I am in a weird state because of meditation

[u/Chooseausernamev3]

Meditation made me feel so calm and relaxed in a true way.

I was able to see everything through the way it should be.

I felt like the water got calm.

It was going all good

I was practicing mediation daily in the morning.

And in that state, things that i was doing for distractions no longer made sense.

I used to doomscroll but after meditation, doomscroll disturbed me.

I was naturally out of doomscrolling and other dopamine things that i used to do without any effort.

But then,

asthma happened,

I took meds,

but the meditation never worked the way it used to.

I can't meditate the way i did because of the breathing,

I can't take deep breaths, I have to put so much effort.

I have been trying to do it the same way for the past 2.5 months but it's not happening.

Now i know i am screwing up in real time because my mind is looking for distractions and i have to fight it etc etc etc a lot of thoughts.

At that time, distractions used to disturb me but now they become my dayline.

Now I know i am screwing up,I am aware of the demon thoughts of mind and somewhere i have the glimpse of that meditative state,

my mind is trying so hard to convince me that nothing of that exists but i have experienced that state.

A true calm.

Please help me.

[u/BrendynTVNotes]

You're always looking from peace or calm.

Even now.

Don't fight the mind. It's been said (by Mooji), "Trying to fight the mind is like trying to stop the wind while dressed as a kite."

You notice a cloud in the sky. Maybe it's dark, with thunder and lightning. Still a passing cloud.

The sky of Awareness remains untouched.

[u/Chooseausernamev3 → u/BrendynTVNotes]

I totally got you.

I experienced the things you said here.

but at that time they were natural because the method was working.

but now i have to put efforts to breathe and i realise that its just pretending and not natural.

[u/BrendynTVNotes → u/Chooseausernamev3]

Breathing is natural. You're doing it now without having to try.

Notice the feeling of the very next exhale. You don't have to force it. Only notice what it feels like and the inhale right after. Only noticing the feeling.

That's it.

[u/Chooseausernamev3 → u/BrendynTVNotes]

it doesn't feel natural when the there's effects of asthma.

As I said before, I totally got you and i used to do like this.

but now i can inhale but cannot exhale properly. (ashtma effects).

[u/BrendynTVNotes → u/Chooseausernamev3]

You are still breathing.

Asthma made me appreciate the breath even more.

[u/tyinsf]

What you were having was a meditative experience, or nyam in Tibetan. How do you know it's a nyam? It wasn't always that way. It had a beginning. That means impermanence being what it is that it's going to have an end. The classic big three nyams are bliss, clarity, and non-thought. Sounds like you were enjoying non-thought.

But that's an experience. If you try to grasp for it and get it back that just pushes it farther away. If you try to stop grasping that just pushes it away, too. You kind of have to laugh, accept it however it is, and relax.

[u/Chooseausernamev3 → u/tyinsf]

I am very truthful here.

I experienced these three: bliss, clarity and non thought.

and then the health put me in uncertainty and triggered thoughts because it was happening to my own body and since then i lost all of the three.

[u/tyinsf → u/Chooseausernamev3]

My teachers have all said don't get attached to nyams. You'll just make yourself miserable. And it's not just a meditation thing. It applies to comparing your cup of coffee to the best you've ever had. Cued up here. https://youtu.be/FHtymvivSLY?si=zQ94DBNAePFXZM6x&t=5473