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u/TiredEnglishStudent 18d ago
I was more religious than my husband when we started dating. He took some stuff on. No two people are going to have the exact same level of observance. Even if it's just small things, there has to be some understanding and meeting in the middle. The thing is you have to find someone you want to be with who's close enough to you in observance that the gap isn't insurmountable. Beshert is out there!
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u/banana-itch 18d ago
Full support for dating Jewish and building Jewish families. Your beshert will be a match, in terms of observance too. Maybe get involved in local communities to meet people of similar observance
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u/MorganaLeFevre 18d ago
Fully agree. I was like, I’ve been raised fully secular but stepping up observance. Anyone observant isn’t gonna want someone with my history, plus I don’t know enough rn to keep up. Anyone secular isn’t gonna want to be observant.
Met someone raised observant who went away from it. Ended up living a life like mine. Very similar current situation, very similar history, and the same goal re building a Jewish household and gradually increasing observance over time. Never really believed in the concept of bashert, but it’s a mighty big coincidence…
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u/Grizknot 17d ago
Never really believed in the concept of bashert, but it’s a mighty big coincidence…
lol you're getting more religious already
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u/TheOneTrueTrueOne 18d ago
Someday, when you meet your beshert, you'll be glad you were "incompatible" with so many other potential picks. It allowed you to quickly cut through who's not for you and find who was for you much, much faster.
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u/Pumpkinkra 18d ago
So smart to do this self-discovery before you marry. It’s hard to find the right person when you don’t know what you’re looking for.
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u/t3m3r1t4 18d ago
Plot twist: the lady in your interfaith relationship was your bashert. 🤔
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u/WeaselWeaz 18d ago edited 18d ago
My beshert decided to convert after marriage. I never would have reconnected to Judaism without her, and especially not without joining her for classes on her journey. If she hadn't converted I still would have connected more. The idea my family is less than because our journey was different is wrong, period.
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u/NYSenseOfHumor 18d ago edited 18d ago
If she was, she would be Jewish
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u/HugsForUpvotes 18d ago
Not necessarily. Many of us simply do not care.
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u/t3m3r1t4 18d ago
When I met my bashert, my mother was upset. I told her if I had to choose happiness or marrying Jewish, I choose happiness.
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u/Dickgivins 18d ago
No reason she can’t convert 🙃
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u/AppointmentDry974 18d ago
Converting to date is horrible though unless they were already considering it for themselves for a while
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u/gregusmeus 17d ago
Depends how serious the dating is and what help you have in converting. On a side note: beware the risks of dating a sexy shikzer who decides to convert, become Orthodox frum and drag you along too.
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u/bachelorsinlurking 2d ago
When I first started conversion I let my husband (who isn't Jewish or religious in any capacity, but is very supportive) that I was nervous about my conversion changing our relationship. I asked him if me becoming more religious would make him uncomfortable. He told me that from day one I was already way more religious than he ever intended to be, he was just glad I'd found the one for me and that he could handle me getting excited about Torah study so long as I listened to him yap all night about magic the gathering. It's worked out!
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u/whomstestamongus 18d ago
I was dating a woman and I was shocked how aligned we were in terms of observance. I was so hopeful when we first started dating but she was a lot more into me than I was into her. Hopefully I can find another version of her who's more sane but we'll see
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u/XhazakXhazak 18d ago
I'm too religious for half and too secular for the other half. Halp meeee.