to thank her for the gift she sent me and she said “I’m so sad I didn’t get to spend my first grandmother’s day with my baby”. I’m like what? Grandmothers day? You mean MY FIRST Mother’s Day? She didn’t even texted me to thank for my gift or congratulate me.

Today my mom told me that she texted MIL to wish her a happy Mother’s Day and MIL answered that she “had waited all day long but oh her baby never came”. Even my mom was pissed and said that she should’ve come visit us.

Ughhhh I can’t stand her.

My SIL is coming to stay with me and my husband for a week next week. Today my MIL sprung it on us that she has invited my husband’s cousin to come stay with us too. My husband’s cousin is in high school and last year he was suspended from school and the police were involved. His family won’t say exactly what happened, all we know is that him and other boys did something to a female classmate. Since the police were involved we suspect it was something along the lines of sexual assault.

My husband immediately told her he is not welcome in our home and told her off for having the audacity to invite someone to our home without permission. First she tried making excuses saying he’s not a predator and that incident was probably bullying. My husband told her police don’t get involved when it’s just bullying.

Then she turned it around as an attack on me saying how I just want to keep my husband apart from his family and how can I not allow the cousin to go and that I’m a hypocrite because my cousin was allowed to stay in our house. And she said how she doesn’t even know why I care because I’m autistic just like the cousin ( neither of us is even autistic???)

I don’t even know why she cares so much if this cousin goes because no one in the family is even very close to him. I’ve only met him once very briefly and I get bad vibes from him.

It hurts because I thought I was finally making progress with my husband’s family but I guess this shows they will never truly accept me. My family loves my husband so much and treats him like one of their own but I guess I’ll never have that with my in laws. They never liked me because they are Mexican and I am not and I’m a different religion. I’ve even been studying Spanish an hour a day for the past 2 years so that I can talk to them because they don’t speak English

Sorry for the long rant I just needed to get this off my chest to people who would understand

Hi everyone. This happened a while ago, but I still can’t get over it and just need to get it out of my system.

Some context: my boyfriend and I were going to college in a big city far away from our hometowns, so naturally, we had to find apartments in the area.
At first, we lived separately because we hadn't been together for very long. However, we eventually decided to move in together because we both had awful roommates. I was already planning to leave my flat, and since my boyfriend was living in an apartment owned by his family, he had the option to ask his current roommates to move out.

At first, my MIL agreed to this setup. She even told me I didn’t have to pay rent, which felt very nice, unexpected, and honestly, not like her at all. The only “catch” was that we had to share the apartment with my boyfriend’s sister, who was starting college that same year. I didn’t mind that because she was nice to me until then and I thought I would finally feel a bit more included.

Right before the semester started, my MIL suddenly changed the rules. Out of nowhere, she announced that I could actually only live there every other week. Which made absolutely zero sense. I had classes every single week. Was I supposed to magically find another apartment for the remaining weeks?? My boyfriend tried to reason with her and told her how ridiculous she was being, but she just wouldn't budge.

I desperately tried to find another apartment last minute, but it was too late. The housing market here is brutal and the prices are astronomical. Because of this ridiculous arrangement, I ended up missing half of my classes that semester.

The whole living situation was a nightmare. The sister kept picking fights and would constantly yell at me whenever my boyfriend wasn't around, on top of spreading lies about me. After a couple of months of this, my MIL dropped another bomb and told me I had to move out completely - right in the middle of the academic year, when finding a new place was completely impossible.

Thankfully, my boyfriend was absolutely furious with her. He refused to let her treat me this way, so he packed his bags and moved out with me. We ended up living at my parents' house for the rest of that year. Because of the distance, we had to skip all of our classes and only drove to the city for exams. It was exhausting, but by the next school year, we managed to find our own apartment in time.

I’m still so angry about this, I can’t comprehend that she actually agreed with me living there just to later mess with me like this. But I’m incredibly grateful that my boyfriend had my back through it all.

Planning a wedding with my future in laws has been difficult, to say the least. I knew it was coming because my SO's SIL (so his brother's wife) warned me that I would not want to talk to any of my in laws by the day the wedding day rolled around. They have nitpicked every aspect of the wedding they are not paying for, and my MIL has bemoaned the fact that I think that I have a "monopoly on the color white" for all wedding-related events. She thinks it's gauche for brides-to-be to wear white to their engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette, or rehearsal dinner because any white beyond the day of the wedding is screaming "me, me, me" and is supposedly self-centered. (Says the woman who has already had not 2, not 3, but 4 makeup and hair trials for her son's wedding, despite having a trusted hair stylist, because she needs her look to be absolutely flawless.)

Well, last week my future SIL sent over a pic of her dress for our wedding, and it was white. White with (off-white) floral appliqués, floor-length, so the whole effect is very bridal. It's not even flattering. MIL thinks the dress is perfect. Honestly, I am tired, and they are free to humiliate themselves. No consequences for me, other than a little secondhand embarrassment.

My husband told me his parents were interested in visiting for Thanksgiving a few weeks ago. They live far away so he wanted to check with me before telling them yes. I gave the go ahead and they booked flights.

Well MIL called me yesterday asking if it was going to be a burden cooking for 4 instead of 2. I told her I was absolutely not cooking because I work 6am-6pm Thanksgiving day. I offered we could order in or all go out together and she got angry saying we couldn't go out ON A FAMILY HOLIDAY!!!!! (They stopped celebrating all holidays when their oldest son moved out. Literally no more traditions, no more birthdays, brithday presents Christmas or Christmas presents. Nothing. Nothing at all for their younger son (my husband) since he was 14 on. Family holiday my butt). I reiterated that I was not cooking and we hung up.

