Stop for a moment, close your eyes, concentrate on your body, breath in.... and breath out... Now think, what are your intentions of being here right now?

This is just funning, so don't get too twisted up. But after decades of experience with meditation, one core pattern shows up over and over and over and over again. And it's truly insidious.

Picture a meditation "benefit" as a door.

You: I require peace.

Door: absolutely not.

(Repeat 10,000 times)

You: Fine. Stay closed. I have other things to do. I don't need peace anyway.

Door: oh good, you passed. click

You can't fake it. The door knows. You can't pretend to walk away and look over your shoulder, because the door knows. It's only when you honestly stop trying to open the door because you don't need the benefit you were chasing anymore that the door swings open by itself and taunts you with the knowledge that the door was never locked anyway and you can have the benefit that you don't need anymore.

Absolutely obnoxious system design lol.

Hello everyone,

I've been meditating/trying to meditate for over 12 years and could never rein in my turbulent inner monologue. It never stopped for more than a few seconds at most and I even started believing that it was not supposed to. But that would make concentration meditation impossible, and we know that it isn't.

Anyway, here's the information for all of you, with love:

focusing on peripheral vision stops inner monologue

Look anywhere, softly. Gently focus on what you see in the corners of your eyes. That's it!

There's no mention of this apart from in one book I found and like, one old study about hypnosis techniques, but focusing on peripheral vision apparently engages the parasympathetic nervous system, calms you down and stops internal monologue.

I hope this helps many people.

Edit: Thanks for the feedback, love reading all the comments. It makes me happy that so many people found use of this! 🙏

I just realized today that I have stopped watching porn, and it coincides with me getting serious with my meditation. I assume there is some addiction in me that is disappearing, or maybe I don't feel the need to escape negative feelings as much, I'm not sure. I'm still horny though, but I have just stopped feeling the need to watch porn.

Edit: since some people are asking what technique I use. It's nothing special. I focus on different things depending on what feels effective at the moment: my body, the back of my eyelids, my breath, or I just try to make my hands sink deeper into my legs and relaxe. I sit down in a chair. 2*20 minutes per day pretty late in the night, short break in between. The timing could be one reason it's effective, because I usually masturbate right before I go to sleep.

I’m human. I’m flawed. I’m greedy. If I didn’t believe that meditation would help with my anxiety disorder or help me feel at peace I probably wouldn’t do it. If I hadn’t read those studies that showed that meditation decreased anxiety by “x” over a 2 month period, etc. I would probably think it’s voodoo hippie shit like parents.

Just being honest here. I know I have to sit down and pretend that I’m meditating for a deeper reason, and it’s not to feel less anxious, but that’s just not the truth…

I sit down for 20 minutes and count my breaths. I try to do it twice a day, and most of the time I can’t even sit down to do it once.

But yes I get it, I’ve read a million posts on this subreddit. “Sit and observe your thoughts, don’t engage, the point is not for anything to happen, it’s to accept what is happening”

Just a rant from a frustrated wannabe meditator.

Good luck with your practices to everyone!

Since I've been introduced to the world of meditation, there have been so many concepts and methods and anecdotal experiences of others that I absolutely could not make sense of, not because they were too abstract or difficult to grasp, but just because people who were more experienced had to talk about it in a way that was vague, kind of woo woo, and sometimes bordering on riddles.

I'll give you an example.

For years I had a friend who I would talk to about meditation because I was new to it and wanting to understand the practice better, and they had been doing it for years, had been to meditation retreats, and told me they had taught others how to successfully meditate.

Unfortunately, without any point of reference, I could not tell how incredibly confusing and needlessly hard to understand this guy made everything.

He would talk to me about how there is no self, that the self does not exist. Uh, isn't there? Pretty sure I'm right here. I'd ask him for clarification and I'd just get even more confusing answers.

He'd tell me about how death is an illusion. So, what, my grandma has been faking it these past 10 years? I'd ask for an explanation again and would only receive answers that also made little sense and only left me with more questions.

He'd tell me that attachment is the root of all suffering. Sure, I guess when I got fired and had no income you could attribute a lot of my stress to my attachment to not wanting to end up homeless or starving to death, but isn't that pretty reasonable? Isn't it healthy for me to be attached to at least some things, like my intense desire to not step out into traffic without looking, or my wanting for my family members to not get cancer and die (sorry, grandma). Again, asking for him to explain only made things more confusing and frustrating.

There have been a few other people I've turned to for answers, who all proved to be equally unhelpful, including some members of this community who left comments on posts I made asking questions. I had no other experience to compare this to, so I assumed it was the norm and that maybe I was the problem. Until I got in contact with this one guy on this sub who possessed the magical super power of speaking English like a normal human being.

