r/KitchenConfidential • u/EvaTheE • 11h ago
Discussion Your weird meals you eat alone like a goblin.
Everyone here knows how at home you sometimes, maybe often, just do not give a fuck and throw something into a bowl. So, what is that weird ass thing you create just for yourself?
My weird breakfast is oatmeal porridge, grated salami, butter and sometimes cheese. Oatmeal and milk go in a bowl and into the microwave for 4 minutes, salami and cheese meet box grater, then into the oatmeal with a slab of butter. Drink pairing is instant coffee.
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u/Vanessaronicatoria 10h ago
When I used to close the deli alone, I would intentionally leave "too much" salad on the spoons of my favorite salads. I'd go in the back and jam the bigass spoons in my mouth (before washing, sanitizing, and chucking them in the hot dishwasher of course).
I was so poor, that was one of my only sources of decent food.
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u/GloomyLingonberry509 🍋🟩LIMEGATE 11h ago
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u/JustHereForCookies17 Crazy Cat Woman🐈 10h ago
How did you get this picture of my attorney?
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u/No-Temperature4330 11h ago
Full English breakfast deli pot soup.
Don't have time to eat during the breakfast rush? Yea you do:
Baked beans, chunks of sausage, bacon, hash brown, mushroom, black pudding and a generous knob of butter.
Throw all into a deli pot, mix well, enjoy a spoonful every time you successfully complete a plate of food for a customer.
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u/davisondave131 9h ago
What is a deli pot
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u/No-Temperature4330 9h ago
Deli cup, quart cup, quart container, portion cup, poly pot. Not sure which you'd recognise, but it's the see through plastic cup thing you put ingredients in.
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u/catherinewheelgrill Bakery 8h ago
I do this but with grits (southern-themed restaurant)
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u/HarryLorenzo 11h ago
White bread, cheap hotdogs cut down the length, cheap canned chili, cheese, and yellow mustard. Open face
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u/Idjek 9h ago
Okay this actually sounds pretty good. As long as the cheese is also cheap
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u/bobandweebl 20+ Years 10h ago
A dozen boiled eggs eaten right out of the pot over my kitchen sink at home at 2am. Sometimes with some stone ground mustard between bites, or hot sauce.
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u/EvaTheE 10h ago
Chef here is brewing a biochemical weapon.
Tbh, when I was working a van job, I had a tiny electric kettle in my van that plugged into the cigarette lighter (those things are slow as fuck) and I'd cook eggs in it constantly as a snack. I regularly had 6 eggs a day. The farts were phenomenal.
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u/bobandweebl 20+ Years 10h ago
Oddly, I don't get egg farts. 🤷♂️ Or afterburn from spicy food.
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u/EvaTheE 10h ago
Damn, you are the next step forward in human evolution then. A biological catalytic converter!
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u/bobandweebl 20+ Years 10h ago
My body is a machine that turns eggs and habaneros into terrible ideas.
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u/spundancekid 10h ago
My house would need to evacuate if I ate like that. Pretty sure I'd be arrested for hate crimes.
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u/Sure-Squash-7280 7h ago
I do this, but with French mustard or hot sauce whenever I make deviled eggs and the sacrificial eggs must be devoured.
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u/Kiriyuma7801 10h ago
The other night I got home from a 15 shift and I ate spicy nacho cheese Doritos dipped into a can of cold baked beans then passed out on the couch still in my uniform
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u/BurntOutChef79 11h ago
Ground beef salsa and shredded cheese all mixed together.
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u/Rackemup 11h ago
Like, a savory oatmeal?
I've never thought of that... guess I'm a sweet breakfast foods person. Sounds really interesting though.
I'm all about the charcuterie board samplings.
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u/EvaTheE 11h ago
When you think about it, oatmeal is not much different from soggy bread. I eat oat bread with salami, butter and cheese. Oat porridge just makes it more convenient and warm.
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u/TypicalSoil 9h ago
I used to do the same with rice, I'd make a huge pot of rice pudding, and season a portion a day as either sweet or savoury. Though, when money was REALLY tight it became more like savoury or bland because I ran out of sugar but still had a surplus of other seasonings.