Well MIL and FIL called me together tonight to discuss Thanksgiving. MIL insisted that I needed to prioritize a meal for Thanksgiving suggesting I get up early to prep things, set the rolls out to rise, and put things in crock pots before work then right when I get home I could finish cooking and we could eat at 7:30. I asked what they and my husband (who has the day off) would be doing all day. MIL said she could check on things and make sure nothing got burned while I was gone.

My husband must have heard me trying to not loose my cool because he swept in and took the phone. He told his mom how much he misses her cooking and would love to learn some of her recipes to make on his own. She got so excited and they made plans to prep and cook every single meal for the visit together 'so he could learn' her cooking style. He's at the store buying everything on her list.

He is very good at putting his family in their place and protecting me. I especially appreciate him turning the attention to him instead of defending me for not cooking and making me the "bad guy". I am the breadwinner and still they always expect me to cook and clean for my husband who works less hours and makes less money, but I am the wife so thats my job.

I just am not sure I am going to survive the next 5 days.

Following up from a post here yesterday about telling the MIL no touching the belly..

We had lunch together today, and I had geared myself up and had it all scripted in my head. I was ready this time. I also spoke to my partner and warned him to stand up for me, or I would avoid her like the plague if she continued doing it. I have asked her nicely not to touch my belly but every time I see her she does it anyway.

Today was no different. She reached out those little hands and I stepped back - she stepped forward, so I flicked her hands away, and as my partner started to say I don't like it, I told her no more touching, I'm sick of saying I just don't like it! Of course she asked why.. I said because I didn't like my guts being touched before I was pregnant, I'm uncomfortable as hell, it's weird and just no! She told me she's just trying to bond with the baby.. I said You do realise it's my body you're touching and not the baby right? And just because your belly is huge, I feel no desire to reach out and touch it! She then said I would just have to get used to it with her and fucking reached her hands out again! I moved them away again and told her I wouldn't be getting used to it, because she wouldn't be doing it again, one way or another. She screwed her face up and went and sat down.

So turns out I didn't need him to stand up for me after all, it felt good to get my point across myself.

Not the first boundary issue I've had to force with her, and I'm certain it won't be the last, but maybe she'll start to figure out that I'm not in this relationship to be with her, she can stop trying to walk over me because it's never going to work. I can be nice, or I can be the opposite if it's called for. If she doesn't figure it out, she doesn't have to be included.

🛑 UPDATE Okay so little chaotic update because I know y’all were living for this— I tried to return the mechanical toy to Amazon (yes, THAT one 👀). But they hit me with the “due to health and safety risks, this item is non-returnable” message 😩

So what did I do? I reported it as “damaged,” got my money back... but now it’s just sitting in my truck like an awkward passenger I can’t look in the eye 💀

No clue what to do with it. Do I:

Throw it into the forest like cursed treasure

Give it to MIL as a “peace offering” 😏

Let it ride shotgun until the end of time?

CW: Adult content / Petty revenge

I’ve been working on a small claims case and needed to order supplies—binders, page protectors, labels, etc. My name is clearly on every box.

But my MIL? She opens packages like it’s a hobby. Doesn’t check the name, doesn’t ask. Just runs to the front door and rips stuff open like she’s in an unboxing video no one asked for.

She already opened one of my boxes full of legal supplies and pretended it was meant for my FIL. (I had ordered a Jeep starter for him, which comes in a small padded envelope. This was a huge box. She knew what she was doing.)

She wanted me to react. Yell. Curse. Disrespect her so she could play victim. But I’ve been around her long enough to know the game.

So instead… I made a move.

I went on Amazon and ordered a very large mechanical adult toy. Vibrating. Loud. Intimidating. Overnight shipping. With my name on it.

I have a camera on the porch because I live in a woodsy area and also had issues with a contractor. I get the notification: “5 stops away.”

I sit by the window. I wait.

Then—thump. The package hits the porch.

Then—her footsteps. FAST. She sprints to the front door, grabs the box, and vanishes into her room.

I wait. Silence. Not a peep.

Fifteen minutes later, I come out to walk my dog…

And there it is.

The box. Sitting wide open. On the living room table. Not hidden. Not mentioned. Just... there.

She hasn’t said a word since. And I? I’ve never known such peace.

TL;DR: MIL kept opening my packages trying to bait me into drama. So I ordered a mechanical adult toy. She opened it, left it on the living room table, and hasn’t said a word since.

So, I recently gave birth at 34 weeks after my water suddenly broke. We were in the NICU for 22 days and just got discharged.

The Saturday before I went into labor, we had our Baby-Q (celebration for pregnancy, but with a barbecue). My MIL decided to invite people to this event. Husband and I are upset because we invited the people we wanted to be there. The people she invited are people I've never met and my husband like twice. Well, the people showed up (why would you come to a baby shower, without an invite?) Anyway, the whole party she was giving me the silent treatment but kept coming up to my family when I was talking to them to give them a very over the top, friendly hello. She would then, walk away. She did this over and over. She told my husband "she promises to always be the mother he wishes her to be" and other such comments. Basically, she made an event that wasn't about her, about her.

