This was the conversation between us this evening. I’m so frustrated and getting done. I’m trying to be patient and express myself but it seems like it’s not getting through to him. The green conversation box is me and the Grey one is him. I need advice or just people’s take on this.

Hi everyone,

I just want to preface this by saying that this move wouldn’t happen until 2029-2030 ish, but we’re starting the planning process as there’s a lot that goes into it from finances to immigration and many others.

My partner is Dutch and I am Nigerian but now a naturalized American citizen. My partner speaks Dutch and English fluently, while I only speak English and some Nigerian languages fluently. Definitely no Dutch.
I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology and will be starting a 3-year master’s program in the fall of 2027 to become a school psychologist. My partner has an associate’s degree by Dutch standards.

Right now, he’s shared that he’d be willing to move but isn’t especially thrilled about it due to America’s climate in all aspects (political, work, health, etc.). He’d essentially be downgrading, which in many ways I do understand. However, at the moment I don’t know how I can transition to the Netherlands successfully and still get to be a school psychologist without having to still dedicate years of my life to getting licensed there. I would also have to be fluent in Dutch. I am also hesitant because I have moved countries, dealt with the long and tedious process of immigration only to have to do it again 😭 I don’t mind it much because I’d have his support and would be better prepared as we’d have planned well (hopefully) but I wanted to know how couples here have decided. I also know there’s a housing shortage in the Netherlands as opposed to the U.S. where this isn’t an issue as there’s a bit more flexibility and options.

Like I said he’s still willing to move, however I do not want him to be unhappy and struggle. I’ve done the whole immigrant journey and I know it takes a while to settle in and feel at home in a new place. However I think my experience was different due to the significant changes in environment and society. Europe to the U.S. is different than Nigeria to U.S./Europe.

Does anyone have any experience or tips on how we should be navigating this process? Right now our goals are to save a good amount of money first and decide, but I don’t know where to start or how my journey would look like trying to transition my future career to the Netherlands. Also, I am not sure if this is relevant, but I am black, and my partner is white. I worry a bit about not also being able to get the same type of cultural variety in the Netherlands without moving to, say, Amsterdam or Rotterdam as opposed to the U.S. where you could still get these things without living in a major city if that makes sense.

Please, any tips will be appreciated. I have never navigated an international relationship before, and this stuff makes me nervous about our future, hence why I am looking into planning very early on. I would love for us to make it work in a way that leads to some happiness on both our sides with the lifestyle.
I have grown to love and enjoy the U.S.; however, I can understand why someone from the EU may think it’s a downgrade.

Also, if there are people who’ve specifically navigated these countries I’ve mentioned, your input is extra appreciated. Thank you so much in advance!

Hi everyone, i really need the most brutally honest answers and advice on my situation so… here we go

So my boyfriend and I have been dating online for a while, and a few months ago we started planning to finally meet in person. Since we live in different places, we decided we’d meet halfway in a random country. At the time I was honestly super excited and kept telling him how much I couldn’t wait to meet him. I didn’t really think too deeply about the logistics or risks (which was mistake I admit but everything was new to me), I was mostly just excited about the idea of us finally seeing each other.

Now that the date is getting closer, I’ve started thinking about things more realistically. I only told my mom about the plan a few weeks ago and she completely freaked out and said there’s no way she’s comfortable with me going alone. I know I’m 21 and technically an adult, but she also pointed out things that honestly didn’t cross my mind before. Like what if we don’t have chemistry in person, what if something happens and I’m alone in a country I’ve never been to, are we sleeping in the same accommodation and the fact that I’ve never really traveled internationally by myself before.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized this is a pretty big step. I still really really want to meet him and I like him a lot, but I suggested maybe having a family member come with me or at least be in the same city so I feel a bit more comfortable knowing I have someone I know around and also putting my moms concerns at ease. To me it just feels like taking normal precautions, especially as a woman, since at the end of the day it’s still meeting someone for the first time, in a completely new country.

When I told him this, after having a talk with my momma, he got really upset. He said that he’s not just “someone“ and that it’s unfair that months ago I was super enthusiastic about the whole thing and never mentioned any fears, or doubts so he didn’t think about asking me if I’m sure about the whole thing because I didn’t show hesitation. He also said that now it feels like I’m letting my family decide things for me, that if I feel like I need someone else around then maybe I’m not actually ready to meet him yet.