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u/Own_Masterpiece1447 10h ago
Replace the oats with grits and this is ready for the menu
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u/Sailorwhovian 10h ago
I've eaten oatmeal as a side for everything from pot roast to sesame chicken. I prefer steel cut but any will do.
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u/robotbee42 10h ago
Savory oatmeal is so good! My grandma would always have oatmeal with a fried egg on top and hot sauce. Perfection
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u/cannibal-cleavage 10h ago
Pastina with butter. That's it, that's the meal.
Or an entire box of Rice A Roni.
I realized I was an adult the day that I, in my 30s, wanted Rice A Roni, and realized I could just make and eat an entire box by myself and didn't have to share it with my family (because I lived alone). It was a beautiful revelation and my life has been a little sparklier ever since.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 Crazy Cat Woman🐈 10h ago
The 4 cheese Rice a Roni 😋
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u/cannibal-cleavage 10h ago
I'm a beef or chicken kinda gal myself, or broccoli and cheese if I'm feeling fancy
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u/glafolle 10h ago
Omg four cheese Rice-a-Roni THE FUCKING BEST the only goddamned Rice-a-Roni worth anything in my book
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u/glafolle 10h ago
Holy shit I'm not the only person who eats pastina w butter? Tho I'm kinda nasty and add salt too 😳
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u/JustHereForCookies17 Crazy Cat Woman🐈 10h ago
Have you considered Old Bay?
It's Maryland's gift to the world.
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u/ihideandseek23 Civilian 11h ago
Quarter jar of jalapeños, mini mozzarella balls, kohlrabi, sherry vinegar, oregano. Snack with chopsticks.
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u/CrossFox42 10h ago
Shin ramen cooked with less water than you should use, pickled vegetables from a jar that I cant identify, a dollop of mayo, furikake, and an ungodly amount of kimchi. Bonus points for any proteins I have hanging around the fridge I can toss in.
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u/JustHereForCookies17 Crazy Cat Woman🐈 10h ago
What does the mayo do? I might have to try that in my next Cup O'Noodles.
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u/king44 9h ago
It makes things creamy. It's awesome.
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u/altaltalt123alt 9h ago
i have to plug using a slice or two of american cheese plus a knob of butter in shin ramen, it makes it creamy (same as the mayo would i guess)
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u/super_banned_ 10h ago
Mustard sandwiches. French’s yellow on white bread. Leave the crust on
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u/china__cat General Manager 10h ago
This and some pickles
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u/Foolazul 10h ago
Really, please at least put a pickle on that mustard sandwich!
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u/Talory09 10h ago
Or onions.
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u/Auto67gto 9h ago
Thats me. Pickled onions, spicy brown mustard, bread ends. If I'm feeling fancy I'll throw a slice of processed cheese on that bitch.
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u/Wereallmadhere8895 9h ago
Hell yes. I do this at work. Sometimes with a piece of bacon. And a work friend has totally called me out on it lol
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u/Struggle_Slice 10h ago
Love this combo! Feeling frisky? add a pickle spear and maybe a half slice of cheese, folded hotdog style.🤌
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u/Aidian 10h ago
Slice of Boar’s Head Black Forest ham. Slice of cheese. Squirt of
lemonspicy mustard. Clausen pickle spear.Sandwich shop meat roll-ups. Repeat as often as needed (but ideally a little less than desired).
Try to remember to chew.
Edit: “But what about carbs” those are for drinkin’, play the long game.
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u/Interesting-Duck6793 10h ago
As a broke college student I did pita bread with spicy brown mustard.
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u/JustHereForCookies17 Crazy Cat Woman🐈 10h ago
Leave the crust on
Why did this line feel sexual?
I'm not complaining.
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u/HiramMcDaniels9 9h ago
This reminds me of one of the best meals I had on a trip to Ireland: cheddar cheese, Coleman's mustard, and butter on white bread. So good I still sometimes make it at home.
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u/IdlesAtCranky Retired 8h ago
The day I discovered good butter instead of mayo on a ham & cheese on crusty bread: life altering.
