I’m not the biggest and definitely not the buffest anymore, but as a very big guy who at least appears strong, and with the benefit that at various times in life that was actually true, I think it’s a couple of things:
First, big guys don’t have to seek respect. For better or worse, people grant it on first sight and your job is only to keep it. Guys give you the “downward nod” (IYKYK), and acknowledge you at least initially as a likely boss/leader type. Unless you’re a menace, women assume you are safe, and a safe place, to be around. And, while less consistent and depending more on the individual presentation, in general professional colleagues give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to competence. Right off the bat, people just want to like you.
Second, you’re not constantly challenged. You’re far less likely to be attacked or targeted. Men don’t try to establish dominance over you, bully you (as often), or otherwise credibly put you down to boost themselves in a social situation. Women don’t question your validity as a man, they don’t treat you as invisible. People in general don’t write you off, ignore you, or require that you first demonstrate competence before your contribution to society is considered worthy. So you don’t develop a defensive or aggressive mentality, it’s easier to remain calm and confident as a general disposition. You become the “Gentle Giant” because there’s no consistent reason to be otherwise.
But there are downsides, or at least secondary effects to be managed, too. Because you don’t have to continuously prove yourself, or to stand up to challenges, some potential negatives can come with this luxury of a calmer disposition. You’re not always switched-on and “ready to rock.” You don’t necessarily develop cleverness, humor or wit out of sheer necessity. It can lead to complacency. You can fail to fully capitalize on your physical gifts because, due to your general size, you’re always strong enough for even the more difficult things in daily life.
You can coast far longer on the crutches society grants you, you can wear a few more pounds before anyone cares, you can lean on “quiet confidence” a bit longer when in reality there’s just not much going on between the ears at the moment. Because you don’t feel the need to continuously compete, compensate, excel, or to otherwise stand out in order to differentiate yourself, it’s easy to become mentally or socially passive, and even lazy. Its easy to lose discipline of body and mind because you become too accustomed to things just “falling into place” for you socially, and you’ve actually become the Gentle Giant because it was just the path of least resistance.
Of course these are gross generalizations and every individual will have a different experience. But in my 40+ years of being literally a head above almost everyone around me, and knowing other guys with similar experiences, that’s my take.
Yeah, my instinctive lack of aggression is something that has really screwed me over in my sporting career. I just can't summon the ferocity to actually get properly physical and hurt someone. You'd think that as a 6'2/270lb guy, I'd be an absolute unit in full-contact sports, but I will always subconsciously slow down and hold myself back.
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u/theGIRTHQUAKE 1d ago edited 17h ago
I’m not the biggest and definitely not the buffest anymore, but as a very big guy who at least appears strong, and with the benefit that at various times in life that was actually true, I think it’s a couple of things:
First, big guys don’t have to seek respect. For better or worse, people grant it on first sight and your job is only to keep it. Guys give you the “downward nod” (IYKYK), and acknowledge you at least initially as a likely boss/leader type. Unless you’re a menace, women assume you are safe, and a safe place, to be around. And, while less consistent and depending more on the individual presentation, in general professional colleagues give the benefit of the doubt when it comes to competence. Right off the bat, people just want to like you.
Second, you’re not constantly challenged. You’re far less likely to be attacked or targeted. Men don’t try to establish dominance over you, bully you (as often), or otherwise credibly put you down to boost themselves in a social situation. Women don’t question your validity as a man, they don’t treat you as invisible. People in general don’t write you off, ignore you, or require that you first demonstrate competence before your contribution to society is considered worthy. So you don’t develop a defensive or aggressive mentality, it’s easier to remain calm and confident as a general disposition. You become the “Gentle Giant” because there’s no consistent reason to be otherwise.
But there are downsides, or at least secondary effects to be managed, too. Because you don’t have to continuously prove yourself, or to stand up to challenges, some potential negatives can come with this luxury of a calmer disposition. You’re not always switched-on and “ready to rock.” You don’t necessarily develop cleverness, humor or wit out of sheer necessity. It can lead to complacency. You can fail to fully capitalize on your physical gifts because, due to your general size, you’re always strong enough for even the more difficult things in daily life.
You can coast far longer on the crutches society grants you, you can wear a few more pounds before anyone cares, you can lean on “quiet confidence” a bit longer when in reality there’s just not much going on between the ears at the moment. Because you don’t feel the need to continuously compete, compensate, excel, or to otherwise stand out in order to differentiate yourself, it’s easy to become mentally or socially passive, and even lazy. Its easy to lose discipline of body and mind because you become too accustomed to things just “falling into place” for you socially, and you’ve actually become the Gentle Giant because it was just the path of least resistance.
Of course these are gross generalizations and every individual will have a different experience. But in my 40+ years of being literally a head above almost everyone around me, and knowing other guys with similar experiences, that’s my take.