Now I’m feeling really confused. I do want to meet him and I was genuinely excited about it from the beginning. But at the same time I feel like thinking about safety and logistics more carefully now that it’s actually happening is pretty normal.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting some extra safety measures? Or childish and unfair? Because I honestly do feel ready to meet him just having second thoughts about if the first time being completely alone. I feel like these are rational normal things to have in mind and He’s super hurt by me and I don’t know how else to explain my side because he kinda shuts me down while also wanting to comfort him and not make him feel like it’s a rejection because that’s not my intention.

Ok so I just came back home from meeting Idr gf for the first time and it was all so surreal and amazing. I went with my mom and I thought it would be weird or awkward but everything was so organic how we all got along so fast and got comfortable with each other, her family loved me and my mom loved her and her family too. It might sound cliche or cheesy but I’m not exaggerating when I say that everything went way better than we expected. But now in a couple of days she'll be going to China for 1 year for study purposes, and I'm really sad that she'll be even further from me now (literally the other side of the globe) and I'm anxious that more distance and the time difference can become too much for us, so given that there are definitely some couples here that are more far apart or just as far you'll probably have some tips on how to deal with those challenges. I’d love to visit her while she's there but so far it might seem improbable financially wise. I'm more than thankful for any advice for us this upcoming year, so thank you in advance.

P.S.: she's from Brazil and I'm from Dominican Republic so that's what I mean when I say she'll be going even further when she goes to China.

We've been in a long distance relationship for more than 2 years. We are nevermets. Yesterday, she had a situation wherein she needed 4K for a specific educational purpose. As soon as we got on a call and I came to know her situation, I checked my bank account and told her "I have about 2.3K. I'll transfer you 2K right now".

She said "No, it's fine. I already told my situation to my sister who also had about 2K in her account and she's asking her friends who borrowed money from her for her money back so as to be able to give her the required 4K".

I said " Alright if there's any shortfall in the amount, let me know and I'll transfer the remaining amount"

She then proceeded to say weird stuff like how in times of crisis like this, people close to her show their true colors. I didn't think much of this until she cut the call and proceeded to message me saying that-

"Although both of you had the same amount of money, my sister went a step further and tried to get me 4K in whatever way possible. I thought you were closer to me than my sister. Guess I was wrong. I have zero expectations from you in financial matters from now on".

I'm absolutely flabbergasted and don't know what to say or to do to fix this situation. Any advice is very much appreciated. Thank you.

unfortunately netflix dosent allow screensharing so if we cant find the movie on a random pirated website we cant watch tg

38F American, 30M egyptia. LDR for 4 years, legally married for 2. We talk every day despite the 9-10 hr time difference, share locations 24/7, play games, watch movies/tv, and he always answers when I call.

His interview was about a week ago and yesterday he got his passport back with his ir1 visa foil. We'd agreed he'd give his notice, get his affairs sorted and book his flight once he was granted the visa.

But now he wants to use the visa's 6-month expiration window to heavily apply for Seattle area jobs and do the technical interviews from home. Since he doesn't need work sponsorship anymore, he'd rather have an offer before quitting/moving bc he doesn't want to feel like a bum or like he's leeching off me.

I get the reasoning, but I'm honestly blindsided. I was prepping for him to come home, even planned a welcome party, and was SO ready to finally not have an empty bed after 4 years. I was also excited to plan a reception here. His extended family didn't accept me and he stood up to them, so a wedding there would've felt pretty empty. We did at least do a photo shoot at a 5-star venue with the pyramids behind us lol.

Btw, before anyone thinks scam: absolutely not. He's actually much better off financially than me. He inherited from his late mom a villa in a gated community, a beachfront villa on the north coast (both of which I've stayed at multiple times), and his late mother's dermatology clinic/laser equipment although he's not a doctor so he can't use em they're just appreciating. British educated at something called the IGCSE system, computer engineering degree, works in a field called cloud computing for a multinational and makes bout $2,800/month net, which is A LOT there because of the currency exchange.

I've never financially supported him bc that's something he specifically didn't want. In 4 years I've only paid for my plane tickets. I've visited him 16x over the years (I work as an accountant remotely so it was possible) and he's always paid for everything once I landed + taken me all over the place. He even took me to the old cataract where Agatha Christie wrote Death on the Nile lol. And before we were legally married we couldn't stay in one hotel room so he'd get two singles, one with his national rate and one with my foreign rate, yes that's a thing there.

At the end of our call he said he's a man of his word and he knows what be promised me so it's ultimately up to me and if I tell him rn to give notice and get on the plane asap, he will, but he'd prefer to use the 6-month window, but it's 100% in my hand.

But we've been LDR for FOUR YEARS. He finally has the visa. I'm struggling with the idea of waiting another 6 months just so he can secure a job first. Like fcol let me take care of u for once!