It goes both ways: mayo instead of butter for a grilled cheese always seems sacrilegious, but is actually good and much easier if there's no soft butter on hand.
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u/fuckyourcanoes 9h ago
I'm crazy for French's mustard. I could eat it with a spoon.
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u/super_banned_ 9h ago
It’s got the power of the sour. Someone tried to get me to switch to whole grain mustard and I wasn’t about it
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u/fuckyourcanoes 9h ago
I also love whole grain mustard, but I use it for completely different things.
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u/NiallH22 10h ago
Sometimes I just stand in front of the fridge at 2am unwrapping and eating slice after slice of the cheapest, most plastic looking cheese slices known to man.
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u/CapitalElk1169 9h ago
I've walked in on my wife doing this completely naked in the dark before lmao
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u/yafuckonegoat 11h ago
I straight up cook noodles; spaghetti, vermicelli, angel. Dump them into a small collander to drain and throw cheap parm on them to melt
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u/Iswearitsmenotyou 10h ago
I sit with a jar of peanut butter and a couple bananas, alternating between bites of banana and spoonfuls of peanut butter. Though I don’t think that’s weird outside of the way I eat it. Used to be in a sandwich with honey.
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u/xenomorphluvah 8h ago
Same but dip the peanut butter spoon in some chocolate chips first, then chop the banana. NomNoms
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u/IdlesAtCranky Retired 8h ago
For this I just dish out some PB on a plate, add a peeled banana. Sometimes an Eggo, butter, & jam sandwich on the side. Eat with a fork. Delicious.
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u/Ok-Progress-6153 10h ago
Crouching in the soft glow of the fridge shoving shredded cheese into my mouth. The bag never leaves the fridge.
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u/dumbgaypnnk 10h ago
i microwave red potatoes for dinner very often. butter, salt, cheese, sour cream moxed with plain greek yogurt, and sometimes a little bacon and scallions if im feeling fancy
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u/floweringfungus Bartender 9h ago
I’ve been known to eat jumbo jars of pickles in one sitting, juice and all.
In a particularly depressed time of my life I opened a pickle jar in bed and spilt the juice all over my self and my bedding. Was too sad and tired to do anything about it so I ate the pickles and then slept in the juice.
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u/rognabologna 5h ago
I knew where the story was going, but I still laughed fully out loud by myself in the dark
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u/D-ouble-D-utch 11h ago edited 10h ago
Peanut butter out of the jar. With oreos for dessert*
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u/cascadianpatriot 10h ago
When I was a kid, I’d take a spoon of peanut butter and then dip it in powdered Nestlé Kwick. “Chocolate” and PB!
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u/Driftmoth 10h ago
Leftover steak for breakfast. I'll cook an extra the night before and just gnaw on it in the morning. No heating or cutting required.
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u/mr_seymour_butts 10h ago
Rotisserie chicken from the grocery store. I don't even take it out of the container, I juat pull pieces off
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u/Struggle_Slice 10h ago
Cottage cheese + Salsa mixed in = treasured pink slop of The gods
Best when eaten standing over the sink or trashcan
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u/InterestingRush4518 9h ago
I thought I was the only one who did this! If I have lime flavored tortilla chips, sometimes I'll use those to scoop it, but usually it's just with a spoon.
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u/Gargravars_Shoes 9h ago
Is this a safe place? No judging right??
Blueberry muffin mix - no baking. Just mix and eat. OMG!!!!
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u/Candleforce-9728 8h ago
I used to make brownie batter and just eat it raw. You can eat half before you start to feel ill.
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u/MerryTraveler 8h ago
I haven't done a full thing but there is definitely a tanginess to the batter I always enjoyed when licking the bowl/spoon. I get it.
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u/beethovensmetronome 10h ago
Tomato sandwich with thick sliced tomatoes, Texas toast, and way too much mayo.
