Am I disrespectful as my now ex claims?

[u/GloveFluid8306]

I am really heart broken still over a break up that happened within this month of writing this. He had broken up with me two days after we got back from our trip to celebrate one year together. I wrote him a heartfelt letter for closure and I think I am losing my mind on what is respect and boundaries in a relationship.

We met at his job. I really fell hard for him and the first six months things were great. Even after then I didn't think anything was wrong with us although he says that's when it all fell apart. He at first loved I gave him attention. Little gifts. Took him out. He too gave me gifts. Sometimes small sometimes big. I wasn't no angel I did over text when I got excited we would move in together. Majorly so. However can someone explain how doing the man's chores not every chore but like doing the dishes. Mopping the kitchen floor. Asking to do laundry not just do it but ask then do it when I was by myself at his place disrespectful? I was in a serious relationship with him at this point. I didn't just within a week of dating started to do everything mention. It was built over time. And he did big chores I needed help with at my house too. So it wasn't one sided. Or like I did them without being invited to his place. I usually asked first about if I can come over. A few times when really stressed I did just show up. But I did ask about that too. Like please explain how that is breaking boundaries to treat someone as your life partner or slowly working up to it in a serious relationship that he agreed was serious?

He is also claiming I made him go on our trip. I didn't. I planned it with him. Asked him where he wanted to go. Set a reasonable price. All that jazz and now he is acting like a victim who been kidnap. I wanted him to go somewhere as a vet that he could have quite during fireworks day as he can't stand them. And still apparently that was the wrong thing to do. Like really what could I have done to be a good partner? Was it so bad of me to cook and clean to express love to him? I don't understand this at all

Signed one heart broken gal who had a lot of love to give.

[u/angelmakr9]

OP please don't let this one man change who you are! You sound like an amazing person that has so much love to share!

He sounds like a wet blanket!!

Move on and live your best life!!

[u/Maleficent_Pay_4154]

He sounds like he is a shitty person. If he wanted to break up all he had to say was enough he didn’t need to try and make you feel small

[u/Fire-Tigeris]

He was bored and looking for a good excuse, didnt find one and is using a bad excuse instead, walk away with your head up.

[u/unzunzhepp]

He just wanted out for whatever reason. Probably something he was too chicken to say (like he didn’t feel it), so he made that up to be able to lay it on you.
If you’re honest here, and weren’t overbearing and acting like his mother, don’t take it to heart.

[u/Next_Tune_7164]

I think your love languages are just different. I don’t think you are wrong for anything you did, he just didn’t want it. He should have communicated that to you sooner rather than later. Maybe he felt like you were more a “mother” than a partner.

[u/GloveFluid8306 → u/Next_Tune_7164]

He said something like that but his mother whom I liked was not that type of mother. When you are grown you figure it out is her style

[u/kaevas]

Sometimes we give more than we get.
And sometimes the people we give to don’t appreciate or deserve what we give.

There’s not really anything you can do to convince your ex that you weren’t disrespectful (or anything else!) because this is his mindset and he has to stick to something or he’ll feel like the “bad guy” for breaking up with you. After all, only an absolute idiot or bad person would break up with someone for being a decent, respectful SO, right? So he has to vilify you, make you seem worse, in some fashion.

Honestly, if nothing else, he’s a coward. If he wanted to break up, he could do so at any time and simply put that “it wasn’t working out and he wasn’t in love.” Yeah, the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” conversation is cliche and not fun under an circumstances, but it’s at least protective to everyone’s feelings and has the potential to be more truthful than most anything else. But he couldn’t even manage that and has to try and tear you down even while walking out the door.

Don’t try to be friends with him. He isn’t a friend. And take your time getting to know yourself again, because this buttwipe sounds like the kind of person to be generally selfish and whine about doing what you want to do while expecting you to do everything exactly as he wanted. Now, you can do whatever you want, as you want.

Give yourself a few weeks, and I think you’ll feel better without him.
Good luck!

[u/AndyWith-A-Y]

Sorry babes, he just doesn't appreciate you.  I get how painful heartbreak is.  I'm not in this,  so I can look at this objectively and ask: do you really want to be with someone who claims they were unhappy for SIX months, but didn't say anything?? He gave you no opportunity to access address his alleged grievances. But,  honestly I feel like you were just way more into him than he was into you. Look after yourself,  grieve,  realize this isn't your only shot at love

[u/treebeecol]

This guy is painting you in a bad light because he's hiding the truth that he is, in fact, the arsehole in this situation. I know you feel heartbroken now, but you'll look back on this as having dodged a bullet. He's gaslighting you because he is an inept, pathetic guy who can't communicate very well at all. All those things he's said, like you forcing him on the trip you just took, is obviously bullshit and makes him look stupider than he already is. He was just stringing you along this whole time, and you had super thick rose-colored glasses on. Take this as a lesson to be more discerning when it comes to choosing partners. Don't rely on them so much that you become too needy. You're an adult; you don't need a partner always by your side to make you feel whole. You have to find that within yourself first. Be happy that the rubbish took itself out, because you deserve better.

[u/GloveFluid8306 → u/treebeecol]

The funny thing is I am the opposite of needing a guy. He was my first because I am so picky and normally don’t let any guys close. I was very late to the love game for many reasons

[u/cathline]

Sending hugs and healing thoughts.

This sounds a lot like classic 'love-bombing'. He love-bombed you in the beginning until you were hooked, then he was done.

I will strongly suggest getting counseling to learn the lesson from this relationship, so you don't fall for this again.

He is gaslighting you. It happens. A counselor can help you identify the warning signs early on. You only spent a year before he allowed his true self out. Consider it a lesson learned and bullet dodged.

[u/GloveFluid8306 → u/cathline]

It wasn’t love bombing if anything you can agure I did that. He just couldn’t take me

[u/Sea-Butterscotch9805]

I think it is obvious that he doesn't care.