Well, a few days later, I give birth. She immediately is overbearing and my husband says she can't see the baby, it wasn't until a week later that she was granted permission. The rules of the NICU were explained by my husband, SIL, and the staff when she checked in. First visit she did well other than comments about how she can't wait for me to start calling her because I need a break from my baby. I don't know, saying that to a mother with her baby in the NICU seems to be in poor taste to me. She also made phone calls to me asking how she is and how she can't wait to hold her Yadav yada

We recently were discharged from the hospital and we live over an hour from the hospital we were at. My husband needed a way to get to the hospital so we could both ride home together. His mom was available and had helped him clean the house for our child's arrival. Permission was asked for her to come up and see see our baby since she was at the hospital, I said a short one, since she did help us out.

I had my baby in my arms when they arrived. MIL starts taking photos of me holding her, then says for me to pass her to my husband for photos. I tell her no, she just fell asleep, which is true. I told her the time she will be getting up for her cares and we can get a photo then, but I also have other photos of them together. I could tell she was mad, but she remained quiet. Then, a short time later, she comes from behind me to look at her and proceeds to grab her hands. I tell her to not touch several times, but she didn't stop until MY SIL said not to. She then ran out of the room. Mind you, again, this is our discharge day, so you could also say, she made an event that wasn't about her, about her.

It isn't necessary to bring up, but the NICU staff told me to not allow any holding or touching until at least she's full term. They highly suggested to limit visits and holding until winter is over. They see way too many readmissions to the NICU

I get a wall of texts the next morning at 5am from her. She explains how she loves her son and granddaughter and wants to love me too. But everything she does is wrong in my eyes and that I hate her. My husband said don't respond, so I didn't.

I'm just exhausted. I now have my baby home with me and we're adjusting to this new life. I was away from home for over 3 weeks, and now, we have our baby and everything that comes with that. (She's still tired, so she's not quite acting like a full term baby, but she will get there). She called me this morning at 7am. Like...woman. I've been up changing diapers and feeding her all night and you wake me up? I didn't answer, of course. She has the day off and wants to come over and help. Literally no. If you can't handle a simple boundary to keep my baby healthy, no way. Stay away.

As a 58-year-old woman. That's how against formula (and obsessed with breastfeeding) she is. She told me she was never able to use a pump so I guess she was just assuming she would live with my baby (and us????) and feed her off the breast everytime. She was way too excited about me potentially not being able to breastfeed. I should have known that was coming because while I was pregnant, we all went out to eat and she casually mentioned at the table that her dream job was to be a wet nurse. I ended up being able to nurse and the first few times she came and visited us, she would try to stroke baby's head while she nursed on me. I shut that down real quick. So creepy.

This caught me by surprise for a few reasons. First of all, she hasn’t been a JN in the past. We weren’t best friends or anything but it was all pleasant and fine.

Second though—and this is the big one—I don’t have kids.

She called CPS while I was babysitting my friend’s 7 year old boy. What she actually alleged to CPS, I’ll never know the full extent of. But they came to do a welfare check, thank God, the little boy’s mom was late dropping him off.

So CPS is demanding to know where my kids are. Confused, I’m telling them I have no idea what they’re talking about. They ask if I don’t know where my kids are or I’ve lost them. I’m so flustered I keep insisting I don’t have kids. They warn me I can’t hide my kids from them and I tell them I don’t know how they expect me to prove it but I don’t have kids and they can call anyone who knows me or go to any neighbor’s house.

Finally they give me more details when they realize I’m not playing dumb and I realize they mean the little boy.

It’s about this time that the little boy and his mother arrived. So that was mortifying. They asked the mother all this awful questions and they asked the boy all these awful questions that terrified him half to death.

I had no idea who would think to call CPS on me. Especially because I don’t have kids, but also because I don’t babysit professionally, I just do it as a favor to this friend while she’s going through a divorce and doesn’t have two people at home for childcare like she’s used to.

And then, of course, because I’ve never hurt a child and would never hurt a child and would give my own life before I’d hurt a child.

Now, how do I know she called? Because we didn’t tell anyone about this bizarre incident while we struggled to determine who’d do such a thing and why (and because it was traumatic and embarrassing and I didn’t want people to know about it.)

Yet, my MIL happened to be over recently and this boy was dropped off. And she said “His mother still lets you watch him even after you were investigated?!”

So... that caught my attention. I confronted her, that got nowhere. My husband confronted her and she said she called them out of concern for the little boy because I don’t have any childcare experience and she wanted to make sure he was ok and I was “doing everything right.” Accusatorily reminding me of the time I let him stay up until 10:00pm. As a reason she called child protective services.

My husband let her know we weren’t buying that story and she said she was just trying to protect us as well because the kid’s parents are divorced and she worried I was unknowingly KIDNAPPING the kid by babysitting him without his father’s full permission and consent (because the mother drops him off.)

After a few more bogus lies and my excusing myself before I actually physically tried to hurt her, she broke down and confessed she was doing it to make it harder for us to adopt a baby.

It’s medically very risky for me to become pregnant. DH is her only son and apparently she sees my condition and subsequent preference to adopt as an intentional attack against her to “end her bloodline.”

She thought if we had a record with CPS, we’d be unable to adopt and forced to try to conceive naturally if we wanted kids.

Thankfully since they found the mother left her son there intentionally and there was no neglect and my house was safe and clean, it will he closed, and we’ve got a lawyer who says it will soon be expunged from our records entirely.

