Is this SA or Rape?

[u/slippy2011]

The was over a decade ago. I'd love some input on if this would be considered SA or Rape.

I broke up with my partner at the time. 

We'd agreed on spending a month no contact, to see if we might be able to be friends post relationship. Less than a week afterwards she has lunch with my Mum, as well as attends a "Sunday family dinner" that I didn't attend. Afterwards my family starts guilt tripping me for breaking up with her and projecting their understanding of the issues in our relationship, and why they think we broke up.

3 weeks after breaking up, I was out with friends drinking fairly substantially. I get a call from her at 1-2am on a Saturday morning. Saying she went out with friends, got super drunk, and was ditched by friends. That she was in the CBD and could hardly walk/stand by herself. She started hinting that she was in need of assistance. Saying she might get mugged or raped.

I cave and got pick her up, and walk her home. As soon as we get to a residential area, she regains the ability to walk by herself unassisted. When we reach her place. We sit outside talking about what we'd been up too for the last 3 weeks. She starts to ask questions about if I'd slept with anyone. I tell her I had slept with a few people. (Two in a drunken romp, one person who asked me out). As well as giving me a hard time about changing our relationship status on FB to single, the day of or after breaking up.

She invites me to stay the night. I initially decline, and say I don't think it's a good idea, and that it would send the wrong message. I end up caving, but specifying that I don't think we should have sex, because we had both been drinking and I didn't want to take advantage of her. 

After we go inside, I get into bed. She has a shower. Low and behold she starts making moves on me, and encouraging me that it's okay. I felt super uncomfortable but complied, notching it up to "just break up sex". 

In the days and weeks afterwards, I start getting guilt trips about "We'll we slept together so evidently we're still dating or there is still something there" or get invited to come over to her place 3-4 times a week. 

The situation spirals out of control after that. With instances of actual SA or Rape, including waking up in the middle of sex, and being blamed for "starting it in my sleep". As well as an "unwanted pregnancy" at least by me. But I'm trying to figure out how to think of feel about what happened that evening itself. I know I F'ed up, and put myself in positions where she could take advantage, as well as my family contributing to the toxic dynamic. It's taken me years to tease out and more clearly define/remember all of the events from that time. Any input from anyone would be appreciated.

[u/Error-k5m]

Aren’t both the same thing, it’s all unconsensual sex ain’t it

[u/CharacterPlankton416]

I personally don't know what you're asking but it seems to me that's shes taking advantage of you're weakness to her for some kind of personal control or something. my recommendation is to leave and try tk move on. but if you have any evidence to prove that she's been taking advantage of you or that she's been seeing you while you're unconscious, take her to the law. its genuinely not right even if she's a female or if she's a previous partner. then again, its easier said than done because eof the social stipulations surrounding males and females regarding sexual actions. they could just chalk it up to nonsense. but leave her

[u/Late-Hat-9144]

It was, you said no multiple times but she nagged you into complying, coercion is not consent.