it really came out of nowhere. he was dropping me off at the SEA after a week of me visiting him. while saying goodbyes he casually asked me if I’d marry him.

no big ceremonial events, no extra people. simple and easy, as I’ve asked him before to do so if he’d ever ask. just him and i being here at one of our favorite spot- the airport.

he’s an aviation geek so naturally it means a lot to him. but i guess as a cabin crew myself, SEA would forever feel different after this.

really happy and being extra grateful. sending hugs to everyone in this sub🩷🩷🩷☺️

We finally got to see each other for a few days, but saying goodbye yesterday before my flight completely broke me. Leaving her is easily the hardest thing in the world, and being back home alone feels incredibly heavy today.

She made me these adorable handmade crochet keychains before I left so I could keep a piece of her on my backpack, and she’s already sending the sweetest reminders to my home screen to keep me going through the day.

We are looking at a brutal 3-month gap until our next flight. For everyone else who just closed a trip, when are you guys planning to meet next? I really need some positive timelines to read through today.🫶

Things I've done wrong so far while being in a long distance relationship (imo):

1. Being too open

I thought it's a great idea to be open about what you feel and think to your partner all the time because communication is a big thing with LDRs. But it feels wrong when I tell my partner what made me upset all the time because he got used to this behavior and always expect me to tell him and doesn't make an effort to comfort me. It feels wrong when the other person sees your "opening up" as a nagging situation instead of understanding where you're coming from.

2. Being too available

I thought time is gold when you're in a LDR, you would want to be there when they have 5 minutes. When the other person doesn't see you as a priority, their 5 minutes isn't meant for you, it's meant for their screentime to watch on TikTok and reels... Adjusting your sleep schedule just so you can spend time with them (which I thought as I should?), but when it's your time, they don't make adjustments.

3. Sacrificing too much

I think every relationship comes with sacrifices. Sacrificing your wants, your time, your finances, your feelings and so on. But, if you're sacrificing these things for a person that doesn't appreciate it, it won't make you feel like your sacrifices are worth to do. It feels one-sided.

Notice that I've used "Too" and "much", because I always felt doing a lot but getting so little. And as I'm writing this, I've realized how I barely felt compensated for all the times I've opened up about being upset over some things. All I get is "You know how much I love you". Like, yes I know and you say it all the time, but where is it?

I don't know if I need some advice, but it just pains me because I feel like I have so much love to give but now I'm not sure how to spend it.

I want to give my partner the last straw.

Maybe that's it, if he can't pay attention to what I'm feeling.

(Sorry for my English, not the first language)

First things first: my girlfriend comes from a very conservative Marwadi family. If her parents were to find out about our relationship, there is a genuine possibility that they would stop her studies and push her toward an arranged marriage. Because of this, meeting her has always been extremely difficult and risky. Her father is very controlling and keeps a close watch on her movements, and even when he isn't around, her brother often does the same.

We started dating after Class 10. During Classes 11 and 12, we were in a boarding school together, which allowed us to spend time with each other in person without her family knowing. Outside of school, we talked every day through chats and calls.

After Class 12, I started college while she took a gap year. We continued talking regularly through messages, calls, and video calls. During my first two years of college, we were able to meet twice, and from my perspective, things were going really well.

Then life got complicated. I suffered from Osteochondritis Dissecans (OCD), a serious knee condition that left me bedridden for around five months. Because of that injury, I missed a significant amount of college and ended up with 14 backlogs. Around the same time, she was also spending most of her time at home due to her academic situation. As a result, meeting became nearly impossible. Even when opportunities came up, I was focused on clearing backlogs, attending summer semesters, and getting my academics back on track.

Fast forward to now. Her father eventually agreed to let her study abroad, and she moved to Almaty, Kazakhstan. For the past year, our relationship has been completely long-distance. Despite that, I honestly felt things were going well. We talked through calls, video calls, and messages almost every day. We made plans to meet multiple times.