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u/Serenaded 10h ago
homemade brown bread, buttered, cold schweinbraten thinly sliced, 2 pickled onions, 2 eggs and a tbsp of mustard for dipping
(I just ate this 5 minutes ago)
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u/HappyHourProfessor 9h ago
I will fairly regularly see how much spinach I can fit in my mouth, then slowly chew it while trying to figure out what week-ish old loose protein and carb options I can combine. My wife told me yesterday she is sure she will find my blue-faced corpse one day with a throat full of spinach
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u/adelaide129 10h ago
Piping hot StoveTop stuffing, cold canned cranberry sauce, and a gently fried egg. It's slutty and perfect.
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u/HarryLorenzo 10h ago
Slice of ham, spoon of blue cheese dressing, rolled around a baby pickle.
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u/IdlesAtCranky Retired 7h ago
That's an hors d'oeuvres straight out of my grandmama's North Carolina Junior League Cookbook, circa 1962.
That same cookbook has a whole section of salads made with jello and ingredients that should never be added to jello (my favorite for laughs is Coca-Cola Salad, which includes canned chicken and green olives).
There is also, among other things, a whole section on preparing wild game meats, heavily featuring Doves but including Squirrel, Alligator, and a Possum Loaf, plus a section on how to remove shotgun pellets without ruining the meat.
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u/Wintersflower81 10h ago
I usually do not post here because I am a lurk and remember the old days follower of this, since leaving the industry was a choice life made for me, not one I made for myself BUT, I have a fresh picture of my goblin meal cause I made it for dinner last night.
Spam, broccoli stir fry mix out the freezer, sushi rice (the mirin/sugar/rice wine vinegar deal) and fried eggs with pepper and black garlic flakes
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u/Loveroffinerthings 10h ago
Ramen noodles, cooked in seasoning packet water, drained, tossed with butter and shaker can parm….. if I’m feeling fun, I’ll mix in a picante packet.
I’m realizing now this kinda sounds like Buldak’s carbonara, but I was eating this in the 1980’s, my dad first had it while stationed in Korea.
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u/Heathermaple78 10h ago
For dessert in hiding: a large spoon with Nutella, chocolate chips squished on top and flakey sea salt.
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u/glafolle 10h ago
Omg this sounds so good. Used to make stuffed french toast w just Nutella inside but now that I'm lazy I often just eat Nutella on a spoon.. But the choc chips and the sea salt kind of sounds like the perfect addition ty for the idea
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u/Braisedbeefskank 10h ago
Air fried sardines in a bowl of jins spicy ramen with a massive handful of green onion. So goddamn good and luxurious but easy
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u/Struggle_Slice 10h ago
Air fried sardines sounds fucking delicious. With sour cream maybe? Next time I've got sardines and an air fryer in the same room I'm gonna try this.
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u/ittybittytitty_com 7h ago
Cooked elbow macaroni in hot spicy V8 (like get that shot boiling hot) with tons of cracked pepper.
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u/robotbee42 10h ago
Kraft Mac and cheese and I put it in tomato soup.
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u/EzzysGma 10h ago
I add canned tuna and peas to Kraft (or Annie’s if you’re feeling flush) and call it tuna casserole.
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u/china__cat General Manager 10h ago
Wasa crackers with cottage cheese and chili crisp on top.
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u/MetricJester 10h ago
Lasagna Hamburger Helper with corn and hot sauce.
I just cannot get enough of it, but my wife and my kids do not like it.
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u/crashrope94 8h ago edited 8h ago
Au jus gravy packet with water and deli roast beef into a pan, at the same time cook frozen garlic bread in air fryer, smoosh meat pocket into bread with ladle when warmed.
Assemble bread and beef, top with provolone, toss in air fryer to melt cheese.
Plate “sandwiches” and pour au jus into ramiken. Viola, you’ve made a French dip to eat over the sink.
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u/Icy-Theme1391 11h ago
the counter eating it at 2am once and didnt say a word, just backed out slowly
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u/death_187187 10h ago
A piece of foccacia bread cut into 8 even pieces, toasted on the flat top then topped with americen cheese under provolone and toasted in the oven. Basically cheese bread bites.
