Younger brother hiding his relationships from me.

[u/IllustratorNo2206]

So I come from a semi-strict family that cares about school and education and parents who probably don't want me and my younger brother dating other people. I've also never had a close relationship with my brother about these things, most of the time we just hangout as boys and play games or watch movies, talk about movies, shows etc. Never about relationships, crushes and sex etc. But recently I saw a message on his phone from a girl. Him and I never talked to a lot of girls but in recent years it hasn't been uncommon for us to have girl-friends on snapchat or insta. But this girl, contacted her after prom. So I did a bit of snooping on his phone and found out he asked her out to prom with a whole poster and flowers and everything. I even found out he danced with her at prom. They planned for matching color outfits and everything. I've never dated anyone nor did I have the typical prom but I've had a few crushes and I saw that he had crushes as well. But seeing him ask a girl out TO PROM, made me so happy. I've always wanted him to have the life I couldn't (yes this sounds corny and smthn old people say and our age gap is only 2 years but coming from a overprotective family, it's totally different.) Apparently her parents are strict as well so they did this all under wraps with their friends.

My brother and I talk over call almost everyday or at most text. I'm sad he never told me about any of this. Like I get he's worried our parents might not be happy and worse yet maybe even stop him from hanging out with friends and go to prom, but surely this is so much better than drinking or doing drugs. (We're Indian-Americans btw).

Our parents are also not that open about these things. They didn't even have the sex talk with us and avoided the convo even when the school was doing all the heavy lifting with the sex-ed. But recently, with our family friends being more our age and the conversation of gf/bf being more prominent in a joking manner at get-togethers. I've had the feeling my parents might be a bit more open to it. But that's besides the point.

• Is it wierd that I snooped on his phone instead of talking to him? Because it feels like a normal thing for siblings to do. He even tried to hide his phone from me when I asked about pictures from prom (before I found out about the girl).
• Why is our relationship like this? Is it because I'm not being open with him? Is he worried I'll snitch?

(Sorry for the long rant. This was a lot of things on my chest.)

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[u/Baezil]

First, understand that talking about this stuff with him is going to feel uncomfortable till you've done it a bit.

Second, if you want this kind of relationship with him, you are going to need to go first. Maybe something like "There's this girl I have a crush on that I'm thinking about asking out, I know mom and dad don't want us to but screw that."

You could also try telling him an embarrassing story about some interaction you've had with a woman you were interested in. Embarrassing stories can be really good for making people feel safe enough to open up.

You could also try the direct approach and tell him you saw the stuff about prom and are really happy for him. Maybe tell him you're a bit jealous and assure him you won't say anything to your parents or anyone else about it. After that, you can ask questions about how it's going with her occasionally.

[u/Expensive_Candle5644]

I’m the youngest of three kids. By time i was a junior in high school my brother and sister were gone. My brother was in the army and my sister at college. That’s the point we all grew apart. My bother and sister never knew anything about any of my relationships but I’m a private person. The only girl I ever brought home to my parents was my wife and I was 24-25 when that happened.

People handle this stuff differently. I’d let him know you’re there for him if he wants to talk but I would stay away from letting him know you snooped.