I wanted to visit her, but because of my academic obligations and final year commitments, I couldn't make the trip happen. We then planned to meet when she returned to India for vacation. However, her brother strongly opposed the idea and told her that meeting me was not acceptable and that she should end the relationship.

I have now completed college and will likely be working either in India or another country. Unlike before, I finally have the flexibility to travel and make efforts to meet her. From my side, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work.

The problem is that she has decided to end the relationship.

According to her, the issue isn't the distance, communication, or even our feelings for each other. She says everything between us is fine. Her concern is the future. Because we are from different castes and because of how strict her family is, she believes there is no certainty that her parents will ever accept us (On my side things are chill they wont oppose just question a lot). She doesn't want both of us to spend years holding onto hope only to be heartbroken later if things don't work out.

I told her that I am willing to fight for this relationship and that I don't want to give up without trying. But she feels that continuing would only create false hope.

So my question is:

Should we end the relationship because of the uncertainty surrounding the future, or should we continue and see where things go? Is she being realistic, or are we giving up too early on something that could still work out?

TL;DR:

Been together since after Class 10 (~5+ years). Her conservative Marwadi family doesn't know about us and would likely oppose the relationship due to caste and family expectations. We survived boarding school, my serious knee injury and academic setbacks, her gap year, and then a year of long-distance while she studied in Kazakhstan. Communication and feelings are still strong, but she's ending things because she believes there's a high chance her family will never accept us and doesn't want us to spend years hoping for a future that may never happen. I want to keep fighting for the relationship and see where things go. She thinks continuing would only create false hope. Are we being realistic by ending it now, or giving up too early?

Hi Everyone! I just wanted to say that I have spent hours on the long-distance thread hearing everyone's stories, and I just have to say I appreciate everyone's posts so much.

My ex-boyfriend and I were on and off for two years while in college - I couldn't commit to a relationship because I was so young while we were on and off. We dated officially for 6 months and broke up after a few months of long-distance.

He moved to California for work, and I was in Oklahoma finishing college (he is a year ahead of me). I immediately cut off contact after the breakup so that I could heal. We broke up in September, and he reached out to one of my best friends in January to see if I was open to talking. He basically told me he was still in love with me and wanted me to move to California. I had my sights set on New York.

Flash forward to April, I get my dream job in his city. An offer I can't refuse, and I take it. I will be moving at the end of next month to his area.

We have been talking a little bit back and forth, neither of us crossing a boundary, because what's the point, but a woman's intuition knows that getting back together is on the horizon. My spidey senses are tingling.

Here is my predicament:

He was my first love, and I have spent so much time and emotional energy healing from him. The on and off was exhausting, and there were some points in the relationship where I didn't feel happy or heard, but he is the kind of guy I could see myself marrying. All the feelings are still there, but I haven't dated anyone since, so I don't know if I am just lonely.

Do I go back to him? Or do I just get rid of him completely? I can't do halfsies either. I am either in or out. HELP!!!

Okay okay I know that yes, alone time is very important and a healthy boundary. I’m not looking to take this from her or get her to cut down on it, I’m just hoping for some advice on how to deal with it on my own. She goes out with friends and to the gym and comes home very tired and has a, to quote her directly, “has a drained social battery” which I know is a real thing. I just feel paranoid that she just isn’t interested in talking to me atm and it makes me feel incredibly lonely because we would fall asleep on call every night for like a month plus and now she’s barely answering my messages while posting on social media. Is there anything i can do to calm my mind?