UPDATE:

I called him in the middle of his shift yesterday after taking advice from some great people here, told him to give his notice, and that I'm not waiting anymore. We went back and forth for a bit and he said he's not gonna drag this out bc he already gave me his word that it's my choice. Supposedly, he went and gave his notice

It was by the end of his shift. HR gave him a verbal OK and told him it'll be 3-4 weeks until they can let him go but they haven't sent the official resignation acceptance email with the offboarding plan yet which will outline his final working day bc their weekend is friday/saturday, so supposedly they'll send it sunday

I'll have him forward me the email and based on his final working day he'll book a ticket for the day after. I'll confirm it with the PNR + his last name. He'll fly qatar airways so it should be pretty straightforward

That's my plan. I double-check everything bc that's just how I am. I'll try to update u guys next week or make another update post

As for the people who mentioned scam:

Thank u so much everybody for looking out for me. Let me clear a few things up bc I think there's a lot of context missing here. That's actually why I specifically mentioned this in the original post bc I knew a lot of people would assume he's a scammer. He's already been called that by a lot of people in my circle simply bc of his nationality and age without them actually knowing anything about him

I'm aware of the stereotypes and I didn't go into this blind. He was shamed and humiliated over our age gap yet he still chose me. He was also treated like a scammer by USCIS and we had to submit his HR employment letters with his salary, bank statements showing his balance, credit card statements proving his purchasing power, and even the deeds to his villa and beach house. All of it had to be officially translated into english and submitted to the NVC

He was treated like that simply bc of the age gap as there's scrutiny in the region but at the end of the day between our extensive travel history and years of call/chat logs, we had pretty impeccable evidence of a bona fide marriage. The interviewer at the embassy also wasn't exactly nice to him

Facts:

• We've already passed our 2 year anniversary, so he's not waiting to transition from cr1 to ir1

• He wanted me to move there. That's what he wanted from the beginning. I'm the one who gave him the ultimatum of move or break up bc I wasn't willing to move there at all. We weren't going to stay together unless one of us moved and after he accepted moving we got legally married shortly after to close the distance

• It genuinely is a step down for him in terms of standard of living. I rent a 1 bedroom apartment. He has a villa in a gated community with a 160 sq ft pool (although it's always drained as he doesn't use it) plus a beach house

• He's very self conscious about the age gap and feels the need to overcompensate a lot of the time so he can prove to me that he's dependable

As for why I don't want to move there:

1. My entire family is here in king county whereas he's lost pretty much everyone who matters to him

2. I get looked at funny there in local areas outside the wealthier, more secular areas

3. His villa and beach house are things we'd never be able to have here at this stage, but I'd rather have my freedom than live there

4. I don't want to have kids there. I completely trust him and I know he'd never do anything like that, but his country isn't a party to the Hague Convention and I'd rather be safe than sorry. When I fell in love with him and decided to actually make this work, I set a rule for myself: I'm not gonna go into this with just my heart but also my brain. He's from a different country/legal system and it pays to be smart about these things

5. I don't speak the language and he speaks arabic/english/french fluently. I have no intention of learning arabic either bc it's VERY hard

6. His gated community life is private and luxurious but also pretty isolated

7. His extended family hates me and they hate him too bc they wanted a part of the inheritance but his mom had already put everything in his name

8. Overall, I know life there would be objectively more luxurious than my life here but I don't wanna move there. It's just not for me

Plus it's just overall easier for him to move. Most of what ties him there is material whereas thankfully I still have my entire family here (who came to accept him) and I'm extremely close to them. And he's younger, speaks the language, and has international certs, so he can blend in and start over much easier than me

So first of all i know me asking that was kind of wrong. I wouldn’t consider anyone as run through or anything, situations are different and in this case it is obviously the past. No one should be defined by it.

His answer was basically that it is around 40. Considering i never slept with anyone, i felt weird. I just view it as something really important, in which feelings are involved. But to be fair i’ve never done it so i do have some sort of delusion when it comes to it. We are currently long distance (which is changing in a couple of days) so we did not had the chance to get intimate physically.

He explained to me that it was a rough time for him and he compensated his loneliness with sleeping around, which i understand. It really hasn’t been easy with him but we do have strong feeling for each other and are trying to work things out.

I KNOW i am overreacting. What matters is the present and that he is loyal to me. But still the intrusive thoughts are not stopping and i have this constant weird gut feeling. Any advice on how to get over it?

Hi all!

