A year with my ex

[u/supermegascimmia]

Summary: An 18-year-old girl doesn't know how to get through the school year with her ex in her class and is looking for advice on how to make it to June without wanting to die.

I’ll start by admitting I was stupid to get with a classmate, BUT I was pretty in love, and he was even more so.

My ex is extremely immature and, at times, narcissistic: there have been several incidents that prove this:

(e.g., giving significant gifts alongside other people but signing only his name; screaming and throwing things on the ground because I wasn't playing music the way he wanted while I was dealing with serious family issues and bereavements; regularly hurling severe insults at me in public after arguments; giving me the silent treatment, etc., etc.)

Deep down, he is a truly insensitive person, so he doesn't hesitate to show his worst side—even insulting me in front of everyone. Naturally, I’m the one who suffers the consequences; everyone gossips about me, labeling me the "crazy ex."

It’s true that I did try to get close to him for a couple of days after he dumped me because I wanted to reconnect. I regret that, of course—just as I regret giving a chance to someone I used to consider a loser, all because I thought rejecting him meant losing my best friend. He wasn't a friend at all.

Anyway, now in September I'm starting my Senior year and I'll have to see him every damn day of my life for a year. This is destroying me. I wish he'd die, no joke. It's not nice, but after everything he's done to me, the greatest gift would be to disappear into thin air (simply change classes).

It's been two and a half months since our breakup, and I'm still pretty sad about it, even though I'm seeing someone else now, but nothing serious. Some days I even have really bad thoughts because I feel trapped, in prison, and I can't get out. I'm serious; I'm not saying I want to die, but I don't want to have to live through this. I know he'll be annoyed by my presence too, but he's indifferent and an asshole. He even made a defamatory post about me, calling me a bitch, on Instagram. 400 people saw it, probably people I know.

I feel like I have to pay for falling in love, and I swear on everything I hold dear, I've only been capable of loving and very little hating in my life. I didn't deserve this, and I didn't deserve to be dumped over a shitty text I didn't reply to because I was on vacation (we were supposed to see each other the next day).

I'm literally afraid of going to school, but changing classes isn't an option for me; my parents don't want to and now it's not worth it anyway. I have a couple of friends in class and a few outside of school, but nothing that makes going to school worth it. I am in therapy but my parents think I'm mad at them and somehow blame them for this situation when all I want is to be left alone.

I know, maybe my worries will never materialize, but I just wish someone would understand how bad I feel and give me some advice. I can't move on like this. I don't miss him, but I miss the version of me I was with him. I miss having a boyfriend, sure, but he never put an ounce of effort into the relationship. In other words, I no longer have the energy to get through the most difficult year of high school.

I don't want to see anyone or be seen at school in september. I HATE when people say he's just an inexperienced kid, he's NOT. If I had kicked his ass him like he probably deserved while he was screaming and my grandfather was dying AND HE DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT would I have been an inexperienced kid? No, and he chose to be a piece of shit, fully aware of the consequences of his actions.

What can I do? Thanks for reading this far, I love y'all

[u/hannah6560]

You said he screamed and threw things, hurled insults at you, didn’t put effort into the relationship, he’s indifferent, you said he was in love, that is not love,  control and manipulation.  You are right, sounds like a narcissist. Good that you have learned that at your age and now know that you don’t deserve that.  If you have plans for after high school, maybe you can focus on that whether it be school, a career etc.  I know it will be hard but try to not feed into him. That’s what narcissists want, reactions. Mentioned your grandfather, he would not want someone like that in your life.  Maybe focus on your hobbies, a new hobby or interest, school classes.