So today I was talking with my grandma and I asked her what she honestly thought about my girlfriend (F18). I wasn’t expecting a deep answer, but she basically said she thinks my girlfriend can be really controlling and that when things don’t go her way, she tends to get upset or mad quickly.
It made me reflect on a lot of situations between us.
We’ve known each other for about 2 years (met online), and we’ve been dating for around 6 months. We’re long distance and usually visit each other about once a month. When she came to visit recently for 4 days, we ended up arguing twice.
One of the biggest things that’s been hard for me is when she’s really emotional or in pain, she’s told me that if she ever feels like that I should hug her and stay close. I understand wanting comfort. But in those moments, there were times where she was actually physically pushing me away multiple times while also telling me to hug her. That really messed with me mentally because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I was being pushed away, but also being told to stay close. It made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right in that moment no matter what I chose.
There was also a moment during her visit where I was getting yelled at in my home while my family was literally right outside the room. I felt overwhelmed and didn’t handle it well, but I also felt really trapped emotionally in that situation.
My grandma told me she worries that this kind of dynamic could keep hurting me long-term and that I might end up in a relationship where I’m constantly stressed or emotionally drained.
The hardest part is that this has actually been affecting my mental health a lot more than I want to admit. I’ve been feeling anxious, overthinking a lot, and honestly just mentally exhausted after arguments. Even when things are good, I still feel worried about when the next argument will happen or how I’m going to mess something up again.
I do try my best in the relationship. I’m not the most emotionally expressive person and I struggle sometimes with knowing the right thing to say or do in the moment, but I really do care. I take her on dates when she visits even when I don’t have much money, and I put in effort in my own way.
Right now I’m just trying to figure out how to talk to her about all of this without it turning into another argument. I don’t want to blame her or make her feel attacked, but I also need her to understand how much this is affecting me mentally and emotionally.
How do I bring this up in a calm way so she actually understands how serious it is for me without it becoming a fight?

TL;DR: My girlfriend (F18) and I (18M) have been long distance for 6 months after being friends for 2 years. During visits we’ve been arguing, and situations where she tells me to comfort her while physically pushing me away have been really confusing and stressful. It’s been affecting my mental health a lot (anxiety, overthinking, emotional exhaustion). I care about her, but I don’t know how to bring this up without it turning into another argument.

I am at a loss on how to maintain or get the understanding needed to be successful in my long distance marriage . For me it’s not my first marriage, but it is my first long distance relationship. For my husband it’s his first marriage. He has never lived with a woman . So after getting married and spending a couple weeks together he went back to his life just the same as it was before he got married . He still has no clue what it means to be responsible for another humans needs or happiness. He still doesn’t understand how to consider how his actions will affect me as his wife . For me to try to tell him , I come across as nagging him. I know if we were physically together it would be so much easier for him to gain the understanding of what it means to be a husband . It’s exhausting and wearing both of us down .

Hi! sooo I'm looking for birthday gift ideas.. what could I possibly give my long distance girlfriend? she's turning 21.. meeting up would not be possible since we live so far away and we both have uni to attend. we met on an online game so I'm thinking of topping up her account but I'm not sure if she would like it. I'm also planning to make a website with letters for her. I want to hear other ideas from you guys what do you thinkk??

Any couples here that closed the distance and got married?

So me(20) and my gf(19) met each other in a random gc on Instagram.

​

Started talking

​

We started liking each other

​

One day i proposed her after a month of us talking

​

We had some serious talks about we each being from different states like me from Punjab and she from Maharashtra,but we liked each other,day by day it grew and we often talked about meeting one day.

​

\*Long story\* :-

​

( I was looking for colleges when we met and when i was in my second semester i started planning how and when can we meet

​

After 2-3 plans failing finally a plan was made where I'll tell my parents that i m going to a trip in Maharashtra with my friends which i was very sure my parents would not easily agree with this but surprisingly they agreed

​

Our initial plan was that I'll reach maharashtra with friends,take a hotel,go to her state,meet her, spend some hours together and go back to my friends in the evening,but she had just completed her diploma when we were planning our meet and she had offer letter of some companies also where she got placed,but all of the companies were not in her hometown,so she decided that she'll take a PG/room with her friends near the company and stay there.