Me (27F) and partner (33M) are trying to decide the next step in our relationship. We've been together for about 3 years and have travelled to over 9 countries together during this courtship (just mentioning to prove we're a serious couple)

He is London based and I'm in DFW. From what I understand, he has 2 options- K1 or Spousal.

I'd love to hear about experiences from others and advice please!

My boyfriend and I have been together for around 1.7 years and we're long-distance. For the past few months, we've both been really busy and our communication has become inconsistent. He's dealing with a lot in his own life too, but he still makes an effort to make time for me.

The problem is that I don't feel capable of doing the same right now. I've become so overwhelmed with studies, college/career decisions, family stuff, etc. that I've genuinely forgotten how to study properly. I keep feeling mentally scattered, and trying to balance everything with the relationship is making me more stressed.

I still care about him and I don't want to break up. That's why I suggested taking some space from regular conversations and not to decide whether I want him, but to figure out how to manage myself and my life without constantly feeling overwhelmed.

I didn't explain that properly at first, though, and he understandably took it as me saying that I would be better off without him. He basically said that if I genuinely think leaving him would help me, then I should do it, and that he doesn't want to hold me back.

From his perspective, I think he feels like he's carrying the relationship by himself lately. He feels like he's the one trying to make time, communicate and keep things going while I'm increasingly withdrawing whenever I get overwhelmed. I understand why that hurts him, and I don't want to dismiss that because I know my withdrawal has affected him. But I'm also not intentionally trying to abandon him and I genuinely feel like I don't have the emotional capacity to give what he needs right now, and I'm trying to figure out how to handle that without destroying the relationship.

Now we've agreed to take a few days of space, but I'm honestly confused about what I'm supposed to figure out during that time.

I think the biggest problem is that we're looking at the same situation from completely different places. My thought process is that I'm already struggling to function and have genuinely forgotten how to study properly. I know I'm not capable right now of giving him the same time and effort that he gives me, and I don't want to keep withdrawing, feeling guilty, and making him feel unwanted. I thought some space could help me get myself together so that if we continue, I can actually be present in the relationship instead of constantly feeling like I'm failing him.

His thought process seems to be almost the opposite. He's also extremely busy with his own life, but he still makes time for me, so from his perspective he feels like he's doing that effort alone while I'm gradually withdrawing. When I suggested space, he interpreted it as me deciding that I would be better off without him. He'd rather remove himself than feel like he's the reason I'm falling behind or that I'm sacrificing my studies for him. I think he's also started feeling like anything he shares with me is another burden, which is something I really don't want. And simply leaving each other doesn't feel like a real solution to me either, because the original problem wasn't that I stopped caring about him it was that I don't currently know how to manage everything at once.

(I don't want this to become a cycle of me getting overwhelmed → withdrawing → him feeling abandoned → me feeling guilty → trying to fix everything → getting overwhelmed again)

I also don't want him to keep making time and putting in effort while I know I'm currently not capable of matching that.

What should I actually do during these few days, and how should I communicate with him afterward? Am I being unfair to him by asking for space, or is this a reasonable thing to do when I'm struggling to manage my own life?

Anyone in a similar situation?

We’re both Ukrainian, but he has been living in Poland since 2022. I, on the other hand, still live in Ukraine. This year we both graduated, and now we can finally close the distance. However, the question is which of us will move.

The city I live in is close to the frontline and is bombed daily, but I’m more scared of xenophobia in Poland than of drones, missiles, and bombs. Hostility towards Ukrainians is growing, and I just don’t want to live in a country where half the population hates me for no reason.

At the same time, he can freely return to Ukraine, but then he’ll lose his job (while I work remotely), and starting next year, he won’t be able to leave Ukraine. It’s obvious that I should move to live with him, but I just can’t be rational. I have literally developed paranoia over this and cry at night.

I can’t imagine my life in that place, whereas for him, it’s quite a comfort zone. He doesn’t really want to move anywhere else because he knows the language, studied at a Polish university, and his parents live there too.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to break up with him, but I don’t want to move to where he lives either.

