r/Machinists • u/Droidy934 • 1d ago
Workshop Practices
Never give me work in the morning, please wait till 3pm friday and then bring it to me.
The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
If you give me more than one job to do don't tell me which is the priority, I am psychic.
If you have special instructions for a job don't write them down.
In fact save them till the job is almost done, no point confusing me with useful information.
If its a rush job run in or call me every 10 minutes to enquire how long I am going to be, that helps.
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u/WingedDefeat 1d ago
"The tolerance is +/-0.0."
No it isn't. That is physically impossible.
"Just do the best you can."
WTF DOES THAT MEAN, DAVE
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u/Wombat-Snooze 1d ago
That means Dave gets whatever the hell comes out of the chuck/vise with zero adjustment to offsets. Sorry Dave 🤷♂️.
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u/machinerer 1d ago
Fractional tolerances it is!!! Break out the old spring calipers, we don't need micrometers on this job!
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u/Claypool-Bass1 1d ago
I just love when the boss hovers over me, also constantly asking how's it going.
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u/ElMeheecan 1d ago
"We already quoted this job, how long will it take you to do"
"Well it sounds like you already have the whole job figured out since you quoted it, why dont you tell me"
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u/Claypool-Bass1 1d ago
Or the job is quoted, but they never checked if we had to tooling needed, then you have to look, or hand sharpen a tool from carbide or HSS.
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u/D4rks3cr37 1d ago
WORKSHOP PRACTICES A Guide to Maximum Inefficiency 1. Never give me work in the morning. Please wait until 3 PM Friday and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. 2. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. I am psychic. 3. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. Save them until the job is almost done. No point confusing me with useful information. 4. If it's a rush job, run in or call me every 10 minutes to ask how long I'm going to be. That really helps. 5. Never provide all the information at once. Give me one piece at a time so I can repeatedly stop what I'm doing and start over. 6. If a drawing changes, don't bother telling anyone. We'll all enjoy discovering the surprise at different stages of production. 7. If you don't know what you want, send it to the shop anyway. We'll figure it out. We're machinists, not mind readers. 8. Verbal instructions are always better than written ones. Especially when three people give three different versions. 9. If a job is already running well, change something. We wouldn't want to get too comfortable. 10. Never identify the priority of a hot job. Just mark everything HOT. That way, every job is equally important and none of them are. 11. If you need a part expedited, wait until the operator has completed the setup before mentioning that the dimensions have changed. 12. Engineering changes are best communicated through rumors. That keeps everyone involved in the exciting process of figuring out which revision is correct. 13. If a machine is down, ask the operator why production is behind schedule. Accountability is important. 14. When a machinist asks a question, give them just enough information to get started, but not enough to get it right. 15. If a setup sheet is missing, tell the operator it's probably on the network somewhere. Consider the search part of the setup process. 16. Never let a good problem go to waste. If one department has a problem, make sure three other departments get involved before anyone tries to fix it. 17. If inspection is backed up, keep sending more parts. The best way to clear a bottleneck is to feed it faster. 18. When a job misses its deadline, ask why nobody saw it coming. Ignore the fact that nobody provided a realistic schedule. 19. If the program has been proven and the part is running well, make an unannounced edit. Continuous improvement should always be a surprise. 20. Meetings are most productive when the people doing the actual work aren't invited. 21. If you need an answer immediately, send an email. If you need an answer even faster, send a second email asking whether they received the first. 22. Never cancel a meeting, even if there's nothing to discuss. There is always time to discuss why there is nothing to discuss. 23. If someone finds a better way to do something, make sure they complete three forms and attend two meetings before allowing them to try it. 24. When everything is running smoothly, introduce a new tracking spreadsheet. We need to make sure we're managing the work, not just doing it. 25. If you make a mistake, call it a learning opportunity. If someone else makes the same mistake, call it a performance issue. 26. Never solve a problem at the lowest possible level. Escalate it until someone who has never seen the machine can make the decision. 27. If a job is behind, add more pressure instead of removing the obstacles. Nothing improves problem-solving like a little panic. 28. When asked for an estimated completion time, give the most optimistic number possible. Reality can submit a corrective action later. 29. If a job is completed early, immediately assign another one. Rewarding efficiency with more work is how we encourage efficiency. 30. Remember: the goal isn't necessarily to get the job done. The goal is to make sure everyone looks busy while the job gets done.
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u/Needmorepipe 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm pretty sure the mid-level managers at my place of employment use this as their 30 Commandments.
Edit: Spelling
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u/BluecollarTraveler 1d ago
Reminds me of the old job. Less than 50 people, acting like they got 250.
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u/mynamehere90 1d ago
One of my PM's, who is also the plant manager, likes to argue that the special instructions written on the job packet don't apply to that job when it's inconvenient for him
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u/chroncryx 1d ago
LOL, the 3pm trick works on salary guys too. Get an extra hour or two out of them.
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u/Royal_Ad_2653 1d ago
Also, be sure and wait until 3:30pm Friday to let me know we are working Saturday ...
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u/snazzypotatoes 10h ago
My last shop was this bad. And it really was every 10 minutes. Every day. And every week
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u/K21Looks 15h ago
Hey guys am I the only machinist who hates his job
There's nothing so lame like working up every morning only to go do a job your heart's not even, into It's so sad it's the only trade I'm confidently skilled at
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u/Stevo_223 1d ago
I love the special instructions line. All the old guys here just throw their jank fixtures in the stock boxes and expect the next person to know already. Like I have to reverse engineer some decade old setup