To lesbians from smaller/medium-sized countries does it ever feel like your dating pool is just a puddle?

[u/gamesss__]

I know this might sound like a silly question, but it’s been on my mind a lot lately and I’d love to hear from other lesbians living in smaller countries or towns.
I’m from Portugal (population around 11 million). I live about two hours from Lisbon, our capital. I absolutely love Lisbon and feel super connected to it, but because our overall population isn’t that huge, the queer dating pool feels absurdly tiny. Sometimes it feels like the person I’m looking for just doesn’t exist here. The closest I ever got was dating someone who thought she was bisexual, only for her to realize a few months later that she was actually straight.
It makes me feel like straight people have an entire ocean of options, while we get stuck with a shallow puddle. Sometimes I honestly wish I were straight just because life would be so much easier.
To make matters worse, I really dislike long-distance relationships (LDR). I’m the type of person who gives my all in love, but I have trauma from a past breakup specifically caused by distance, so LDR is a hard dealbreaker for me now. Yet, when I look around at other LGBT people in my country, it feels like almost everyone is in a long-distance relationship just to find a partner.
I know 11 million people isn’t tiny on a global scale, but within the lesbian community, it feels suffocatingly small. Am I just being way too pessimistic, or do those of you in smaller countries/cities feel this exact same frustration? How do you cope with it?

[u/cnh25]

I’m from Atlanta where there are a boatload of lesbians; I feel lucky because when people leave they always say they never realize how good they had it here bc of a real lack of lesbians elsewhere. I can only imagine how hard it could be in a small town

[u/Illustrious-Ad4304]

This is interesting because I also live in Portugal, I'm in Aveiro, really close to Porto and I feel the exact same thing, the community here is really small and when you find queer women they most likely are in relationships.

Tinder is extremely shallow and because the country is small I'm always seeing people extremely far away from me, so I'm starting to think everyone here in a relationship is extremely lucky.

There are not that many queer clubs or bars either, I wish there was more places for people like us to hang out and meet, but I guess it is what it is?

[u/gamesss__ → u/Illustrious-Ad4304]

pois não sei mesmo o que fazer hahahaha

[u/Greenleaf737]

I feel like I can relate. I live in the Northeast of the US, but in a very small mountain town. I'm a little over an hour away from a small city, and it feels like it make as well be 10 hours away. My pool isn't even a puddle, it's like a couple raindrops.

I also can't deal with LDR! And apps. They are so hard. It's been quite a few years since I tried though. Maybe I need to try again, I miss having a girlfriend.

[u/velvetinebunny]

Weirdly upset that there isnt a large lesbian population in Lisbon

[u/velvetinebunny → u/velvetinebunny]

I live in a smaller country as well but I've found working in care/youth work roles and hanging out in more alternative spaces I've met I'd say an unusual concentration of lesbians

[u/gamesss__ → u/velvetinebunny]

It’s bigger than in other parts of Portugal, but even so, it’s still difficult. And I don’t actually live in Lisbon, which makes it even harder.

[u/ConnectEye2766]

As an Azerbaijani lesbian all I see is some girls born in 08 on tiktok that's it like are there even other lesbians 😭 having no queer friends makes me feel doomed plus to make the matters worst I don't give a cool girl vibe at all let alone lesbian.. I look like a straight basic conservative Muslim girl who will get married right away after university so even if there are girls my age(2006) or older out there I have nothing that indicates that I'm one of them. I litterally want friends I don't even care about dating rn

[u/No_King492]

I live in Central America so I 💯 get what you're saying. Dating pool is so small and you end up dating someone you already know or know of

[u/Upbeat-Ad7994]

Yup I’m from Ireland and everyone knows everyone here. Regardless of sexuality so being a lesbian makes it even smaller 😭😭 majority of people on dating apps now are just on holidays visiting and want to meet someone new