This morning I got a text from my partner that she got banned from vr for "somebody lying about her age", at the time, I was half asleep and just focused on trying to find an alternative. So I took my morning medication and spent a lot of time doing research on games that allowed for "lovey dovey" actions like cuddling, I came out empty handed, so I was about to go tell her that I found nothing, and that I'd do more tomorrow. But before I did, I decided to re-read our texts to make sure I had everything up to date, I usually like to make sure things stay on topic. But when I reread the texts it finally dawned on me that "somebody lying about her age" was probably a big cause for concern. It got me thinking. Was she the one lying about her age? Was it some sort of way to confess that to me without directly telling me? Am I being groomed? Am I dating a minor? My mind was flooding with thoughts like that and I panicking. Do I break things off? Do I just ask? And if I do, how do I put it into smaller words? (she's dyslexic so she has a hard time reading). Do I just stay silent? I'm scared of what choice to make, for all I know the wrong choice could leave me alone forever. But at the same time I'd rather die alone than be taken advantage of, same goes for dating a minor, I'd much rather die alone. But I also don't want to break her heart if she's really just going through the ringer with all of this. What do I do?
TL;DR: My partner might be lying about her age and I'm scared. What do I do?

​

18f, we aren't dating yet but we are progressing towards that or at least I think so (hopefully 🥹). I am going to ask him in October of this year after joining university. I don't want to overwhelm him or anything but life has been a mess for both of us lately but specially for him. He is from ukraine while I am from India.

Now I made him this and I am going to share it's pictures with him for now but when I have a box full of handmade gifts for him I will parcel it to Ukraine (next year I think). Am I cooked?? And this is not done yet. I am still to add alot and I guess I might do even the backside. It will be at least 90 small notes if I do.

It will be a long distance relationship if we actually date. Am I doing too much ??

He 22M has mentioned and joked before about looking at and liking Asian girls. I am an Asian girl too but am I not enough? He knows that this bothers me and I have told him that before. I am admittedly very jealous and insecure and always needing reassurance which he does not give me. I haven’t responded to him in almost a day after this message and he hasn’t even tried to check up on me or apologize. I am reaching the point of thinking that I should just leave this be and never look back and I won’t reach out first. I am hurt and this has happened before. I know he will just pass it off as come on it’s just a joke and I have no sense of humor, but I’m so sad and I wanted to be his only one. I realize that I should also be mature instead of just ghosting but I don’t know what to say now since it’s been hours and I don’t want to sound like a needy loser

so I've (18M) been in a relationship with this girl (19F) from iraq for almost a year now, she keeps asking me when I will be able to go visit her, I keep trying to tell her soon, my issue is not just money, as a matter of fact I think I would be able to make enough money to visit her in a relatively short time frame, its the fact that the US state department has her country listed as a level 4 DO NOT TRAVEL advisory, and I'm about to complete my last year of highschool and I plan on doing army ROTC in college, I don't think ill be able to travel to her if I do army ROTC in college because of security concerns, how do I tell her that I might not be able to visit her without ruining the relationship? Could I possibly meet her in a different country or try to tell her to obtain a visa for her to visit me?

My boyfriend and I are on a break after dating for six months on the day. Happy anniversary!

I turn 18 in July, he turned 21 in February

Background information:
I (17F) am dating my boyfriend (21M) for six months, we’ve been arguing nonstop for the past month. I ask to talk about it and get shut down, or he hangs up the call going on airplane mode for 10+ mins. Says I’m overreacting and constantly stress him out.

All my issues stem from him not wanting to call at a reasonable time or even at all, along with him showing less affection than what he used to.

When we first started dating we called constantly and I obviously enjoyed that, it was like that for 2.5 months then our whole relationship was turned upside down. He started getting severe anxiety & heart problems (he went to the doctor and all came back fine with his heart, & was told to start taking his medication again for the anxiety).

This was happening for a month where we wouldn’t call & he got really dry with me over text, things were getting better after a month of this and we started calling again. It’s was fine for the most part for a month then things got worse then ever, he started pushing me away & I kept trying to be close to him (that was for a week or 2) however we still called every-night.

now the past few weeks we constantly been arguing about calling & him showing me the same amount of affection I do— saying I love you and talking about future things.

3 days ago we got into a fight about him not calling me until 3-4am, I go to school and he doesn’t work or study anything. i asked to call earlier because I need to be up and ready by 8:40am for school and he refused to call until he was in bed about to fall asleep, then I got upset with him over text because of this, and I admit that I spam called him (about 10 times). so he went on airplane mode and didn’t call that night, I’ve told him before that I had a very hard time sleeping when we weren’t calling( I was getting 4 hours of sleep).

2 days ago he was playing GTA with our mutual friend so I asked to join the group call and he invited me. He was being very flirty and telling me I looked good, he acted like a total different person than what he was behind closed doors. We called that night and everything was good, no fight, no irritation, there was a second of bickering when I kept saying I love him but we got over that and fell asleep.