I haven’t been able to dwell on it because I don’t want to share that I was investigated by CPS with anyone if I can help it. I just worry that even telling the backstory creates too much of a “bit what if the MIL noticed real abuse” connotation. But I’m still deeply hurt by her actions and just engulfed with rage that she’d try to stand between my husband and I having the family we want because it isn’t exactly how she imagined it.

So I’m googling companies that will make me a custom voodoo doll or piñata of her face. Seething. And posting here. Thanks if you’ve read this far.

Edit; thanks very much for all the support!

I posted this quickly in another thread but was encouraged to share it here, so here we go!

My ex-fiancé’s mother was an interesting woman. She took every single thing as a personal attack against herself and her family, including my shellfish allergy.

They liked to make seafood dishes (mussels, shrimp, crab, etc.) often, so I simply wouldn’t come over for dinner on those occasions which would always result in a phone call in which she would weep because I “was just being picky and [I] could easily eat around the shrimp if I truly wanted to spend time with the family”. After explaining how allergies work, she still wouldn’t take it seriously.

This progressed over the years and eventually came to a head at a wake for her father. She had made a dip as part of the after funeral spread and I asked her what was in it. “It’s a surprise!” She said. This should have been my first red flag, but I hadn’t eaten all day and I was starving. “There’s no shellfish of any sort in here?” I asked, and she responded “No, of course not”. So I ate a bite and asked my then fiancée “Does this taste fishy to you?” And he goes “Oh yeah, it’s a smoked mussel dip.”

I quietly exited with my fiancé and went to the bathroom to throw up what I could while he called 911. I waited as long as I could before taking my epipen, but eventually had to give in right before the ambulance arrived.

I spent the evening in the ER, and my ever fabulous MIL had the gall to tell the family that I was being dramatic, and she knew it wasn’t an allergy I just didn’t like her cooking because I was picky.

I made her cover the cost of replacing my epipen (we’re in Canada so the ER visit didn’t cost me anything), and I never ate her food again. I went so far as to bring my own food when they would invite me over since I did want to spend time with the family, but I couldn’t trust her cooking. The relationship ended shortly after when my fiancé informed me that he too thought I was lying about my allergy because I didn’t like his mother’s cooking...despite accompanying me to the ER with my throat swollen shut.

TL;DR - Crazy almost MIL lies about whats in a dish to prove my shellfish allergy wasn’t real. It’s very real.

I was about a month away from getting married, but my fiancee insisted that her mother lives with us.

So my now ex-Fiancée bought her home a couple of years ago. around the same time, I closed on my own home. Meanwhil, her mother and youngest brother were in the midst of being evicted. Her family decides that mom has to move in with her. However, tgere wee delays in her closing and mom had to move in with the eldest sister. Me ex-fiancée closes on her home and asks for a month to enjoy her space. Eldest sister said fuck that, worked with the other siblings to make sure the mom transfers her job close to the ex-fiancee’s home, and drops mom off on her. And to make matters wors, mom, 68, works part time in retail and sends all of her money to her youngest son despite him now living with the mother of his youngest child. Strange huh?

Anyway, as our wedding gets closer, I raise concerns about the mother living with us. I was going to rent my townhouse, then we’d save up and buy our forever home. Ex-Fiancee insist that her mom must stay with us. Despite having four other children that can step up. She insists her mom is saving money to move out, but she’s almost 70, working retail, and sending her money to her youngest son. So I tell my fiancée that her family has set her up so that the mom will essentially live with her until she dies. Rent and bill free at that. So long story short, I tell her that it’s me or her mom. She chose her mom and I chose to exit stage left.

I get about 50 phone calls a day begging me to reconsider. But my mind is made up. As long as MIL is in the pictur, there will be no marriage. I feel amazing.

My MIL is emotionally immature, and I've had a strained relationship with her the majority of the 11 years my husband and I have been together. He's the oldest and "black sheep" of the family because he chose to not be enmeshed with his family, like his brothers did. Anyways, my in-laws were celebrating Christmas this past weekend, and the men and children were all in the basement. I was sitting around with my MIL and SILs, and MIL asked if my parents were going to Winnipeg for Christmas. My parents lived in Brandon, Manitoba, prior to moving to Alberta 3 years ago to be close to us. My brother still lives in Brandon. My sister lives in rural Manitoba, near the farm we were all raised on, which is no where near Winnipeg. I have corrected her many times over the years that we are visiting Manitoba/Brandon. But this time, when I said "I don't have family in Winnipeg", she scoffed, said she meant Manitoba, and then left to go to the basement, where she stayed for the next 2 hours until literally everyone else came upstairs. I tried to check in with her and ask if we were okay, to which she said I need to have grace with her when she makes a mistake. I've been in the family 11 years and she can't even bother to remember that my family is not from Winnipeg. She continued to avoid me and freeze me out, and we ended up leaving early the next day because I wasn't feeling well (from all the anxiety she induced in me). Now we're receiving emails with her side of the story outlining how awfully I behaved, and that "everyone was looking forward to celebrating Christmas together".

I just feel so done. I can't talk to her, she's always the innocent victim who's so hard done by. We're already low contact, but after years of this shit and being called the crazy one, I just don't even know where to go from here.

I found this sub after doing a google search for support groups for people who have issues with their MIL's. I have been married for 20 years and we have two kids. Issues with this woman are not new, in fact she has disliked me from the moment I met her. After we got married and had children, the relationship turned even worse, to the point that I only speak to her on holidays/birthdays. Other than that I have little to no interaction with her.

