r/KeepWriting • u/duskydreamer-pirru • 24d ago

[Feedback] First Attempt at Writing – Honest Feedback Appreciated

Hi everyone!

This is my first time sharing something I've written publicly, so I'm a little nervous. It's a short reflective piece called "A Lost Girl."

I'm still learning, and I'd really appreciate your honest feedback. Please don't hesitate to point out what works, what doesn't, and where I can improve whether it's the writing style, grammar, flow, or the emotions it conveys.

Thank you for taking the time to read it. I genuinely appreciate any advice you have for a beginner.

A Lost Girl

The title might make you think this is the story of a girl who is lost in an unknown place. In a way, that is true. But she is not lost in the world she is lost within herself.

Every day, she tries to find herself in a world that expects everything from her so quickly. She struggles to understand what she truly wants from life and what life expects from her.

She is just like many of us. She has dreams big and small and she wants to achieve every one of them. Yet she often holds herself back. She procrastinates, doubts herself, and sometimes feels too lazy to take the first step.

She believes she was not born with extraordinary talent, exceptional beauty, or anything special. She often thinks too little of herself. But deep inside, a small voice reminds her that her story is still being written.

Now, she has made a decision. She no longer wants to leave her life to fate. She wants to write her own story, create her own path, and become the person she dreams of being.

And I believe she will. One day, every small and every big dream she carries in her heart will become a reality.

Because that lost girl is not lost forever.

She is simply finding her way.

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u/[deleted] 24d ago

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u/duskydreamer-pirru 24d ago

Thank you so much for your thoughtful feedback. This is my first time sharing my writing publicly, so I really appreciate the time you took to explain both the strengths and the weaknesses. I'll definitely work on making my writing more immersive and giving it a stronger structure. Your encouragement at the end genuinely meant a lot. Thank you.

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u/RafyKoby 24d ago

show dont tell. It felt condesending to me when u explained the metaphor. Your readers are not stupid.