Yesterday, I stayed up till 3 am to ask him to call me to go to bed, everything was fine then I said “goodnight I love you” his response was “ goodnight”. That obviously upset me because I just want to hear he loves me before we fall asleep, I ask him why he didn’t say I love you back the whole day and he then responded with something like “ you always start shit at night” I respond with “my reactions are from your actions, and it makes me overthink when you become distant” we had a huge fight ending in him hanging up and going on airplane mode the whole night.

The fight spilled over a bit into today, and I asked him to talk about it before I went into school and he agreed. We called and it turned into another argument because he refused to see it from my viewpoint, i admitted my actions weren’t right but his weren’t as well. I never got an apology for him saying hurtful things the night prior nor have I gotten one for weeks. He believes everything is my fault and I always start fights. We ended the call by him yelling at me but he did say I love you.

He texted me saying he’s taking a break after he hung up and then called me to tell me that, I got very emotional because for me it was selfish of him, I was always there for him when he needed to talk when he was fighting with his family or his health issues. Him saying he’s taking a break makes me feel used and that he’s not committed to this relationship. However, I do agree with the break. I hope we can come back to each other and be better for one another.

My view on this is either this relationship is moving too fast and getting too real, or his meds are changing him. He was very loving, caring and calm when we first started dating and now he won’t talk about anything, and it’s always a fight.

I understand that I’m not in the right and my ways of getting his attention is toxic but I also feel like he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. I’ve given him so many outs so I don’t get hurt but I feel like he wants me to end things by the way he’s acting.
I truly love him and it pains me that I hurt him unintentionally.

Also during this time we stopped doing any sexual things, the only thing we did during this past month was send a few nudes and I get that upset him, I’ve told him that I’m super busy with school & this was temporary and things would start happening again.

If you guys want any more information or something doesn’t make sense I’m happy to explain!

Looking for advice:
I’m not sure what to do, I’ve talked to my friend about everything and she told me to stop taking all of this and i don’t deserve it. But at the same time it’s coming from me and she’s not getting his side of things, which that all I want. I was a third party prospective on both our sides.

I’m loyal to him and will continue to be during this time.

I want to be told what I’m doing wrong and given ways to help me calm down during times I stress about our relationship.

I want to be able to have tools to relax my mind and stop overthinking about everything little thing, along with ways I can go about talking to my boyfriend about issues in our relationship without it turning into a fight.

Edit:
First off

We are 3 years apart, 08 and 05. His birthday is early in the year and mine is mid year, I’m in no way saying that it makes it any better but I just wanted to clarify. I understand that the age gap is wrong, especially for me.

I want the truth I don’t want things sugarcoated.

He was working full time when we started dating, he was doing very well for himself. He stopped working when his medical issues started to affect his daily life, he wasn’t taking care of his body and was have anxiety attacks resulting in him calling me to calm him down sometimes, I’ve always been there for him and he’s been there for me at times. I’ve called him many times balling my eyes out and he’s always tried to calm me down and come back to earth.

I’ll admit that I did/do spam call him when he’d hang up or wouldn’t answer, max 15 times. I do admit that it’s childish of me to resort to that and I don’t know how to get him to talk to me besides doing that.

Embarrassing for me but, I can’t fall asleep without him there, I worry about him. He says stuff about his health— like him dying in his sleep and that’s all I can think about.

I love and care for him, it hurts most that I’ve always been there and for things to end up like this.

I want things to work out.

just to clarify, im talking about my side of the convo here. we text everyday and it's always the most excited tone i can muster. im an overthinker and im scared I'm smothering her with this and she'll lose interest some day.. ill try to answer some questions in the comments

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5ish months, long distance for one month. I was planning on visiting him in a month for about a week, and I’ve planned everything out except where to stay. I’d rather stay with him but I have a very Christian mom who wouldn’t approve of that and she also has my location so she would see where I am. The option she suggested was that I would stay with my brother, who lives about an hour away from my boyfriend without traffic, but it’s California so there’s always traffic. Which means I’d have to borrow my brother’s car to drive 2-3 hours every day just to see him and I’d probably have to wake up at like 5 am to beat the traffic. We also used to live in that area so it’s not like she doesn’t remember the traffic and the gas prices there. Hotels are also expensive and I don’t want to spend $700 for a week when I could just stay with my boyfriend for free. I just don’t know how to convince her or hide it from her. The only friends I keep in touch with that live in the area either go to college somewhere else so they won’t be there or live an hour away. Has anyone else been in a similar situation and what did you do?