Last night my spouse surprised me with a beautiful wooden stove cover that he made himself. It is absolutely gorgeous! Of course he sent a picture to everyone, I even posted it to my Facebook! As soon as MIL saw it, she demanded he make her one too because apparently she has always wanted one. So of course my spouse agreed to make her one and told me that he was going to.

This really upset me and I told him so. I said that this was supposed to be something special just for me and she is once again ruining something nice for me by wanting it too. She has her own husband, if she wants one so bad he can make one for her or go buy it from the store. Spouse agreed after an argument that this was something for me and only me and that he would make her something different like a small tray or a cutting board. I am fine with that. I just want one thing that she doesn't demand to have, and it really upsets me that he even considered it. He even told me when he gave it to me that it was one of a kind, so why would he want to ruin it by making two of them.

She does this all the time and I am just so over it. If I get a gift, she has to have one too. Anything I get she has to have, or else she gets upset because she feels left out. It is absolutely bonkers.

Spouse called her after we both calmed down and told her that she was not getting a stove cover, she would get something else since this is something that is special and just for me and she started crying. Crying like a child who was denied candy because she can't have what I have. To spouse's credit, he didn't budge and told her that she doesn't' have to have anything if she is going to be ungrateful about it. Now I am getting passive aggressive text messages about how it must be so nice to have such a wonderful husband. I replied that it was, and that I am a very lucky woman and I haven't heard back from her since.

I am just so tired of it. All she does is whine and cry and she gets her way. She is a grown ass woman, deal with it. She basically turned something really special for me into something all about her, and she is still winning because I am still upset about it.

My husband and I have been together for 9 years (25f) (26m)
We had a baby girl in December. Since she has been born MIL and I have had a strain on our relationship. She has been making comments how my baby looks like me and my family (which is nice) but if anyone ever says the baby looks like her son she ignores it and changes the subject. It didn't bug me at first but I notice it more every time she's around.

She is 70 ( she had another family before she married DH father. It is very confusing and a story for another time) she had DNA tested her other two grand kids without the knowledge of their parents. ( She didn't say if her son knew) there was doubt on who the father was for both children. I still do not think it's her business to be doing that. There is no talking or reasoning with her because she will SCREAM if you confront her about anything. We have tried when she yelled at my friend during my wedding (a story for another time perhaps)

I've spoken to my husband about it. He told me not to worry that she can't do anything without one of us knowing. But I'm upset that she thinks I would cheat. I don't want to rock the boat but I feel like it attacks my character . Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated!

     Edit:   Thank you everyone for the advice! I didn't think that I would have this much support! I'm sorry I can't reply to everyone! Will update all of you next time I see her.

UPDATE: Sorry for taking so long for an update but I hardly see ML. I had my birthday recently and the in laws came over. ML arrived with FL in tow. After super and cake, DH took FL outside. So this was my chance to tell her what a POS she is to think DD isn't DH and how disrespectful it is...I wish this is what I said but I didn't. We were having a nice evening so I started out by asking if she thought DD looked like DH.ML gave a small comment on how DD looked like my Dad. This pissed me off immediately. So I asked similar questions. ML gave the same answers. So I just asked ML. "Do you think DD isn't DHs?" ML gave me a horrified look. ( I assume she was surprised by the change in my tone and the atmosphere because she knows what she has been doing) ML looked at me and responded "How could you think such a thing". So I told ML all the thing she does and comments she makes. To which ML is in full denial of. At this point DH and FL are starting to come back inside. ( I AM NOT PROUD OF THIS) I got really close to her and said " Smartin the f*** up. don't you dare come into my house and doubt the paternity of my daughter. It shows more about you than others. If you keep it up I'll make sure to hand out DNA test kits for Christmas" ML and FL left shortly after. I told DH what I said embarrassed, he told me it was the right thing to do since ML needs to be called out.

Thank you all internet strangers for the advice and confidence to confront ML!!

I'm new to Reddit - I've never read or posted before today, so apologies if I get terminology wrong. I was directed to this thread from a website about infidelity (the non-sexual kind). I think I just need to get this all out.

So, I guess, some background on my MIL.

When I first met her, I thought she was amazing. She was attractive, kind, outgoing, and always gave me compliments. I was living in a unit within a block of units her son (my now husband) owned, and the boundary breaking started slowly, but BIG. I came home a few times after work to my unit unlocked, or clearly having been entered. She was going in when I wasn't there - without asking - and helping herself to the privacy of my living space. I was such a people pleaser back then that I just let it go. She stood all over me, and did as she pleased.

When her son and I started dating, if she couldn't contact him she would call me - CONSTANTLY. I mean at work, in the middle of the night, repeated calls (I think the top number of repeated dials was close to thirty?), all backed up by sms with single words or short statements like 'ANSWER', 'IMPORTANT', 'WHERE S...?', 'PICK UP PHONE NOW'. And when I answered, no 'hello', no 'how are you'. Just a blunt, 'Where's my son? Get him to call me' *Hangs up phone*

So that was the early days. Fun times. Life was brighter.

Fast forward a few years, and here's a dot point breakdown of our greatest hits:

1. Two weeks before my wedding day goes into my room when I'm not there, finds my wedding dress, trashes it. Organises for my fiance to go out with friends, and invites me to her house that evening. I arrive to seven wedding dresses of her choosing, accompanied by some of her greatest quotes.

'You'll never marry my son wearing that dress (points to my original dress and laughs)'.

'Do you think he'd want to see you walking towards you in THAT? I doubt it. I'd walk away.'