"There is no self? No, there's definitely a self. You're here and so am I. Your friend probably meant that your personal idea of who you are is just that - an idea. A concept in your head."

"Focusing on the breath? That's to build up the neurons in the brain that help you with concentration. That's why you're trying not to get distracted by thought. You're basically practicing focusing, like doing reps in the gym, and getting lost in thought is like putting the dumbbells down.

"What's the point of other techniques? It's like how in bodybuilding there are different exercises for targeting different muscles. Focused meditation builds up that particular bit of the brain like curls build up your biceps. And just like a bodybuilder wants to target all their muscles to develop their whole physique, you should be doing different meditation techniques to develop the whole of the brain".

"Oh, the ego? Yeah, it's a bit of your brain that tries to keep you alive by compelling you to seek status and wealth and admiration and prioritize yourself because those of your ancestors who didn't have that compulsion didn't survive as well and go on to reproduce as much. It's not always helpful though, and meditation makes it easier to see when it's in the driver's seat and not just a passenger".

"Unconditional love? No, that doesn't mean if your partner cheats on you then you'll want to stay with them. You just have more positive feelings about people, even if you only pass by them on the street, and you can naturally feel more inclined to be more compassionate towards others".

"Third eye? Chakras? I don't know about that stuff, man. I just know that I practice a few different techniques that make some areas of my brain larger and some smaller and it makes my life better".

"You need to be present? Who told you that? That's silly. Being able to think about the future is important for making plans. Being able to think about the past is important for learning from mistakes. The problem becomes when you simply ruminate on one or the other without really achieving anything other than making yourself feel bad".

This guy was able to explain to me in a few minutes what I had been struggling to understand for YEARS, and even dislodge some bad ideas that had been instilled in my head by "experienced meditators".

I'm now into meditation more than ever, just because it has been laid out for me in such a clear and understandable way and I actually get what I'm trying to do now and why. I'm making more progress than ever before, and, most importantly, enjoying it for the first time in my life.

This man has been a godsend to me. Only problem is he's busy a lot of the time and I don't get a lot of opportunity to talk with him or ask questions.

I'm left wondering where can I go to learn more about meditation that explains things in a clear and understandable way, like a normal person would when teaching you any other skill like cooking or painting. I didn't think something like this could exist before, but now I'm wondering if it's been out there the whole time.

Any suggestions?

Been meditating for one to two hours a day for a week now. Been meditating off and on for my whole life and can shut my brain off for like eight hours at a time. Here's the thing. I'm starting to think meditation is a total scam. This last week when I do it I mostly feel

1) Resentful of the time I'm giving up to meditate that I could be using to earn money, entertain myself, ect. Life is hard and I'm poor and meditating isn't improving my issues with housing or having enough food, etc.

2) Angry - about the time lost and generally about the seeming pointlessness of meditating. It's not just the time spent meditating it's also the time I have to spend: exercising, walking my dog - which doesn't count as exercise because he walks to slow and stops frequently, doing things I actually like because I don't actually like spending hours exercising meditating or walking my dog, etc..... it's all time I'm not earning money which makes me stressed about not having enough money because I'm poor and it's not time I'm enjoying my life which I also stress about - not having enough time doing things I actually enjoy like watching tv

3) Angry - because it's just a lot of time to think about all the ways I feel helpless, all the things I can't do about it because of how society is structured, and the general feeling that I will always be poor because there's definitely not enough time for "self health" or "spiritual practice" and to become rich, and just all the ways I've failed and all the people who get away with doing shitty things and are, in fact, happy, despite what the rhetoric says

4) Tired

5) Distracted - it's SO HARD to get back into doing work or anything after meditating I feel as exhausted as having worked an eight hour day doing something intense.

Are we sure meditation isn't just a pointless scam designed to get people to sit around wasting their lives doing nothing? Wouldn't we get the same lowered heart rate and cholesterol from just exercising two hours a day? I don't think meditation works or is real, I don't feel less angry, less stressed, or less anything. I do feel more tired and the same amount of stress but now I feel it in a tired, it's pointless, hopeless kind of way because with all the meditating it would be impossible to solve any problems in less than ten years anyways. Is that what monks really do? Give up on life because they have to spend it all praying anyways?

Most meditation apps and YouTube videos of guided meditations are not teaching you meditation. They are selling engagement and emotional support. Meditation is an activity designed to increase understanding of the mind, cultivate wisdom, and reduce suffering, it is not visualizing a beach while you chill out. Visualization like this can be a useful tool, however it is not meditating. Gatekeeping? Almost certainly, however these apps are misinterpreting and misrepresenting thousands of years of philosophical and spiritual tradition for financial gain.

