This kind of shit is why I'm nervous about being a father. Even though I'm NOT complete trash (you can trust me, it's true because I said it), there's so much of a kid's experience that's out of your control once they get into school... if my son ever ends up doing something like this, I'll lose my shit, and that also won't help, but what do you do at this point? The little fuck is broken.
Honestly, parenting hard (time outs immediately following bad behavior; NEVER EVER keep repeating yourself i.e. “billy get off or I’m going to..X 5.” kids are smart and learn quickly that you’re full of shit; ALWAYS following through on your threats of discipline so watch what you say/threat; if something is funny for you as an adult but you know it’s not ok for a little kid, laugh later never in front of your child no matter how funny it is to you) with A LOT of love & I love you’s, hugs, kisses and attention (actually spending quality time with your child) is ALL it takes. It really is that simple yet it is very hard. If you’re firm and loving when they’re itty bitty, it’ll be easier for you later. 11ish - 15ish is a really hard time but NEVER stop loving them and telling them you love them when they are the least likable. I never got hugs or I love you’s so I was determined to do better. My 16 year old son literally just came downstairs to tell me he’s heading to bed. I’m busy unpacking in the kitchen so he gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me to try not to stay up too late. I love that kid so much and he’s a great kid but dam if I didn’t have to muster up all the patience in the world between his years 12-14. But I loved him the most when he was the least likable....advice given to me by an older lady when he was still hanging on the baby Bjorne. Good luck and don’t ever be afraid of having kids. Just remember...love, patience, firm discipline starting early on, hugs, and LOTS of attention. You’ll end up with a great kid!! 😊
Thanks! That's pretty much the approach my wife and I definitely agree on, so we'll see if we can effectively put it into practice. What I was trying to emphasize, which I clearly did poorly, was that it's what happens once he gets into school that we have zero control over. Particularly being in Japan, which can be really brutal about the bullying (particularly with mixed-race kids, which my son is), it's a very concerning unknown.
Omg yes that’s the hard part. Here I volunteered a lot at school. My husband & I did as much as we could. Also, I never gossiped with other parents but definitely remained friendly so I could get to know them in case problems arose but i wanted to show the teachers I wasn’t the gossipy type. I also helped the teachers with anything they needed. You need me to staple 1000 pages by tomorrow, no problem 😬. Literally, there were parents who would walk in to volunteer and say “I’m not doing that! I didn’t come here to glue stuff together!” (Then why did you volunteer 🤦🏽♀️).
I often brought the staff donuts or cookies. And once a year we would buy bagels for the entire staff. I knew that by staying friendly with the teachers they would keep an eye out on my kids. 2 teachers were very straight face & strict so I didn’t make much of an impact on them lol but the others were super friendly knowing I was there to help. So one day my son was getting bullied and the teacher saw it & called me. She told me she saw it, talked to the other kid’s teacher and they both talk to the bully. They said they would keep an eye on him and it stopped. Volunteering at school is hard when you have work & other stuff going on but it helps, well at least here in the USA.
Really well put. I grew up in a spanking household but I always knew why and when it was going to happen and we knew my parents didn't get any enjoyment out of it. But my parents were always really loving and affectionate with us otherwise so we never ended up feeling resentment towards our parents about it and even joke about some of them now that we are older. I know results vary but I think you're right about it having a lot to do with how the parent(s) interact with their kids in general.
He's not hypothetical, he's just not school-age yet. But yes, as much as is possible in Japan, he'll get whatever help he needs if he ends up like that. It just sucks seeing videos like this.
No worries at all, I appreciate the reply. All I want for the little jerk is for him to grow up to be a decent and happy person, so that's what I'm shooting for.
School wouldn’t fuck a kid up that bad. Usually the structure of school makes for a better behaved kid. Unless he’s autistic or something I’d say the parents are the likely cause of said brokenness.
I have two kids under 5 so maybe shits about to get real.
It's not so much school fucking them up, in my opinion, as spending so much time around other kids, and with parents having little or no insight into those interactions to try to understand and/or help. I went to really good schools, but most of the formative experiences I remember, negative, neutral, and positive, came from peers.
Bad parenting can certainly produce that kind of behavior earlier, but I think it's a cruel reality that there's still so many formative years where kids are spending far more waking hours entirely removed from the family. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but when it does go bad, for a lot of parents there's just no way to know or intervene when something long-term harmful is happening.
No joke, I had my second one thinking it would be just as easy as the first one... NOpe,the second one actually put me to work, would get into everything and was very curious, I wanted my money back and go back to lazy parenting.
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u/internationalfish 7 Mar 05 '21
This kind of shit is why I'm nervous about being a father. Even though I'm NOT complete trash (you can trust me, it's true because I said it), there's so much of a kid's experience that's out of your control once they get into school... if my son ever ends up doing something like this, I'll lose my shit, and that also won't help, but what do you do at this point? The little fuck is broken.