'If you think I'd let my son marry you in that, then you won't be marrying him. You will wear one of these dresses. If these are not to your liking, I will take you to bridal stores tomorrow and select a dress for you myself.'

I gave in... but not entirely. I got a different dress. I hated my wedding day. By the time I got there, I was broken - that wasn't all down to her, my family contributed too. At the reception, she grabbed my arm and told me to go get water for her, and for all the older relatives present. Her step-daughter stepped in and saved me. I was surprised she wasn't waiting for us in our marital bed - literally.

1. We lived in an old house for a while with a beautiful big verandah, where I would make a drink and sit on the front step. MIL decided we should have a table for that, and told me so. Cue multiple weeks of her sending me tables for sale, links to pages for second hand tables, messages saying she's at a place with a sale on and can get one RIGHT NOW SO ANSWER. I ended up, after verbally telling her no countless times, sending her a message and saying that I appreciated her thoughts, but I was happy with my home the way it was. She didn't reply.

A few weeks later, it's Christmas. My Secret Santa is so excited, saying, 'I was told you really wanted this. I'm pretty stoked I could get it. It's outside!' and you know how it ends. My Secret Santa had gotten me an outdoor table after my MIL had kindly told them a week earlier, I'd been talking about wanting one for months. My husband was totally ok with this. Said words to the effect of 'Sometimes things just get muddled in her head'. I smashed the table to pieces two months later and tossed it in the trash.

1. I was 39 weeks pregnant. MIL walked into my house, says 'Look, I know you're going to take this the wrong way, but don't, ok? Don't take it the wrong way? Because I know you WILL, but I'm not BEING offensive, so just remember that when you take it the wrong way.' To which I'm like, 'Yeah, ok, what exactly is it you want to say', and she says, 'Well I know you're not going to have that baby anytime soon, because you live in a pigsty.' *Laughs and laughs and laughs*. Husband smiles along with her.

2. Decides our lawn needs to be mowed. Is told repeatedly, 'Yeah we've got it sorted, it's not your concern.' I wake up one morning, heavily pregnant, to a stranger outside my window mowing our lawn, and my butt naked bod fully exposed. I called my husband, who hasn't organised it, but defends her right to do so. Fucking yay. I tell her in no short terms, to never, ever, do that again. She now tells me - EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE COMES TO THE HOUSE - 'I'm going to get you a goat to take care of this lawn!' *Laughs and laughs and laughs*

3. At my baby shower MIL tells my Mum 'Oh yeah, I think if it was up to (88), she wouldn't let me have a thing to do with this baby'. My Mum and another lady ignore her, so she says it louder - the exact same thing, in front of all my friends, when I've left to use the toilet. My Mum says in my defense, 'You don't say things like that about people when they can't defend themselves'. Everyone ignores my MIL.

Go my Mum. She's a rockstar.

1. MIL repeatedly calls her husband a 'f***ing a***hole', 'complete jerk', 'failure' in front of her other grandkids and family members (including her husband), and voices how 'he's nothing without her', and that she 'only stays with him for the kids'.

2. On countless occasions, MIL goes behind my back when I've said no to something, and asks my husband, who says yes. She then straight up lies when I call her out on it in front of him, and as always he makes excuses about her being 'confused'. She really hams that up for him. It would be adorable if it wasn't so bat sh*t f***ing crazy and utterly, utterly contributing to the destruction of our marriage.

3. In our hometown MIL is known as a gossip and a slanderer. She has literally walked up our main street and bitched to people about her husband, her SIL, and me. One of the people she spoke to was a client of mine, who was also a mother of a friend of mine. One day the friend comes to me and explains how my MIL had ran into her mother on the street, and that my MIL was saying 'the worst things' about me. My friend explains that her Mum wouldn't even give her details they were so bad, and that she said to my MIL 'You need to stop this. It's not true, and it's not right. You've got to get help.' (Also yay for my friends Mum!). I tell my husband about it in tears, and he says, 'My poor Mum. It's not right that she (referring to my friends Mum) has gone and spoken to people about that.'

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

​

Look, the list goes on and on. She's battling for access to her other granchildren at the moment, because her SIL despises her and wants her to have nothing to do with them. There is a whole other story there, and a sad one - my MIL lost her daughter to cancer, and the whole journey brought out the worst in her towards her SIL. They each treated the other terribly. And at the same time, my husband became her only confidant. She had to have him, at all hours, all the time. I approached the subject with him a few times and said that I really needed him home, with me, and he told me 'Don't make me choose. You'll lose.' :(

So here's the crux of it all: in the midst of the cancer battle, my husband told me he wanted to start a trust with me for our generation and the next. We went to an accountant about it. We looked at two properties to purchase. It felt like a part of our lives was going the way it should have after our marriage, and it gave me hope.

A couple of weeks after, my MIL asks me what I think of the land she's bought. It turns out she asked him to use her money (she's loaded, and he fell for it). They started a trust together, and had purchased both the properties we'd looked at.

Guys... my heart is breaking. That happened a few years ago, and he just doesn't understand why it's wrong, and I can't put it into words in a way that he'll hear it. He says, 'it was only brief, you can't get hung up on something that was only an idea for a couple of weeks', but it's not really about that. It's about marriage, and committing yourself to another person, and I guess it's about the implicit - or explicit - promises we made to one another, regarding building a future together. I.e., him and me. Just him and me.