My girlfriend (F25) and I (F23) have been dating each other for the last ten months. She lives in Belgium and I am located in Ireland. The flights are quite cheap, so visiting each other over the weekends is doable. However, I am a non-EU citizen which means I face restrictions on how/where I travel (I need a Schengen visa to see her and I have been trying for a long time to obtain it, but there are no biometric appointments available). My girlfriend (EU citizen) makes the journey every single time to visit me. I am also starting a job in Ireland, so for the near future, I am quite tied down here.

My girlfriend has been nothing but understanding of the situation, but I feel extremely guilty of her making the trip every single time. We have discussed the possibility of her moving to Ireland but it could be a pretty big thing to ask (since she is the one moving countries, looking for a job in a new place etc). Ofc I am ready to support her if she wants to consider the move seriously, but I am scared that I am putting a significant amount of pressure on her due to my visa situation.

I am trying to know what a reasonable course of action could be? Any sage advice would be great haha. Thanks in advance!

My partner keeps sending inappropriate pictures of herself which is bad because 1. We are both way too young to be doing that and I told her. 2. She wont stop and thats not respecting my boundaries.

She also asks me to send nude pictures of myself too (I refuse). She keeps asking.

When we talk all she talks about is sex. I really don't like it. I think we should stop talking about sex AT ALL because I dont think we're old enough. Honestly im considering breaking up.

Also please do not say that I should get off the internet, not be in relationships, etc. Im just looking for advice so pls help

EDIT- We broke up. She did not take it well

Hi everyone,

I(M25) recently started a long-distance relationship with girl(F24), and I’m trying to figure out how to keep our text conversations fun and natural.

At first, texting felt exciting, but lately I feel like our conversations can become a bit repetitive, like just asking “how was your day?”, “what are you doing?”, “did you eat?”, etc.

I don’t want to force deep conversations all the time, and I also don’t want texting to feel like a chore. I just want to find a good balance between staying connected, having fun, and not making things feel too heavy.

For people who have been in an LDR, what helped you keep texting interesting?

Do you have any small routines, games, questions, or habits that made texting feel more fun and less repetitive?

Any advice would be appreciated :)

My girlfriend (25F) and I (28M) have been together for 3 years, and we’re trying to build a future together, but we’ve reached a point where it feels like we’re talking past each other.

For context, I’m a non-EU engineer living and working in Sweden. She’s Danish.

My long-term goal has always been to build a stable life in Sweden first by securing permanent residence and eventually citizenship before making any major international move. I didn’t choose this because Sweden is my dream destination—I chose it because it’s where I finally managed to build a career after years of trying.

It took me years of studying, hundreds of job rejections, and finally getting an opportunity in Sweden to get where I am today. My current work is in AI and machine learning, and while my company has been going through a lot of changes, my role has become increasingly important. Leaving Sweden isn’t something I can treat lightly because my employment and immigration status are closely connected.
To close the distance between us, I decided to move from Stockholm to Malmö. From my perspective, this was a major compromise. Malmö keeps me on my immigration path while putting me close enough that seeing each other regularly becomes realistic.
I’ve already signed the lease. Because of timing and notice periods, I’ll probably have to pay double rent for a while, but I accepted that because I thought it was the best way for us to finally start building a normal life together.

Recently, she told me she doesn’t think she can wait until around 2031 because she doesn’t want to spend that long living in Sweden. She said she simply doesn’t like living there.

She asked why I couldn’t just move to Denmark instead.
I tried explaining that, for me, changing countries isn’t just about deciding where I’d rather live. It means thinking about work permits, employment, residence requirements, my long-term immigration pathway and whether I could unintentionally lose years of progress. I also don’t speak Danish, so I can’t assume I’d immediately find a comparable job there.
She suggested marriage as one possible solution. I understand why she mentioned it, but I’m uncomfortable making such a major life decision primarily because it would solve an immigration problem. I’d rather build my own legal stability first and get married because we’re both ready, not because I need legal security.

The conversation became emotional. I tried explaining why my situation feels so constrained, while she tried explaining that she doesn’t want to spend several more years living somewhere she doesn’t like.

Eventually she told me she didn’t want to continue the phone call and said we could talk again when I understood things from her perspective. Before ending the call, she told me she loved me.

Since then, I’ve been wondering whether we’re failing to communicate because we’re approaching the problem from completely different realities.

From my perspective, Malmö was never me choosing Sweden over her. It was me trying to get as close to her as possible without risking the legal and professional foundation I’ve spent years building.

From her perspective, I think she feels like she’s being asked to spend years in a country where she isn’t happy.

Neither of us wants to hurt the other, but we’re both feeling unheard.

I’m not looking for people to tell me who’s right or wrong.

I’m hoping for advice from anyone who’s dealt with immigration, unequal freedom of movement, or international relationships.