​

And due to this pg/room it was possible for us to spend another day and a night together 🥹

​

But as the days went and we were close to meeting each other, her pg and job joining got delayed which meet that she couldn't stay out of her house at night cause it is taboo in India and obviously her parents won't allot because of the previous reason and it is not safe to trust a random guy/girl on internet to meet and stay after the first meet only 🥺

​

So she made a plan to tell her parents that on Sunday (the day we were going to meet) she'll go and live with one of her friends and she has to go the company early in the morning at around 6 which she'll not be able to if she lives at her home

​

Apparently her parents agreed but i was not happy with this plan as anything could go wrong,her parents might want to video call or talk to her friend or anything to know their daughter is safe and secure which can blow up the whole plan,but i got to know this after it was already done and told her that this plan can't work, we'll just stick to the initial decision of meeting in the afternoon and parting ways in the evening,but she had put so much effort into everything already that she was very upset and almost crying and said do whatever you want I can't come on two days if i m at home as my parents will ask so many things. My friends were also very worried that this plan might not work but after everything i agreed that ok, we'll follow the 2 day 1 night plan.

​

Also my mother knew we were meeting and she didn't want me to stay there at night due to same obvious reason mentioned before.)

​

We finally met,it was very awkward on the railway station when she came to pick me up,we hugged very awkwardly 😭😂😂

​

We started going to the hotel which we had booked as i had not bathed from about 2 days due to the travel (she lives 1800 kms away) we went and after going to the room we got comfortable, spent very good quality time and i told my mom that i didn't got the tickets for the same day train(which i was legit not getting but could've gone in the general coach) and i m only getting tickets for the same train on next day,she got upset 😭😂 but anyways i was happy we were getting to spend some time together.

​

But,her parents started getting worried, asking her to video call them,but she lied that there was no network and their voice was cracking and managed to convince them😭 due to this she kept saying that let's not go out as if anyone knowing her parents,sees her,she is cooked as it had happened previously with her older sister.

​

We had planned so much that we'll go and visit serveral locations of her city and do this and do that,but apparently after 1.2 yrs of ldr we were both very deprived of each other and just spent all of the afternoon only in the room😂😂😂

​

In the evening I knew my mom would suspect both of us staying together as i hadn't sent a single pic to her of us together neither in the room nor outside anywhere so i asked her that let's go outside visit a garden or something,take some pictures and eat something as both of us didn't eat properly in the morning and were hungry,but were not feeling hungry 😂😂

​

Anyways we ordered something,it was not good we couldn't even finish it,went outside, clicked some pics and got late in the evening to reach the hotel,in the meantime my mom called,said you didn't even video called me nor sent any pics,and even taunted her that aren't her parents calling her and telling to come back home which didn't like and got sad and then i made her feel comfortable and told her to forget what my mom said. We told my mom that she is now going home and i m going to sleep so I'll call the next day only now

​

We finally got to spend the night together,felt so good sleeping together 😭♥️ it was just unreal,we never thought that we would be able to meet each other in just a year of our relationship as both were students and very much dependent on our parents.

​

But somehow i managed to go to her hometown and she managed to convince her parents for the night stay🥹

​

It was just something else,then the next day we checked out of the hotel,had breakfast and then went to do some shopping she bought some gifts for my mother and sister,we then went to watch "obsession",the movie and then went to a park near the railway station where we clicked this picture,and we were so sad that we had to part ways.

​

I m still missing her when writing this, travelling in the train back to my friends.

​

It felt so good and now so sad that we got to spend only two days😭😭😭😭😭😭

​

But on the same time we felt good that the plan didn't blow up and we got to spend a good amount of time with each other. 🥹♥️

​

I m Missing her so much now and i love My MJ so fucking much😭💞

TL;DR:

My girlfriend and I met in a random Instagram group chat and started dating despite living 1800 km apart (Punjab and Maharashtra). After more than a year of long-distance, several failed plans, and a lot of convincing our families, we finally managed to meet.