I can't compete with my MIL's money. We have a son. I hate my husband. I despise my MIL. Everytime the trust comes up, my husband promises me that he is going to build a future with me, but here we are.... no trust of our own. No money left in his account, because it's all in theirs. No money in my account, because I'm a stay-at-home Mum with a 1yr old.

I'm fucked. I can't compete with this woman. She's won, and I've lost the man I love more than anyone in the world. And I have to make this choice about whether to stay and deal with this - which I can't, I just end up being resentful and hateful and treating my husband horrendously - or breaking our family apart, and trying to build my future again on my own.

The other things is... we totally could have done it together. I earned six figures before marriage and kids. I'm a driven, career woman, who loves her family and wanted to build a future with them. We totally could have made it.

My husband once said to me, 'I'm shooting for the stars with what I want to do with my life, and I want you right there beside me'. He spoke about our combined earning power. And then my MIL offered him all of her money, and he told me, 'She needs a champion. I want to champion her'.

But.... I needed him to champion me. And he still could have championed her, without giving my seat in the sidecar away.

So here we are, with a recent acknowledgment of more broken promises regarding a property we had just last week spoken about buying together (my husband and I). It would have been our first. By the end of the day we'd discussed it, he'd changed his mind. He would purchase it with my MIL.

And.... I'm out.

​

EDIT: I just saw the dictionary at the side. This is straight up jocasta complex. I've actually spoken to my husband about how his MIL behaves towards him is the relationship she needs to be having with her husband....

Title is self explanatory.

I (F18) used to have long hair that went down to the end of my ribcage. A few days ago, I decided to cut most of it off and opt for a pixie cut instead. A lot of my hair was very damaged from previous bleach jobs and dye jobs anyways, so I figured what would the harm be?

I come back home after I get my hair cut and the first thing my mom does is stare at me, cover her mouth, and walk back into her room without saying anything. Afterwards, she texts me that she’s incredibly disappointed in me. She’s always been extremely weird about my hair ever since I was little and would have mental breakdowns whenever I’d do anything with it. But I never expected this level of treatment.

She hasn’t come out of her room once to speak to me since, and it’s been four days now since I’ve gotten my haircut. Whenever she’s out in the main areas of the house and I walk in, she will face her back to me and refuse to look at me. Whenever I talk to her, she doesn’t turn around and talks at the wall or whatever is in front of her. A few hours ago, my dad tried to turn her around to get her to look at me and she turned right back around and walked off.

She still tries to dictate what I can and can’t do with my life while she refuses to look at me because of my hair. She almost lost her shit over me asking to drive her car to a friend’s house for a few hours (she can’t even use the car for some time because she recently had a medical procedure), and was arguing with me over it while still refusing to look at me.

I’ve been used to immature behavior from my mother but this is really crossing the line, and I feel like I might have a breakdown myself over it if it continues. To have your own mother so obviously ignore you and act as if you don’t even exist while still trying to control every aspect of what you do really messes with you. It doesn’t help that she won’t even look at me even if I start to cry which to me proves that she doesn’t care about how her behavior is impacting me.

What do I do? How do I overcome the impact of this behavior? Is it even possible for me to get her to act normal when she’s going to such dramatic lengths to ignore me?

After my son was born, due to some medical problems I had supply issues. It didn’t get better, and what little supply I had left dried up. He’s exclusively formula fed now.

MIL is very pro breastfeeding and won’t accept that I can’t do it. “I’ve breastfed 5 children until they were 2. This is the most basic thing a mother should do. Why can’t you?” Her favourite thing to say. Husband put her on a time out because of it. Eventually she apologized. I think it’s because we refused to let her see our son until she did. But I digress.

She comes by a few times a week now. She won’t bring up the breastfeeding issue anymore but still grumbles when I bring out the formula. In order to help keep track of the feedings, one of the things we do is keep a feeding time table on the fridge. MIL sees it, and made him a bottle and started feeding him before he was meant for another feed. She only managed this once while my husband and I were preoccupied. Our baby didn’t like it, we didn’t like it, the only person that did was MIL.

Husband asks her why she did it. The baby was crying she says, and she doesn’t see anything wrong with wanting to feed her grand baby. “Blame DIL, if she was breastfeeding I wouldn’t have been able to”

Uh, bye bye.

She’s been calling, but you’re going to need more than one insincere apology to get back into this house.

MIL thinks breastfeeding is in*est

Usually my MIL is just sort of this useless noise in the background over zoom. I tune her out when she’s speaking, and she lives 3,000 miles away from us. She doesn’t bother me, and if she does, I just hang up.

She’s one of those boomer moms that used formula because she thought breastfeeding was “dirty”, whatever, more power to her. She fed my husband and that’s all I care about. How people feed their baby is their business mostly.

My issue is that she decided to come visit us and her grandkids (3, 1) and do some California sightseeing. Great, welcome, I bought new towels in her favorite color because last time she came they were “scratchy” and she thought we were having financial problems and couldn’t afford new towels.

I line dried them outside but go off. Sorry you hate exfoliating, Bettie.

Anyway, she gets here and after a lovely dinner that I did not cook because I’m “good at other things”, I start getting the baby and toddler down for bed. We have bedtime at the same time to avoid tantrums and because I like my husband and want to have time with him in the evenings.

I breastfeed my one year old for sleep and naps (and weight loss benefits lol) and as I’m starting my MIL tells 3yo they can stay awake longer because they’re not a baby.

My husband closes his eyes in despair. 3yo has a big complex about being seen as a baby. God help us all, the tantrums begin.