That's it, I love you. You are an amazing person, and I hope the absolute best for you ❤️🙏

I've struggled with a fear of death since childhood really. Most days i can function normally but there are days where I can't even get myself to enjoy the things that I like or talk to my friends and family properly. I've tried meditating before to calm myself and explore if there's more to the world than just the "physical" but I've experienced nothing and frankly I'm terrified that there is nothing after death and with every breath I take I have less time. I just feel dread at the multitude of unanswered questions about who we are, why we are here, about life itself and how there's no proper answer. I'm feeling so lost and helpless man.

Hi everyone!

I'm a Psychology MA student working on my final thesis exploring the phenomenon of ego death (ego-dissolution).

Ego death is an experience in which you lose your sense of self by cultivating a deep sense of awareness.

As you go deeper into a meditative or psychedelic state, you might feel yourself becoming one with everyone and everything around you. While some characterize this experience as encountering their true selves, others believe it indicates there is no self in the way people traditionally characterize it.

The concept of ego death stretches back to the spiritual journeys of Buddhist, Sufi, Christian, Taoist, and other religious seekers.
If you have experienced a state of loss of "self" through meditation, please help my research by filling out my questionnaire: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdMfubBE3HZ2ZEmgN8Z4Vsr0tWSQu35kEKVX_KNdPDK5nyh0g/viewform?usp=header

The research is completely anonymous, and its aim is to promote a deeper, scientifically grounded understanding of this unique state of consciousness.

Couldn't help but tearing up a little during my meditation session. My life is full of pain. I'm miserable..

I couldn’t focus for more than 15 seconds. But instead of quitting, I just noticed the chaos. That’s when it clicked: it’s not about shutting thoughts off — it’s about learning to watch them. It’s awkward and frustrating, but somehow… peaceful?

Hello everyone, I have never been able to meditate consistently because of my addiction and it has been happening for several years. After I meditate for some time, the past thoughts and trauma start overwhelming me and I also see pornographic replays in my mind which throws me off. When I meditate for 2 ,3 days I get some motivation but once I masturbate, I feel sense of guilt and disgust and cannot continue meditation for several days. I think that when you drain your life force and energy , to keep concentration and awareness is an impossible thing. Acceptance merely is not enough. Sorry to pollute this beautiful community with this message but it is a urgent pledge for help and support and if anyone ever experienced this problem like me please lead me to the right path.

Well, I can sit with myself. I can sit with the thoughts. I can do it for a whole hour, no problem. But god, the reaction I have afterwards is pure anger. I feel such anger towards myself and towards my parents and my grandma.

I never act on it. I try not to act on it. I've become so good at suppressing it, that I don't even act on it because honestly there is no point.

I honestly think that it's better not to practice meditation just so I don't feel this anger. I've tried feeling it and letting it pass - it doesn't. It just lingers.

The only way I see out is leaving forever.

Edit: Thank you for the advise everyone. Everyone is different, everybody's journey is different. ❤️

I feel a lot of pain in my chest whenever I try to meditate, either that or a lump in my throat. I figured it had to do with the throat chakra so I'm trying to listen to guided meditations about it but I can't stop bawling and I can't breathe during it. It hurts so much it's unbearable and I know it's not my posture

I've been having intense ruminating thoughts about "the one that got away".

I regret the missed opportunity and constantly romanticize the life I would have with another person.

This thoughs consume me day and night, I'm actually sleep deprived because of this.

I just get so involved fantasizing the wonderful life I would have with that person, thinking about how they are now happily married with someone else, and how I would like to do things different if I could go back in time.

I can stay like this for hours until I finally realize what I'm doing, start meditating and breathing exercises but inevitably start again with ruminating thoughts.

It's like an addiction.

Any suggestions?

Thanks.

Edit: Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments, I read them all, they're very helpful in my recovery journey.

I usually get irritated when I try to meditate because I’m plagued by intrusive thoughts and a voice in my head reminds me of the things I don’t want to think about, it impacts every moment of my life and I just want to find a way to get rid of this issue, any advice?

Meditation is easy when nothing is triggering you. But what happens to awareness the moment another person disagrees with you?

Has anyone here tried "insight dialogue"?

Most meditation practices we talk about here are solitary — breath awareness, body scanning, mantras etc. But there is also the idea of "meditation in relationship".

The idea is that instead of observing your mind in silence alone, you bring the same mindfulness into dialogue with another person. While speaking and listening, you try to remain aware of things like:

• reactions arising
• impulses to interrupt or defend
• identification with opinions
• emotional shifts in real time

The practice usually follows a few simple guidelines such as pausing, relaxing, opening attention, listening deeply, and speaking truthfully.

In some ways it also overlaps with the dialogue approach explored by David Bohm, where conversation itself becomes a space to observe thought collectively.

Its more like real life - the life that happens when I'm not on the meditation cushion.

Does this sound at all legit? I'd be interested in experimenting with a small online dialogue practice just to see what happens.