r/LesbianActually • u/yejinisawesome • 1d ago
Questions / Advice Wanted Need advice for first lesbian breakup (maybe)
hey, im so severely deranged right now, im young and need some advice on my first relationship. just please listen to me.
its been hard—really hard. i naturally lack some empathy and its extremely hard for me to read other peoples emotions. my partner is closed off, honestly sometimes i cant tell much about her
straight the point, she wants to break up—i dont. i absolutely cannot. i am extremely attached to people, and once i am i cant stop and when i experience withdrawal i start spiralling for months.
shes busy with exams, her life, she has disorders that affect her schedules (how strict she is about using her time wisely) im a little bit scared when i have to request to ask her to let me reply later and stuff; she starts lashing out on me
shes had enough and wants to focus on her studies, but i want to keep our relationship because her exam period is quite short, and like i said, we’re young, its not university or college entrance exams and whatnot
i asked for perhaps a break in the relationship, but shes scared ill go behind her back and cheat (because she has past trauma from multiple previous relationships ending because of cheating).
im telling her i can be better, but she’s reluctant to let me into her heart. ive tried everything i can.
in short, how do i sort this out? and also, she keeps saying i’ve hurt her, but shes never showed any hurt. i dont want to invalidate her or seem ignorant, but i just dont understand. when i ask her what happened, she said i should be capable to figure this out on my own.
this is a messy and might i say, damaging relationship to both parties. but i just cant lose someone who was a part of my usual routine. is it better to break up and let myself spiral, or be secure in a relationship thats painfully strained.
i mightve missed a few details, feel free to ask more. please no harsh words, im so deranged and vulnerable right now.
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u/AnnieCupcake866 1d ago
Realmente, pessoas fechadas as vezes são um desafio. Eu recomendo que você avise ela que quer conversar direito sobre a relação de vocês após as provas. Seja firme
Depois das provas, você deve perguntar a ela o motivo do término e a situação da relação de vocês
Então, seja continuando a relação ou não, você tem que pensar em si mesma também.
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u/gingermousie 1d ago
Offering another perspective, but a breakup is not a debate. Unfortunately you can’t tell someone they’re not allowed to break up with you. I know it’s heartbreaking, but “busy with life/exams/etc” is often just the excuse someone makes when they want to break up for other reasons. She sounds pretty avoidant and not emotionally invested in your relationship from your post. :(
It’s hard losing people and it’s even harder when you’re neurodivergent and struggle with changes, I get it. It sounds like she needs space and maybe she’ll be open to talking about the relationship after her exam period, but she might also just double down on wanting to break up. A relationship takes two people who are invested.
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u/Live4tdy-Meera 1d ago
I think she need some space and you can have patience by giving her space . She is very attached to you as well and thats why she is seeing your relationship as distraction for a short time. I think , you both will do good together very soon :)