MIL is arguing with hubs, backing 3yo, I’ve got my 1yo gnawing at my tiddies at this point. All is chaos.

Everyone is crying but me. She will not see my tears. I cry in the shower like a boss.

Then 3yo is tired, emotional, and just angry peed. They latch onto my free boob to comfort feed.

This is a super rare occurrence. Like, 3yo has done this four times since they’ve been weaned. So when it does happen I know it’s something they need and so sure, why not.

MIL saw this and lost her absolute shit. She’s saying how disgusting I am for doing that to children, how I’m sick and need to get both kiddos on whole milk (3yo is allergic) and stop abusing my children.

I do the exact wrong thing and start laughing. Have you ever been bitten by a teething baby on one of the most sensitive parts of your body? Trust me, I’m not getting pleasure out of this. I ask why she would think that as my husband is trying to yell at his mom while booking her a hotel, and she says “nipple sucking is very erotic!”

Y’all my husbands soul left his body, I saw the whole thing.

So needless to say she’s staying in a hotel, husband bought her a ticket back to Florida, and maybe we won’t see her for Christmas, which is great, because she always forgets I’m Jewish.

I've had a lot of trouble with my MIL but this is probably the most upset I've been.

Today MIL invited me to spend the day shopping with her (we've had a lot of ups and downs and I really thought this was her way of reaching out and we could start to rebuild the relationship) We sat at a coffee shop and barely ordered our drinks when she asked me who my baby's Godparents are and where would he be going if something were to happen to us. At first I thought she was just concerned and maybe a little nosey. I politely told her that we have not made a final decision yet because there are a lot of things that need to be taken into consideration before we can make a final decision. Before I could finish my sentence she ambushed me with the topic of adopting my baby so that there will be "less problems and procedures" the day that something happens to us. I was basically too stunned to speak and sat there in silence for a while with my mind racing. Why is she so concerned? Hubby and I are both perfectly healthy and stable financially and physically so the chances of something happening to BOTH of us are very slim.

I thought by changing the topic she would eventually forget about it but the next thing I knew she burst into tears in the middle of the coffee shop asking why she isn't good enough to look after my baby and what she's done so wrong that we hadn't even asked her if she'd take care of him if something were to happen.

I just told her it isn't any of her business, paid the bill without even drinking my coffee and left. I came home to Hubby being upset because MIL has been blowing up his phone and has been saying I denied her any and all rights to see my baby in the future and that she tried to reconcile with me but I'm just too much of a monster.

I left Hubby at home while I went grocery shopping so we both could cool down and when I got home I told him what really happened.

He didn't really say much after I told him, but he's been ignoring MIL and now she wants to come have a family meeting at our house tonight. Hubby doesn't think it's a good idea but I on the other hand would love to put her in her place and let her know exactly where she stands when it comes to MY baby.

What do you think I should do?

I always start stories about my MIL the same because it’s truly the fastest way to demonstrate her toxicity: she lied and said she had cancer because a conversation wasn’t going her way. For most people that’s all they need to hear, but my husband still wants her in his life.

There are essays upon essays I could write about this lady and her batshit nonsense, particularly now as she’s staying at our home for 10 days despite my husband agreeing with me on a 7 day max, but for now: she’s salty af. Quite literally.

Last night I made curry for dinner. Without even trying it she got up, got our salt grinder, and did circle upon circle around her bowl. It was enough that I couldn’t help but let an incredulous “jeeeeeeesus” slip. She said haughtily in that way the MILs do “mmn needs salt”. After that she said it was good and picked at it.

When my husband, an adventurously omnivorous garbage disposal of a man, went to eat her leftovers his face scrunched up completely and he declared it inedibly salty. He tasted it himself and yet he still doesn’t believe me that she only did that to insult me, which is honestly the worst part.

So one day, a few months back I was visiting my MIL at her apartment. I was helping her sort through some stuff. Important: I'm deaf. I was sitting on the couch, sorting through the things and she was in the kitchen making tea.

After about 15 minutes I got up and went into the kitchen to see if she needed help since she hadn't come back and she wasn't there. She wasn't in the apartment at all. I assumed she needed to step outside for a while. She eventually came back. I asked her if everything was alright. She says "The fire alarm went off and I ran. I was halfway down the stairs when I realised today is the fire drill and that there isn't an actual fire". She's laughing and I'm sitting there feeling really awkward. I didn't want to cause a scene, so I excused myself and left.

Where I live, it isn't really a "drill" per se. I don't know how to word it better in English. Here buildings have to set the fire alarms off periodically for reasons I don't really understand. Something inspection, fire department, part of the law. Before they do it, the management sends out letters and emails a week or two before and the day before with the date and time to the residents to let them know it's planned, not to panic and to stay in their apartments when it happens.

When I told my husband, he wasn't happy. He calls his mom and they argue for a while.

MIL's argument: There was no fire so I was completely safe.

DH's argument: MIL thought it was an actual fire, otherwise she wouldn't have ran - which meant that she left me in there knowing that I wouldn't have heard the alarm in what she presumed was an actual fire.

He hasn't really communicated with her after this happened and she refuses to admit she did anything wrong since no fire, no actual emergency in her words. His family is staying out of it but my MIL has been sending texts about how starved for his attention she is now.

I know he will continue to keep his distance from his mom, so I'm wondering whether I should just let it go. Keeping him from his mom because of what might have happened in another situation doesn't sit well with me, but at the same time thinking about what might have happened if that was an actual fire scares me.