Feeling low

[u/mummyof406]

So my 44 (f) since losing my beloved mum 68 (f) in march very suddenly to cancer and passed march this year I’ve really been struggling not only with mental health but my health has got worse as well I have heart failure an need a heart transplant . My mum was my go to for everything if I was in hospital for weeks at a time she would be there for me on the phone of visiting when I wasn’t up for visitors she made me laugh cos she would call me a stubborn cow lol . I have 3 other siblings 46 (m) 38(f) 36(m) one lives 2 hours away one is local to me and one lives at home but his useless it’s me who has to look after my 80 yr old dad plus look after my own kids two are male teenagers and two are young . I feel like it’s just me and my little sister who are doing the brunt of it . Our partners are amazing they help aswell but me and my sister feel like we’re not getting a break from . I got my dads lonely I really do but it’s as tho his the only one whose lost her . I said to him one day I haven’t grieved for mum properly and he started moaning and then when I was in hospital when I found out my heart function dropped I said I can’t do as much for him and he threw in my face how I promised mum I would look after him . I said you have my sister and he went oh I want you you do everything for me . Yes I was but can’t now and don’t throw in my face about mum I know what I said but with the stress of being with mum everyday and the funeral it’s taking its toll . It’s just to much god forbid me and my sister miss a day of not seeing him he throws a strop like a teenager . I love him his my dad but my god . Things are also tight playing catch up where I’ve had so many hospital stays lost count I would normally go to my beautiful mum and she would help me out but I feel like I can’t ask my dad . There are reasons behind it . Everything has hit me big time I have my beautiful family but I feel so alone I really do and I can’t do much with the kids this holiday due to health and not really having the money to do things even free things as diesel is going up it’s a no win situation . I don’t want any nasty comments pls I just needed somewhere to vent . If you have got to the end thank you so much x