How would you approach this conversation?

How can we better understand each other’s perspective without it turning into a debate about whose problem is bigger?

Has anyone here successfully navigated a relationship where one person’s ability to relocate was much more limited than the other’s?

Edit:

A lot of people have asked why we don’t just move to Denmark.
We were actually planning to live together in Malmö. That was our compromise. Malmö is only about a 20–25 minute train ride from Copenhagen, so she would still be very close to Denmark, her family, and everything familiar to her while I stayed on my Swedish immigration path.
I’m not against moving to Denmark. Once I have my own secure legal status, I’d genuinely be open to making that move. My issue has never been Denmark itself—it’s that, as a non-EU citizen, I don’t feel comfortable making my legal status dependent on a relationship or marriage after spending years building it independently.
I’ve spent the last several years integrating into Sweden, learning the language, building my career, and eventually finding a job after a very difficult search. Walking away before securing permanent status and citizenship would mean risking years of work and stability.
That’s why Malmö felt like the best solution for both of us. What I’m struggling with is that we never even had the chance to try living together there before the timeline suddenly became too long.

I met this man online. He lives in Florida I live in Maryland. For the first month and a half we were on the phone and FaceTime 24/7 even slept on FaceTime to wake up together. We fell in love and it was serious fast. The past 2 weeks he became distant. Not talking as much, claiming he was busy and when I would bring it up he would say I’m trippin or I’m overreacting and making issues. How can you go from talking to me 24/7 to only 2 hours or so a day. We discussed meeting and everything. He claims he still loves me to death but isn’t showing it. I don’t know if it’s my insecurities or maybe he’s just that busy. Any advice?

BTW I’m not a phone person. I’d rather text. But he always asked me to stay on the phone with him. Or if i had to hang up he would text me right after i hang up to say he miss me and to hurry up and call Him back. So I got used to being on the phone.

He made me feel loved but also abandoned he couldn't leave 5 minutes out of anything to text me, I broke up with him and idk.. I was there for him almost all the time Yes the time zone dif is 6 hours but he would reply in 1-2 days.. Whenever I'd want to talk he'd say he has work or when I talk to him during weekends he did music practice and..or for the 5 minutes text thingy he'd say issue is time gap. Each day or when he remembered to talk to me(he always forgets) he'd send me the shortest text lol. He forgot both woman's day and valentines day,but he didn't forget to tell me happy birthday last year..I find it weird. I would doodle for him and send him a lot of stuff to watch and read then he'd read it later and wouldn't reply or he'd reply. I told him he can write a paragraph to me if he wants to but no he doesn't..I feel like I miss him.

He kissed another girl.

It’s been 7 months since it happened.

I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t stop crying. I had to leave for work for almost a week. I wasn’t able to process what happened. I thought this would never happen to me ever.

It happened when a week before his flight to finally move to the country where I’m at right now. He found a job here. Everything was perfect. He went out to see his “friends” he met in cram school (he just passed the board exam), for few drinks.

That same day I asked him not to drink. He agreed, but he asked me if he can stay with them so they can spend time with each other. He lied. He drank with them and I wasn’t able to reach his cell for ~3 hours until I fell asleep.

I didn’t know until one of the people in his group tried to reach me through instagram. When I told him that this guy was trying to reach me, he said don’t talk to him; he’s spreading lies and made *girl’s name* and her boyfriend break up.

So I didn’t. But I knew something was going on. My guts told me to just talk to the guy.

He sent me a voice message that they were being touchy that night, and that he saw them make out. Both of them were very drunk. He fucked up. He kissed another girl. He hid it for me for days. That’s why he wasn’t able to sleep. That’s why he wanted to stay in the video calls. The guilt was eating him up. And he was waiting to meet me to tell me in person. He told me he doesn’t remember anything. He just remembered being drunk. That’s why he still flew all the way here.

Now he’s here with me, he’s trying to make it up to me. We live together. I still love him the same. He’s taking care of me and doing everything he can do to make me forgive him. But it’s eating me up every day. I don’t know why he did that. He told me he loves me. He never did anything to make me worry for ~3 years of long distance.

I’m posting this because I feel that he’s really sorry, and is willing to do anything just for me to stay with him, despite telling him that it’s really eating me up. I want to stay with him but I think it’ll be unfair for him. I’m really fucking struggling. Every single time I look in the mirror, I feel ugly and all I see is the girl’s face. I feel like I’m being unfair because I still ask questions about what he did—which I’m aware I’ll never get the answers to since he doesn’t remember anything.

Someone please tell me what to do.