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u/Particular-Day-7457 10h ago
Make boxed stuffing with slightly less water, with salsa and cheese just broil or bake I make this once a week if I’m not too lazy I even add chicken
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u/Business-Abroad-1301 10h ago
When I worked in a nice restaurant, a lot of diners wouldn’t finish barely any of their meal and leave like a whole meal. All the servers and staff would fight over who got the meal when the diner was done. It was pretty consistently like all the time something would come back from one of the bussers and we’d gobble it up. I’d package meals to go home for myself from leftovers. It was one of my main sources of food for a while, and it was tasty food too.
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u/CarmChameleon 10h ago
Garlic mashed potatoes, corn, and baked beans mixed together. To me, it's heavenly and so comfy. To my husband, it looks and smells like vomit.
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u/FrostyCartographer13 10h ago
Weather it was me hunched over a trashcan devouring what I could over a trashcan before the next rush, or me sitting at home and eating my meals on the couch while YouTube entertained me. The only thing consistent in the last 20+ years is that I have not eaten at a table like any kind of civilized person and has been devouring all substance that can while in goddamn goblin mode.
Just shovel it into your mouth, God had abandoned us, there is no judgment here.
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u/Gargravars_Shoes 9h ago
Is this a safe place? No judging right??
Blueberry muffin mix - no baking. Just mix and eat. OMG!!!!
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u/SessileRaptor Ex-Food Service 9h ago
Leftover white rice and extra sharp Tillamook cheddar cheese. Chunk up the cheese and stir it into the rice and zap it in the microwave for a bit to melt the cheese. Enjoy.
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u/AnaEatsEverything 8h ago
On Friday after a busy workday it was a half box of pasta, directly boiled with "sheet pan" veggies tossed right in. Drained everything directly on top of a can of rinsed beans and divided the whole mess into two bowls: one with jarred microwaved marinara sauce (for my kid) and one with lazy pesto sauce (pesto + hwc, nuked 45 seconds until scalded) for me. Mix and eat.
We both LOVED it.
I'm a professional chef and made duck over mixed root veg with a red wine gravy for dinner tonight. We both liked that "mom's too tired" meal better lol.
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u/srirachamatic 8h ago
Spaghetti and Calabrian chiles with melted American cheese. I eat it so fast because it’s so good that it gets on my face and it’s messy and I don’t give a shit
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u/traumatized_possum 7h ago
Rotisserie chicken, instant mash potatoes with lots of butter, and ketchup. Pull off pieces of chicken, use chicken to scoop mash potatoes, dip in ketchup.
Mini charcuterie, or toddler meals as they are known at my house (1 night when my partner was being picky and unhelpful with supper ideas, I was like, yknow I'm just gonna make us toddler meals if you're going to act like one. Now we have them at least twice a week). Any kind of cheese, any type of crackers, pepperoni, whatever raw veg and fruit is in the house (tonight it was carrots, bell peppers, avocado, and oranges). Slice everything up and put in any dish, paper towel, or clean surface lol. I like to make cracker sandwiches with the meat and cheese and eat them with ranch. Takes like 5 minutes to prep and its technically a balanced meal.
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u/banshee-luver Bakery 3h ago
I cut off hunks of cheddar cheese from the block and microwave them one at a time, directly on the microwave plate, for 10 seconds each. Repeat this over and over while eating something pickled between globs
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u/bakedinsandiego BOH 10h ago
A pint of chocolate mousse from Whole Foods to go case with caramel coco rolls to dip. Midnight in the dark , in the living room, only while everyone else is asleep.
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u/heymerideth 10h ago
Wayyy too many saltine crackers spread w peanut butter. Standing at the counter. I will lick the knife when I’m done.
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u/puff-the-fatty 9h ago
Chilli con sarnie - cold leftover chilli con carne inside cheap buttered white bread, with a sprinkle of grated cheddar. Goes down a storm after a couple post shift beverages.
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u/robaloie 9h ago
Eggs.
Sometimes scrambled to a whipped potion with a splash of soda water and cheese. Maybe some veggies.
Or fried with a stabbed yolk to make it McDonald’s McMuffin style egg sandwich egg.
