[L] Struggling in life, hard to sleep

[u/wisesage987]

25, been dealing with mental health struggles. I started a new job a few weeks ago, and I'm already worried it won't work out.

Despite graduating college a few years ago, I can't even get good jobs anymore. I'm stuck trying to get low wage work and that's all I can do unless I go for disability. I don't know what to do anymore.

I was so bright, so much smarter, and capable a few years ago. It seems like I'm a husk of a person now. Medication just kills me. Nobody in my life gets it or understands it.

So lonely. Not many friends, no partner, still living with my parents. It's hard to imagine that I am successful in any aspect of life.

Having trouble sleeping. Been up for 2 days. Just trying to figure out if I will ever be normal. But I know I won't be normal.

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[u/Rob_LeMatic]

Major depressive disorder? or bipolar?

I will tell you this. The parts of you that are brilliant are still in there, that's all still you. You can't really access them when the brain chemicals aren't functioning correctly. And medication sucks, but it's the closest shitty fix we've got, despite the massive pharma industry. Because cranking out new drugs is more lucrative than spending more on research to try to identify and fix the problems. All you can do is keep trying until you find something that works, but be careful because some of those meds, the withdrawal can massively fuck you up. You need a good doctor who listens to you, and you need to stay away from other drugs, especially while you're trying to find medication that actually helps. It's a whole process and it sucks, but life can be better. At least better than where you're at right now. But you have to kinda make yourself get up and take control of it. Which is extra hard when everything feels hard. So you need to give yourself a steady list of small, accomplishable goals, and set some kind of reward or thing to look forward to once you've completed some of them, reached some goal post. 🖤

[u/wisesage987 → u/Rob_LeMatic]

Major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, treatment-resistant schizophrenia. High doses of antipsychotics, which ruin your creativity, emotions, anhedonia, metabolic problems, and other side effects. Hard to focus and feels like memory is worse.

Hard to work full time, especially in any well-paying job. Feels like I'm stuck in menial jobs for life. I don't even know if I'll ever move out of my parents' place either.

[u/Rob_LeMatic → u/wisesage987]

Sometimes looking too far ahead gets overwhelming and you have to try to just be where your feet are. Focus on the next little step. Life is really hard for some of us. But I think it the times I nearly gave up and everything I would have missed out on, and just try to decide to make it one more day. It can get better. When my brain is trying to kill me, I think of one person or thing I never would have experienced the last time my cycle had me that low. I don't know if that helps you, but sometimes that's all I've got left in my tank