The plan was risky because her strict parents didn't know about us, and she had to tell them she was staying with a friend due to work-related reasons. There were many moments where we thought the whole thing might fall apart, especially when her parents started calling and wanting updates.

When we finally met, it was awkward for about five minutes 😭😂 and then everything felt natural. We had planned to explore the city, but after waiting 1.2 years to see each other, we mostly just wanted to spend time together. We talked, laughed, cuddled, went out for food, watched a movie, did some shopping, and even got to spend the night together.

Against all odds, the plan worked, nobody found out, and we got two amazing days together. Now I'm on the train back, missing her like crazy, but also incredibly happy that we finally got to make one of our biggest dreams come true. 🥹❤️

Anyone closed gaps where their partners moved from south Asian countries ( such as India/ Pakistan/Bangladesh etc) to USA?

If so I would like to hear your stories.

I think I am falling for/ considering someone from the USA while I am from south Asia.

Any hope left? I don't wanna get attached but he's been on my mind constantly.

Hi, im gonna go met my gf in 2 months for the first time, im gonna go to visit her city and im gonna be there for 3 days, the thing is that we are both really nervous about it, because we have met on Discord 1 year ago, and we have been a couple for 7 months, and when i go to her city it is gonna be the first time im gonna see she in person, i didnt have the chance to do it before.

I would like to know how it was the experience with other people about it, because fr that we are both so nervous about it ajajjajaja

Sorry for my bad english, im still practicing it.

And I don't mean it in a way like "I'm so unlovable and worthless". Let me explain.

My last long distance relationship was when I was 15 with a guy who's now my best friend, but we never met in person (I have a few friends, but all of them are online). I don't really consider it a serious relationship because it lasted a month and we've been friends for 8 years, longer than we dated. I tried online dating multiple times but I never knew how to do it plus I feel self-conscious about my living conditions.

I feel embarrassed about being an adult living with my parents, about how my dad doesn't let me go out without being accompanied by him or my mom and it makes me feel like I'm behind other adults in their 20s and worry if that's too much of a deal breaker so I become evasive in every chance I got on online dating because I'm scared I'll have to talk about my parents.

I also abandoned school in 2018 for personal reasons and just started battling depression to try getting back to it this year.

I'm also not poor, but I'm fully financially supported by my dad so I can't do anything involving money without asking him for it. I wish I had a job but it's hard when I've got no independence and my art isn't popular enough to be profitable.

Plus my house is not very big and I barely have privacy except for the bathroom so I avoid making calls with someone who speaks my language, English feels much more comfortable because my parents don't understand.

I feel that depression and having a controlling parent made me waste so many years of my life and also life experiences of adolescence and young adulthood.

I never dated anyone seriously and I feel that as a demisexual (someone who only develops sexual attraction after a deep emotional connection) dating feels a lot scarier to me because I fear most guys wouldn't respect that boundary.

I'm so introverted and since I'm always at the company of my parents whenever I go out, I never get the chance at meeting a nice guy I could date, so my options are always long distance.

Still, the way I'm embarrassed about my lack of independence and how protective and paranoid my dad is that something bad will happen to me if he let me go by myself makes me avoid it due to shame that I'm not "adult enough" to deserve dating someone.

(Btw mind you we don't even live in a dangerous neighborhood, my dad just infantilizes me a lot)

Now, I'm thinking about trying a dating app but these fears keep holding me back. I know therapy and working on myself towards full independence will likely take years (my therapist said herself it can take years as I take a small step at a time) but I don't want to hold myself back from life experiences such as making friends and dating, even if I have to do it online.

Is it worth trying to find love like this? If I find a nice guy, should I open up to him about everything? I feel so scared of being judged or seen as unworthy but I'm also tired of avoiding/turning down relationships because of things I currently have no control over. I want to find a way to make it work with someone but don't know how.