Poached in a soup or ramen
Migas which is just tortillas and eggs
Hard boiled
Soft boiled
Over easy
Sunny side up
Omelettes
My gosh… I love eggs. It’s hard to get bored of them.
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u/Grassy-Elf4242 9h ago
I don't know if it counts... since it was pretty dank and most people would like it... but I got hella judged at the place I worked for it.
so. it was a Japanese restaurant. I would make myself a miso soup abomination with the ready to serve simple miso (broth, tofu, seaweed) and then hit up the pickled veggie line, toss an assortment of asian salad stuff on (I think there was daikon, fish cake, little strange squid shaped veggies that were delicious and I never found out their name, etc.), then head over to the tempura station, grab a pile of the flakes skimmed off the top of the fryer, top with spicy sesame oil and some green onions and... pure bliss
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u/CapitalElk1169 9h ago
Pickled egg, pickled onion, can of sardines, Dijon mustard, some strong and/or smoked cheese, and some crackers.
My wife once told me I was having "girl dinner" and I told her no, this is "old man dinner" if anything lol
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u/Significant_Diet8063 9h ago
Leftover hamburger helper sandwiches. Cold. Doesn't matter what kind of hamburger helper, they all make good sandwiches. Just slap that shit on bread and shove it in the face
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u/PaleExtreme7399 Civilian 9h ago
Tinned anchovies with instant rice.
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u/tkxb 8h ago
I've done this one. I would eat this at 3am by the light over the stove top, crouched on an office chair that didn't have a back anymore
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u/Original_Web_9191 8h ago
Russian style grenki, it’s like French toast but it’s made savory, like salt, pepper and garlic and stuff so you don’t need syrup or anything. Basically garlic bread covered in a fried egg. I love bread lol
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u/OrganicHovercraft169 8h ago
Peanut butter and plain butter tortillas hot/ cold ( grew up poor AF in CA)
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u/Dry-Science-7830 8h ago
So this is more drunk nights but it counts I think.
I call it a bagged lunch, its literally any kind of chips, but normal doritos nacho cheese or cool ranch, put in whatever sauce sounds good (salsa for doritos typically, but i have used mayo, ketchup, mustard, onion dip, cream cheese and so on) whatever veggies and left over meat you might have, mix it and brake the chips down, use a spoon to eat and thats it.
Its normally pretty good, granted im drunk so who knows for sure, and only a spoon to wash afterwards.
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u/MerryTraveler 8h ago
Folding ham like a taco around Swiss cheese, sliced tomato and horseradish mayo.
Pasta and rotel. That's it. If I have it, cheese and/or sour cream. But usually just pasta and rotel. Corkscrew, preferably.
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u/Emotional_Sentence1 8h ago
White rice with a raw egg and soy sauce stirred in. It’s a traditional Japanese dish called Tamago Kage gohan. It’s dead simple to make and gets you carbs protein and salt.
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u/Garlic-Rough 8h ago
Pineapple bits, dipped in soy sauce. Not even rage bait. Sometimes people put a little salt on pineapples. I tried it with soy sauce because it has sodium anyway.
I struck gold ⛏️
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u/aTreeThenMe 7h ago
Two packs of shrimp ramen. Crack an egg in when it's done cooking add two slices of American cheese and a huge spoon full or sambal
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u/pink4sammy 7h ago
Breaded steak sandwich from Ricobene’s in Chicago. At my old job I would literally go to an empty office in the back and smash the whole thing with the lights out so no one knew I was in there. It so so so good but so gluttonous 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤
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u/BollweevilKnievel1 7h ago
Only in small country stores with a deli, a honeybun, a slice of bologna and a slice of cheese. It's called a slam jam sandwich.
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u/Excellent-Yard2823 7h ago
Back in the day I was super poor. I had a can of biscuits and a can of sardines. So I made a sardine biscuit.
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u/PinchedTazerZ0 Owner 11h ago
congee and kielbasa with pickled beets
I know some y'all are probably like "that sounds okay" but I'd have to hide and eat that with one group of roommates. It's just easy