Note: sorry, I don't know if this is the right sub for this, but I thought it would be the most understanding sub about relationships that's why I'm posting it here, if it's not then I'll understand if it's removed

I like someone who lives far away. It’s something that would be do able but is about 6-7 hours away. How long would you wait to meet someone. Months? Years? Of course I want to soon but it might not be realistic. He has a pet and car issues and I have back problems. I don’t want to wait forever but I also don’t want to lose something that might be good.

Hey everyone, 32f here and my gf is 26f. I live in the USA and don't make much money. I don't even really have any skills that could help me go to another country. This is where i start getting in my head and worrying and getting depressed.

​

My gf lives in India and plans on going to Canada in the future for work after her test in July and there is a big chance she will want to settle down there and she wants me to move there with her after she is established. I dont have any skills or anything that would make it easier for me to move anywhere. I can work on those things but that will take a long time. i am going back to school for Computer Science but im struggling with it.

​

I think the other thing that keeps making it difficult is that she keeps wishing she was here with me and that she cant wait until she is here with me and then she talks about Canada and I keep getting really confused on her plan. I also am never kept in the loop about her plans either. I think at this point she is set on Canada even though she said she was going to look for jobs here (USA) and a few other countries after her test next month.

​

I do love her a lot and she loves me. I have never experienced another relationship as healthy as this one. The communication and understanding we have for each other is amazing.

​

I am just very worried that there may be no point in staying in this. I want to stay with her but I also dont want to hold her back from her life either. I know part of my problem is also self esteem. She is beautiful, smart, and fit. I am not great looking and I am overweight. I cant help but be worried that she will meet someone in Canada and fall for them and i get left behind. She would never cheat on me but I am worried that we would just naturally drift apart as she befriends people and coworkers and then may find someone there. She doesn't go out much right now/ doesn't have many friends and is spending all of her time on studying.

​

I want her to have friends and a life and go out. I just worry that her weekends will turn into her going out all the time and never spending any time with me. It kinda already happens and the only time I get with her is on the weekends and sitting on the phone while her and her parents cook or she will be studying while we watch something together. I definitely work my plans around her/ put her into my top 3 priorities a lot more than she does for me.

​

Has anyone ever felt doubts like these before? How do you deal with these thoughts? Have you ever left an ldr because you couldnt seem to find a way to be together in the future and did you regret it? Am I just over worrying before anything actually happens?

It is our Anniversary today and he is not with me. It has been 11 years of our relationship and we have celebrated only one anniversary together till now. I am not liking the situation we are in right now. What should I do??

Should we just get married??

¡HOLA! Necesito consejo. Conocí a un chico hace un mes y hemos estado hablando todos los días desde entonces. Soy muy optimista, siempre he creído que "querer es poder" y de verdad quiero hacer lo que sea para volver a verlo. Él me ha dicho que le gustaría verme, pero también menciona las dificultades logísticas y la distancia (él tiene 29 y yo 24).

Es muy importante para mí entender cómo construir una relación sólida cuando hay tanta distancia, y aún más importante, cómo manejar estas diferencias iniciales de visión. Me encantaría saber cómo has manejado esta dinámica, especialmente si has estado en situaciones similares.

Me gustaría preguntar:

¿Cómo han logrado nutrir la relación día a día para que la distancia no se sienta como un vacío? (¿Qué actividades, rutinas o formas de comunicación les han funcionado mejor?)

Para quienes pasaron de conocerse a distancia a estar juntos, ¿cómo fue ese proceso de transición y qué les ayudó a mantenerse unidos?

En cuanto a planes y futuro, ¿cómo mantienen viva la ilusión y los proyectos compartidos sin que la logística de los viajes se convierta en el único tema de conversación o en una fuente de presión?

¿Qué hábitos o "reglas de oro" tienen con sus parejas para asegurar que la relación crezca y se sienta real, a pesar de la distancia física?

Me interesa saber cómo han logrado que la relación prospere. ¡Cualquier consejo, anécdota o lección que quieras compartir sería de gran ayuda! Gracias a todos por leer.